Chelsea Grin (8)
Insomniacs

Loki pictured his next destination in his mind. Summoned energy emanated from his core. He felt himself dematerializing from the Stark tower room. Moments later he opened his eyes, and smiled at his success. It felt good to feel the magic course through his veins again, like water through his body after a long, long walk through a desert.

Then he almost jumped back in surprise. He was startled to find Natasha awake. He could tell by the faint, wet reflection in her eyes. Obviously she looked surprised by Loki's sudden and untimely appearance. But not to the point she completely flipped out. Natasha Romanoff was not one to be easily surprised.

"Can't sleep?" Loki asked.

She shook her head.

"Me neither."

He made his way to her in slow hesitation as his eyes tried to adjust to the darkness. "Don't fret. I only have the power to teleport."

"You are probably wondering why I've come at this hour."

Why did he come? Before the arrival of Odin's ravens, Loki had yearned for freedom and open space elsewhere. The darkened confines of Natasha's hospital room went against his wishes. What motivated him to teleport here? Surely not kindness or compassion.

"The slightest trace of curiosity, I suppose..." he murmured aloud.

Her eyes followed Loki as he pulled up a seat next to the bedside. Only the dim light of the heart monitor illuminated what was left to see in her room. He studied Natasha, wondering what went on in her mind. Or what ailed her.

"Could you be having...nightmares?" he softly asked.

She hesitated, then nodded. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

"Me too. Otherwise I would be cooped up in Stark's tower, sleeping like a baby."

He wondered how long Natasha had been having these sleepless nights. He wondered too, about what kind of nightmares she had. No matter how different their dreams might be, both had demons that kept them awake every night.

He noticed that Natasha had been sweating. He heard her breathing heavily despite the calmness of her face. Though she probably never moved from her bed the whole day, Natasha looked exhausted.

"Feeling hot?"

She weakly nodded. He remembered the Avengers telling him that she experienced bouts of fever. That probably contributed to her insomnia as well. He could imagine how uncomfortable and miserable she felt. She was trapped under the thin bedsheets that couldn't protect her from the chills; at the same time it amplified her body heat.

"Perhaps this would help," he murmured. He reached out for her hand. Her fingers twitched away for a second, then she stilled to let him envelop her hand in his. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise as she watched his skin turn blue. She looked up to return his red-eyed gaze. He made a little shrug.

"This is who I am."

He scrutinized her face. It was hard to read in the mask of darkness, and the mask of her own features. He leaned forward, closer to her.

His whisper was low and tense. "You must tell me...somehow...are you frightened of me?"

Truth to be told, she had good reason to be. He towered over her, a blue menacing figure with red eyes boring into her own. Natasha gazed back at him silently. She didn't pull away from his touch. But she didn't embrace it either. Loki didn't know what to make of it. He needed some kind of response. He had to know what she thought of him. Was he truly the monster she had said he was?

He asked again, with desperation clear in his voice. "Are you frightened of me? I need an answer...please."

Finally she shook her head. That took him by surprise. Disbelief and doubt was thick in his reply. "You are sure of that? How do I know you mean it?"

And Natasha fixed him with such an intense and open stare that Loki felt inclined to believe her.

All that honesty thrown at his direction made him feel vulnerable. He and Natasha had played a lengthy game of distrust and deceit, two masters attempting to conquer the other over what both did best. This new turn Natasha seemed to make took Loki off guard. And suddenly, he had the overwhelming urge to tell her. After his little confession about his story with the Dwarves, he didn't think he would go any further, any deeper. Now he was on the verge to do so.

Before he knew it, he began telling her everything he had found out about his origin, his true heritage. He talked about his days as king on Asgard, when Odin had succumbed to sleep and Loki was free to do as he pleased. He had intended to send Jotunheim into oblivion, along with their king...and his true father. Thor had put an end to that in his noble, heroic way. No doubt he had garnered more praise and recognition as he always did, while Loki had faced rejection and a crushing blow to his psyche the moment he let go of Odin's spear. It felt good to just talk to someone. Even if that someone was Natasha.

Loki expected all the bitterness to fuel his hatred and rage. But the more he went on, the more weary he felt. He couldn't think of Thor and pour all his hate and envy toward the image. He was too defeated and tired to do even that.

