Didn't get a whole lot of reviews on the last chapter so I'm not entirely sure how ya'lll are feeling but I hope you enjoy this installment!
"That went pretty well," Jane said once Maura hung up the phone.
"It did," Maura agreed. "My mother told me that my father was recently bragging about me to an old friend," she laughed. "She told me that they're proud of me."
"Which they should be," Jane replied as she sat down next to Maura at the kitchen table. "Did Constance tell you that she wants to welcome me to the Isles family in person?"
"What?" Maura laughed, her mother not having mentioned anything like that.
"Yeah. She said she could either arrange for us to come to them or they could come to Boston," Jane said.
"Would you like that?" Maura asked, knowing that her parent's lavish lifestyle carried the potential to make Jane doubt herself or feel uncomfortable.
"It could be fun," Jane smiled. "Jet set off to Europe and watch you geek out as you show me all your favorite museums and historical places. Plus I'm betting that your parents have at least one embarrassing story from your childhood."
"They probably have one or two," Maura agreed with a soft smile.
"Oh!" Jane said. "Plus I'm dying to see photos of baby Maura!"
Maura simply laughed and shook her head at Jane's excitement over the idea of seeing her childhood photographs.
"Wanna know what else I'm dying to do?" Jane asked after a few moments.
"What?"
"Eat some dinner," Jane announced. "I only ran a few miles but I'm starving. I feel like I would eat anything you put in front of me."
"So, a kale salad it is then!" Maura joked as she stood up and began to walk to the kitchen, her posture more confident than it had been when she first lost her vision.
"Mauraaa," Jane whined as she followed her girlfriend to the kitchen.
"Oh, stop whining," Maura chided Jane with a chuckle. "I was actually thinking we could make fajitas," she added. "I've got a red and green pepper as well as an onion I'd like to use before they go bad. I should have chicken breast in the fridge, along with shredded cheese and a box of seasoned rice in the cupboard."
"So, no kale?" Jane asked excitedly.
"Not unless you'd really like some," Maura replied.
"I am totally fine," Jane quickly said. "I love you," she added as she kissed Maura's lips briefly.
"Love you, too," Maura replied as she began to pull out the required pots and pans while Jane pulled the ingredients from their shelves in the pantry and fridge and placed them on the counter. She turned her back to Maura for a minute to rearrange the food in the fridge and when she turned around, Maura had placed an onion on her cutting board and was holding a large knife in her hand.
"Woah, woah, woah," Jane said as she saw the knife in Maura's hand, poised to begin the process of slicing an onion. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Unless you would like an entire onion in your fajita, I was planning on slicing the onion and peppers before sautéing them," Maura replied, not understanding why Jane was questioning her actions.
"How about you cook the chicken in the skillet or set the table?"
"Pardon me?" Maura asked incredulously.
"I don't want you to chop your fingers off or anything," Jane said as she placed a hand on Maura's forearm, silently encouraging her to let go of the knife. It didn't work. Maura's grip on the knife's handle only tightened.
"Jane," Maura said, finding herself oddly angry at Jane's statements. "I have been a medical examiner for years and have been cooking for even longer. I am more than capable of handling a sharp object without harming myself."
"But you've never done any of those things without your vision," Jane countered. "Look, I'm just-"
"You are just doubting me!" Maura snapped, dropping the knife to the cutting board before spinning to face Jane. "You clearly are doubting my ability to slice a few vegetables! I wonder what other abilities of mine you are now doubting!" she said.
"Maura," Jane said, not believing Maura's sudden outburst. "When have I ever doubted your abilities?"
"Right now," Maura suggested harshly. "And it is not appreciated," she added angrily.
"You know that I'm not doubting you, Maura," Jane said firmly, trying to remain calm in the face of Maura's anger. "You know-"
"Wait," Maura interrupted. "Is the reason you didn't want to have sex because you doubt my abilities in the bedroom?"
"What? Maura, you're being ridiculous right now."
"I'm being ridiculous?" Maura repeated. "Or are you?"
Jane stared at Maura, still unable to process how Maura had suddenly gone from saying she loved Jane to angry.
