The aftermath.

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JAIMOL - well here is where they relationship may take a turn.

caldera32 - that would have been a good twist but there are other ways that I am going to do that. I know you don't bite but I like doing it this way (also it helps me as sometimes I cannot make the words up in the chapter so a big A/N makes up for it :P)


Missing

Morgana woke up and defiantly blamed herself for sleeping on the floor. Her back and neck ached.

She picked herself off the floor and sat in the chair she had her head on all night.

With all her anger gone, Morgana could finally think over what Merlin told her last night.

She wasn't angry any more, just sad. She felt upset that Merlin could never tell her his magic when she was perfectly happy with tell him.

And he was the one questioning her loyalty.

How long had he been deceiving her? Arthur? Even Uther? Himself?

Morgana shock her head. She needed to stop thinking these things or she would exhaust herself again.

She didn't feel like eating and decided that there was very little to do other than to go to bed.


It had been a week since Merlin told Morgana of his magic and Merlin was thinking that it was the wrong decision.

He had enjoyed going to Morgana and once he got back his memories, it reminded him of the better times.

Morgana just seemed to enchant him. He really didn't know why he kept going to her when he knew what he was meant to achieve.

Maybe the dragon was wrong? Maybe it wasn't Arthur to bring about Albion? Couldn't a monarch with magic show more understanding than one without?

Merlin carried on scrubbing the floor.

Arthur had gone hunting and fallen off his horse into a bog. Not only did Merlin have to clean his ruined clothes but wash the floor between the main door to Arthur's chambers and then inside the chambers as well.

Merlin wished he had something to excite him, to make it seem like this day wasn't going on forever but there was nothing.

He had noticed that Gwen was still watching him and tried to act as normal as he could but it was hard to when he didn't have Morgana.

Every time he saw Agravaine, he hoped that he would say that Morgana wanted him to come back. But the lord just ignored him.

He would walk around the woods for ages when he could collecting herbs for Gaius. He wondered whether he could go and see Morgana and still be back at a time that seemed appropriate. He would always just get to the edge of the valley of the fallen kings before deciding that it wouldn't work. She would still be angry at him.

Arthur would question him on his mood and Merlin tried to brush him off the best he could.

Arthur had nearly got it out of him today and Merlin was kicking himself for his little slip up.

He could see why everyone was so concerned for him but he wanted to be able to act how he use to but it was hard when his heart was so heavy with regret.

Merlin couldn't believe that he had lived this long like this and wondered how he wasn't an emotional wreck because of it.

He climbed up the stairs to the physician's chambers and entered.

Gaius was sitting at his desk. "No Morgana? You haven't seen her in a while."

Merlin just walked through hoping he could get away with not replying.

"Merlin please don't tell me that you have done something stupid."

Merlin stopped and sighed. "It wouldn't have been something stupid if I did it years ago. She was happy I could see her starting to come back and against my better nature I told her." Merlin turned and looked at Gaius. "Are you happy now? She never wants to see me again. I am so lost Gaius."

Gaius was surprised. "See this is why you shouldn't have told her."

"No, see what happens when I listen to you and that oversized lizard and don't listen to myself and what I think is right. You never saw her that night. She was so lost begging me to tell her that she has magic and I turned her away. We didn't start to lose her when I poisoned her, we started to lose her then. And I could have stopped it."

Merlin didn't wait for a reply and went into his room.


Morgana walked around the forest. It had been a week but she still had the same thoughts going around her head.

Why didn't he tell me? How long has he know he has had magic? How long had he been deceiving her? Arthur? Even Uther? Himself? Did Gaius know? Hunith? His friend Will? How much had he done for Camelot in the name of Arthur to keep him alive? Was he going to tell me about his magic when we defeated the Anfac? Was he ever in love with Gwen? Am I in love with him?

All these thought just exhausted Morgana every day.

The last question she didn't know how to answer. She had some feelings for him and wished for his loyalty but she wouldn't have said that she was in love with him. She always saw that he would look at her at banquets and his gaze seemed to make her more self-conscious than anyone else. She had times when she admired him, like the time he brought Mordred to her and help her look after him. But they were only little things and they didn't matter. Did they?

Morgana shock her head.

She really needed to sort herself out but she hadn't felt like this since Morgause had died.

She couldn't place all her feeling under one word but the biggest was sadness.

Morgana couldn't believe that this one stupid, idiotic, handsome manservant could make her feel so happy.

When did she start seeing him as handsome?

Morgana couldn't deny that Merlin was handsome. She use to see all the maids staring at him in affection. Gwen even fell for his boyish good looks once.

Morgana thought about it and it must have been them high cheekbones or the way he smiled or his kind nature or …

Morgana stopped walking.

She was in love with Merlin.

She remembers having a small crush on him after the whole Mordred situation but he had let her down about her magic and then poisoning her was the last step to push any thoughts of a relationship to the back of her mind.

I didn't want to.

Merlin had said them words to her when she had got back after she was 'kidnapped' by Morgause. She didn't realise that Morgause was trying to push her away from Merlin and Uther. She had very little loyalty to Uther because of her magic but she wanted to understand why Merlin tried to kill her. Morgause had explained to her that it was because she possessed magic.

But now she knew that Merlin did as well. So why did he do it?

Why was everyone falling asleep but not me? Even Merlin looked like he was going to go to sleep so it couldn't have been her magic keeping her awake. Gaius never gave her something. If he is Emrys, his magic is stronger than hers so it couldn't be the strength of the magic. What did Morgause do?

Morgana knew that she was missing something but didn't have to courage to ask Merlin to come back to explain it.

Morgana had the Pendragon stubbornness and pride. She wasn't going to lower them for the servant.

But every time he looked at her or gave her his goofy grin or hugged her, it made her feel … well feel normal.

Her life had been a whirlwind and Morgana loved the normality that Merlin brought to her life.

It was if they were meant to be together.

Morgana returned to her hovel to see Agravaine's horse outside.

Morgana groaned.

She had been sending him away every time he turned up but she knew that soon she would have to talk to him.

She took a deep breath and walked in.

"Milady." Agravaine said

Morgana just watched him. Why did he always call her milady? She knew that was what she was but she didn't want it from him. She wanted to be called Morgana. Milady reminded her of being a ward under Uther's reign and she wanted to get as far away from that person as possible.

But she knew that Agravaine was traditional and wouldn't call her anything but Milady.

She wanted Merlin back.