Hello there. I finally get to update this story; I'm so sorry about that. College has been hell so I couldn't write this fast and decent enough. I'll let you guys decide the latter, though. Oh yes, thanks for all the reviews; I really, really appreciate each single of them. Off to the chapter then!
Chapter 7 – "Then, if I give you a chance, will you let my past be?"
"I don't want to marry you."
Honks bleep all around them as the traffic light turns green yet Athrun's eyes are still fixed on Cagalli, his limbs frozen. It seems like all of the nerve cells in his brain are concentrating on processing what he has just heard that none of them is available to do any other thing. Cagalli is more aware of the surrounding; she pushes off his shoulder slightly as if to wake him up from the daze. When he finally does, the cars that are behind them have opted to overtake them by the left lane, with drivers sparing them angry glances on the way for blocking the way. Athrun curses under his breath before slamming on the clutch and accelerator pedals, his hand changing the gear swiftly. The tires screech due to the sudden motion.
"You don't have to over-react like that, you know," chides Cagalli whose heartbeat has increased by tenfold by his lapse of judgement.
Athrun grits his teeth, but keeping his eyes on the road closely. "You fucking know that it doesn't work that way. You can't just tell me that you don't want to marry me; it's not only about us –"
"I know," Cagalli cuts him off quite heatedly, annoyed. "I know it doesn't work that way, and heck, it's not even about us on the first place; it's all about the companies. I know that, Athrun, I'm not as stupid as you make me. I was just telling you."
Yes, she is just telling him that she doesn't want to marry him. As if he doesn't know already.
"I thought we have gone through this," Athrun says after a while, his voice weary. He has planned to discuss things with Cagalli, there are some matters he needs to clarify after thinking about them over and he is just determined to fix their somewhat confusing relationship but he didn't plan to go on from the very starting point. "I think I have apologized enough for that – it's not even much my fault that I had to do the job I am entrusted to."
"It's your fault that I had to sleep with Shinn."
The car enters the posh compound of Athrun's apartment complex and he swerves right into his entitled parking space, next to the one occupied by Cagalli's car as she is his guest. After freeing the gear and pulling on the hand brake, he frees his limbs and turns into Cagalli completely, the soft rumble of the engine on the background.
"That's an interesting theory you got there," he says in respond, eyes gleaming curiously. "How is that even possible, Miss Cagalli Yula Attha?"
Cagalli sighs as she folds her arms decidedly. She might as well tells him the truth; by the look of it, he is not going to change his opinion on her being ignorant little girl anytime soon so she got nothing to lose anyway. "Shinn made a bet that you wouldn't call even once. Obviously, thanks to you, I lost the bet. That was the deal."
There is a silence as the words run through Athrun's mind. Somehow, the more he thinks about it, the more absurd he finds it is; it is almost funny. It is totally beyond his thinking capability and it feels like he is missing something here.
"Do you do that a lot?" he asks in mock amazement, a scornful smile on his face. "Am I something you bet on with your friends?"
Cagalli feels like banging her head on the dashboard in frustration. It feels like her points are never coming through Athrun no matter how she tries to do it. "It's not all about you, okay? Can you stop being high and mighty already? I'm sick of that! I can never get it right, can I? Fine, it's stupid of me to bet on you, it's stupid of me to actually believe you when you said you would call. It is childish of me, yes, but I can't call running away when I tried to explain is a matured decision, either."
"What would you do if you were in my shoes?" Athrun challenges. "Say, what would you do if you come over my place and a half-naked girl opens the door?"
"I would – "Cagalli stops before the words are fully formed; she has just realized that she would do the very thing Athrun had done. She casts her eyes down. Did she really do something that tactless?
Athrun sighs. "I know I am supposed to be the more matured one – but you can't expect me to just let it pass. How am I a man, then?"
"But I tried to explain –"the blonde tries to reason despite the overwhelming guilt that washes over her like an unstoppable wave of emotion. She supposes it is the correct thing to do – when you are on the right side, you defend yourself and when you are on the wrong side, you explain yourself. That's how she has been living her life that way all this time, anyway and she manages to stay away from troubles and be true to herself thanks to the principle. But it doesn't seem to work with Athrun.
"But it's not the explanation that I want, Cagalli."
