Forget Poker! Stalker Strips!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Iruka screamed, his hands cupped around his privates as he backed up against the wall.

"Look…Iruka-kun…I'm not gonna hurt you…don't be like that."

Iruka slid his back down the wall and stared at the freakish man in front of him, "No, you look, Orochimaru you…"

Iruka shrieked as Orochimaru lunged forwards and crouched down so that their faces were inches away from each other.

"Ew…FREAK!" Iruka screamed, turning his head sideways, "Get out of my house!"

Orochimaru grinned, "You are so cute Iruka-kun!"

Iruka eyes turned to watch as Orochimaru broke into girlish giggles, "You're WAY cuter than stupid Kabuto!"

Iruka sweat dropped big time, "…Um…did you break up with him or something?"

Orochimaru stopped laughing, "No…he broke up with me, but who gives a shit eh? Especially when much tastier fish are in the sea…"

Iruka's eyes grew wide in fear as Orochimaru's huge wet tongue slithered out and made its way towards him.

"Want to French kiss…Iruka-kun?" He said creepily.

"EW! GETTAWAY!" Iruka screamed, pushing the snake man away and running past him into the living room.

"Iruka-kuuuuun!" Orochimaru whined, "Come on! I've been watching you all this time…your always kissing that Anko woman…kiss me!"

Iruka had grabbed his dressing gown on the way out and he had put it on quickly, before turning to face Orochimaru.

"You! I-It was YOU!" Iruka hissed angrily, "YOU were following me around all day!"

"Yeah…" Orochimaru admitted happily, approaching Iruka slowly, "It was fun!"

"Was it you who hit me as well? Near the ramen place!"

Orochimaru grinned, a very lewd expression on his face, "Iruka-kun…I didn't hit you…I just gave your thingy a quick little hug that's all…"

"YOU FREAKIN' PERVERT!" Iruka screamed, throwing the armchair cushions furiously at him, "EW! You are such a BLOODY FREAK OF NATURE!"

Orochimaru knocked all the cushions out of the way, "Iruka-kun…please…don't call me names…"

Iruka glanced at the door, maybe he could make a run for it? There wasn't much point in fighting, Iruka was only a chuunin, but Orochimaru…he was one of the legendary sannin!

"Iruka-kun…" Orochimaru whispered, he was supposedly trying to be seductive, with his tongue flicking around madly.

"Ew!" Iruka screamed again, making a run for the front door.

BA-DUMPF!

Iruka felt something wet and slimy grab his ankle and he fell forwards, his chin painfully slamming against the floor.

"Iruka-kun, here I come!" Orochimaru said excitedly.

"W-What the?" Iruka mumbled as he turned around to see Orochimaru, stripping off.

"Oh SHIT!" Iruka yelled, crawling away, but Orochimaru's tongue was still wrapped tightly around his leg and it was actually slowly edging its way UP his leg.

Iruka shivered violently, as he struggled to get away from Orochimaru, who was just cackling madly.

"IRUKA-BABY!" An angel from heaven screamed, from somewhere in the room.

"Anko?" Iruka said, turning around, "Oh Thank God! Anko!"

"Orochimaru you bastard! Get your tongue off MY MAN!" Anko yelled, running over to the sweat drenched Iruka.

"Huh!" Orochimaru mumbled, letting his tongue slide slowly back into his mouth and picking his cape up off the floor, "Stupid woman…you've ruined this night…but next time…"

Orochimaru looked into Iruka's eyes and winked, making him get unpleasant shivers up and down his back, "…next time…we'll have lots of fun, eh Iruka-kun?"

As Orochimaru turned and disappeared out of the window, Iruka smacked his head against the floor, exhausted and utterly freaked out.

"Iruka-baby? I came by after my mission to check on you, but…" Anko asked worriedly, wiping the sweaty strands of hair out of his face, "…are you alright?"

Iruka sat up slowly, "Anko-sama…thank you SO much…if you didn't turn up then…"

Anko hugged her shaking boyfriend and rocked him gently as if he was a little kid who'd just had a bad dream.

