The Joker In Poker

Wanko dived at Iruka, who coughed in his attempt to stop laughing, the kunais collided and the sisters struggled against each other.

"No one takes the piss out of my name and gets away with it!" Wanko screeched, pressing her kunai forwards.

Anko smirked and jumped out of her way, "…You'll have to kill everyone then, 'cause anyone who hears your name takes the piss out of it anyways!"

Wanko growled and a massive vein pulsed madly on her forehead, "I never did like you Onee-chan!"

"The feelings mutual!" Anko muttered as their kunais locked again.

"Um…ladies…" Iruka said nervously, "Um…please stop fighting, you might get hurt…"

Wanko grinned, "Your man's right…lets settle this another way…"

The sisters put their kunais away and sat in the armchairs facing each other with a steely glare, as Iruka stood at the side unsure of what to do.

"Um…how 'bout you settle this some other time…it's getting kind of late…" Iruka mumbled uneasily as both women turned to stare at him.

"Fine!" Wanko said suddenly, "But I'll be back!"

Wanko cackled madly and then exited through a window.

"Damn it! I knew this day would come…" Anko muttered angrily, staring at the window.

"Um…" Iruka mumbled, patting Anko softly on the shoulder, "…well…um…"

"That stupid bitch…she's always been after me…when I was seven, she always beat up my friends for laughing at her name and when I beat her up, she would tell our parents and I would get done…" Anko closed her eyes deep in thought, "…I haven't seen her in like nine years, but the last time she visited…heh…Ibiki chased her away for me…"

"Ibiki?" Iruka asked curiously.

"Yeah…Ibiki and me dated a couple of times and…" Anko looked at Iruka who was trying to fight off a hint of jealousy, "…Well my sister's always trying to mess up my life some way or another, so she tried to steal Ibiki and well…"

Anko started giggled really girlishly, "Ibiki…showed her his head and all those scars on it…she freaked and ran away!"

Iruka grinned, "Wow…I've never actually seen his head, but it must have been scary!"

The couple laughed for a few minutes, then they kissed for a few minutes and then they fell asleep in each other's arms. The next few days went on as normal, with no more strange or unusual events. Konohamaru whined as usual in class, moaning that Ebisu the 'glasses teacher' had been sent in his place when he was absent.

"The glasses teacher is a closet pervert, that's what Naruto tells me!" Konohamaru announced proudly, "He's a really crappy teacher too!"

Iruka threw a board duster at Konohamaru's head and told him not to disrespect his elders, but Konohamaru just giggled and mumbled something about not respecting elders at all.

By the time it was Tuesday, everyone on the calendar voting board had at least one vote, Kakashi now had an amazing five hundred and twelve votes and Iruka was still in second place with a nice two hundred and eighty-nine votes.

"Hmm…I'm not doing so bad anymore!" Gai said happily from Iruka's side, "I now have ninety-nine votes!"

Iruka smiled pitifully, having only ninety-nine votes put Gai in twentieth place.

"Have a nice day!" Gai said, before cheerily disappearing.

Iruka made his way home quickly, he wanted to shower before he went on his date with Anko today. Just as Iruka was leaving his apartment, twenty minutes before his date, Kakashi appeared.

"Yo Iruka-kun!" Kakashi said happily, "Want to hang out tonight?"

"Um…gomen Kakashi…I've got a date…"

"Oh…" Kakashi said sadly turning away.

Iruka racked his brains for something that might cheer his friend up, "Um…Kakashi-kun, why don't you get Ayame and we can double date?"

Kakashi avoided Iruka's eyes for a moment and then he sadly mumbled, "Ayame broke up with me…"

Iruka walked up to the miserable Kakashi and patted him on the shoulders.

"What happened?" Iruka asked softly.

"She…well…put it this way…Ayame said I was paying too much attention to my 'Icha Icha Paradise' book and that her Dad didn't want us seeing each other anymore 'cause of the age gap between us…"

Iruka gently squeezed Kakashi's drooping shoulder, "Don't worry, eh? There are plenty more fish in the sea…" Iruka's eyes lit up enthusiastically, "…and since you helped me and Anko get together…I'll help you find a much better girl!"

Kakashi's eyes watered slightly and he grabbed Iruka in a great manly hug, "Arigato Iruka-kun!"

Iruka looked at his watch, "Um…Kakashi, I've got to go…Anko's waiting for me…"

Kakashi smiled, "I understand…go and be with you're woman Iruka…Bye!"

Iruka frowned, Kakashi's smile was a forced one, and he'd probably go off and drown himself in sake or something now.