"I'm gonna take Joe for a walk," Jane said softly as she quickly maneuvered around Maura and grabbed Joe's leash from its hook, whistling as she opened the door to lure Joe to her side. The front door closed gently as Jane left Maura alone in the kitchen.
"Damn it," Maura said as she ignored doctor's ordered and pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes gently. She sighed deeply and stood silently for a few moments before picking up the knife that had started the argument and began to cautiously slice the onion.
After she finished with the onion and two peppers and Jane hadn't returned, Maura only paused for a moment before moving to the stove to cook the chicken. She had been able to calm herself down as she worked in the kitchen and hoped Jane would soon return home so they could discuss what had happened while eating.
Half an hour later, Maura had finished sautéing the vegetables, cooking the chicken, and steaming the rice only to find herself still alone in her house. She continued to keep busy, finding solace in the routine nature of setting the table, washing pots and pans after transferring their contents to serving dishes, and filling the teakettle to begin tea.
After an hour and a half without Jane returning home and two cups of tea, Maura felt panic begin to rise in her chest. In the course of less than two hours, Maura had gone from content to angry to calm to worried and the normally composed doctor was not used to such an emotional roller coaster ride.
Maura debated with herself for a little longer, not knowing if calling Jane was an acceptable plan of action or if Jane would prefer to be left alone after Maura's outburst. Finally her concern for Jane's safety won over her concern for what Jane would or would not prefer.
Pulling her phone from her pocket, Maura used voice command to instruct the phone to call Jane. She put the phone to her ear and, once she heard the ringing coming from her phone, the ominous ringtone Jane had once played for Maura could be heard. Maura's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she followed the sound of the funeral march to its origin, which she soon discovered was just outside of her front door. Jane didn't pick up so either Jane's phone had fallen from her pocket to the front porch or Jane was sitting on the porch, not answering Maura.
Taking a beer from her fridge, Maura slowly opened her front door and saw a familiar looking silhouette sitting on her porch. Maura found the railing next to the stairs and grasped it, using it to help guide her down a few steps to sit on the same step at Jane yet with ample distance between them. She placed the beer on the step in between them as if it were an olive branch. A peace offering.
The corners of Jane's moth twitched slightly in a soft smile at the peace offering Maura had brought. She picked up the beer and noticed Maura begin to fiddle with her necklace when she heard the hiss that accompanied the opening of the beverage.
The two women sat in silence, neither sure where to start this conversation. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Maura's hands dropped from her necklace and spoke.
"Dinner is on the table," she said softly. "You can reheat it when you come inside or just leave it and I'll put it in the fridge," she added as she stood up and moved to turn back to the house. Jane's hand, however, reached out to grab Maura's and keep her on the porch.
"Stay," Jane said, her voice gravely from either crying or disuse, Maura couldn't tell. Though it was only one word, it made Maura's heart flutter with hope that she and Jane wouldn't end due to this. Maura sat back down, smiling softly when Jane laced their fingers together.
"I wasn't doubting you," Jane said sadly.
"I'm sorry," Maura said, the dejected tone in Jane's voice nearly breaking her heart.
"I'm just trying to protect you. Keep you safe," Jane admitted. "It's what I do and I'm sorry if it came off as me doubting you. It wasn't what I wanted you to think, Maura."
"I know," Maura said as she squeezed Jane's hand softly. "I overreacted and I hope you can understand why I said those things," Maura added. She took a deep breath before continuing. "Since I was 9 and requested the brochure for the boarding school I attended the next year, I've had to be independent. It's how I survived. Eventually being independent went from something I needed to do to something that I enjoyed doing and that I prided myself on. Coming to terms with the idea that I have lost quite a bit of independence since Wednesday and that I might lose even more is…" Maura trailed off, not sure of the right word. "Terrifying," she eventually said.
"That makes sense," Jane said simply. "When Hoyt and I had the encounter in the basement and my hands were all screwed up, I felt like I was a constant ball of hate because so much of my independence was gone. It hurt me and made me angry and terrified me all at the same time," the detective admitted.
"But you never had an outburst like I did," Maura sadly replied.
"Oh, my ma would beg to differ," Jane said with a soft chuckle. "She saw her fair share of angry outbursts and heard more curse words than I think she knew existed."