His voice was low and muted, seeming heavy as if he had fought a thousand battles. "My...or rather, Thor's mother said she and Odin never told me because they didn't want me to feel different. But deep down I've always known. Perhaps not with exact certainty...but I knew. I have lived for years in denial, fearing the worst and hoping for the best...that Thor, his friends and the entirety of Asgard could recognize me as a part of them. All my life, until now, I've always grown up with the fact I was an Asgardian, a prince, a son of Odin. Someone above crude, cold and war-loving barbarians like the Frost Giants. I was wrong."

He made a black-humored chuckle. "Ironic, isn't it? You and the rest of Midgard could say I have become just that. My whole life has been a lie."

Natasha's brow furrowed. He looked at her curiously until he realized she was trying to move her other arm. Burdened with the IV and stiff from prolonged lack of movement, Natasha unsteadily gestured at herself by placing her hand over her chest.

"You too?" Loki inquired.

She nodded solemnly.

"Then perhaps we have more in common than I had thought."

He had claimed that Agent Barton told him everything. In truth, it was simply a lie to get under her skin. Perhaps he had only peeled away the surface. Natasha was a woman shrouded in layers of mystery and secrecy. She couldn't talk now, but Loki had no doubt that she too had her own story to tell. He wondered just how her life had been a lie, as she implied. What parts were true? And what were false? Could it be..? That just like him, she had an issue with her identity from the very beginning?

Something pale shifted underneath him, and Loki looked down to see Natasha brushing her fingers softly on his blue skin. His breath hitched at her touch.

'In order for her to trust me...I must trust her first.'

Natasha looked a bit apprehensive...but more curious than afraid. She traced the patterns that lined his arm. Loki never really took time to observe his own Jotun form. He explored with her, his gaze following her fingers as they made a slow yet oddly soothing trail on his skin. He knew next to nothing about the patterns all over his body. Loki was never keen on studying much of Jotun culture...if he could call it that. He could only assume they were some sort of tribal markings or tattoos; for all he knew, Frost Giants were divided in numerous nomadic groups among the frozen wastes. No doubt he must belong to a highborn clan, since he was a son of Laufey. They were all the same to him. From the king down to the lowest slave, they were all monsters in his eyes.

Loki scowled, his mood darkening. 'I'm like the raven who calls the crow black.'

Natasha's touch suddenly felt irritating to him. He snatched his arm away and glared at the floor.

'Why did I even come here? To offer comfort to my former enemy? And here I am, looking even more like a weakling and a fool.'

He felt even angrier when he thought of his confession to Natasha. Whatever possessed him to deluge his darkest secrets to her?

'What does it matter? In the end, my life means nothing to everyone around here. The Other will find me...him and his dreadful general. The solace of this planet will not shield me from their wrath. Enough with false hopes. Whatever love Odin and Thor claim to have for me means naught. I will die soon...as a coward, a traitor...a monster. An unwanted, unloved and hated creature...'

Dread, rage, frustration, bitterness, and most of all, fear, overwhelmed Loki to the point it seized and paralyzed him to the core. He succumbed to the pressure, feeling his icy facade crack. Tears welled in his eyes. He trembled and shook, and the tears finally fell. They felt like snake's venom on his face all over again. It was torture...excruciating, heart-wrenching.

He wasn't sure why exactly he was crying. All his worst fears seemed to suddenly bubble and pour out like a flood. In the eyes of Asgard he would forever be the son of Laufey, a Frost Giant who wasn't even a real Frost Giant. In the eyes of Midgard he would forever be remembered as nothing short of a devil. Loki loved it whenever he induced fear and terror among others. So why did he feel this way?

Loki finally remembered Natasha, as she made her presence known by taking him by the arm and pulling him close to her. He was too distressed and bewildered to resist. Natasha leaned and pressed her weak, feverish body against his side. He wrapped a tentative arm around her waist. Her head shifted to nestle against his chest. Loki hastily wiped at his face. He tightened his hold around her to return her completely unexpected gesture of comfort.

No words exchanged between them. No words were needed. Both stung deeply from their injuries, however different their respective wounds may be, as were the situations of how they received them. It was this that called for the need to offer each other comfort.

The only woman Loki ever had in his arms had always been his mother, whenever she took him in for a sweet, genuine hug filled with love and affection he so desperately needed. Those times when a drunk and good-spirited Thor would encouragingly push a maiden towards Loki didn't count. The girls would always shrink away from his touch. They preferred being in Thor's company rather than Loki's. He lacked the big, strong hands and golden-faced perfection. Loki was too slender, too pale...too different. There was also another time, during his adolescent years, when Sif actually hugged Loki...though it was more of a flash of a vicelike grip, when Fandral had dared her to do it and Sif had complied with brave reluctance.

