Afterwards Chris and Jasper had helped me into the chair. It was a slow and painful process but it needed to be done. Even though I had the will to live, I still had all of these emotions running through me. I was afraid to talk to Dr. Jones, I had already admitted so much to Jasper and I did not want to keep reliving it. Jasper had told me that Dr. Jones was in the hospital and would be here in a few minutes.

"I know that you are exhausted but would you mind staying with me while I talk to him?" I asked Jasper.

"Of course I'll stay. Besides, your sister would have my hide if I didn't. And speaking of Alice, she wants me to tell you that she loves you and that she misses you."

"I really miss her too, when will she be able to come and visit? I want to see my mom too, how has she been doing?" I ask.

"She is doing well, she is in remission since you have been gone. She is getting stronger every day, your disappearance put a stress on her as it did on all of us but your father made sure she was eating and drinking properly."

A knock at the door interrupted us, "May I come in?"

"Yes," Jasper answered. I recognized Dr. Jones as he walked through the door.

"Hi Edward, as you know I am Dr. Jones, but you can call me Mike if you would like."

I had only met him once or twice before, but it was briefly. Most of the time when I needed a psychology consult Jasper was on call.

"Hi."

"How are you doing?" He started. The questions continued for over an hour. Even Jasper had asked a few questions. From the type of questions Mike was asking, I figured he talked to Jasper before he came.

So after I had convinced Mike, that I no longer wanted to die, he concluded that from a psychological stand point, I was no longer a danger to myself. But I would have to have daily sessions with him as long as I was in the hospital and we would discuss outpatient sessions closer to when I would be released. He removed the suicide watch and told Jasper that if I was physically feeling up to it, I could have visitors. I was elated, I really wanted to see my Mom. After he left, my father came in.

"How is Bella?" I asked right away.

"She is fine, I just came from there and she is sleeping. She had lunch and then fell asleep shortly after that. How are you feeling?"

"I am fine."

He nodded, "Are you in any pain?"

"A little, the incision is a litter tender after moving from the bed to the chair but it is to be expected."

"Are you in any other pain?" he asked carefully but it still wrenched my gut.

I knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if I had any pain "there" but I tried to forget about it and people continued to bring it up.

"No." I answered curtly. I saw Jasper shift in his chair.

"Okay then, are you hungry? We could maybe start with some soup."

"Yea I can try that. When will I be able to see Mom?" I asked.

"Her and Alice will be at the hospital in about an hour. Your mom has a doctor's appointment," Jasper said. He must have seen the concern in my eyes because he continued, "She is fine, it's just a check up."

After my father was done checking my vitals and IV medications he said, "Okay I am going to order you some soup and I'll come back when your Mother arrives. If you can keep the soup down without any problems, you will probably be moved to a regular room this evening."

"What about Bella?"

"Between me and you, she should have been moved this morning."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, I'll be back. Love you."

"Love you." I replied back, I would never lose another chance to say I love you again.

After he left, Jasper asked, "So what do you want to watch?"

"I don't care."

Jasper turned the TV on and changed it to some random new channel. I wasn't really paying much attention until I heard the broadcaster say, "It has been confirmed that Dr. Edward Cullen has been found and is currently in the hospital. There is no word on his condition but he is said to be alive. He was rescued with Isabella Marie Swan, the 17 year old girl who had gone missing four years ago. She is also reported to be in the hospital and alive. The police have not yet released if the house fire belonging to Edward Cullen was related to his disappearance."

"What? What did she just say?"

Jasper quickly turned off the TV and looked at me. "She said your house burnt down."

I just looked at him in shock, "Explain. Now."

"A week before you were found, someone set your house on fire. It wasn't called into the fire department until it was too late. "

"Is it all gone?" He nodded.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We didn't want to bombard you with too much information at once."

"I think I have the right to know what happened to my house, the right to know that everything is gone!"I screamed at him.

"Edward…"he started.

"No, Jasper. I feel like everyone is keeping important information from me!" I tried to calm myself down and lowered my voice, "Jasper, please just tell me everything from the beginning."

Jasper sighed just as an orderly came into the room with my soup and toast. He placed the tray on the little table with wheels and pushed it in front of me. I thanked him and he left.

"You talk, I'll eat." I said looking at Jasper.

