Chapter 3- In your time

Jude had been at the orphanage for about an hour now, on her hands and knees searching for Mary Eunice's adoption records, and those of her own baby's too. She'd promised the nun who ran the orphanage's office that she'd only be there a few minutes but the search was taking longer than she'd originally anticipated. It was not only a nerve-wracking task but also an emotionally agonizing one for Jude.

She opened the first drawer for the letter 'M,' stopping herself as thoughts of doubt flooded her mind. She wanted to find her daughter more than anything but she was afraid of what she might find in that cabinet…or of what she might not find. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, gathering her strength for the task ahead.

"You have to do this, if you want to find baby you have to, you promised you would." She said, convincing herself she was doing the right thing.

Jude opened her eyes and tried to let go of the overwhelming sense of trepidation she felt. Of course she wanted to find her daughter: more than anything in the world… She didn't know where she was, or what she'd become after 26 years. Would their reunion be one that was welcomed? Would Rosie, whoever she was now, hate or resent her? Would she want her or reject her? Jude didn't know if she could stand rejection: she loved her too much…but ultimately, she knew she had to find her and tell her the truth: that she hadn't given her up willingly; they'd been stolen away from each other.

Jude tucked away her fear and began feverishly, but carefully searching for a file labeled: Rose Martin. It seemed like the most logical place to begin and so she forced herself to start there. Jude's heart sunk and she let out a barely audible cry when she discovered there was nothing there for a Rose Martin…or anyone named Martin at all. How would she ever find her if there was no starting point? If the baby wasn't Mary Eunice, Rose Martin's file would be the only way to trace her daughter and without it all hope was lost….

Something inside Jude began to hurt and she could feel the whole room closing in on her as she spiraled into a state of panic. She held her face in her hands, lowering her eyes to the ground and began to cry. It was unlike her, but she couldn't help it. This was the end of the line and she'd failed. She had no idea how long she sat there, on her knees, trying in vain to keep it together. The idea of finding her daughter had always given her hope. Without that possibility she could see a future where she slipped away and lost her mind, perhaps becoming a patient at Briarcliff herself. What else was there to stay sane for?

Jude's mind wanted instead, to seek an alternate reality. One where she'd been allowed to keep her baby, and cared for her regardless of what anybody thought, where she'd made a life for them and finally found her a Daddy…and where no matter what, she'd had someone to love her and she'd been allowed to do what was best for the baby: raise her herself.

Jude sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She couldn't live in the 'what ifs'…and she certainly couldn't live in an alternate reality. She took another deep breath, realizing that she was overreacting and that there was still Mary Eunice. Sometime, somewhere, she reasoned, someone had longed for baby Mary Eunice.

Jude didn't yet have Mary Eunice's adoption records, but she didn't need it to have a strong hunch that the young nun was her baby. There were too many similarities between her and what she imagined Rosie would be like: the birthday was the same, she exuded the same sweetness, her nose and blonde hair were the same as Rosie's, Mary Eunice had her mother's (Jude's mother's) smile…and that laugh. The laugh was uncanny. Jude just about passed out the first time she heard it, it was like she'd been catapulted into another time. Mary Eunice had the laugh of the seventeen-year-old boy Jude had fallen in love with years before, the boy who'd fathered her Rosie…At the same time, Jude could not just trust that it was her. What were really the odds of that anyway? A million to one, something like that? Jude thought about this all as she continued her fervent search for the young nun's file.

"Please God…." She begged under her breath. "In your time Lord, let me find my baby. Please…"

Jude couldn't stand the suspense and thumbed quickly but carefully through the files. Martin to McKee…it wasn't a long way to go but getting there seemed like forever. Jude went through and looked at every file that she thought might be one of theirs, anything with similar spelling, or that had been done the same year, she even looked under the father's last name….she couldn't let anything be lost in translation, she was too desperate for that.

Just as soon as she'd reached the McKee file and picked it up, she heard the nun who kept the records at the orphanage enter the room. She was older and highly suspicious as to why Jude was there looking through records, although she had no authority to question her and didn't do so directly. She reminded Jude of the nurse who'd pried Rosie from her arms many years before and she wished she could punch the daylights out of her.

