Strip Without Poker

"Hmm…" Iruka sat up rubbing the sand out of his eyes. Iruka stretched and looked around, a bit confused at first, why was he on the floor? He stood up and saw that someone had slept in his bed. Last nights events came flooding back to Iruka and he left for work feeling happily dazed.

"Iruka-sensei!" Konohamaru whined, as Iruka entered the classroom, "You're late again! We've all been here for like twenty minutes!"

Iruka sat down in his chair and mumbled "Gomen…I um…woke up late."

Konohamaru stared at Iruka and a wide grin spread a cross his face, "Iruka-sensei! There's another photo of you on the Internet!"

Iruka leaned forward across his desk, "Really…what of?"

"Of you and that loud woman…naked in the river!" Konohamaru and the class exploded in laughter and Iruka just sat there, remembering the fun he'd had the night before.

Konohamaru stopped laughing, "Eh? How come you're not angry sensei? You'd normally yell at me about now."

Iruka smiled and said, "Everyone…turn to page twelve and learn the body's chakra system…"

Konohamaru did manage to freak Iruka out at least once that day though. Iruka was walking around class checking everyone's diagrams, but when he came to Konohamaru's he saw that two bodies had been crudely drawn, not showing the chakra system…but instead drawn a woman and man's private parts.

"KONOHAMARU! THAT ISN'T THE CHAKRA SYSTEM!" Iruka yelled, snatching the paper up and observing it more closely. The man was labelled 'Iruka Sensei' and the woman was labelled 'Sensei's girl'.

Konohamaru and crew exploded in a fit of giggles and Iruka's face went redder than a traffic light.

After the day had finished, with Iruka giving Konohamaru a ton of homework as punishment and the class laughing like a pack of psycho hyenas. Iruka stopped by the nude calendar voting board curiously. He now had sixty-five votes, but Kakashi was still hugely in the lead with a whopping a hundred and two votes. He checked Gai sensei's score…ouch…still only one vote.

"Damn it!" Gai mumbled appearing by Iruka's side, "I must beat my rival!"

"Um…don't worry…there's still six days left…" Iruka said as Gai forced a smile and patted Iruka on the back.

"Don't worry Iruka! I WILL be in that calendar…no matter what!"

Iruka smiled faintly as Gai struck that pose again and disappeared.

Iruka was on the way home, when Anko jumped him.

"Iruka-baby!" She squealed, hugging him AND his box of work, "Our picture is on the internet! One of us in the river together!"

Iruka shifted the box out of the way and smiled, "Yeah…Konohamaru told me…"

"Ooh! I've put it as a screensaver on my laptop, that way I'll never forget that night!"

"Probably Naruto's doing…" Iruka scratched his head, "I'll have to try get Kakashi to confiscate his camera…after all…it is a little embarrassing…"

"Pooh Iruka-baby! Nothing's embarrassing about sharing your beautiful body with the world…why it'd be even greater if we ninjas could wander around normally with no clothes, just the way God made us!"

Iruka sweat dropped, at Anko's enthusiasm for nudity, but then again he wouldn't have minded if Anko walked around nude all the time…she was after all beautiful.

"Ooh! Iruka-baby! I can't wait till Friday! When Tsunade decides who goes in the calendar!" Anko squealed jumping up and down.

Iruka was turning very pink in the face and drooling a little, because of his thoughts of naked Anko and what he was seeing at that moment in time, bouncing in front of him.

Anko hugged Iruka tightly again, Iruka's box of work fell to the ground and turned sideways, tipping the contents out.

"Ooh…Iruka, what's this?" Anko asked curiously, waving Konohamaru's diagram in the air.

"Um…" Iruka blushed and tried to get it back.

"Sensei's girl?" Anko's eyes narrowed, "That little brat! My tits are WAY bigger than that!"

Iruka blushed and took the paper off her, before gathering the other bits of paper that had scattered themselves all over the floor.

Anko walked Iruka home, still mumbling about Konohamaru's diagram, whilst Iruka sweat dropped a lot, since other people could hear her every word. She kissed sweetly him before vanishing off for a mission or something and Iruka melted in her arms. He just wasn't in the mood for boring marking today, so he decided to go and meet Kakashi. Kakashi was sitting at the ramen stall again, man their ramen was just too tasty to resist!

"Iruka-kun! You're not doin' so bad with the votes are you?" Kakashi grinned, slurping his noodles, whilst Ayame leant over the counter and stroked his hair.

"Ah…Kakashi your doing miles better than me, you're definitely gonna be in it." Iruka replied, swirling the noodles around in the bowl.

Kakashi smiled, "Don't worry Iruka…eleven people will be in the calendar and only fifty people's names were entered…so-"

"Fifty!"

"Yeah…"

"That's great! That means I might actually lose!" Iruka yelled happily, swallowing all his noodles.

Kakashi, patted Iruka on the shoulder, "C'mon Iruka…We all know your gonna be in it, some people haven't any votes yet and with the amount of votes you've got…it puts you in second place."

Iruka left Kakashi, not sure whether to feel happy or sad, "Stupid calendar…I'm not good with this kinda stuff…"

Iruka was on the way home when someone hit him hard in the groin, "YAAAOWEEE!" Iruka screamed.

