A/N Gomenasai for taking years to update!
Been soooooo drowned in college work and for the record i can't swim! I've finally updated! Yay! Enjoy!
Oh yeah Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Duh!
Date Me
"Aah…Iruka-kun…" Orochimaru whispered eerily, "…heh, heh, you've come for a visit?…"
"Um…no." Iruka said awkwardly walking in front of Orochimaru.
The room was rather small and had no windows, since the building was underground.
Orochimaru was slumped over in his chair, he was hand cuffed, but that didn't make Iruka feel any safer.
"Um…did you start the fire?" Iruka asked uneasily as Orochimaru licked his lips and looked up.
"No."
"Um…but Gai said…"
"Heh…that caveman…he doesn't know shit."
Iruka scratched his head, or so he tried, with his big-bandaged fingers, "Do you know anything about the fire?"
"Yes."
"Um…what?"
"I'll tell you…"
"Yes?"
Orochimaru stood up and startled Iruka, "I'll tell you if…"
"Wh-what?" Iruka mumbled backing up against the wall as Orochimaru walked closer.
"…date me…"
Iruka blinked, "D-Date you!"
"Either that…or I could just go right ahead and fuck you…"
Iruka nearly fainted, but then something happened.
Anko burst through the door and smacked Orochimaru over the head with his chair.
"Iruka-baby, I heard everything! You poor baby…" Anko cooed, hugging Iruka.
"Go on the date." Tsunade ordered.
"WHAT!" Anko and Iruka screamed at the same time.
"Go on the date!"
"B-But…" Iruka babbled like an idiot, he couldn't find any other words, "B-But!"
"Tsunade!" Anko growled, "You said Iruka-baby only had to question him! Now he has to date him! Can't you just torture him for answers?"
Tsunade coughed, "Kalita has been torturing Kabuto for hours and he's still said nothing…I think the date is a nice idea…it'll get answers won't it?"
"Ooh yes! Yes!" Orochimaru said gleefully.
"Okay…Iruka you'll date Orochimaru and he'll give you some answers…Gai will follow you on your date just in case…and Anko, Kakashi…you will interrogate Kabuto…after he regains consciousness…" Tsunade ordered, before turning on her heel and leaving.
"B-But…"Iruka mumbled, as Gai came in and took Orochimaru and him out of the room.
Anko was snarling.
"Um…" Kakashi mumbled, "Shouldn't we go see Kabuto now?"
"FINE!" Anko roared stomping out of the room, Kakashi keeping a safe distance followed.
Kabuto was slumped against a wall, with Kalita standing over him. Scythe was in the room too, sweat dropping as Kalita screamed, "Talk! Talk! TALK!"
Kabuto rolled onto the floor and grunted, "I'm never speaking to you ever again…you made that woman break my dick with a kunai!"
"Heh! You deserved that you disgrace to the family!" Kalita yelled kicking Kabuto in the head.
Kakashi bumped into Anko as they entered the room.
"Oh…my…God…" Anko said, frozen in the doorway.
"What?" Kakashi asked, as he slid past her and into the room.
"S-She killed him!"
"Oh shit!" Kakashi said dashing over to Kalita and pulling her back.
"Oi! Bastard! Let go!" Kalita shrieked, she was quite enjoying beating her brother to pulp.
Kakashi turned her around to face him.
"Oh it's you…dick head." Kalita hissed.
"Arigato." Kakashi said breathlessly, staring at Kalita, who without her mask was showing her beautifully furious face.
"Grr…" Kalita turned psycho and kneed Kakashi in the privates.
"Oompf!" Kakashi grumbled, releasing Kalita and dropping to his knees.
"Kakashi? Are you okay?" Anko asked worriedly and then turning to Kalita, "What the HELL is WRONG with you!"
"Heh! Never interrupt an ANBU in the middle of work!" Kalita snarled, putting her mask on and leaving the room.
"Um…sorry." Scythe mumbled, putting his mask on and quickly following Kalita.
"Damn it that's smarts!" Kakashi said, standing up.
Anko walked over to Kabuto's limp body and nervously poked it.
"Ow…" Kabuto groaned, his face in the shadows, turned away from her.
"Um…are you okay?" Anko said kindly.
"What does it look like bitch!" Kabuto grumbled.
"Why you!" Anko yelled, smacking Kabuto in the head.
"Um… let me take care of this…" Kakashi said helpfully leaning Kabuto in a sitting position against the wall.
Anko screamed and ran out of the room, Kabuto's face was a bloody mess and one cheek was severely swollen.
"Whoa!" Kakashi said surveying the 'torture' Kabuto had just endured from his sister.
"Heh…you think I'm gonna talk?" Kabuto said cockily.
"Well…if you don't…I might have to bring Kalita back."