"Kakashi-kun!" Iruka called after Kakashi who turned around immediately, "Um…why don't you tag along on my date, eh?"

"Really?" Kakashi asked cutely, "You don't mind?"

"Of course not!" Iruka lied.

And so Iruka and Kakashi went to meet a very prettied up Anko who stood waiting on the bridge.

"Iruka-baby!" She squealed throwing her arms around him when he arrived, "Um…hi Kakashi…"

Iruka quickly explained about Kakashi's situation and Anko smiled and grabbed both men by the arm, "Let's go on our date then!"

Iruka, Anko and Kakashi went to a restaurant first, it was quite full today. Kurenai and Asuma could be seen staring lovingly into each other's eyes at the back, Orochimaru and an annoyed Kabuto were there too and so were Izumo and Kotetsu.

"Oi! Anko! This is YOUR fault!" Kotetsu hissed as they walked past to get to the table next to them.

"Whatever do you mean?" Anko said innocently, as Kakashi looked confused from Kotetsu to Anko and then settling his gaze on Izumo who sliding his leg up against Kotetsu's.

"YOU put funny ideas in Izumo's head! Now he thinks were a couple!" Kotetsu said, quiet enough, so that the dazed Izumo would not hear, "Now he keeps on making me go out with him and if I say no…he cries!"

Izumo slid his foot, way up Kotetsu's leg and Kotetsu blushed, as Anko giggled nervously.

"Aiii!" Kotetsu screamed, "Izumo quit it will you!"

Izumo recoiled and turned his head away his eyes watering, "Y-You…hate me!"

"N-No!" Kotetsu whined exasperated and then he turned to Anko, "You've got to fix this!"

Anko, Iruka and Kakashi sat down and Iruka filled Kakashi in on the other day's events with Orochimaru and Kabuto.

"Hmm…" Anko said, leaning on Iruka's shoulder, "You seem to be enjoying yourself though…I don't want to impose…"

"Anko…Kotetsu's straight, he can't cope with Izumo being that way…" Iruka whispered.

"Hmm…looks can be deceiving…" Anko said quietly, "…but Izumo is acting a teeny bit odd though…"

Anko, Iruka, Kakashi then watched with great interest as Kotetsu went over to the sobbing Izumo and patted him on the back, since his crying had got louder and louder.

"Aww…C'mon Izumo-kun…You know I didn't mean to upset you…"

Izumo looked up, "I know…but…I can't help myself…there's this overwhelming force making me wanna…"

"Wanna what?" Kotetsu asked wiping Izumo's eyes with a cloth.

"…I wanna fuck you…"

Anko, Iruka, Kakashi and Kotetsu gasped.

"A Ha! I know why! Gay jutsu!" Anko said walking over to Kabuto, who was a few tables in front.

"G-Gay jutsu!" Kakashi sniggered behind his mask.

"Hey, hey…it's bad enough that I've to put up with you licking my neck all this time…but fuck me!" Kotetsu mumbled awkwardly.

Izumo grabbed Kotetsu by the waist and nuzzled his face into his stomach.

"Izumo…what the hell are you doing? Get some control over yourself! Kotetsu grumbled trying to remove his friend from him.

"Ooh! Kotetsu-kun!" Izumo cooed in a girly voice, "I love you!"

Anko smacked Kabuto over the back of the head.

"Ow! Bitch what was that for!" Kabuto yelled.

"OW!" Kabuto yelled again as Anko repeated her actions but harder.

"Hey Anko!" Orochimaru said angrily, "What do you think you're doing!"

Anko ignored Orochimaru and said to the annoyed Kabuto, "Take that gay jutsu off Izumo!"

Kabuto rubbed his head and grinned, "Oh yeah…I forgot about that!"

Kabuto went over to Izumo, who was feeling up Kotetsu's nice firm ass.

"Release horny jutsu!" Kabuto said forming some hand seals.

"Horny jutsu?" Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"Yep…there's no such thing as a gay jutsu stupid!" Kabuto smirked.

Kakashi blinked, "But that means…"

"Izumo's really gay…" Kotetsu finished his sentence.

Izumo looked up at everyone and blushed.

"Heh…you were a great kisser." Kabuto said airily.

"Y-You…" Izumo mumbled, with his fist clenched, "…You were an AWFUL kisser…you drooled and your tongue's like sandpaper!"

Other people in the restaurant turned to stare, Kabuto turned crimson, "Why you!"

But before Kabuto could unleash another freakish jutsu, Orochimaru came over and wound his tongue around Kabuto's head, covering the mouth.

"Come on Kabuto-kun…lets go home and play!" Orochimaru said happily.

