Chapter 7: It's Staring Straight at You

Mary Eunice got up early and made her way into the park by herself, carrying a bag of breadcrumbs with her. It was cold out and she was bundled up in a black coat and scarf, her long blonde hair tied neatly on top of her head in a simple but classic looking bun not too dissimilar from the kind usually worn by ballerinas. She'd come to the park early to be alone with her thoughts, to pray and to feed the pigeons. She wished Sister Jude would relinquish the records to her. She'd asked last night before they'd gone to sleep, but Jude had said no once again. Mary Eunice worried about this…what if there was something there she wasn't ready to see? Something awful. Sure Jude had said that she'd been the child of an unwed teenaged girl but…that could carry a lot of baggage with it, couldn't it?

"Sister Jude, Sister Jude?"

She'd asked the night before, once she finished telling her story of how her big quilt had been sewn together using a hodge-podge childhood things she'd loved. Most importantly, the core of the blanket was the baby blanket her birthmother had made. Mary Eunice found it strange that Jude just stared off into space after hearing this story, clutching the edge of the baby blanket. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything, perhaps it reminded her of something from her own life that was sad. Perhaps the same thing had happened to her and she'd been abandoned or given away too.

"Sister Jude?" She'd tried again.

"Oh! Oh! Mary Eunice, I-I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry, I…"

"I guess I'm just a little bit, a little bit tired." She covered.

"Yes, tired that's it." Mary Eunice agreed. "Tired."

But Mary knew there was more to Jude's reaction than tired. She reevaluated the whole thing as she tossed tiny pieces of her toast from breakfast to the pigeons. She couldn't stomach the thought of eating it, so she figured they might as well. Jude had been almost shell-shocked last night, it was clear to her that she felt an emotional connection to what she was saying, there was no way around it, Mary just didn't understand what that could possibly mean.

Mary Eunice felt her heart sink into her stomach as she looked down at the birds who had flocked to eat the crumbs she was throwing their way. She wished someone would throw her a crumb. But the birds were a good metaphor, a biblical one…they didn't have to worry about their provision, in fact it was everywhere she turned: God had indeed provided for them, they didn't really need the meager pieces of toast she was throwing their way. Perhaps she didn't need the meager pieces either. Somehow, something would work out. Mary Eunice sighed and dropped the last hunk of toast on the ground, deciding to make her way back to the hotel so she wouldn't miss the morning opening of the convention.

…..

Jude watched Mary Eunice from across the room. They were in different groups again that day and she could see her daughter perfectly from where she was sitting. Her daughter. Jude laughed a little. Half the nuns in this room would be aghast if they knew, another handful would push her to reunite and help her tell her the truth sooner than later, and still another few already smiled knowingly at her, or maybe that part was just in her head. She knew for sure if people saw her, Mary Eunice and Janie together, they would realize right away that Mary was related to both women. That connection was undeniable.

It had broken Jude's heart to tell her no, once again last night. She wanted so badly for Mary to make that connection, and sometimes she didn't know exactly what she was waiting for. Mary Eunice was ready. She'd been born ready. Jude considered that after all these years, maybe she just wasn't ready…But that couldn't be it. Jude confessed to herself that she just didn't want there to be any chance that she could screw this up. It met everything to her.

"What am I waiting for?" She asked out loud, but barely above a whisper.

"Apparently you're waiting to pass the paper, Sister." Another nun said, she was trying to hand Jude a stack of papers that she was met to pass on to the rest of the nuns sitting with them.

"Oh, oh I'm sorry." She was startled. Jude decided to quiet her mind on this matter. She certainly didn't want to accidently say anything that would give away the things she was really thinking of.