"Heh…I don't give a shit…life's not worth living anymore." Kabuto said trying to smirk, but the pain made him whimper instead.
"Look…if you tell me your problem…I'll personally help you."
Kabuto eyes watered and tears mixed with the blood, "Fuck you…I don't want your help…"
Kabuto passed out and Kakashi sighed.
Kakashi left Kabuto and his heart stopped as he realised someone was coming towards him.
"A-Ayame?"
Ayame walked straight past Kakashi and into the room where Kabuto was lying half-dead.
"A-Ayame…"
Anko patted Kakashi on the shoulder sympathetically, "Forget about her Kakashi…"
"But why's she here?" Kakashi asked sadly, for a second then, he'd thought Ayame had come to make up with him.
"She's a medic ninja now." Tsunade said from behind Kakashi, "She's sick of just serving ramen you see."
"Oh." Kakashi said even more sadly and then turned to stare at the doorway in which Ayame had just vanished through.
Meanwhile, Iruka was in hell on his 'date'…at the park.
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Iruka screamed, as Orochimaru leaned over in a crude attempt to kiss him again.
"Stop your actions!" Gai yelled, standing in between Iruka and Orochimaru.
Orochimaru grimaced at Gai and then he backed away grumpily.
"This date isn't any fun…" Orochimaru whined, "Push me!"
Orochimaru jiggled the swing furiously and Iruka sweat dropped, he was no more than a crazy perverted child.
"I will assist!" Gai said proudly grabbing Iruka and Orochimaru's swing.
"No w-wait!" Iruka mumbled as Gai thrust their swings forward.
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!" screamed Orochimaru as the swings shot forwards and ejected him and Iruka twelve feet into the air.
"No-no-NO!" Iruka landed SMACK face first into the ground and Orochimaru back flipped in the air and landed next to him.
"Oops." Gai mumbled, as the swings jerked violently on its frame.
"Oh Iruka-kun!" Orochimaru squealed, throwing himself onto Iruka, "Oh you poor dear!"
Iruka struggled under the snake man's weight and squirmed desperately as his slimy tongue edged out of his mouth and towards Iruka's face.
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Iruka screamed again.
"Cease and Desist!" Gai bellowed grabbing Orochimaru and flinging him into a brick wall.
Iruka sat up, "We're never gonna get him to talk."
"Hm…" Gai ran his fingers through his giant round hair, "…perhaps there is another way?"
When Orochimaru came to and peeled himself angrily off the wall, he turned around and shrieked.
"HOLY SHIT!" He screamed, "HOLY! HOLY SHIT! OH! MY! GAWD!"
Gai frowned and said in a squeaky voice, "What? Orochimaru-kun…don't you want to date me?"
Orochimaru closed his eyes, "I don't even want to LOOK at you!"
Iruka chuckled from behind Gai.
Gai had dressed himself up in a huge green frock and a flowery straw hat. He'd even applied a thick layer of Barbie doll style make-up too.
"Oh Oro-sama!" Gai squealed in a so-called girly voice, "Oro-sama! Date me! Date me! I'm much more sexier then Iruka-kun!"
Orochimaru turned around and threw up all over the floor, when he'd finally stopped gagging, he grumbled, "I'll talk if you change back to a man…"
Gai did his nice guy pose and said, "Success!" However, considering he was in a dress with ten tons of make-up, all this action did was permanently scar Iruka and Orochimaru's minds.
When Gai had finally made himself descent again, he, Iruka and Orochimaru, went to a pub to discuss the fire.
"Well…" Orochimaru said glumly, "I WANTED to set fire to the calendar competition board…'cause I was in last place…"
"Aha! So it WAS you!" Gai screamed.
"No! It was Kabuto!" Orochimaru grumbled.
Iruka scratched his head, "Kabuto, why?"
"Well…I was pissed off that I was last place in the competition and so I wanted to set fire to it…but Kabuto told me not to…damn him! He was in tenth place!" Orochimaru drank all his sake in one huge gulp.
Orochimaru continued speaking, "So…we had a fight and I knocked his glasses off…I told him that I was breaking up with him…"
"YOU broke up with him this time!" Iruka asked curiously.
"Yes…and Kabuto wasn't happy, he tried to kill me! He said that needed me and if I left him he would make me his enemy…or some shit like that…" Orochimaru mumbled thoughtfully, "…anyway…Kabuto tried to attack me with his weird jutsus, but instead he ended up burning down the whole Hokage's place…what a blind little shit, thank gawd I broke up with him!"
Iruka sighed; Orochimaru and Kabuto were such weirdoes!
Please leave a reveiw and just in case i can't update as soon as i'd like to, please feel free to wander round my account's other fanfics! Bye! Pepsi Dragon x
Ps. Arigatou lots and lots for all those great people who reveiwed before!
