Chapter 16. You're My Wonderwall.

Back on the bus, I was sitting in my bunk reading. The curtain was opened by Miley.

"Can I talk to you?" It was late, so I figured it was safe for her.

"Ok." I got up and we went to the back lounge.

"You didn't tell Nick, Did you?"

"Miley, I can't believe you'd think I'd ever tell your secret."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how you know--"

"My middle name is Lillian. My second last name is Truscott. I dropped it when I moved to Spain." Her jaw fell. Her face frozen in a shocked position.

"Lilly? Oh my god!" She started pacing.

"Who else?" I said.

"Oh My god! Oh My God!"

"Can you stop saying Oh My God?"

"Fine… but…. Does Oliver know?"

"Yes. And Sarah Gossleman."

"Saint Sarah?"

"Yup."

"Wow.."

"Miley.. How could you?"

"How could I what?"

"Turn out like that. I'm sorry for saying this, but you're a slut. For what you did to Nick, and how you dress, and ….and Your friends with Amber and Ashley? What happened?" I asked. She seemed a little hurt from the 'slut' comment.

"I just… I don't know."

"Miley. I wish you would have stayed the same."

"Look, you have no right to say that to me. You're the one who changed. Now your all emo and dark and crap. You dyed your hair! And since when do you sing? Seriously! And Your dad is Pete Wentz? What the Hell!"

"I didn't change my personality. So, I got depressed when my mom died and I legally wasn't allowed to live with my dad cause he tried to commit suicide! Sorry, I dyed my hair a different color so that my dad wouldn't get upset every time he saw me cause I look so much like my mom. Sorry I kept it tot myself that my dad was a famous emo rockstar. I'm so sorry I changed so much!" I almost yelled, not loud enough to wake anyone, but loud.

"Lilly… I…." I ran off. I went back to bed.


The next day we were staying in a hotel. I wasn't sure why, but it gave me a chance. I was sitting in my room. There was a knock on the door. I walked over and opened it. Nick.

"HI." I walked back to my bed and curled up underneath the covers.

"Hey.. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, Why not."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm Ok." He looked me in the eyes.

"Tell the truth." He said. I was speechless. Nobody has ever questioned if I was OK like that. Part of the reason I loved him.

"I---" I was still speechless.

"Go ahead. I'm listening." He said as he lay down at the end of my bed, looking at me.

"Its everything. My life. Miley was questioning me. She asked why I changed so much. I told her why. It made me… really angry."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, My story… is sucky. The girl you see here isn't the same person she was three years ago. Three years ago, I was Lilly Truscott, a blonde skater chick who was carefree and loved life. Now I'm nowhere near her."

"Do you want to tell me your story?" I nodded.

"My mom died of leukemia when I was 13. At that time, I wasn't allowed to live with my dad cause he tried to commit suicide, and was considered unstable. All my family other than him lived out of the country. I was forced to live so incredibly far away from home. I couldn't stand myself. I became incredibly unhappy and I started to be really depressed. Basically, I got kicked out of every school there, so they had to send me back here. I got even unhappier cause I knew none of my friends would recognize me. At all. And they didn't. I dyed my hair cause my dad kept saying that I looked so much like my mom. I didn't want to remind him of her everyday. Then I started having problems with keeping up testing. My dad didn't really know that much about it. And he doesn't know what to say. So, I'm on my own. Your lucky to have your mom on your back like that. I wish my dad was like that."

"I know it keeps me out of the hospital. I feel so lucky." He said.

"Well, I really don't have that. My mom was good with that stuff. My dad… not so much." I said. "I don't know. I guess I just really still haven't stopped needing my mom." He nodded. "You know my Parents were never divorced? They go married really young, and for my sake, lived in different houses once my dad started the whole.. Music thing. They were still in love."

"That's actually really beautiful." He said. Oh, god. Why did he always have to talk like that? So perfect.

'Its confusing."

"Yeah, but that's life."

"Life is stressful, hard, and confusing. And It won't matter in the end if you made sense of it. Which totally sucks." I said. "I think I'm going to take a nap.

"You want me to wake you up before the show?"

"Yeah, here." I tossed him the key. "Take it."

"Ok, Bye Fishy."