Having Natasha close by his side felt so wrong. Yet it felt so...right. She didn't pull away from him. Her fevered trembling settled down the longer she remained next to Loki. Feeling her so close to him, he finally saw just how small and vulnerable she was. She may have a temper and vigor as bright and fiery as Sif's, but Natasha lacked the Asgardian height and strength. It made Loki admire her all the more. She was proof of how wrong he was about Midgardians and their incompetence. Even in this weakened physical state, Natasha had the courage to touch him, the man who had come close to bending her world to his will.

Natasha's breathing gradually drew out in long and even. He glanced down to see her fully asleep. His eyes shifted to the window. He saw the darkness thinning, like a fog lifting, as the hours went by. Dawn was fast approaching. It suddenly occurred to him that his place was elsewhere. As softly and gently as he could, Loki moved Natasha's head and shoulders away from him so she could lay back in bed. Her curls were dark, red and soft between his fingers. She stirred with a soft moan and her eyes fluttered open.

"I'm sorry, but it's about time I go..." he murmured to her. "I'll let you continue your rest. Farewell."

Loki rose to his feet, walked away from the bed and summoned energy to teleport. Her half-asleep face was the last to disappear from his field of vision.


Natasha watched Loki disappear from her room. She wished she could tell him about her own nightmares. Still, she felt strangely better. Her fever waned, and drowsiness, not fatigue, settled upon her like a second pillow. She uttered a soft sigh of content and closed her eyes. Finding out Loki's true heritage certainly threw the whole scheme of things into a entirely new perspective. It made him so different from her, and yet...at the same time, they were alike in many ways she hadn't known before.

Perhaps she could finally get a peaceful sleep, knowing he won't be there to haunt her dreams as she had feared. She slipped into dreamless oblivion, though she could still feel the coolness of Loki's skin on her body. And it felt good.


Loki successfully returned to his bedroom. Barely seconds later, his door slid open. Loki whirled around to see Tony barging into the room, looking flustered, panicked and pissed all at once.

"Hey, you! Where the hell have you been?"

"I've been in here the whole time, Stark."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Reindeer Games. Here, let me see your tracker."

Loki willingly offered his arm, which Tony seized. The billionaire worked furiously at the buttons and groaned. To Loki's amusement, he saw that it appeared to be powered off or malfunctioned.

Tony fumed. "What did you do? You fucked it up! Obviously you've been anywhere but the bedroom. Otherwise the tracker would be running just fine. JARVIS came in to inform me at like, two in the freakin' morning, that your DNA signature just magically disappeared from his surveillance."

Loki would be laughing at Tony's rage, and unintended pun, if not for the circumstances. The last thing he wanted was for Tony to call for S.H.I.E.L.D. thinking he was dangerous, when he wasn't. He had no choice but to tell the truth.

"I visited Natasha late at night," Loki admitted. "By teleportation."

Tony shot him a sarcastic congratulatory grin. "Oh, so you teleport now?" Then he reverted back to panic mode. "You can use magic again? I don't get it! You said you couldn't! Wait, why would I believe you? Thor said so too! Did you use some kind of spell to mess up the tracker?"

Loki raised his hands to calm down the flustered man. "Did Thor not tell you about my current situation regarding magic?"

Tony threw up his hands in exasperation. "What current situation? Thor was supposed to tell me something? Thor hasn't given me shit!"

The God of Mischief rolled his eyes and sighed. "Very well. I will explain. What my brother has failed to tell you is that my-his father, Odin, can grant me access to certain reserves of magic. So far he has only given back my ability to teleport."

"And how exactly did you get your poofing power back? Did Odin show up himself?"

"No. Huginn and Muginn did."

"Who are they? His magical messengers with winged shoes?"

"Close enough. That would be Hermes from the Greek stories." Loki replied wryly. "Huginn and Muginn are talking ravens that serve as the eyes and ears of Odin."

Tony's amused grin faltered and he blinked. "Talking ravens. For real?"

He seemed even more incredulous at Loki's serious face. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, as if he couldn't take any more of these Asgardian shenanigans.

"You would be happy to know that I still cannot harm you with magic." Loki added.