"Don't say such silly things Iruka-kun…" A muffled voice said from behind.

Iruka was crouched over, rubbing the painful area, but when he turned to yell at the person who'd attacked his sensitive bits, they had vanished.

"What the freakin' hell?" Iruka mumbled looking around, but no one was there.

"You alright?" Kakashi asked, running over to the hunched up Iruka.

"Yeah…did you see who did that…it really hurt!" Iruka mumbled standing up.

"Sorry, no…I only saw you looking…well kinda in pain…" Kakashi grinned, "Why would someone hit you there?"

"How the heck should I know? There are a lot of violent freaks out there I guess."

Kakashi patted Iruka on the shoulder, "You wanna come out for a drink tonight?"

Iruka bit his lip, deep in thought for a moment and then he happily replied, "Yeah okay."

All through the day after that strange incident, Iruka felt as though he was being watched.

Iruka was constantly looking behind or above, to make sure that no ninjas were following him to assassinate him or something like that, but there was always no one there.

Later that night Iruka and Kakashi sat happily at the bar, joined by Gai and Asuma.

"Yosh! Cheers to the wonderful women who are happily voting for us!" Gai said raising his beer jug into the air.

"Gai's got a few more votes coming, his team's mums are all gonna vote for him." Asuma chuckled, clinking his glass.

Kakashi grinned and clinked his glass also, "As you always say Gai…that's my rival!"

Iruka smiled and clinked his glass too, he'd been feeling uneasy all day, but now that he was with some friends, he was feeling a lot more comfortable.

The guys spent all night, drinking and chatting, singing and dancing.

"I feel like a beautiful butterfly," Gai mumbled waving his arms about.

"Too bad you don't look like one though!" Asuma laughed, drinking some more beer.

"Hmm…I'm feeling really hot…" Kakashi mumbled, taking his jacket and top off.

"Whoo! Life is gooooood!" Iruka giggled, swaying slightly.

Orochimaru entered the bar and sat down next to Iruka, "Having a nice guy's night out I see…" he said with that slightly eerie voice of his, "…I'm in that calendar competition too you know…haven't got any votes yet though…"

Iruka stared at the man before him, his drunken happiness draining away from him, Orochimaru was like fifty years old or something and Iruka doubted anyone wanted to see him naked.

"Kabuto has entered too and he's already got twenty-five votes…perhaps I should just pull out of the competition?"

Iruka smiled weakly, "Don't worry…you still got a few days of voting time…"

A severely drunken Gai patted Iruka on the back, "Yep…that's what you're always telling me!"

Orochimaru smiled, Iruka backed away from him a little, Orochimaru's mouth was just so unnaturally HUGE, it was freaky.

"Ah…Iruka-kun…" He said slowly, that freakish snake tongue flicking in and out of his mouth, "If only we all had bodies like you eh?"

Iruka spat his drink out, spraying it all over the counter, "Y-you wish you had my b-body?"

Iruka could feel cold sweat on his forehead, he had knowledge of Orochimaru's old plans, the ones where he went round stealing other people's bodies.

Orochimaru laughed enthusiastically at Iruka's shocked expression, as if reading his mind. "Ah…don't worry Iruka-kun…I only meant that your body is nice…it's a friendly compliment.

Iruka blushed and decided it was about time he went home, besides…Orochimaru was creeping him out. So Iruka said his goodbyes and left the other guys happily getting more and more drunk. He wondered where Anko was and what she was doing, he knew some of her missions were very dangerous and he couldn't help but worry a little.

Iruka looked up into the sky, "Hey Anko-sama…" he grinned and whispered, "I'm thinking about you…I wondering you're doing the same…"

When Iruka got home, he realised his apartment had been broken into, but nothing was missing except strangely his toothbrush, pillow and some of his favourite tighty whitie undies. It was quite hot that night, so Iruka had gone to bed naked. "Hmm…maybe a tramp broke in…" Iruka thought to himself, as he fell asleep. Iruka was pleasantly dreaming about Anko marrying him, but then their marriage turned into a game of strip poker and everyone was running around naked on the bridge.

Iruka woke up thinking that this was one of funniest dreams he'd ever had and he got up to get himself a glass of water. The water was pleasantly cold and greatly refreshing. Iruka looked at the clock, 4am…much to early for him to completely get up, so he decided to go back to bed again. Just as he was closing his eyes in bed, his ninja senses told him that someone was watching him. Iruka pretended to be asleep for a few seconds and then he suddenly shot bolt upright, his eyes scanning the room.

A small figure was at the window. Iruka ran over to the window and yanked it open, but no one was there.

"Damn it…they must have got away…" Iruka mumbled to himself.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" A muffled voice said from behind the startled Iruka.

Iruka spun round and was faced with a hooded figure.

"Who-who the hell are you?"

The figure's hands slowly reached up to pull down the hood, Iruka gasped and backed up against the wall.

The figure cackled, "Hmm…Iruka-kun…looks like I've got you naked in front of me and we didn't even have to play strip poker…"

"N-no…" Iruka mumbled fearfully, and remembering his nudity covered his bits with his hands, as the figure advanced, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"