I own nothing—thanks for the reviews.
I am aware, I've been misled
I disconnect my heart, my head
Don't wanna recognize when things go bad
The things that you'll accept
Except that I am finding the words... to say
Nathan sighed as he slowly rose from the bed. She had finally gotten to sleep. It took about three hours of violent sobs, vomiting, and throwing things, but she was finally resting. He closed her bedroom door and walked down to the kitchen. She definitely needed cheering up.
He thought back to when they were dating and vaguely recalled something about pizza's her father would make. He quickly set out on his mission. The freezer had pizza crusts and he found a jar of sauce in the cabinets. The only thing left were toppings. He opened the refrigerator and furrowed his brows. She had been pretty unpredictable lately when it came to certain foods. As of right now she couldn't stand the smell of mustard, pickles made her gag and suddenly potato chips were too salty.
She did love tuna fish mixed with maple syrup, ice cream topped with ketchup, and she put whipped cream on everything. Nathan grimaced as he thought of those things; he didn't know how he sat with her at lunch.
Soon enough the counter was overrun with possible toppings. The cabinets and the refrigerator were emptied. Several pizzas were in the oven and he smirked in satisfaction. He noticed the time and jogged into the living room; the basketball game was on.
He tenderly opened a bag of cheetos, cursing at the scrunching noise it made. Somehow whenever he tried to be quiet every noise he made was magnified. He wasn't exactly worried about the noise it made; she could sleep through a hurricane, it was more her doglike sense of smell that worried him. She had recently acquired the ability to sniff something out before they even neared its location. At first it weirded him out, then he found it pretty cool, now it simply annoyed him.
He settled into the couch and propped his feet up on the table. He sighed contently as he hit the power button and searched the channels for the game. It was the third quarter and Duke was ahead by eight. He delicately placed the cheesy puff in his mouth and closed it tightly; biting it as gingerly as he could. He swallowed and smiled happily.
"What the hell are you doing?" Peyton questioned with an amused smile.
Nathan blushed. "Having a snack", he said innocently.
"Why were you eating them like that?" she asked as she laughed.
"I . . . you were sleeping, it was–"
"Something smells good", Peyton mused as she turned her back and walked into the kitchen.
Nathan silently thanked her bloodhound-like nose.
"I figured you'd want some comfort food", he explained as he walked in behind her.
"Thanks Nate", she said softly as she pulled him in for a hug.
"I gotta make sure my nephew eats", he teased.
Peyton rolled her eyes. "You don't know that it's a boy."
"Sure I do", he said cockily. She rolled her eyes again before turning her attention back to the food.
"This all looks delicious", she said as her eyes sparkled in hunger.
"I wasn't sure what you'd want on them so I left everything out for you", he spoke while he took the crusts out of the oven.
"Pickles", she squealed.
"I thought you hated pickles", Nathan said in confusion.
She shrugged. "I have an urge for them."
"I made tuna with maple syrup", Nathan said proudly as he handed her the Tupperware.
She gagged as she took off the lid, "I can't eat that", she swallowed hard as she handed it back.
"Stupid urges", he muttered as he threw it in the garbage.
"Nathan", Peyton said with a smile, "thank you for all of this. I appreciate it", his scowl disappeared and was replaced with a grin.
"Soooo", he drew out. Peyton looked at him with a raised brow.
"Just ask Nate."
"Want me to kick his ass?" he questioned with a serious face.
"No", she said as she sighed.
"Well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it anyway. I just wanted your input", he said as he poured some sauce on the golden crust.
"No you're not", she reprimanded him.
"How can you expect me not to? Peyton, he screwed up; bigger then ever", he reminded her.
"I know that. I just, I wanna give him the benefit of the doubt", she spoke quietly as she layered peanut butter over her marinara sauce.
Nathan scrunched his nose. "Why?" he asked incredulously.
"Because, he freaked out. Honestly, I don't know how I would have reacted", she knew Nathan was going to give her a hard time about all of this.
"Peyton, stop letting him play martyr. He doesn't deserve it", he said angrily.