Tony seemed to calm down a bit. He paused to absorb this new information. "Yeah, I guess I'm relieved by that." He eyed Loki curiously. "Did you really go see Natasha?"

Loki tried to sound sincere. "Yes, I swear. I only teleported to her hospital room and back. That is all."

Tony scrutinized him for a few quiet seconds. Then he finally sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Look, if that was all there was to it, you could've just...let me know. You whisked away without me knowing where you went. Now you bust up my tracker and get me in trouble with Fury. He thinks you've gone AWOL and was considering sending military personnel after you."

Normally, Loki would smile with glee at the mayhem he caused. Instead, he made an awkward sheepish smirk as he attempted to apologize. "I'm sorry, Stark."

"It's cool, I guess. Don't worry about it. I just gotta get a replacement for you, and report to Fury about the false alarm." Tony made for the door. "Oh, and try not to teleport too much. I'm afraid that every time you do it, you'll mess up the tracker. That thing ain't cheap, you know."

"No promises."

Tony made a face before shutting the door. Loki let out a laugh. He couldn't help but slip in that cheeky remark.

Loki was beginning to feel sleepy himself. He slipped under the covers and stretched out on the bed. Sleep came to him quickly and gently. He dreamed of a constant warmth, not too hot nor too cold. He couldn't see it...but gods, he could feel it. It felt just right, as if he died and spirited away to Valhalla. It was as if he had never left the hospital room and was still embracing Natasha. What was it about that woman that felt so...good? Loki didn't question the matter for long. He would take her over the steel-cold nightmares in a heartbeat.

Eventually, Loki woke up feeling much better. A pleasant, groggy ache enveloped his body as he groaned and stretched. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand.

'Dwarves' beards. I've been sleeping for half a day.'

He had certainly made up for lost sleeping time. Unsure of what to do next, Loki decided to watch some TV. He occupied himself with the music video channel, observing the kind of music Midgardians listen to. He had Nicki Minaj's song "Beez In the Trap" stuck in his head like mud under a boot.

He got so bored to the point he muttered the lyrics to himself as he laid back in bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Bitches ain't shit and they ain't say nothin'. A hundred motherfuckers can't tell me nothin'. I beez in the trap, bee beez in the trap. I beez in the trap, bee beez in the trap..."

The song made absolutely no sense to him. Nothing but vulgar words thrown around and "beez in a trap," which he assumed must be some Midgardian slang for who knows what.

In the evening, Loki got a surprise visit from Thor. The God of Thunder made no secret of his entrance. His booming voice almost made Loki jolt and drop the remote in his hand.

"Brother! We meet again!"

Loki cringed. "So we have. What brings you here now, Thor?" He noticed that Thor was in a nice, clean suit, as opposed to the usual Midgardian clothes he so liked...Loki, however, would never wear plaid and jeans.

"I'm going out with Jane to dinner." Thor declared.

"Again?"

Thor pulled a frown. "Jane had cancelled last night. She had some work to do with Dr. Selvig. But all for the better, brother. Because you are invited."

Loki blinked. "I am...? Does Stark even approve?"

"He did, as a matter of fact. He said-"

Loki cut him off. "I probably know why. There will be the tracker to locate me, and you to restrain me in case I stir up trouble."

"Come along, brother...it will be fun. There would be me and Jane, you and Darcy-"

"Who is Darcy?"

"Oh, I had forgotten. You haven't been introduced to her yet. But you will meet her soon enough, if you agree to join me. She is quite an amusing woman, with a sort of peculiar charm to her."

Loki frowned in distaste. "Join you in courting women? Sorry, I'll pass."

Thor shook his head. "No, not courting. The Midgardians call it dating, and what we'll be doing tonight is, as Jane told me, double dating."

Loki wasn't thrilled. "A double date. Splendid."

"It's only a casual affair, a get-together with good friends. Well...if you insist on staying locked up in your room alone, I will respect your wishes."

Thor was not one to bribe and coax; that was Loki's specialty. But the God of Mischief could hear the faintest slyness in Thor's voice. The God of Thunder implore him with wide blue eyes. Loki sighed in resignation.

"Allow me a few minutes to get dressed."

Thor's eyes lit up. "I knew you would come along, brother."

He waited patiently as Loki spent time in the closet suiting up. He sized himself up in the mirror with a calculating sweep of his eyes. His dark hair was slicked back to end in a neat ponytail. He made a mental note to get it cut soon, when he had the chance. He chose a tuxedo accompanied by a gold and green scarf. He found a bottle of cologne he didn't find nauseating, and sprayed a little bit over himself. Soon he was clad in the same formal manner as Thor.

