"I wouldn't have acted like that if it wasn't for dumb and dumber over here," I said gesturing to my brothers. "Especially seeing as Jasper was sending me lust left and right all evening."

"You were sending him feelings of lust all night?" Alice asked, giggling as we told our tale of what had happened that night. "And he actually fell for it?"

Jasper nodded. "And the best part is, by the time he figured it out, he was too busy laughing at Emmett to be angry with me."

"Believe me," I retorted, "I have plenty of time to make up for it."

"Is that a threat, Eddie-kins?" Emmett taunted me. "Wasn't ruining my shirt punishment enough?"

"Hey," Jasper said in my defense, "that was all Monica, man. Even though it was Edward's fault she got angry." He then proceeded to tell the story of how I had made Monica upset enough that she tried to throw a glass of beer in my face.

"Well, that explains why you smelled so bad when you came home," Rosalie said to her husband. "I'm glad you threw your shirt away. Yuck."

"Well, I wouldn't have smelled like beer if Edward hadn't made that girl mad."

"I wouldn't have needed to make that girl mad if you and Jasper would have let me stay home last night."

Emmett huffed and crossed his arms over his chest before mumbling, "Fine, Edward, you can stay home. But Jasper and I are going to make you miserable for ruining our fun."

"Leave me out of this one, Em," Jasper told our brother, holding his hands up in defense. "I don't need him to be more pissed at me."

XxXxXxX

I couldn't believe I had acted so rudely to those women – especially Monica. Sure, a week had passed, and they were most likely too intoxicated at the time to remember the encounter at all. But I should have been more patient as well as nicer to. And maybe Jasper's influence had swayed my decisions the slightest bit. In any case, I control my own actions, and I had been completely out of line.

I even considered trying to track the three woman down and apologize. That wouldn't have been too difficult to accomplish with my heightened senses. But I didn't think it would lessen my guilt any. I may gain a stalker out of it, though...

Knock, knock, knock.

Three sharp raps on my door pulled me out of reverie.

"Come in," I instructed, removing my headphones from my ears.

There was no response, no indication that whoever knocked was going to enter.

"Come in," I repeated and waited again.

Still, nothing.

"Oh, for the love of –" I rose from the floor and moved to the door, listening to the thoughts of those I called family.

The majority of my family – that is those who didn't keep up the human facade of a job – was gathered in the living room, enjoying a movie with Irina and Kate, who had stopped by for a visit. Esme was in the garden behind the house. Alice and Jasper were out hunting. No one was thinking of me. None of them gave any clue that they had knocked on my door. Everything was perfectly serene. That is, until I opened my door.

"What the hell?" I asked no one in particular.

A booming laugh came from the first floor, and I immediately knew exactly what "the hell" was.

"Yes, Emmett. This is very funny. I can't think of anything more hysterical than leave a big box of pornography in front of my door."

"I told you it was coming," was his reply. "You better be nice to those things, too. You now have every issue of Playboy ever made in your possession."

My bear-like brother was suddenly standing in my doorway behind his, erm, gift. I closed the door in his face, shutting out both Emmett and his big ol' box of fun. Then, I returned to my spot on the floor. Emmett, though, not being one to take a hint – or rather, being one to take a hint and completely disregard it – just opened the door again and invited himself in. He sat down, cross-legged, across from me and placed his disgusting cardboard box between us.

"Just take a look at it, little bro. I'd be willing to bet you enjoy it." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a gesture that would have been comical under different circumstances.

"No." I pushed the box closer to him.

He pushed it back. "Yes."

"Emmett," I sighed, "get out of my room."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Hey, all you had to do was ask. I can understand if you want a little privacy."

He lift his present to me behind.

I refused to even look at the box, let alone touch it. It stayed in the same location Emmett had placed it, taunting me. I threw a blanket over it, hoping it would keep me from noticing its presence. It didn't help – actually, it probably made me more aware that thing was there. I didn't have any interest in the contents of those magazines. I knew they were inappropriate, and I pointedly ignored their existence because of that. When I had been growing up, I was raised better that. My mother, as well as Esme, had taught me that women were to be respected. Because I found it quite difficult to respect a woman who exposed herself in that way, I refused to acknowledge that such a woman existed. They say ignorance is bliss, and that was as polite a response to the situation I could muster.