"Look, I know alright, but we're having a child together. I can't let his stupidity get in the way of that", Nathan looked at her and smiled sadly. At seventeen she already had the maturity of a thirty year old.
"Look, I know you still have feelings for him and I'm sure this has something to do with it, but Peyton, you cannot let him get away with this."
"First of all, I do not have feelings for him. Second of all, I'm not letting him get away with anything. This doesn't mean we're friends and it doesn't mean I forgive him. I just want to put it all away and start fresh."
"Fine", he said in defeat.
"Thank you", she responded as she smiled appreciatively.
"Don't expect me to forget though", he warned her.
"Don't worry, I won't either", she muttered sadly.
"We better eat, it's getting cold", he said in hopes of changing the mood.
They both picked up their slices and were about to dig in when the bell rang.
Nathan furrowed his brows. "I'll get it", he offered when he saw her stand.
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He was back in his room. Still deep in thought. He hadn't talked to Peyton yet and he'd be lucky if he ever did. He couldn't face her. He had screwed up so badly; he was thoroughly embarrassed with himself.
"You are a real piece of work Lucas Eugene Scott", Haley said through gritted teeth as she barged into his room.
"Hales–"
"NO!" she screamed out, "you don't get to talk. You've done more then enough of that", she said bitterly.
"Seriously Lucas, Nathan's baby?" she questioned in disgust.
As part of her rant Peyton had called Haley's cell phone and told her everything. To say Haley was disappointed was an understatement.
"It just came out", he offered lamely.
"Geez, Lucas. You need to start thinking", she said exasperatedly.
"I couldn't. I mean I wanted to and I knew what I was saying was wrong and horrible, but I couldn't stop it", he said as he placed his head in his hands.
Haley retracted her claws and sat next to him. "Lucas you can't keep doing this", she told him softly, "especially to her . . . especially now", she pointed out.
"I know, and I'm going to make it better", he promised.
"Was sleeping with Brooke a step in that direction?" she asked with slight disgust in her voice.
"First of all she's my girlfriend. I don't need to explain any of that to you", he defended.
"Lucas, girls talk. And even though I definitely didn't want to hear it", she said as she scrunched her nose, "Brooke told me about the sex. It was slightly different then she remembered", she looked at him accusingly.
He never could lie to her. She always saw right through him. But that's what made her his best friend.
"Alright, I admit I was a little extra worked up when I went over there, but that has nothing to do with it."
"You do know I can tell when you're lying right?" she asked as she raised a brow.
He sighed. "I just wanted to forget about everything for a little while", he finally admitted.
"Lucas", he could hear the disappointment in her voice.
"I know Haley. Trust me I know. It makes me a horrible guy, but why ruin my track record?" he joked bitterly.
"You're not a horrible guy", he sent her a disbelieving stare, "you're not; you just make really crappy choices", he smirked in spite of the situation.
"Luke, are you with Brooke just . . . because?" she asked carefully.
"No", he answered without hesitation, "I love her Hales", she could have pressed the issue, but she simply nodded her head.
"What do I do now?" he asked in desperation.
"You go over to Peyton's house and apologize until you're blue in the face. Then you take a breath and do it all over again", she said seriously.
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Lucas stood at her doorstep. Man, he was nervous. He hadn't been this nervous in a while. He took deep breath before turning the handle; furrowing his brows when it didn't click. Locked? She never locked her door.
He rang her bell and went over his apology in his head. He needed her to hear him out. He really needed her to listen to him even though he knew she didn't want to. The opening of the door broke him from his thoughts.
"What the hell do you want?" he asked as he curled his hand into a fist.
"I need to talk to Peyton", Lucas's voice was barely above a whisper.
Nathan scoffed. "I need you to go to hell", he spat back as he went to close the door.
"Nathan, please", the blonde begged. Nathan sighed.
"You know, the only reason I'm not kicking your ass right now is because of her. For some reason she's giving you the benefit of the doubt. I think it's the hormones, but she seems sincere about it."
