Lost Scroll, WTF Happened To The Calendar Thing?!

Disclaimer: I do not own, therefore I do not profit.

A/N: I'm vewy sowee for takin literally ages to update, I promise I will be better behaved as a writer and do less uni work and more FF stuff in the future…


Wind rushed at the running ninja and Kotetsu caught up from behind and flung several pointy weapons.

"Hand over that scroll!" Kotetsu demanded irritably.

"Hn." Was the reply, followed by an onslaught of kunai.

Kotetsu threw himself at the figure, Tsunade would be well pissed off if he let this random ninja steal the results to the Konoha Nude Calendar contest that she'd spent all night counting.

"Hand over the freaking scroll!" Kotetsu growled, pushing himself ahead and spinning around to face the stray ninja dressed completely in black, whom skidded to a halt.

"You little gay ninja." The feminine and somewhat familiar voice hissed, "I wasn't gonna waste my time kicking your ass, but now you're pushing it."

"Now you look here!" Kotetsu defended, "I might be gay, but I'm not LITTLE!"

Before Kotetsu could get another word in however, the angry ninja had swung her leg across his face knocking him backwards and pained into a bush. He heard her laugh and then rush off.

"Kotetsu!" He heard Iruka's approaching.

"I'm here!" He grumbled, crawling out of the bush, "The ninja, she's gone that way."

Anko frowned, "It's a She? What woman in her right mind would want to mess up this competition?"

"…" Iruka didn't say anything; after all he hadn't really wanted to be a part of this competition in the first place.

"Well anyway, we better get the scroll back." Anko snapped, dashing off.

Iruka sighed and followed, leaving Kotetsu happily resting under the trees. A fraction of a moment later however Kakashi showed up.

"Hey…" Kotetsu began.

"Yo." Kakashi said before disappearing after everyone else, looking a little shifty with a hand over his chest.

Kotetsu had a confused look plastered across his face when Gai showed up too, seconds after Kakashi, muttering "Where is the fiend?"

As Gai ran past, Kotetsu was sure Gai was clutching at his chest too and there was a strangely feminine bump there.

O.O Kotetsu blinked and Gai was gone.

"Hand over the scroll!" Anko demanded angrily.

The ninja in front sighed and stopped in her tracks. Anko and Iruka froze about five metres away and watched the mysterious ninja very carefully.

"Look. I'm only taking the scroll for the good of mankind." She growled, "You're not having it back."

"If you don't hand it over, I'll just have to kick your ass then!" Anko snorted and rushed forwards, hand seals forming quickly.

"Oh for freaking hells sake!" The other woman snarled, before brining out a long katana from her back.

Iruka just stood there frowning at the sight of a battle for a pitiful scroll. He pondered over the mysterious ninjas voice, he'd definitely heard it somewhere, but couldn't remember who it might be.

Poof, a snake shot out of Anko's palm and dived at the other ninja, but she hacked them in half. Poof, more snakes flung themselves at the ninja, but yet again she made sushi out of them.

"You're not the average ninja, eh?" Anko laughed.

"Duh, bitch."

Anko felt a vein surface angrily on her forehead and she sent a snake up the other ninjas pants. Success! The mysterious ninja dropped her guard and struggled to retrieve the snake, then Anko rushed forwards and aimed a punch at her masked face.

"Too slow!" The woman laughed flinging Anko's snake back at her.

Iruka had now sat down under a tree trunk, close to hitting his head on the tree, the fact that the voice was so familiar and yet he couldn't remember.

"The scroll!" Kakashi stated as he rushed onto the scene.

"Yes my cool rival! Th scr-"

Gai somehow lost balance and tumbled into Kakashi who in turn tripped over Iruka and all three lay sprawled unbecomingly on the grass.

"Ow!" Iruka muttered as Kakashi's womanly appendage whacked him in the face.

"Sorry."

"Ah. Bothersome breasts!" Gai mumbled embarrassedly, "They made me lose balance!"

"ARGGGGH!" Anko yelped as caught in the moment of distraction, the other ninja had ran into her and knocked her back and onto the pile of other ninja.

Upon noticing the fact that the mysterious thieving ninja was getting away, Kakashi was the quickest and poofed his way beside her, before putting out a foot that she tripped over.