I was beginning to think that things couldn't get any worse, seeing as I had a box of pornography taunting me daily. But that is one thing I should have learned in my one hundred years: things can always get worse. A lot worse.

XxXxXxX

Approximately one week after Emmett had given me what I'm sure he thought was an amazing gift, there was a quiet knock at my door. My parents entered when I opened it, lounging on the the loveseat that sat against one wall of my room. I took a seat on the chair adjacent to them.

"Edward, we need to talk to you," Carlisle began. "I know that your brothers have set out, well, to make you more sexually aware. Though we don't necessarily agree with their efforts, Esme and I just wanted to make sure you were aware of what that means."

I cringed. A sex talk. Lovely.

"Carlisle, Esme, I know you both mean well. I appreciate your concern, but I'm certain I don't need to have this conversation with you. I feel I gained adequate information on this topic through my two years of medical school and through the sexual education classes I have had to endure in high school these past few decades."

"That's not what we were talking about, Edward," my father told me. "At least, not exactly."

Esme nodded before adding, "We know that you understand the basics. If you were human, you would be more than prepared. It's just, to put it bluntly, sex is different for vampires."

I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with my parents. Or that I was having this conversation at one-hundred-years-old. Wasn't this supposed to be something that you did when your child was a tenth of my age?

My parents – both of whom were usually very open and relaxed – seemed slightly uncomfortable. We sat there in a moment of awkward silence before Carlisle was brave enough to venture on. "Look, son, essentially, you have less to worry about as a vampire. There are no fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases – vampires are sterile in nearly every way. Plus, with your heightened senses, the experience is more...pleasurable."

I nodded numbly, face blank. My mind was processing the information, but my body refused to respond in in any way.

"It could be very dangerous if you tried to become...intimate with a human, though," Esme added after another short, miserable pause. "Our kind can become quite," she stopped again, searching for the word, "animalistic during times of intimacy. It would take an unbelievable amount of self-control to be able to resist a human's blood in that state."

"If you are ever tempted," Carlisle interjected, "it might be best to 'take matters into your own hands.'"

Again, we were quiet. The double meaning of Carlisle's comment slowly began to sink in. If it was possible for me to blush I would have been the color of a fire engine at that moment. Esme shifted to rest her head on Carlisle's shoulder while my father drummed his fingers nervously on the arm of the loveseat. Finally, I spoke.

"Is there, uh, anything else I should know?" The both shook their heads 'no'. "Well, erm, thank you for sharing that information with me. It was...most helpful."

If you ever want to talk, came my father's thoughts, you know where you can find me.

I nodded once, showing him I understood, and my parents rose to leave. They were nearly to the door when the blanket-covered box caught Carlisle's eye. He froze mid-step and looked at it curiously.

Upon reading his inquiring thoughts, I explained, "It's just a box of old magazines that Emmett gave me. I have no interest in them, but he won't take them back." None of it was a lie, a fact about which I very proud.

"Maybe I could take them to the hospital," Carlisle suggested. "The waiting rooms are in need of some new reading material."

I shifted, weary. "I'm not sure that would be the best idea, Carlisle."

"Mind if we take a look anyway?" my mother asked.

I couldn't tell them no. I knew they wouldn't pry if I asked them to drop the subject, but I wasn't particularly fond of being dishonest to my family. So instead of doing the intelligent thing and saying it was nothing, I nodded.

Carlisle lifted the blanket of the box and Esme whispered a faint, "Oh my..." upon seeing the name of the magazine. My father chuckled before replacing the cover.

"It would seem you didn't need that talk after all," Carlisle told me, with a knowing smile.

I vigorously shook my head. "As I said, those hold no interest for me. They were a 'gift' from Emmett, and he refuses to take them back."

"It's fine, son. We understand," was the only reply I received before my parents walked out of the room, laughing at my expense.

Emmett was going to die.


Yes, I realize I'm horrible about updating... I get it. Sorry.

Review and tell me what you thought!!! xoxo, Ana