"Sister, I thought you said you'd only be a few minutes?" She inquired, sticking her head in the door.

Jude's hands were trembling, she held the McKee file in her hand finally and was dying of expectation, excitement and fear…the last thing she needed right then was to be bothered.

"I'll be just a few more moments." She urged harshly. The older nun sneered and walked out, shutting the door.

"You just want your bit of gossip don't you Sister?" Jude muttered under her breath. She had suspected for along time now, that her former state as an unwed teenaged mother was no secret to many of the older nuns in the diocese.

Without a moment to loose Jude double-checked the top of the file, which read: McKee, Mary Eunice….Mary Eunice wasn't the name she'd received upon confirmation, according to her file? It was her real name too? Jude drew a breath, almost rolling her eyes. She needed some light humor right then and that was certainly something…unusual. Jude held her breath as she opened the file, a mess of documents and pictures spilled onto her lap. She grasped desperately for the tiny photograph that slipped off her lap and onto the floor.

"Rosie….oh my Rosie…" Jude was almost frozen now, almost in disbelief. Inside the file had been a picture of her newborn daughter, Rosie.

Even thought she didn't need to, Jude clumsily pulled her locket out of her habit just as she'd done the day before, this time hurrying to open it up and look at the baby picture inside. She put the two photographs side by side for comparison: they were identical, copies of the same photograph, taken the morning before the baby was stolen from her…it was a picture taken right in her arms and only hours after she'd given birth.

"Rosie…oh my baby Rosie." Jude cried, clutching the necklace.

Although her eyes were transfixed on the tiny picture, she broke away to look at the birth certificate. She'd signed one right away, in the hopes that it might somehow help her keep the infant, which it had not…but it would help her now.

Although she already knew without a doubt that she was right, Jude thought her heart might stop when she read her own name written on the bottom of the certificate where it said: Mother…in the upper right hand corner, the baby's name Rose Martin was there. So that's why Rose had no file…because Rose and Mary Eunice were one in the same after all. Jude read the rest of the file as quickly as she could: finding the adoption records, and the change of name record that the adoptive parents had petitioned for when they adopted her: Renaming her Mary Eunice McKee…Jude cringed at this for a moment…the 26 year old wasn't Mary Eunice, but Rose.

She took a breath and calmed herself. She'd come to realize over the years, that there were things she'd have to accept when she found her daughter again and one was that she'd not be Rose anymore. Jude supposed that although she gave the baby another name, she liked Mary Eunice too…and it didn't really matter. All she wanted was her baby, no matter what her name was.

"Oh Lord, Lord…thank you!"

Jude wondered how she'd ever face Mary Eunice that evening. It wasn't enough for her to just know the truth. Now she didn't know how long she could keep it from her, if she could stand looking at her every day without taking the step to forge a connection. It was late by the time she got back and she made her way to the dining hall where every one else was congregated.

"Sister, Sister!" Jude turned when she heard one of the younger nuns call from behind. She was out of breath and had been running, trying to catch up with her.

"Sister, what's wrong?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at Sister Mary Catherine.

"It's Sister Eunice."

"S-Sister Eunice? Mary Eunice?" Jude questioned, looking for clarification.

"Yes. Mary Eunice, the new girl. She's in the infirmary."

"Why, what's the matter with her?" Jude tried hard to remain calm, but on the inside she was in a state of panic now. Something had happened to Mary Eunice?

"Yes Sister, she was attacked by a patient…"

"Who?" Jude asked angrily, Sister Mary Catherine thought Jude's tone was more normal now that she was growing angry.

"It was..."

"I don't care whoever they are, put them in solitary." Jude demanded, turning and beginning to walk toward the infirmary. Sister Mary Catherine rushed after her. "B-but Sister e…"

"Solitary Sister." She said firmly. "You attack a member of my staff, you'll be punished accordingly." Jude informed, leaving Sister Mary Catherine behind as she picked up her pace.