Loki followed Thor to the garage, where an ordinary car was clumsily parked.

Nevertheless, he looked surprised as his gaze shifted from the car to Thor. "Oh, you can steer this?"

Thor nodded proudly. "It's more or less like guiding a horse pulling the carriage...without the mess, of course."

"Is this vehicle yours?"

"No, it belongs to Jane. She let me borrow it so I can come over here in typical Midgardian fashion to pick you up."

Thor made for a surprisingly careful and steady driver. Nevertheless, Loki felt nervous every time he glanced over to see Thor's large hands over the wheel.

They pulled over to the hotel where Jane and Darcy had been staying during their visit to New York. Loki spotted the two young women waving them over. He recognized Jane when he had sent the Destroyer to decimate that small, dry wisp of a Midgardian town.

As soon as Thor brought the car to a stop, Loki hastily climbed out and moved to the back. That allowed Jane the front seat next to Thor. She greeted him with an affectionate kiss.

Thor began formal introductions as soon as everyone was in the car. "Loki, this is Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis, hailing from the land of New Mexico."

Next he gestured to Loki. "I'd like you to meet Loki Odinson of Asgard, my brother."

Darcy eagerly shook Loki's hand. "Hi there, nice to meet you!"

He was taken aback by her cheerful and friendly attitude. He managed a forced, polite smile. "Same to you, Miss Lewis."

"Aww, he's so cute!" she gushed. "Is this really the same guy who tried to destroy the world?"

Jane turned her head back with a warning sidelong glance. Darcy caught on and quickly tried to cover her awkward mistake. "Er...I hope you'll like the place we're eating at tonight. It's called Smorgas Chef. They serve authentic Swedish cuisine. Dr. Selvig loves the place."

Mention of the physicist made Loki uncomfortable. He wasn't sure whether Jane or Darcy were aware of his previous tampers with their friend. He thought it best not to bring it up at all.

By the time it came for Thor to park the car, he was sweating bullets. He pulled at his tie and fidgeted in his seat as he manuevered around the busy parking lot. Luckily Jane was there to help.

"That's it, back in just a little more. Don't forget to look both ways...watch for other cars...there you go, you're doing great. A little more...a little more..."

After the umpteenth tentative lurch, Thor finally had the car neatly parked between a truck and an SUV. He beamed at his success.

"I have done it, my friends!"

Darcy burst into enthusiastic, relieved applause. "Yay for Thor!"

Loki exhaled a gusty sigh and climbed out of the car. Thor and Jane walked ahead together while Loki fell in step next to Darcy. They entered Smorgas Chef and were shortly greeted by a waitress. As she showed them to an available table, she kept glancing back towards Thor and occasionally Loki. She looked as if she were escorting a royal host. No doubt she considered the men attractive, and it annoyed Loki. The God of Mischief avoided meeting eye contact with anyone. He didn't want to risk being recognized by the crowd. A quiet sigh of relief escaped him as they approached an empty table and were relieved of the waitress. Other than asking for their orders, she scraped all attempts to talk to Thor when Jane made a subtle move to wrap her arm around his. When the waitress looked to Loki instead, he fixed her with such an intense, hard stare that he almost chortled when she promptly left.

Thor occupied himself by making small talk with Jane. He asked how she was doing in New York, while her replies consisted of comparing the city and the small New Mexico town she grew up in. Darcy tried to start a conversation with Loki, but each time the attempt fell short when Loki would barely respond. She chatted endlessly and asked a lot of questions. He found it annoying and awkward. Finally Darcy relented. She let him keep to himself as she pulled out her phone and browsed on Tumblr and Facebook.

Jane frowned. "Darcy, we're having dinner with guests. You shouldn't be on the phone."

"You're not my mom, Jane. Besides, Loki won't talk to me. And you're busy chatting with your lover boy over there."

Jane blushed. "He's not my 'lover boy.'"

Darcy made a cheeky grin at her. "If he isn't, I don't know what else he is to you."

She returned to browsing on her phone and suddenly she exclaimed, "Whoa, this is really cool!"

She turned her phone around for everyone to see. "It's a GIF of some martial art thingy. Doesn't that look like the Black Widow kicking ass?"

Loki saw a picture moving in an endless loop (powered by some queer form of magic from her device, he assumed), featuring a girl in a blue uniform and using her legs to bring down an opponent.