"Bye snuffles." He left the room. I tried desperately to fall asleep. But couldn't.

I was asleep in the bed. I heard the door open. I guessed Nick was waking me up.

"Fishy… Time for the concert…" He said.

"Urg…." I groaned. I pushed off the blankets and got out of bed. I knew I was limping bad from it. But I hoped Nick wouldn't notice. I walked over to where my shoes were, grabbed them, and the sat on the bed putting them on. Nick looked at me weird.

"Why are you limping?" Oh, crap.

"What? I'm not."

"Yes you are. Most defiantly. Why? What's wrong with your leg?"

"Nothing wrong." I said blatantly.

"Are you sure you don't want me look at it…" He reached for my leg. I grabbed it myself.

"Nothing wrong, Nick! Leave me alone." He looked at me upset. I hoped he didn't realize why. Thankfully the skinnys I was currently wearing covered up any incriminating evidence, but it hurt like crap to walk on. I put on my shoes and we both walked out to the car that was taking us to the venue. Nobody else had a chance to notice my limping. That was fortunate. When we got there I was sitting down the whole time. Nick came over to me while Hannah was performing.

"Izzy, What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."

"I know. I just…"

"You what?"

"I think you'll hate me for what I did." He looked at me extremely worried.

"Izzy… what did you do…?" He asked, completely terrified of my answer.

"I……"

"Nick. Its show time." Joe said. He then pulled Nick onstage. I limped over to see the performance. They started to play 'Please Be Mine'. Joe surprised me. He stole Nick's guitar and started playing. It was hilarious cause you could tell Nick had no idea he was going to do that. What was even funnier, was that Joe was better at guitar than Nick! Joe plays like scremo bands. All, like.. Jumping and throwing around the guitar like Joe (from Fall Out Boy) and my dad do. It was so cool. Once their part ended, It was my turn. Nick saw me limping again.

"Are you sure you're ok? Do you need anything?" He asked.

"A stool to sit on. Its gonna kill me to stand the whole time." He nodded and found one. I limped onstage, as Nick put the stool in front of the mike stand. I sat down on it, and Mikayla's band started to play my songs. I did 'Pressure' first. Then I started to talk.

"So… Hey! How is everyone doing tonight?" The crowd when insane.

"Yeah, well, how about Joe's guitar playing? That was so cool!" I said. Again, the crowd the went crazy. "So, this is a weird concert for me. I usually dance around and stuff during songs, but I actually hurt my leg, so I can't! Haha… so this next song is called For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic" But I usually call it Don't Run Away. Here it goes…"

I as half asleep in my bunk. This one sentence was going back and forth in my mind. "Because maybe, You're gonna be the one that saves me." Just a random thought that came up about Nick. He didn't press me. He didn't push me. Like Miley did. He didn't meddle. He wasn't selfish. He truly loved me. Unfortunatly, I think just as a sister. Wich sucks even more cause I think I love him more than that.

But I knew he cared. More than Miley or Oliver ever did. I sat up in the bunk. I turned on the light and grabbed my life book. I scribbled down some lyrics, and thought about some chords. I whispered it to myself.

"Today was gonna be the day

I was gonna throw it back to you.

And by now, You should of saw em' out,

and realized what you're got to do.

And I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do

About you now.

Backbeat, the word is on the street

That the fire in your heart is out.

And I'm sure that you've heard it all before

But you never really had a doubt

And I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do

About you now.

And all the roads we ever walked were winding.

And all the we lived that lead us there were blinding.

And how many things that I would like to say to you

But I don't know how.

Because maybe… (maybe)

You're gonna be the one that saves me… (saves me)

You know and after all…..

You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day

I was gonna throw it back to you.

And by now, You should of saw em' out,

and realized what you're got to do.

And I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do

About you now.

And all the roads we ever walked were winding.

And all the lives that lead us there were blinding.

And how many things that I would like to say to you

But I don't know how.

Because maybe… (maybe)

You're gonna be the one that saves me… (saves me)

You know and after all…..

You're my wonderwall

Because maybe… (maybe)

You're gonna be the one that saves me… (saves me)

You know and after all…..

You're my wonderwall" I sung quietly. I just smiled.