Of course it's not the explanation that he wants. It always appears to her that Athrun doesn't want to hear her explain. Most probably because he couldn't be bothered at all – that they all sound like excuses to him. If that's the case, she decides, there's only one thing left to do. "I'm sorry, then."
Athrun almost smirks at the 'then'; that just shows how insincere Cagalli's apology is. Topped with her wavering eyes that never seem to meet his, it just irritates him some more. Subconsciously, his hand reaches for Cagalli's flushed cheek, his thumb caressing the warm skin for a moment before it joins the other four fingers going down to her exposed neck at which the fading foundation cream is no longer be able to cover for the red marks. Athrun's breath hitches –red has always been his preferred colour and he has always loved it on Cagalli's pale complexion; but not now, not when he perfectly knows that someone else has had put those light bruises on her.
"Your sorry won't erase these, anyway," he murmurs absent-mindedly as his fingers move on their own.
It feels like electric to Cagalli; the way Athrun's ice cold finger rubs on the same spot over and over – she is further numbed by passing seconds. Is it only in her head or Athrun is indeed getting closer and closer? She wouldn't know if not, after a while, she could feel his slightly dry lips on the sensitive skin of her collarbone. "Athrun…"
"Should I just make some new ones over them?" is the last thing she remembers hearing of.
BZZZT!
Yzak looks at the door with contempt. That is most probably Dearka, who has just left around five minutes ago, forgetting his wallet or his watch around the place. Yzak doesn't feel like answering the door on the first ring so he purposely ignores the doorbell, swinging his leg atop of another on the table as he turns up the volume of the television in defiance. Only when the doorbell rings for the second time, Yzak gets up from the comfy couch unwillingly. He opens the door, ready with a special scowl from his best friend. But much to his surprise, it is not Dearka but Shiho who stands before the door, smiling coolly, her hands holding a bag of ice cream tubes.
"I thought you said you were going home," says Yzak, referring to the call he received from Shiho earlier, as he lets his fiancée in.
"They say home is where the heart is, right?" Shiho rebukes lightly with a gentle laugh. She makes her way into the house like she owns the place; of course, she has been frequenting the place ever since Yzak occupies it, anyway. Their parents have suggested that they live together when they first moved to Heliopolis but the idea was overruled by both of them who prefer to have their own personal spaces just yet.
The two of them land side by side on the three-seat couch in front of the television that was just occupied by Yzak alone only a minute ago. The silver-haired man rummages into the plastic bag while Shiho flips through the channel to find the one to her liking. She finally decides on a Final Destination movie that she has known by heart but never missed watching when it is aired on the TV, before turning to Yzak, who is already stuffing his face with the Macadamia Nuts in Vanilla.
"You could have waited for me; Ezalia has spent all her lifetime bragging about you being a gentleman," she chides as she pulls the plastic bag towards her. "And I like that one."
Yzak rolls his eyes; it's not his fault that his mother never talks about anything but him in the public. He knows Shiho means no offence, anyway, she knows his mother for so long already and they get along just as two women get to get along that whenever they are in a conversation Yzak would do his best to stay away. Basically Shiho knows everything about him –what with them growing up together –even down to the fact that Macadamia Nuts in Vanilla is indeed his favourite.
"Then buy two of them next time," he states the obvious.
"But I want this as well," Shiho holds up the Cocoa Rocky Road, prompting Yzak to huff in annoyance – there goes Shiho's childish antics that she saves for the very few of those closest to her. But his expression turns gentler when Shiho closes the distance between them, snuggling him for comfort. The betrothed couple savour the dessert in silence, eyes fixed on the movie; the gore scenes affecting neither of them.
"Is Athrun as stupid as what Cagalli-chan's story makes him?" Shiho asks randomly without turning her attention away from the scenes.
Yzak shrugs. "If it's about him thinking to marry the girl with any feelings attached, yes, he is that stupid. How is the girl faring?"
"She's confused – Athrun is not making any sense," says Shiho as her mind wanders back to her conversation with Cagalli. "She tried to go along with whatever he's coming up with because he's supposed to know better but she's at her limit already with all the nonsense so I just told her to give him a piece of her mind."
While Yzak truly thinks Athrun is not being as near intelligent as he actually is, it doesn't seem to Athrun that Cagalli is entirely faultless either. "What about the boy she is sleeping with?"