"Indeed it does," Thor replied. "That's very impressive."

"How do you know about the Black Widow?" Loki asked. "The likes of you aren't supposed to know she even exists."

During his days of S.H.I.E.L.D. infiltration, he had seen enough of Agent Barton and Romanoff's files to know that their identities and operations were maintained and covered with the utmost caution.

Darcy studied him with slight confusion. "Thor told me about her, of course. No need to make a fuss...her secret's safe with me."

"I was not making a fuss..." he muttered in protest.

Did it seem to them that he was trying to...protect Natasha? He pushed away the thought when he saw that the food arrived.

It turned out to be quite delicious and exquisite. Thor wolfed down the smorgasbord like a bilgesnipe in a famine. Loki ate his dish, Swedish meatballs and lingonberries, with more caution and diligence. He liked to eat slow and steady, as he found the taste much more fulfilling than the untasted mush stuffed into his gut. He saw little reason to gobble down food on haste, other than for pride. Even then, it all came down to bragging about the biggest belly...or the worst stomachache. It was known among the Asgardian royal court to never sit between Thor and Volstagg. Just looking at them in the midst of their drinking games or eating contests would make him queasy.

But Loki noticed that Thor displayed unusually polite and well-mannered behavior at the table tonight, not counting his inability to suppress his hunger for the first few bites. He shared broad smiles and hearty laughs with Jane. Loki didn't expect a sense of content to override his jealousy. But it did, when he observed Thor and Jane together. True love, not lust, emanated from Thor's eyes. Loki wondered if he would ever feel the same towards a woman.

Darcy interrupted his thoughts. "Hey, can I call you Lokster? Or Loki-Doki? Or Loco Loki?"

Then she said to herself, "Actually, Lokster sounds good."

He scowled at her. "No, you may not."

"Why?"

"Because it's not my name," he snapped.

"That's why it's called a nickname, silly. Lighten up! I'm trying to get along with you and you're acting like such a shy guy."

"I am not being shy. I'm simply not used to being addressed so informally and-"

"Oh right, I forgot you're a prince of Asgard." Darcy gestured with a flourishing hand. "Forgive me, Your Grace."

He said nothing to correct her. It bothered him, nonetheless. Being reminded of his status as a fallen prince only reminded him too of being a failed king. He sighed and returned to finishing his dinner.

"Since you're a prince and all...you must own a horse, right?" Darcy asked.

"Indeed I do." Loki replied. "His name is Draugur."

Her eyes lit from behind her red-rimmed glasses. "Ooh, I love horses. Tell me more."

Soon Loki occupied himself with his own conversation with her. He talked about his royal horse, and ended on an implied note that Draugur was better than Thor's steed Styrkur. He went on to talk about the various sights and wonders of Asgard. Darcy hung on to his words with rapt attention and enthusiasm.

"I'd love to see Asgard! You and Thor should take me and Jane for dinner up there next time."

'If I'll ever have the chance to see my home again.' Loki thought glumly.

"It would be really cool," she went on. "Then after all the sightseeing on Asgard, you could show us that bigass tree that's so important in the Norse myths we have. It had some weird name, like Iggdrazie or something."

Loki didn't make any reply to deter her excitement. Contrary to popular opinion, Yggdrasil was not a tree in the strict literal sense. It was more of a vast, interconnected network of crossroads that spanned the cosmos and linked the Nine Realms together. The Bifrost covered many branches, though Loki knew his share of secret detours and shortcuts. He needed magic for it, which was something he severely lacked at the moment. He felt grounded and trapped.

'I guess this is how mortals feel. They always look to the sky and try to reach for the highest point...reaching for the stars, as they call it. Though they cannot possibly fathom what lies ahead of them...worlds more than the mere layer of blue air over their heads.'

What frustrated him was that he knew what existed beyond. He just didn't have the means to go anywhere.

'Get your head out of the clouds. Enjoy the night while you can.'

Loki swallowed down his moodiness a sip of champagne. He let a light, easy smile grace his lips as he entered the conversation of comparing the stars of Earth and Asgard. Jane even seemed to let her wariness slip away as she and Loki exchanged meticulously deep and detailed knowledge of the stars. He liked the food, and most of all, he liked the company. It was actually turning out to be quite a pleasant evening.