"Okay, so no one realized you were missing until the next day. When you didn't show up for work, your Dad called your phone and tried paging you. But then he found your car in the parking garage. He got worried and called Emmett to check on your house. You weren't there. They tried to trace your call but it didn't work. We knew something was wrong. Emmett had said that there was anything unusual or missing from your house. That afternoon he filed a missing persons report. We did everything in our power to find you. Even the state police got involved but there were no clues as to what had happened to you. After two days we finally got a hold of security footage from the hospital and parking garage. It showed you had left the hospital but never made it to your car."

"I was walking to the pizza parlor down the street, I was exhausted but I thought the fresh air would do me good."

"Well your father and Emmett did a press release. A ton of people called in saying that they had seen you here or there but most just wanted the reward."

"The reward?" I asked.

"Your father had offered a $50,000.00 reward for any information that led to us finding you."

I just nodded in shock, that was a lot of money but I let Jasper continue.

"Anyways, nothing useful was called in until a week later. A man called in and said he had been sleeping on a park bench when you were taken. He was too drunk to go home. Even though he was drunk, he gave a really good description of you, including the bag you had been carrying, which had not been released. He was able to tell us the description of the van and even the license plate number. The next morning he thought he had dreamt it all but then a week later he saw your face on the news and it all came back to him. He has like a photographic memory or something. I don't know but we got the van info and Emmett had that information released. A few hours later the impound called and said that they had the van. It had been picked up for parking illegally. When the police searched it they found your hospital ID, wallet, cell phone, pager, and your gym bag inside. Your phone and pager were smashed to pieces. The only fingerprints that were found were those of the impound place. They searched the area where the van was found but nothing. There wasn't any more evidence leading us to you. Your house was watched for a few weeks but still nothing. We all still continued to search, even Rosalie. She wouldn't admit it but she was scared and worried for you and I don't think Emmett has slept at all since you have been gone. Anyways a week before you were found a call came across Emmett's scanner requesting the fire department at your address. It was too late for anything to be saved but during the investigation they did find a gasoline tank with finger prints on it. I don't know who's they were but whoever's they were led the police to James somehow. Then the FBI got involved. I don't know much more after that, I just remember getting a call from Emmett saying they were close to locating you. Your dad and I were both working when you were found, he said he needed to stay busy. We knew they were close but we didn't know when you would be found. When you were in surgery, your father came and found me and called the rest of your family. It wasn't all but of 15 minutes before they were here."

"What about Bella?"

He continued to go on and tell me how Bella got involved and about her parents.

"Does she know?"

"Yes she knows everything. Your mom and Rosalie were with her the whole time she was talking to the police.

"So what happened to James?"

"They haven't found him yet. You haven't seen him but there has been an officer at your door since this morning for your protection. There is one at Bella's door too." I felt a chill go down my spine. I didn't say anything, there wasn't anything to say.

"Can we come in?" I heard from the door.

"Of course, Mom!" I was thrilled to finally see her

"Oh Edward! I have missed you so much!" She ran straight towards me, tears in her eyes, Alice right on her heals. She knelt down to hug me and then she started to sob.

"Oh Edward, I am so glad you are okay. I have missed you so much." She let go and stepped back, allowing Alice to step in and give me a hug. She bounced towards me and slammed right into me, "Ouch, Alice."

"I am so sorry, I am just so happy to see you!" She squealed. Then her face turned serious, "Don't ever do that to me again or any of us for that matter!"

Jasper cleared his throat, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean that any of this was your fault…I just…"

"It's okay Alice, Jasper is just over reacting. And don't worry, I don't plan on getting kidnapped again by some crazy psychotic lunatic." I smiled at her while everyone chuckled awkwardly.

"Have you eaten today sweetie?" My mother asked.

"I had some soup and toast right before you came in."

"Good, you need to regain your strength."

"Edward, I am sorry but we are going to have to leave, I have to get Mom to her oncology appointment. We can't be late." Alice informed me.

Worry shot through me like a lightening bolt, "Why? Are you okay Mom?"

"Yes, I am in remission honey! We found out two days after you were gone…and this is just a follow up. If everything is fine I shouldn't have to see him for awhile."