"Don't worry Iruka-baby…I won't let that freak anywhere near you, don't worry…"

Iruka let Anko guide him back to his bed and tuck him in.

"I love you Iruka-baby…" Anko said softly stroking his hair as she sat at the edge of the bed, "…sweet dreams…"

Iruka mumbled, "I love you too Anko-sama…" his eyelids were feeling extremely heavy and Anko's face went blurry.

Anko kept on stroking Iruka's hair until he fell asleep, then she suddenly winced in pain at a wound in her side and she slumped slowly to the floor and fell unconscious.

"Ugh…" Iruka mumbled, waking up and rubbing his sore head.

As he steeped out of bed, he felt something warm and soft underfoot, "W-what…"

"Iruka-baby…please get your foot out of my tits!" Anko gasped from the floor.

"Anko-sama!" Iruka said, quickly lifted Anko into a sitting position, "Have you slept on the floor all night?"

Anko grinned, "I couldn't sleep, you were snoring…but in a really cute way…"

Now that Iruka was awake and alert, he immediately noticed the wound in her left side, "Anko-sama! You're hurt?…was it from your mission?"

Anko winced as Iruka lifted her up and into his bed.

"I'm fine…really!" Anko mumbled cheerily as Iruka carefully took her top off, "You're gonna be late for work if you don't hurry up!"

Iruka frowned, "Anko-sama…this could get infected if you leave it like that…"

Anko scratched her head and giggled, "Really Iruka-baby…I'm fine…I'll do it myself…"

Anko's eyes widened and then closed, as Iruka pressed his tender lips against hers, all the other times Anko had been the one to kiss him, but now it was the other way round, Anko was enjoying it a lot more.

"Mmm…mmm…" Anko murmured as Iruka pulled away.

Iruka grinned, a really cute childish grin and went of to find his first aid kit. He quickly phoned the academy and told the person on the phone that he couldn't make it to work today and that they'd have to find a substitute for his class. Returning to tend to Anko's wound, Anko watched him, her heart filling up with much joy, as Iruka very carefully, cleaned and bandaged the injury.

"Iruka-sama…I know I've told you so many times already…but I love you…" Anko said breathlessly, hugging Iruka quickly, making the roll of bandages fall to the floor unravelling in a similar way that loo rolls do.

"Anko-sama…" Iruka whispered, embracing her warmly, "I love you…and I love it every time you say those words…"

a beautifully passionate kiss, then took place, with the couples hands sliding up and down everywhere.

"Damn it!" A voice known as Orochimaru's quietly hissed from outside the window, "If only I could get him to do that to me!"

Orochimaru disappeared feeling severely pissed, probably off to drown himself in sake, or to plot some sneaky ways win Iruka over, but anyways Anko and Iruka were smooching the hell out of each other for quite a long time.

Then Anko broke away and said breathlessly, "Iruka…why'd you call in to say that you couldn't go to work today?"

Iruka nuzzled his face into her sweet perfume smelling hair, "…'cause I'm spending the day with you silly."

Iruka and Anko showered together, giggling cutely as they tickled each other, they ate breakfast together, Iruka made pancakes. Anko took one bite and the delicious sweetness of the pancake and it electrified her taste buds.

"Oh Iruka! This is delicious!" she squealed and began devouring the plate hungrily.

Iruka smiled and ate his, he'd especially made an effort for the one he loved, normally he would've lazily poured himself some cereal and that would be what he ate day after day.

Iruka and Anko went to the local fair and had fun eating fresh squid balls and playing quaint stall games.

"Ooh! I want that dolphin teddy!" Anko squealed as Iruka focused at the stack of bottles and then he wound his arm up and threw the ball he was hold with immense strength.

"Ompf!" The man behind the countered said, as the ball hit him painfully in the stomach.

"Oops…sorry…" Iruka mumbled, going red and picking another ball up.

Anko giggled and hugged Iruka excitedly as the ball knocked down all the bottles this time. The man handed Anko a really cute little dolphin teddy and Anko stared at it happily.