"The boy she was sleeping with, you mean," Shiho corrects before sighing. "It's rather complicated, actually."
She then launches on with all the information that she got from Cagalli –she has asked permission to repeat everything to Yzak, after all –and Yzak compares the info with those he got from Athrun. In the end, both of them agree that it is just a huge misunderstanding between the two and it could be solved by a thorough conversation.
The question now is whether they can make a thorough conversation – or at least a decent conversation at all.
She looks like a heaven-sent angel.
That's what Athrun thinks as he flicks a strand of hair away from Cagalli's peaceful sleeping face. The slight movement does not affect Cagalli's deep slumber even a bit; her steady breathing and the pace of fall and rise of her chest remains undisturbed. Athrun pulls the blanket a little bit over her bare body, up to her neck but Cagalli chooses that moment to turn, lying on her back, arms stretched and fists curled into fists; her head lolls slightly to the opposite side of him, revealing the red-tainted slender neck clear to his sight.
Athrun smiles. He loves those marks now.
"I'm changing my mind – you should be mine and mine alone," he whispers over her head.
It is not supposed to wake her up; it is way too low of a volume. But, much to Athrun's surprise, Cagalli's eyelids flutter open, revealing the amber orbs that seem to shine in the darkness.
"What was that?" she asks slowly, sleepiness clouds her voice but not her determination.
"You heard me," answers Athrun with a smile; he's sure Cagalli has heard it perfectly. It shows on her face – the confusion. Cagalli is so easy to read that it saves him from the trouble of guessing what's on her mind.
Cagalli turns so that they are facing each other now. Her eyes meet Athrun's unwaveringly. "So I can't sleep with Shinn anymore?"
The navy-haired man shakes his head. His fiancée sighs.
"You really change your mind a lot, huh?" she muses helplessly. "Then, can you change your mind for this one matter as well?"
"What is it?"
Cagalli extends a hand out from the blanket and touches her fiancé's face lightly. Her face is solemn, void from any expression but there is a shadow of smile in her bright eyes. For a moment, Athrun feels like he's going to say yes to anything Cagalli would be saying, drowned in the intensity of emotions her gaze is bringing him into.
"Love me," says Cagalli; Athrun couldn't decide if it's a request or a plead as his heart ceases beating for a split second. "And let me love you."
When Athrun wakes up, he is pretty much bewildered to see lack of Cagalli on his bed. Surely it had not been just a dream – him finally reaching understanding with his fiancée who in returns ask for him to love her? He gets up abruptly, blood rushing from his head in such manner that it dizzies him for a while. After his head stops spinning, he leaves the bed for the robe nearby before exiting the bedroom in search for a certain blonde.
God be damned if she dares to leave without a word after last night.
Athrun almost sighs in relief when he spots a familiar figure with golden disarray of bed hair at the kitchen, peering into the barren shelves. It seems that Athrun's appearance doesn't go unnoticed, for she turns around almost immediately, her face ready with a pout.
"You have practically nothing edible here, dear," she says, disgruntled. "And I'm hungry."
Athrun's stomach grumbles as if in cue, much to their amusement. Athrun sighs in defeat, remembering that he has supposed to do grocery shopping yesterday. Stretching lazily, he walks towards Cagalli and put his arm around her, leaning slightly.
"Then, why don't we go shower and have breakfast at this one favourite café of mine?" he proposes.
Cagalli eyes him suspiciously as she tries to pry off his arm. "You go shower first."
"Well, you're hungry, right?" says Athrun with uncharacteristically smirk, "Let's go in together to save time."
"Athrun!" Cagalli yelps in protest but Athrun is already pushing her along, chuckling at the same time.
"Just shower, I promise."
"I'm forever not trusting you any more," says Cagalli for the umpteenth time.
Athrun chuckles, also for the umpteenth time. "What kind of language is that – 'I won't trust you forever', right? Kids nowadays won't even speak properly…"
Cagalli rolls her eyes. "Yeah, right, whatever, grandpa."
"Yeah, you have just showered with a grandpa…" Athrun taunts, rendering Cagalli bright red without much effort.