"That's great to hear!" I already knew this but it was great to hear it from her, it had been a few rough years finding out she had ovarian cancer but a rare blood disorder on top of it. She was extremely prone to blood clots and had had two strokes during her chemotherapy. They were only minor strokes and she had no lingering effects from them, thank God.

"I love you sweetie, I'll be back after my appointment."

"Love you to Mom." My mom kissed me on the cheek and walked towards the door. Alice kissed Jasper good bye then came over to me and kissed me on the cheek.

"I will be back to Edward, love you. Jasper, will you be ready to go home soon afterwards?" Alice asked him. He nodded, "Okay see you guys in a little bit!"

I watched as they left, feeling better about my Mothers medical health, seeing her for myself. I didn't realize how worried I had been until she gave me the good news.

"Could you help me to the bathroom?" I asked after they left.

"Are you sure you don't want to use a urinal?"

"No, I would really like to piss in a real toilet." Jasper nodded, understanding my reason.

He helped me into a wheelchair and rolled me into the bathroom.

"Are you sure you are going to be okay standing on your own?" Worry lacing his tone. "I could still get that urinal or stay and help?"

I knew neither of us would be comfortable with Jasper helping me take a piss but he would if I wanted him to, he would do anything for me as I would do for him.

"Do you think you could just help me stand up?"

He carefully helped me, it was rather painful but I tried to keep my face calm for his sake.

"You doing okay? How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm good," was all I said, if I gave more than that he would see through it.

"Okay, I will be right outside. Just yell when you're done or if you need anything."

I nodded towards him as he closed the door behind him. I was holding onto the bar to help steady myself but I felt pretty good. And it was a relief to be using an actual toilet without being watched or having someone help me. After I was finished, I turned towards the sink to wash my hands and lost my balance. I grabbed onto the counter to try to stop myself from falling, but all it had done was make the situation worse. As I fell back, the corner of the counter caught my forearm, cutting my arm in the process. I braced myself for the landing but only landed on my butt with a hard thud. I could hear Jasper in the background knocking on the door asking if I was okay. But all I could do was focus on the blood spilling from my arm. I was in awe, somewhere in the back of my head I knew I should apply pressure to the wound to slow the bleeding but I couldn't do it. I was fascinated by the blood. I sat there for a few moments before I realized I was crying. Not from physical pain but the more I watched the blood flow the more painful emotions were lifting off of my chest. I could feel a sense of calm washing over me and I couldn't bare to stop this feeling, even know I knew it was wrong. My enjoyment was short lived as Jasper interrupted my thoughts and placed towel over my arm and applied pressure on my wound.

"Edward, what happened?"

The first thing that blurted from my mouth was, "It was an accident, I swear!" It sounded like a cover-up more than the truth but it was the truth. I hadn't done this on purpose. I may have enjoyed it but he didn't need to know that, he couldn't know that.

"It's okay, are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No, I just lost my footing and fell back. I tried to grab the counter to hold myself up but the corner caught my arm, it was a complete accident."

Jasper opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by my father running into the bathroom frantically. "What happened? Are you okay? Did you hit your head? Are you hurt?" He knelt down next to me, starting to inspect my head for swelling.

"Dad, I am fine. I'm sorry, it was an accident. I turned towards the sink to wash my hands and los my footing. My arm caught the corner on my way down. I didn't hit my head and I am not hurt anywhere else." I looked up from my wound and found both Jasper and my dad looking at me curiously. "I swear it was an accident."

"We believe you," Jasper said.

My dad lifted the towel that was covering my cut, "It's probably going to need stitches, hold on to this Edward." Indicating he wanted me to hold pressure on the wound.

"Lets get him back into bed," he told jasper.

He and jasper helped me into the wheelchair and got me back into bed. "I am going to go get some supplies, I will be right back. Jasper wait here?"

He nodded but kept looking out the window without saying a word.

I couldn't get over this high I was feeling. It felt like 100 pounds of stress had just been lifted off my chest. I knew it wasn't right to feel this way but I couldn't deny it. The physical pain fro m my arm and the sight of my blood flowing down my arm had given me an emotional release.

A few minutes later my dad walked through the door carrying a bunch of medical supplies and a bed side urinal.

"No, Dad. This was an accident. I can go to the bathroom, I don't need to piss in a bottle."

"You obviously aren't strong enough yet to move around on your own."He argued.

"I am so sorry, this is my fault. I should have stayed with you," Jasper stated, turning from the window.