"Ah!" She cried in surprise, feeling stupid that she could have fallen for such a stupid thing.

But before the ninja fell to the ground, Kakashi caught her in his arms. Everyone had question marks hovering around their faces.

"You should have let her fall!" Anko sighed.

"Ah! Clever Kakashi, my cool rival, you are a true gentleman!" Gai congratulated.

"Get off me!" Iruka gasped. (Gai's boobs were still touching Iruka's face.)

"Kalita?" Kakashi whispered, his hand reaching to pull of the black mask that covered her face and short silver hair.

"The fuck?" She snarled as the mask came off and her sweat covered angry face came into view.

"Kalita? From the ANBU?!?!" Anko and Gai sweatdropped greatly, whilst Iruka continued to struggle.

"Why did you steal the scroll?" Kakashi asked softly, as the ANBU member straightened up with a smirk plastered across her face.

"How did you know it was me dumbass? I put a jutsu on myself so that even if I talked, no one would recognise me, I covered up my hair and my face…" Kalita snorted, hand on the scroll in her pocket, making sure Kakashi couldn't take it from her.

Kakashi pulled Kalita towards him and pressed his lips against hers. Iruka, Anko and Gai now sat under the tree watched. And Gai shouted something about how love was absolutely beautiful.

"I didn't hear you're voice and I couldn't see your face…but I could smell your hot perfume." Kakashi replied with a grin.

Kalita realised Kakashi had his hand on the scroll and with a malicious grin she kicked him in the nuts.

"Oh…not cool my rival." Gai winced.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Anko growled and snatched the scroll off her.

Kalita snatched it back and they endured a short tug-o-war in which swears and insults about each others butts and how fat they were.

"No!" Iruka cried in an attempt to stop the fighting, though it mostly failed "Anko's butt is the most beautiful butt in the world!"

"Damn you!" Anko screeched as Kalita shoved her over and they engaged in a wrestling match of feminine doom.

"Bitch!" Kalita growled.

"Whore!"

"Slag!"

"Fat Whore!"

"Fat Slag!"

"ANBU Stink!"

"Iruka's ugly!"

"Iruka?" Anko slapped Kalita, "Don't you dare bring my Iruka darling into this!"

"Er hem." Kakashi coughed from beside them, having recovered from the assault on his privates, he held the open scroll in his hand.

"What?!" Anko and Kalita snapped in unision.

Iruka and Gai stood up for a closer look, only to realise that the scroll was completely blank.

"WHAT?!" Everyone apart from Kakashi screamed.

"Um…yeah, we've been after a blank scroll all along." Kakashi muttered, sticking a finger in his ear and rubbing it about in fear that he'd gone deaf.

Kalita sweatdropped, "I must have taken the wrong scroll…"

In the distance they all heard J-Pop blaring, and they remembered Orochimaru's party, Anko grabbed Iruka irritably and lead them towards his supposedly secret lair and Gai upon seeing Kakashi and Kalita caught in what he would call romantic moment, followed.

"So why did you steal the scroll in the first place?" Kakashi asked softly.

"Because I didn't fucking want you in it, okay?"

"What?" Kakashi laughed, "Am I really that ugly to you?"

"Idiot." Kalita snarled, "I don't want the rest of Konoha to see you're naked body."

"Hmmm?"

"Truth is bastard." Kalita smirked, bringing her face close to Kakashi's, "I want you all to myself…"

And thus she shoved him behind a tree and they did something…something which involved Kalita pulling out a kunai and ridding Kakashi of all his clothes in one action…only to be faced with a pair of boobs.

"OH MY GOD!!!" She screamed in disgust.

"Oh yeah…" Kakashi sighed depressively, "Oh yeah I forgot about those…"

"Grrr…"

Meanwhile at the party Orochimaru was sulking because no one had arrived yet. He stared longingly at the massive cake he had placed in the centre of the room and a tear slid from his reptilian eye.


TBC

I dunno what happened here…ah…gomenasai, it sorta sucked.

Hands out freshly baked chocolate chip cookies Take this if you like this ficcie, or if you just want the damn virtual cookie, but either way pleez leave a review of your thoughts. Ta.

Pepsi Dragon x