She wasn't far from the infirmary now. She wished she would've asked how badly Mary Eunice had been injured, how it had happened, any of the details, but that could wait. For now, she just wanted to get to her and see her.

"S-sister Jude?" The nurse sitting at the desk at the infirmary was startled to see her come in…would she really have come all this way to see Mary Eunice? Knowing Sister Jude, that seemed unlikely, but Mary Eunice was currently the only patient.

"I'm here to see Sister Mary Eunice." She quickly informed, out of breath from having rushed there from almost the other side of the institution.

"Well her condition is…"

"Don't tell me how she's doing…just take me to her." She urged.

The nurse brought her along quickly, having understood from the elder Sister's demeanor that she was both angry and in a hurry. She was perplexed, but didn't question the demands and motives of her superior.

"She's stable, but sleeping." She informed.

"What happened?" She curtly inquired, taking back the previous command that she didn't want to know what had happened.

"It's my understanding she was attending to a patient who was in the midst of a rage: a schizophrenic. All she was doing was trying to serve lunch. You know her, she's new, she's young…she doesn't know what to watch for, what to stay away from…yet."

Jude allowed herself to almost plop down on the edge of Mary Eunice's bed and took her hand in her own as she slept. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she observed her daughter's battered face.

"You see that's why a young girl like this doesn't belong in an asylum." Jude muttered. "Leave us Sister, I'd like to be alone to…to pray over Sister Mary Eunice."

"Very well Sister Jude." The nurse, who was also a nun, smiled and departed from the room, leaving Jude alone with her unconscious daughter.

"Oh my poor baby." Jude muttered, barely above a whisper.

It hurt Jude to see her like this. She took the back of her hand and traced it over the great big gash on Mary Eunice's cheek, beginning to cry as she noted that her daughter's face and arms were bloody and bruised. This was not how she'd imagined being reunited with her child, and that thought alone made her even angrier with the patient who'd done this.

Jude ran her fingers through Mary Eunice's blonde hair, allowing her hand to just linger there as she savored the touch of her child…she'd known it would turn out just like this; that this was not the place for Mary Eunice. She'd had a rough time since she arrived because she was too soft for this kind of work. At this point, Jude would turn away any other young nun who'd had similar experiences. But this was different. She couldn't push her baby out the door just when she'd found her again: she couldn't bare that…so instead she'd protect her, favor her, coddle her, make things easy for her…both with patients and the other nuns.

It was also then that she decided on the final punishment for whoever it was that had done this to her daughter: a severe caning. Jude smiled; she'd leave them so bloody and bruised in retribution that they'd never attack anyone again, especially not at Briarcliff. Mary Eunice stirred at Jude's touch and the older nun quickly pulled her hand away.

"I heard you had an incident today." Jude whispered, surprising Mary Eunice as she opened her eyes. Mary Eunice had thought Sister Jude would be angry that a patient lashed out at her this way and was scared that she was there.

"Y-yes sister." Mary Eunice hesitated, showing her nerves and allowing tears to roll down her cheeks. Jude noted her nervousness and pulled the young nun into a hug, beginning to dry her tears.

"Shu, shu it's alright. There, there…." She soothed.

Mary Eunice was surprised. This was certainly not how Sister Jude had been described by the other nuns. She'd expected an extra punishment for allowing this to happen, not affection and comfort. Mary Eunice was not only shocked, but touched: she wasn't used to being hugged like this when she was scared or upset. She smiled, allowing the older nun to wipe away her tears.

"Sometimes things like this just happen." Jude comforted.

"No one's ever done that for me before." Mary Eunice couldn't help but say.

"Beat you up?"

"N-no, just…"

"Just?" Jude wanted to know.

"Hug me when I cried." Mary Eunice wished she wouldn't have said. It was embarrassing and none of Jude's business.

"Oh? Didn't you have a-a Mother or a sister or…" Jude was fishing for an answer. She reached over into the large bowl of cold water on the nightstand beside them and began to prepare a wet washcloth for the young nun's blood encrusted forehead. Mary Eunice hesitated, not knowing what to say, she hadn't met to say anything like that.