Natasha had dinner with no other than her fellow agent and best friend Clint. When the door opened, she had expected the nurse. Clint came in instead carrying two trays of food.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I've been getting lonely. Have you?"

He shut the door with his foot and helped set the tray above Natasha's lap. She was still on a predominantly liquid diet. Her dinner consisted of thin mushroom soup, mashed potatoes and a cup of water.

"I had already put ice cubes in your soup beforehand. So you won't burn your tongue." Clint said.

She took in slow, deliberate mouthfuls and didn't need to chew. The food tasted good and refreshing in her mouth.

Whenever he made eye contact with her, he would turn away and swallow more than just food. He was still trying to swallow down his guilt.

Clint had a bottle of beer for himself; Natasha was still prohibited from consuming alcohol.

"Director Fury is hoping that you recover soon." he said. "Not to put you back on the field as soon as possible, of course. He's genuinely worried about your health. He told me himself that he feels somewhat like a father towards you."

Fury paid her an occasional visit whenever he wasn't busy running S.H.I.E.L.D. and keeping it together. He never asked about her mental health, but she knew that was what he was most concerned about.

Clint looked up from the floor to meet her eyes. "Are you getting any better from the fevers?"

Natasha nodded. He probably wouldn't believe her if she could tell him how it was possible.

"How are your ankles? Can you walk yet?"

She had to shake her head at that.

"I know you've been bed-ridden for a while. If you want, I can bring in a wheelchair and take you to the gym."

'Yes, I would like that very much.' Natasha tried to give him a smile, but the following pain made her wince.

Clint noticed, and his brow furrowed with worry. He set aside his finished tray and edged closer to Natasha.

Hesitation was thick in his voice. "I...I know I'm being awkward, and I don't know how to tell you just how much I'm truly sorry about what has happened to you. Fury's been sending me off on a lot of solo missions lately. I know his intention...and he means well...but I'm fortunate enough that I've got a quick break so I could see you before I might never..."

Natasha knew what he was going to say. From day one as a team, she and Clint were well aware that each day could be their last. They never spoke of it, never discussed the possibilities and what ifs. But they knew.

A lengthy silence stretched on until Clint mustered the words to break it. "So...he's been visiting you lately?"

Natasha didn't need to wonder who Clint was referring to. She could tell he didn't like asking the question. He took a sip of beer, though it didn't take away the look of distaste on his face.

"I don't know, Nat. Why Thor decided to bring Loki back here is beyond me. What has he done to help you? He's up to no good, I'm sure of it. I've seen him kill so many people...I've helped him do it. I know that S.H.I.E.L.D. and Tony have him closely watched. But how long would that last?"

Clint reached out to hold her hand. His grip was warm, gentle yet firm and unflinching. "Whatever happens, Natasha...I won't let him hurt you again. I swear it."

'He sounds as if Loki did this to me, not Joffrey.'

"Not a second, minute, hour or day goes by without me thinking of you," he went on. "I hate it every time I think of you being alone with him. Like you're trapped along with the beast inside a cage..."

'You're wrong, Clint.' Loki was no beast. She had seen it for herself. It had taken a great deal of pride, or what was left of it, to open up to her about his past and present pain. He had his mouth sewn shut, she had hers cut open. Different wounds bore the same sting, bled the same blood.

Clint turned his head to the window and saw the setting sun. He sighed and reluctantly pulled his hand away.

"Guess I better get going and leave you in peace. I have to get ready for a flight to Vietnam tomorrow. One long hell of a ride, I heard...crazy communists running around, too. They're letting China come in and snatch away more of the land, so I'm part of the U.S. effort to defend that long strip of jungle. Wish me luck. Good night, Tasha."

Clint took up their trays and half-empty bottle and managed a smile. She returned it with a small wave of her pale hand. He left, leaving her alone again.

With the sun not scorching her bedsheets, Natasha was content with relaxing in bed. She had nothing else to do but finally read Steve's get-well cards. Her heart lifted, and she almost smiled, when she read his valiant attempt at writing in Russian, and his impressive rendering of St. Basil's church in Moscow. She wondered if he had been there before, during his many adventures as Captain America of the 40's.

She was learning, the hard way, the value and power of friendship. She had been raised to believe she didn't need any of it. Now she couldn't imagine what she would do without her friends. What struck her was when she thought of the Avengers, Loki was part of the picture as well.