"Mfmfuckmshitmm!" Kabuto mumbled under Orochimaru's fat wet tongue as he was dragged out of the restaurant.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Hmm…poor Kabuto…" Kakashi mumbled as he tucked into the food that had just arrived.

"S-So you're really gay?" Kotetsu mumbled swirling his food around in its bowl.

"Yeah…um sorry I threw myself on you…you know…tried to kiss you and stuff…" Izumo said sadly looking down.

Kotetsu grinned and whispered, "You know…I actually kind of liked that…"

The two men grinned naughtily at each other and then Kotetsu paid the bill and they left pretty quickly.

Anko smiled, as she watched Kotetsu grab Izumo's hand as they left, maybe she should consider being a matchmaker?

Anko and Iruka cutely fed each other their dinner, whilst Kakashi just hungrily shovelled it all in.

"Hmm…" Kakashi said sadly, "…Ayame used to feed me…"

Anko wiped Iruka's mouth with a napkin and then she smiled, "Kakashi-kun…please look on the bright side…now you're free for all the other girls in the world."

Iruka added softly, "You've got so many votes on the scoreboard…the women love you Kakashi."

The three left the restaurant and decided to stop by the pub instead, Genma and Gekkou were there.

"Hey guys!" Genma said raising a beer jug. Gekkou smiled and gestured to the seats nearby.

"Hi…" Kakashi mumbled, sitting down next to Genma, "…I feel like a gallon of sake today.

"Woah…Kakashi!" Genma exclaimed, "Too much sake does funny thing to your bladder y'know…"

Anko sat on Iruka's lap next to Gekkou and Iruka and Gekkou started a conversation about their favourite beer brands.

Anko snuggled into Iruka's chest, sipping her sake every now and then. Kakashi really was drinking a gallon of sake, Genma stopped him after his twentieth glass, but Kakashi batted him away like a fly.

"Oi! Oi! Kakashi-kun!" Genma screamed, snatching his sake away, "Sake is strong stuff…you don't want to over do it…why not have some beer instead?"

The next thing that happened, was that Kakashi turned to Genma and started snogging him, Kakashi was really strong so Genma couldn't actually get away.

"Mmpf! Helmmpf!" He mumbled under Kakashi's drunken lips.

"Oh 'cough' shit!" Gekkou said pulling at Kakashi's arms, which were wrapped tightly around the struggling Genma.

"Kakashi!" Iruka screamed, running over to help, "Let go Kakashi!"

Anko sighed and rubbed her head thoughtfully, Kakashi must be more depressed then she thought.

Kakashi was really into the kiss, he pressed against Genma and slid his arms down towards Genma's ass.

"KAKASHI! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Iruka screamed, smacking Kakashi in the face.

Kakashi opened his eyes and blinked a few times while, Genma gagged and spat, with Gekkou patting him sympathetically on the back.

"I'm so fucking lonely…" Kakashi mumbled, before falling unconscious on the floor.

Iruka ran to get a cold wet cloth and Anko crouched over and gently said, "Kakashi-kun? Kakashi…wake up."

Genma was scraping his tongue with a napkin whilst Gekkou joked, "You looked like you were having fun!"

Genma then smacked Gekkou over the head with his napkin and grumbled, "Eugh…I can still taste him…I am so gonna kick his ass when he comes to!"

Genma then started scraping his tongue with his trusty toothpick instead.

"Kakashi?" Iruka said worriedly, placing a wet cloth over his forehead.

Anko was now handing Genma some glasses of water so he could gargle, Kakashi opened his eyes wearily.

"Iruka?" He mumbled, "…I really miss Ayame…"

Iruka patted Kakashi on the shoulder, "…Eh? Kakashi-kun…um forget her, I told you we'd find you a better girl…"

"Okay…" Kakashi croaked, before falling unconscious again.

Iruka leaned Kakashi in a sitting position against the wall and then sat in the stool above. Genma was still gargling noisily, with Gekkou laughing at the side.

"Is he okay, Iruka-baby?" Anko asked softly.

"Yeah…I think so…"

"Damn it! He is so dead! I'm gonna beat him to a pulp!" Genma ranted, putting his toothpick back into the corner of his mouth.

"Hmm…'cough' you sure you didn't enjoy it?" Gekkou mocked for the tenth time.

Iruka kept glancing at Kakashi worriedly, but he was still unconscious, slumped to one side and cutely drooling. Iruka was glancing at Kakashi again when he noticed something else instead. Some one had just entered the pub and they looked like they were looking for trouble.

"Oh Shit!" Iruka yelled, trying to get the attention of the others, as a joker card flew towards him and embedded itself in the bar counter.