Maura laughed softly as she imagined Angela's face whenever Jane swore and imagined what it would be if Jane really did swear excessively around her mother.
"I shouldn't have acted like I did," Maura sighed.
"I disagree," Jane shrugged. "Cause when I was in the middle of my lost independence, someone once told me that it was okay to feel terrified and angry and all that other crap," she continued as she squeezed Maura's hand. "She told me that I needed to feel those things and…Shit, what was that phrase she used?"
"Honor the pain," Maura said with a soft smile, remembering the advice she had given to Jane years earlier.
"Yeah, that," Jane smiled. "She told me to honor the pain and if honoring the pain meant eating Ben & Jerry's at 2am or screaming into a pillow or taking an hour long shower, I had to do that in order to not let it kill me."
"Your friend sounds very intelligent."
"You are," Jane said as she brought Maura's hand to her lips and kissed the back of it softly.
At the feeling of Jane's lips pressed to her hand, Maura felt a dam inside her break and silent sob escaped her as tears welled in her eyes and fell down her cheeks.
"Forgive me," Maura begged Jane.
"Oh, Maura," Jane sighed as she quickly scooted closer to Maura and pulled the blonde into her arms, one hand resting on her upper back while the other gently ran through her hair. "Of course," she said softly to the crying blonde.
Jane knew that Maura was crying for their fight but also for more. For the loss of her sight and her independence, for the fear of the unknown that filled Maura's soul, and the hope she desperately was clinging to.
For several minutes the two women sat on the porch, the setting sun casting a warm glow on them as they found comfort in each other's embrace. It was not until Joe Friday, who had previously been sleeping at Jane's feet, managed to wiggle through a gap between the two women and begin to dance in place on both women's laps did they separate.
"I love you, Maura," Jane said sincerely as she gently wiped tear tracks from the blonde's cheeks.
"I love you, too, Jane," Maura said, her throat still obviously constricted with unshed tears.
"Come on," Jane gently whispered as she softly ushered Joe off their laps and stood up, holding tight onto Maura's hands as she helped the blonde stand. "Let's get up to bed where you can be little spoon," she added as she slowly walked back into Maura's house, desperately praying to a God she wasn't sure she believed in to give Maura her sight back.
"Do you think I could take a bath before bed?" Maura asked softly when she sat down at the edge of her bed as Jane pulled a pair of sweats from the academy and a BPD t-shirt from Maura's drawer.
"You don't have to ask me if you can bathe, Maura," Jane said gently as she sat down next to Maura and placed the faded garments in the medical examiner's lap. Maura felt the fabric of the clothing and turned to look in Jane's direction.
"These aren't my pajamas," she pointed out. "They're your old academy sweatpants and that BPD t-shirt with the hole in the armpit," she added as she felt the hole in question, confused as to why Jane handed them to her.
"I know," Jane smiled. "But I may have intel from a very reliable source that you've worn them a few times and admitted that you enjoyed them."
"Is Angela your reliable source?" Maura asked with a smile.
"Maybe," Jane teased. "She may have told me that she came to check on you while I was in the hospital after the shooting at headquarters and found you watching sports in my pajamas."
"They smell like you," Maura admitted. "I hope it's okay that I've had them."
"Okay?" Jane asked. "It's more than okay. The idea of you wearing my sweats and watching sports? Totally hot," Jane said as she kissed Maura's cheek with a smile.
Maura smiled as she felt Jane's lips on her cheek, thanking the universe that she was given someone like the detective in her life.
"Did you maybe want some company in the bath?"
"What?" Maura asked, not sure she understood what Jane was asking.
"Ya know," Jane said. "Company. Your bathtub is pretty huge and could easily fit both of us if you wanted someone to keep you company."
"Would you be comfortable joining me?" Maura asked, remembering the night of their date when Jane confided in Maura her desires to wait to take that final step in physical intimacy until Maura could see.
"Yeah," Jane said confidently. She still hoped to have Maura's sight back when they first made love but this intimacy, though without clothing, would be entirely different than sex. "Science has proven that skin to skin contact can reduce heart rate, blood pressure, and stress as well as increase the happy hormones."
"Happy hormones?" Maura smiled. "You were doing so well remembering what I told you about the science of skin to skin contact until you said that."