"It's not anyone's fault! I literally tripped over my own feet. I wasn't feeling dizzy or lightheaded or weak!"

"No, its not anyone's fault. But you are still using the urinal. You are not to get out of bed or do anything without assistance." My dad rolled a stool to the side of the bed and took my arm in his hands. As he removed the towel from my arm, I was again washed over with a sense of calm watching the blood pour out of my arm.

"It's going to need a few stitches but it's not too bad, looks worse than it really is." And with that he began stitching up my arm. I welcomed the pain with an open mind and rested my head against my pillow. I was going to enjoy this feeling, knowing it wouldn't last long. I must have fallen asleep because I woke to quiet whispering.

"Do you think it was a complete accident?" I heard my Dad ask. I waited, my eyes still closed, for the answer.

"Yes, I do believe it was an accident but Carlisle, did you see the look in his eyes? He was enjoying the pain. I have seen the look before, from other patients. It was a sense of release for him. To get rid of the emotional buildup he has bottled up inside of him."

"I saw it too. He was way too calm."

"Yea, I will explain to Dr. Jones my concern. We will need to keep an eye on him but this doesn't mean he will do anything further."

I chose then to make them aware I was awake, "Sorry I didn't mean to doze off."

The both slightly jumped at the sound of my voice, "It's okay, your body needs to rest," answered my Dad. "Your mom is going to be here shortly, do you want to move to the chair, with assistance?"

"Yes but when can I see Bella again?"

"She has been sleeping on and off. I think everything has caught up to her and she is exhausted. But I'll let you know when she is feeling up to it."

I nodded and started to sit up and swing my legs around to the side of them bed. My dad literally ran to my side, "I said with assistance Edward."

"Dad I wasn't going to stand on my own I was just sitting up. I told you I was fine."

"Still, I want someone to be with you when you exert yourself like…" he trailed off. I looked up at him to see what had caused him to stop, he was starring at my bed behind me.

"Edward, how are you feeling?" He asked, concerned.

"I told you I feel fine. Why?" I looked behind me and my heart stopped. "No, No, No" was all I managed to get out. There was so much blood, my sheets were saturated. And there could only be one source of all that blood, my rectum. I could feel my eyes start to sting, I was going to lose it.

"Edward, it's going to be okay. You must have torn something when you fell. Jasper, can you stand with him? I am going to go page Garrett and Dr. Capeltie."

"Dr. Capeltie? Why him?" I asked frantically, I knew the answer but I asked anyways. The pressure on my chest was coming back aggressively.

"Edward, that is a lot of blood, you know that. This may take more than a few external stitches." He threw a bunch of disposable blue pads towards Jasper, "Put these over his sheets and lay him down. I'll be right back."

Jasper laid the pads down on the bed and was now standing in front of me, "Edward, try to slow your breathing down."

I hadn't even realized I was breathing fast but when I tried to slow it down I couldn't. "I can't breathe."

Jasper grabbed a hold of my shoulders, "Edward, lets lie back."

"No I can't breathe. My chest…it hurts…"

"Okay, well let's lie you back into bed."

I reluctantly let him lie be back. He started to hook me up to the heart monitor and placed the blood pressure cuff around my uninjured arm. Jasper is a few years older than me and finished high school two years before I did and went to school to be a paramedic before going to school as a psychologist.

He helped me turn to my side, "Edward, take a deep breath, now slowly exhale…That's it." We did this for a few minutes and I could feel my breathing become more controlled. I realized I was squeezing Jaspers hand very hard, I loosened my grip but did not let go. I heard the door open and saw my Dad, Garrett, Jared, and another male nurse I had never met before. They were pushing a new bed in with them. I saw my dad look at the heart monitor and I flash of concern sparked in his eyes before he composed himself.

"Edward, son, look at me. You are going to be okay but this is what is going to happen Edward. We are going to move you over to the clean bed and Garrett is going to take a look. This is a more significant amount of blood than when you initially came in. If we can't find the source or are unable to control the bleeding we are going to have to go in surgically. Dr. Capelti is on his way, just in case. Your blood pressure is a little low but it may mean nothing okay?" I nodded towards him unable to say anything.

"Let's get him out of this gown before we move him." Jasper started to let go of my hand but I tightened my grasp. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I said. "I will stay as long as you want me to," was his reply, nothing else needed to be said.