"I was adopted." She began. Jude swallowed, wringing out the washcloth, squeezing it tight as a means to relieve the tension she felt in the moment. It was very hard for her to hear this but she knew she had to. "I got adopted into a big family, a lot of siblings, not a lot of individual attention…nurturing." Mary Eunice covered, not wanting to disclose the full reality of her situation.

"I'm sure your Mother…your birth mother, really did want you very much."

Jude could barely get this out without crying and only said it because she longed to tell Mary Eunice how much she had wanted her. Mary Eunice paused, biting her lip; her birth mother was something she'd always longed to find out about.

"There, lay back down." Jude soothed.

Mary Eunice obeyed as Jude began to push her back into her pillows, gently placing the cold washcloth she'd prepared on her forehead.

"There, how are you feeling?" Jude inquired.

"Sister?" Mary Eunice questioned, examining Jude's face closely.

"Yes?" Jude was surprised to be asked something now.

"N-nothing." Mary Eunice was suddenly embarrassed to air this realization of hers.

"It's alright, what were you going to say?" Jude seemed to be growing exasperated.

"N-nothing, its just that…you remind me of someone."

"Oh? Who?" Jude smiled.

"I don't know. It's like something I can't place or grasp, or even remember..." Mary Eunice didn't want to go on. She was confused and didn't know what to think. She recalled that Jude had looked at her this same way when she'd first arrived, like she knew her from somewhere…and the more Mary Eunice thought about it herself, the more she realized that she too sensed a profound familiarity with the older nun. "It's like…"

"I know what you mean." Jude told her, wanting to say something more, but knowing that now wasn't the best time. "I think its time you get some rest now sister." She recommended.

"Okay." Mary Eunice agreed, settling into her pillows as the Jude crossed the room to leave. "Sister Jude?"

"Yes?" She asked, looking back.

"Good night."

"Good night sister. Get some rest. You've got a lot of healing to do."

Jude walked out into the hall, leaving Mary Eunice happy with the fact that she thought she'd finally began to make a friend at Briarcliff. Jude smiled to herself; having seen and talked to her daughter lifted a weight from her soul.

"Can you believe that new sister?"

Jude stopped in the hallway just before getting to the reception area when she heard her daughter being mentioned. She could hear three nuns talking and she knew just who they were: Thomas, O'Brian and Kennedy, the three had no clue she was there and listening.

"Yeah, I mean, we all knew that she was a dope, but getting attacked like that just while serving lunch." Another cackled.

"I sure hope Sister Jude fires her…reason: being stupid." Another laughed.

Jude's eyes narrowed as she listened to these nuns. What place did nuns have talking like this anyway, especially about one of their own? She supposed it was no different than the subtle reprimands given to her by the orphanage nun that morning. That woman had known why she was there, the difference was, and she could take care of herself and she didn't care. Mary Eunice was sensitive and defenseless, and Jude realized that this was one of those areas where she'd have to do the defending.

"That's it alright. Mary Eunice is just plain stupid."

"You know." Jude began, sneaking into the room as quietly as possible. A slight smile spread across her lips as the three young nuns jumped and turned to face her, clearly horrified that they'd been overheard.

"Sister I…" One tried to explain.

"Silence!" Jude commanded. "I'll have no tolerance for gossip or slander here, particularly for your fellow sisters."

"But Sister, we…"

"Stop! One more but and it will be a caning for all of you! Sins of the tongue

are not befitting of servants of God! Mary Eunice was assigned to the toughest of the kitchen tasks: serving the most mad of our residents here at Briarcliff and you all know that…but since all of you nurses think that kitchen duty is so easy," Jude knew it really wasn't, it was the type of thing where you were likely to get pushed spit on and otherwise harassed, "you'll be spending your own breaks and free time serving meals to patients for the next month."

"But Sister…"

"And you'll spend our own meal times serving to the rest of us. Have a good evening sisters." She smiled as she walked back out of the room. "Except you O'Brian…I told you one more 'but Sister'," she mimicked, "and it's a caning for you!"