"Can't let you think that I listen to everything you say," Jane laughed as she stood up and, tugging on Maura's hand, encouraged her to stand up and walk with her to the bathroom.
When they reached the bathroom, Jane quickly plugged the tub and turned the hot water on to fill it. She turned to find Maura holding out a small jar with purple bath salts expectantly and, chuckling, took the jar from the blonde's hand and sprinkled a handful into the water, lavender filling the air. Jane quickly pulled her clothing off, tossing it into the hamper. Maura had undressed down to her undergarments but, unable to see that Jane was already naked, hesitated to take off her underwear.
"Let me," Jane said lightly as she turned Maura around and ran her hands over the blonde's back before resting on the clasp to her bra. Jane undid the clasps and Maura pulled the garment from her body as Jane's hands slid down her sides, her fingers hooking under the waistband of Maura's underwear and smoothly pushing them down until gravity took over and they fell to the tiled floor. Jane bent to pick them and place them in the hamper. She checked on the water in the tub, giving it a little longer to fill.
"You really are gorgeous," Jane told Maura as she stepped behind her and wrapped her arms around the blonde's midsection, her bare torso pressing against Maura's bare back. Maura gasped at the feeling of Jane's bare skin on her own, partly because she thought Jane was still clothed and partly because she felt her body immediately respond to the detective.
Moments later Jane lowered herself into the tub, leaving her outstretched legs open for Maura to sit between. Once Maura was relaxed comfortable against Jane, Jane slide the frosted glass door to Maura's bathtub shut, effectively shutting out the rest of the world and creating a bubble for her and Maura to relax in. Jane gently pulled a hair tie from around her wrist and pulled Maura's hair up into a pony tail before reaching for the blonde's body sponge and dipping it into the lavender scented water.
"Maybe I should talk to someone," Maura said softly as Jane began to run the sponge over Maura's back.
"Like a therapist?" Jane asked, keeping her voice just as soft as Maura's.
"Mmmhmm," Maura hummed as she dipped her head forward to allow Jane full access to her upper back and neck.
"I think that'd be a really solid idea," Jane said. "That guy from the deli the other day, Greg," she thought aloud, "he might know of a person who has experience with individuals with disabilities. Or his wife might since he mentioned she lost her vision a couple years ago."
"Let's ask him when we visit the Lions Club meeting," Maura suggested.
"I'm sorry I can't help you more," Jane said sadly as she let the sponge float in the water and began to run her hands over Maura's back instead.
"Jane," Maura said, lifting her head and turning her neck so she Jane could at least see the profile of her face. "You have been so incredibly helpful to me. You were the one who drove me to the hospital when it happened, you put rhinestones on things for me to use easier and learned how to guide me and how to arrange my food. You have put eye drops in my eyes three times a day for six days and have helped me fill out medical forms."
"But-"
"More than that," Maura continued, ignoring Jane's attempt a protest, "you have helped me feel safe as I learn to live without my sight, made me feel more love than I thought my heart could handle, and continue to remind me to hold on to hope that I will see again. Without you, Jane, I more than likely would have crawled into bed and never left. You have been my rock, Jane."
"I meant it when I said I'd give up my eyesight if it meant you'd get yours back."
"If that were scientifically possible, I know you would, Jane," Maura said with a smile as she allowed herself to relax against Jane's body and tilt her head back slightly to rest on Jane's shoulder.
"Then I'll go to med school," Jane announced as she wrapped her arms around Maura's torso. "I'll go and study eye doctor stuff so I can make some sort of discovery about eyeball transplants," she continued. Though her words were silly, she hoped Maura understood her sincerity. "Then once I've made eyeball transplants scientifically possible, I'll give you mine. Sound like a plan?"
"Sounds like a plan," Maura smiled as she placed her hands over Jane's and squeezed.
Kind of a not so great chapter but I feel like our lovely ladies gotta have a bit of a struggle before they can really ride off into the sunset. Haha
At this rate, I think we'll have about 3 chapters left, maybe? But I have a question for ya'll: how would you feel seeing someone from Maura's past (maybe Ian) pop in for a quick cameo? Nothing angsty—more like protective Jane and Maura standing up for herself. Thoughts on that?