After finishing dinner, Thor generously offered to pay the bill. S.H.I.E.L.D. had supplied him with cash and a bank account enough to make Tony mildly jealous. Thor was never overly concerned with materialistic needs. Instead, he spent his money mostly on charity and hippie rallies. The God of Thunder took the wheel again to drop off Jane and Darcy at the hotel. They continued their talk on the road.

Jane too expressed a wish to go to Asgard. "Until now, I've never left my hometown in New Mexico, let alone travel out of the planet. I think of all the scientific discoveries to be made...and I get so excited!"

"I would love to take you there," Thor replied with earnest. He took one hand off the wheel to hold Jane's.

The car finally stopped at the hotel's front. Jane gave Thor a kiss before leaving the car. And Darcy surprised Loki with a quick hug.

"Bye, Loki! It was nice to meet you!"

She hopped out before he could muster a reply. The car was starting to drive away when Jane gave Loki a tentative wave. He lifted his hand in acknowledgement. It took a few minutes to arrive at the Stark tower.

Tony was waiting outside his expansive parking lot. He backed up a little when Thor drove up a bit too fast. Loki exited the car. After getting out, he leaned close to the rolled-down window.

"Thank you, Thor. I...enjoyed tonight."

Thor gave him a wide grin. "I'm glad you did. I wish you a good night, brother."

"Same to you." he backed up a good distance, close to Tony, so he wouldn't risk getting run over by Thor. He drove off without any incident, much to their relief.

"Have you been expecting us?" Loki asked.

"Well, not really," Tony admitted with a shrug. "I came out to give you this."

He held out a small latch-on device and installed it into Loki's tracker.

"I'm done with the neat little upgrade that'll go into the tracker. If my theories on astrophysics and time-space relativity are correct, the tracker should continue functioning wherever you go poofing away somewhere. Oh, and guess what? Your tracker's now a taser too!"

"Wonderful. I'll keep that in mind."

Tony grinned gleefully at Loki's sarcasm. "I'm sure you will. If you decide to do anything fishy and cook up some trouble, S.H.I.E.L.D. and I will know."

"I'll continue to do no such thing, Stark."

"Not sure if I can finally take your word for it, but okay."

Loki took the usual way up to his room. His thoughts were filled with memories of the evening. He actually took a sort of...peculiar liking to Darcy Lewis. While she was very warm and sociable, he also found her too bright, chatty and a bit childish for his taste. She was-he tried to think of the word-cute, but not beautiful. He liked women who were mature beyond their years, possessing sharp intelligence coupled with natural beauty. Like Natasha Romanoff...

'Romanoff? Again with her?'

He might as well slap himself. Who was he to be picky over his preferences of the ideal woman? He wasn't in any position to choose, let alone earn one.

Loki entered his room, and the first thing he did was click on the remote. He tried to distract himself with a movie so ridiculous and violent he was sure would remove the rosy daydreams of women. Hostel was about three young men who get into a torture ring involving sadistically bored rich people who pay to mutilate live humans. He thought it would do the job, until the Russian woman who seduces the main characters reminded him of Natasha. He had to turn off the TV. He even tried to sing those horrid lyrics again.

"Bitches ain't shit, and they ain't say nothin'. A hundred motherfuckers can't tell me nothin'..."

He wished Huginn and Muninn were back again, to open more of his gateways and broaden his scope of magical abilities. His core felt restricted, just as his body felt stuck in the room. He kept glancing at the glass window. But the pair of talking ravens never showed up.

No matter...With his newfound freedom to teleport, Loki could go just around anywhere.

He didn't feel like doing it, though. He almost considered visiting Natasha again, but he thought it best not to bother her. He felt like he had done enough for one night. Only time would tell what would happen the next day. Loki never had the serious interest to dabble in divination. Most who practiced the art were inexperienced frauds. But the few who proved truthful were often the most dangerous ones.

He tried not to think about it anymore. Though he couldn't help whether he was destined for something else. If not to take over Asgard or Midgard as king...then what? Asgardians often strive to make names for themselves, from the brightest scholar to the strongest warrior. To be remembered for generations...it was the highest honor. Songs were sung, prophecies were told. Thor fulfilled his destiny as a hero, it seemed.

But what was Loki's story?


Not only do I ship LokixNatasha, I also like LokixDarcy and ClintxNatasha. I try to explore the potential chemistry of those ships, but this is, in the end, still a LokixNatasha story. :)

And Loki singing Nicki Minaj's "Beez In the Trap"...it just had to be done. I regret NOTHING!