"Every time I look at this dolphin…I'll think of you…and I'll call him Lil Iruka!" Anko squealed, hugging the teddy into her chest. Iruka blushed and rubbed the back of his head as Anko kissed the stuffed animal and then grabbed Iruka's hand.

"Ooh!" Anko squealed excitedly, "I wanna win something for you!" Anko paid the man behind the stall and grabbed a ball, a very determined look on her face.

"Go ball!" She screamed as she threw it in an over arm swing, with a scary amount of strength.

"Aiiiiiiii!" The man behind the counter yelled as the ball collided with his lower area.

"Oops…" Anko mumbled, grabbing another ball, "…guess I didn't aim quite right…"

"OW!" Orochimaru said from beside Iruka, Anko had realised that he'd slithered up to her boyfriend and she'd purposely directed this ball towards his groin.

Orochimaru bent over, "Y-You violent little-"

"Shut up snake freak and go away!" Anko yelled at his and quickly pulled Iruka away.

"Ew…" Iruka mumbled worriedly, "Why's he coming after me?"

"…I dunno…maybe it's 'cause you're so damn sexy…" Anko joked, clutching Lil Iruka in one hand and Iruka's arm in the other.

Iruka blushed and turned around, Orochimaru was staring at them, his eyes narrowed and his expression far from friendly.

"Maybe…" Iruka thought for a moment, "…maybe he's just trying to get back at Kabuto?"

"Kabuto?" Anko stopped outside another stall, "Did they break up?"

"Yeah…Orochimaru told me he didn't care…but y'know…he could be doin' this all to get at Kabuto or something…" Iruka mumbled paying the woman behind the stall.

Anko took a ball and aimed it at a coconut, pretending it was Orochimaru's nuts instead.

"It's strange…but it does make sense…" Anko threw the ball dead accurately at the coconut, "…maybe we should try and get them back together? After all…they were an item for a very long time…"

Iruka scratched his head, "…you really think we should help him?"

Anko smiled, "…pick a teddy Iruka…"

"Um…how about that little purple bear…the fur's kinda like your hair…" Iruka gentle took the little teddy, "I'll call her Mini Anko, eh?"

Iruka stared at the teddy for a moment, but then he realised Anko hadn't answered his question, "…Um…Anko-sama…you seriously think helping Orochimaru is a good idea?"

Anko smiled and whispered into Iruka's ear, "…well unless you want Orochimaru chasing after you like a blood hound…then I think it's a great idea!"

Iruka stood stiffly, "Yeah…let's go find Kabuto."

Anko leaned against Iruka's warm side, as he scanned the area for any sign of Kabuto…or Orochimaru, he still felt like he was being watched by him somewhere. Iruka and Anko wandered around Konoha looking for Kabuto, but he just wasn't around.

"Maybe we should give up for today, eh?" Iruka mumbled sadly.

"No way!" Anko replied, dragging Iruka through the streets.

"Anko-sama…" Iruka protested, as it felt like Anko was tearing his arm off, "…I-"

"Kabuto!" Anko said triumphantly, pointing at the spectacled ninja, who was just wandering out of the flower shop.

Kabuto had a dazed look on his face and the flowers he'd purchased looked very expensive.

Anko gasped, "He split up with Orochimaru, 'cause he's found someone else!"

"Who?" Iruka asked curiously, as Anko dragged him behind a wall, so that Kabuto wouldn't know they were following him.

"That's what we've got to find out…looks like he's going on a date, so if we follow him, we'll find his new woman…or man…"

Iruka sighed heavily as Anko dragged him behind walls and into alleyways in pursuit of Kabuto. Kabuto was humming cheerily as he walked, he stopped by a sweet shop to buy a huge box of candy and he also stopped by the bookstore to pick up some very naughty looking magazines.

"Ew…what kind of date involves such disgusting magazines!" Iruka asked from behind a determined Anko.

"A very perverted date…that's what." Anko mumbled, dashing quickly after Kabuto as he headed towards the Hokage's place.


Hi thanks for the reviews and stuff! Keep em coming!

Poor Iruka, eh? Damn I can be so cruel

heheheheheheh...cough...sorry bout that.

Anyways More Reviews! Bye!