"I'm sorry Nathan", he said sincerely.
"I don't need your apologies Luke. I never had too much built up in you. She did. She had a lot invested in you and you more or less killed it all".
"I know you're mad–"
"Not really. I was mad, now I'm just disappointed", he said sadly as he shook his head at his older brother.
"Nathan who is it?' she asked from her place in the kitchen. He glared at Lucas one more time before speaking.
"It's for you", she furrowed her brows before walking to the front door.
"Luke", she gasped out as she approached him.
"Can we talk?" he asked with hope in his eyes. Peyton looked over at Nathan before nodding.
"Nathan", she said expectantly. He muttered something before taking his seat on the couch; in perfect view of the front door.
Peyton rolled her eyes, but her smile betrayed her.
"Okay, so I need to say a lot of things, so please don't interrupt me", he begged, she hesitated before nodding. He took a breath before continuing.
"I'm sorry and I know that's a little played out with me, but its true. I wasn't thinking and words just flew out of my mouth and I couldn't stop them and couldn't think straight. I just, I let everything get to me and I shouldn't have. I don't like being the guy I was earlier. I'm not the guy I was earlier–"
"And I thought I knew that", she interrupted quietly.
"You do Peyton, you know me."
She shook her head. "Not anymore", she said sadly.
"I know my reaction wasn't exactly one we'll be telling anyone; other then Nathan and Haley", he laughed to himself, "and I'm sorry for that too by the way", he added in before continuing, "But Peyton, the thought of having a child scares the crap out of me. For a split second I was Dan. I'm sure it scares you too, but I just was an ass. But I've had time to think about it and I'm kind of excited. I mean we created a whole other life", he said with a smile. Peyton smiled involuntarily.
"A baby, Peyton. God, we're having a baby", she looked at him while he said it. He wasn't aggravated and it wasn't said in disgusted disbelief. He said it in awe of everything and that she understood.
"I know Lucas, this is a huge thing."
He nodded. "I know, and I am still so sorry. I had a freaking word vomit moment earlier", Peyton smirked.
"Word vomit?"
Lucas blushed. "Yea, you say things before you can think and then you have to deal with it . . . its dumb", he waved his explanation off.
"You're not completely absolved of anything", she let him know. He nodded his head.
"Trust me I'm not expecting to be. I'm shocked you're standing here talking to me right now", he said honestly, "geez, I'm soo sorry about earlier", he apologized again as his words filled his mind.
"Look, my dad's coming home tomorrow", she said while sending a glare in Nathan's direction, "and we still have to tell your mom, so lets put that behind us okay?" she spoke without emotion.
He nodded his head. "Umm, just call me when he gets here okay?"
"Yea sure", she promised as she crossed her arms over her chest. It was a protective maneuver he had seen her use many times, but never with him and his heart broke at the sight of it.
"I want us to be friends again Peyton", he whispered sincerely before he could stop himself. She shook her head.
"It's way too soon for that."
"I know", he assured her quickly, "I just need you to know that I will do whatever I have to do to be in your life again", her green eyes met his blues and her breath hitched in her throat, "I need you to be in my life."
She looked down and nodded her head before closing the door.
"Bye Luke."
"Bye Peyton."
She closed the door and sighed as she rested against it. She cursed herself. She reminded herself of what he had said. The hurtful things that came out of his mouth. The pain that it had caused. She tried not to think about all the sincere words he had just spoken. The look in his eyes as each syllable left his mouth. The fact that he needed her in his life. She tried not to focus on any of that.
But she couldn't stop the swelling of her heart.
Well, I'm ready, to drop, well, I'm ready
I'm ready so don't stop, oh
Well, keep pushing, I'm ready to fall
Well, I'm ready, I'm ready so don't call
I'm ready so don't call, oh... oh... oh...
Okay, I know the whole Leyton thing most likely didn't plan out the way everyone thought it would, but in my mind Peyton was already having a difficult time with everything and I didn't want her to keep doing this without Lucas plus now everything can move forward. Leave some and let me know what you think.