But Jude couldn't help but focus on her thoughts, and she couldn't take her eyes off Mary Eunice, which, thankfully, no one had noticed. Not only was she thrilled to be in her daughter's presence, finally after all this time. But sometimes, seeing the young nun was surreal for her in ways she never would've expected…she had so much of her Father in her: in body, spirit, and presence that it was almost like seeing him again, like being with him again…it was awesome and painful all at once and took her back to another age and place. She hadn't seen him in twenty-years now, but here he was, in some strange sense, living on through their daughter. Mary Eunice didn't realize this about herself, but to Jude it was almost frightening how much she could see him in her.

"Are you alright Sister?" Mary Eunice asked, placing her hand gently on Jude's shoulder. Jude jumped, looking up at Mary Eunice.

"How did you…"

"The lecture is over…"

"Oh…" Jude was alarmed that she'd just stared off into space once again…what was happening to her?

"Anyway do you want to come with me?" Mary asked. "To the museum, and dinner, remember?" Mary Eunice was excited about the plans they'd made earlier.

Despite the desperation for knowing who her parents were, she had decided to try to put it away for the day and be happy with where she was: with finally getting to see New York, which was something she'd always wanted to do.

"Oh yes, yes sure." Jude agreed nervously, feeling a greater sense of hesitation than usual about going out with Mary Eunice that evening, for fear that she would accidently say something she hadn't met to say.

Jude tilted her head as she studied the 'painting' in front of her…if in fact you could call it that. In her eyes, a blank canvas with random splatters of the primary colors hardly qualified as fine art.

"Oh look at this one!" Mary Eunice squealed. She cried out barely above a whisper, but was still loud enough to make it known that she was terribly excited about what she was seeing.

This next one confused Jude just as much as the one before it…how did these modern pieces earn their place in an art museum? She just couldn't see their value and she sincerely wondered what it was that Mary Eunice saw in the place…for her, it hurt her eyes, such bright colors, contrasted with glaring light and big white walls…it was just too modern, just too cold for her taste.

"I-I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the museum." Mary assumed as they sat down to dinner a little later in the evening.

"No." Jude laughed. "It's not my type of art sure but it was an experience." She wanted to tell her that she enjoyed being with her, and seeing her smile, but caught herself. "What do you like so much about art like that?" She asked.

"Well, for one." She began. "It's so unlike anything else you see, you know, in the real world," both women wanted to say that it was totally unlike Briarcliff "…it's bright, it's imaginative…its not straightforward. Things in modern art are not always what they appear to be. Just like things in life aren't always what they appear to be."

"That's very true." Jude said. "Sometimes something's right in front of you, something you've been searching for…and it's buried so deep in a web of complexities that you can't recognize it even though it's starting at you straight in the face."

"Exactly!" Mary Eunice was surprised and excited that Jude understood. That was just what she loved about modern art: the abstract.

"So I see you like a little mystery?" She asked, taking a sip of her water.

"Well my whole life's kind of been a big mystery. So yeah, maybe I do…Sister I'm sorry for pestering you about my adoption records."

Jude opened her mouth to speak.

"But, that's, that's kind of why I want so much to know my real family…because things in life aren't always what they appear to be, my adopted family I just…I never fit. I was always the odd one out, with so many other kids I really don't understand why they adopted me anyway, I have to be honest…I've always wanted to find and make a connection with the people who brought me into the world, because there's no way I don't have more in common with them…"

"How do you know you do, they did give you up?"

"Oh I know I would Sister. Maybe, if I knew them, I could see the pieces of myself that don't fit clearly into who I've been taught to be."

Jude was intreaged by this. Perhaps Mary Eunice had a wild side quite like her own. That would certainly be interesting.

"What if I told you," Jude began, "that you're right where you needed to be?"

"What do you mean?" Mary Eunice asked, raising an eyebrow.

She was thinking that Jude was going to start reminding her what so many others did over the years when she'd mentioned wanting to know her real family: they would tell her 'God has a plan for you Mary Eunice' but they would never elaborate any further, or to try to find a way to comfort or guide her.

"Mary Eunice, I'll give you a clue. Your Mother is a nun."