The nurses removed my gown the back of it was saturated with blood. I was too terrified to even care that I was naked in front of everyone. They helped me move to the clean bed where a bunch of disposable blue pads were laid out. As soon as I was off the dirty bed, they placed a new gown on me. The laid my on my side and I could feel a gush of blood pour out. I started to cry, "I am so sorry, I'm sorry."

"Buddy, it's okay. I promise. Try not to let your breathing get too fast," He reminded me, "Try to focus on that."

I heard Garret say, "His blood pressure is getting lower and his heart rate is too fast."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the nurse I didn't know push something through my IV.

"What did he just give me?" "Edward, try to relax its going to be okay."

"No tell me! I don't want to be lied to…"

"Son, you are panicking, your heart rate is too fast. It's just a little Ativan to help calm you. It's a small dose."

"Thank you," I replied, "I just want to be told what is going on."

"Edward, I am going to take a look. If I hurt you, tell me please." I heard Garrett say behind me. I heard him place gloves on his hands, "You are going to feel my hands on you."

I felt him touch my back side, just as I started to feel the Ativan kick in.

"Nice, easy breathes." I heard Jasper whisper, with a gently squeeze to my hand.

"Edward, are you in any pain in your rectum?" Garrett asked.

"Not anymore than I was before I fell." I answered flatly.

"Okay, well I can't seem to find the source of the bleed and I don't want to do an internal exam here. Jake will you see where is and tell him we need to get an OR booked."

"Yea," I heard him answer and quiet click of the door shutting.

"Edward we are going to take you to the OR and use a scope to hopefully find where the bleeding is coming from, okay?" Garrett asked.

"Will I die if I say no?" I saw my father and Jasper straighten as I said this.

"I don't know that for sure but there is a possibility of death. You have already lost a good amount of blood and it is not slowing down."

"Just do what you have to do, I guess." Death is not what I wanted, at least not this way. Death by rectal bleed is not what I wanted on my death certificate. My monitor started to beep and everyone's heads shot towards the monitor.

"Your oxygen levels are a little low, let's get a nasal cannula on him at 6 liters per minute and another IV started. Contact the blood bank and gets some on reserve, just in case."

"Dad?" I asked.

"Yes, son?"

"Please tell Bella that I love her and that I am sorry."

"Edward, you are going to be fine. But I'll tell Bella you love her. What do you want me to tell her when she asks where you are?"

"The truth."

"Okay, I will do that son."

Jake walked in the room, "Dr. Capelti said he would meet you in the OR. He is headed up there now. We are to take him up and get him prepped."

"Okay, let's get him ready to transport. Edward I will meet you up there, we will get this taken care of and you will be fine." I nodded slowly and he left. The two nurses started to disconnect me from the monitor and hook me to the portable monitor and oxygen.

"Can you come with me Dad?"

"Yes, I will go as far as they will allow me to son."

"Take care, we will see you when you are done, we love you." Jasper said.

They covered me with a few blankets and pushed me out of the room. I was thankful for the Ativan, it calmed me enough but without knocking me out. I was still aware of my surroundings. I closed my eyes all the way to the OR. I didn't want to see people staring at me.

" we are going to have to leave you here." I heard someone tell my father.

"I understand. Edward it's going to be okay, you will be okay. Me and your mother love you."

"I love you two too." He kissed my forehead and then I felt the bed move again.

I few minutes later someone was shaking my shoulder, "Edward? Are you awake?"

"Yea," I responded, opening my eyes to the bright lights of the OR room.

"My name is Kelly. I'll be one of the nurses in the OR with you. Dr. Capelti and Garrett are washing up now. We are going to move you to the OR table and start another IV, okay?"

They moved me over and hooked me up to their machines. I felt Kelly put a band around my arm, "You are going to feel a pinch okay?"I did but the pain was nothing compared to the emotional torture I was in right now.

"Edward?" it was Dr. Capelti. "Hey there, we are going to get this fixed. We are going to use a scope to try to find the source of the bleeding and then we will go from there. We are going to give you some Valium to make you sleepy and we will see you when you wake up, okay?"

"Yea." I already started to feel drowsy. The last thing I remember is Dr. Capelti saying that everything would be fine.