"Shut up, paedophile," Cagalli shoots back without any malice, though she stops for a second to wonder if Athrun would take any offence. But it seems like none is taken since the man simply laughs at her jab. The two take the open air table of the café, enjoying the perfect whether with the sun shining just right. A plump, motherly waitress comes bustling to them with the menus – the way she smiles familiarly at Athrun reminds Cagalli of her nanny, Myrna. Both of them decide for full Irish breakfast to suit their grumblings of stomachs.
Well, they have had quite a long night, after all.
"You come to here often?" Cagalli asks when the waitress leaves with their orders.
Athrun nods. "I came a lot on weekends before – sometimes I just spend the whole day here working on a project."
Cagalli chuckles; remembering how Shiho had referred Athrun as a certified workaholic yesterday. She could just imagine him sitting in the corner with his crisp shirt crouching over his laptops with files piled on the table. Though, to give him credits, he looks fairly different today – with simple polo shirts and jeans, he can almost pass as a college student. But of course, he still wears that shrewd look that businessmen sports all the time but somehow the atmosphere seems lighter and Cagalli feels that she can finally let her guard down.
Did her request last night make that much a difference?
"Can you please hold the staring?" Athrun points out teasingly; as if he is not used to being stared. He is expecting Cagalli to blush but much to surprise, the girl grins.
"I'm trying to fall in love with you, you know," she says offhandedly, catching Athrun off guard. Luckily the waitress comes just in time with their breakfasts, sparing Athrun from the need to respond. The two dig in without much ado; silence fills the space apart from the random cars on the road.
"Are you really serious about it?" Athrun says after a while, his face unmistakably troubled. He puts down his fork and knife slowly on the half empty plate.
Cagalli sighs. So this is what Athrun means when he told her "Sleep – we'll talk about it later" last night. She stuffs the last piece of sausages into her mouth and swallows it before cutting Athrun's uncertain silence.
"Look, Athrun..."
"You know what's so different between Athrun and Cagalli?"
Yzak looks up from his breakfast of scrambled eggs to his fiancée, titling his head slightly, confused at the randomness of the question. Yes, they had talked about the two last night but he doesn't expect Shiho to continue the conversation after several hours. Shiho can be so random sometimes, contrasting to her matured image that it catches even Yzak out of guard.
"What is it?" he asks casually.
Shiho smiles as she thinks about Athrun who she has known for years but still quite a mystery to her, and Cagalli who she has met only at two occasions but she can read like an open book. "Athrun tends to dwell on a problem and thinks about it over and over again before he makes a decision. That's how he works, and that's how he is trying to handle Cagalli. Perhaps he is forgetting that Cagalli is not a business, and the matter of her has no definite deadline as his projects and tenders do. From what I gather, it seems that he's trying to take everything to himself – even though it should be between him and Cagalli, and they should do it together."
"Cagalli, on the other hand," she continues after a pause "faces problems head on. She's matured in her own way; see how she tries to go along with Athrun's craps despite not agreeing to them. She wants it to work – whatever that's going on between them – but she keeps messing up and Athrun won't let her fix any of it."
"So what did you tell her to do?" asks Yzak out of concern.
"I told her to speak and let Athrun listen," answers Shiho simply, remembering their conversation during the dinner last night. "Athrun is too used to have people listening to him; sometimes he should be the one listening for a change."
"Look, Athrun – we can't continue this. No matter how you look at it, it's not going as you planned. We mess up, we have sex and then we try to make it work again, fooling ourselves that it's going to be okay this time around – it has been the same pattern till now."
Has it? He did not notice.
"I know this is an engagement out of arrangement. I had prepared myself for a loveless marriage, to tell you the truth. But we've involved too much with each other; I can't see you as a stranger I would someday marry anymore. You talked about how we should get along and that we should be happy; we can have a relationship without love involved…"
Did he? Yes, he did.
"I don't know about you, but I think it's impossible – I tried, but it's not working for me. There's nothing to bond us; if I don't feel anything about you then I shouldn't be bothered about you not contacting for almost a month and if you only care about me and nothing else, you can ignore your pride and let me have my way with Shinn since you know it's not something I do out of rebellion. But both of us couldn't let these things pass, right? We are contradicting each other; saying that there is no feelings involved yet acting completely otherwise."
He wonders why she is saying everything that he should be saying.
"Suppose something happened in your past relationship that makes you won't fall in love again…"
"What do you know about my past relationship?" Athrun finally speaks up, his face alert. There is a hint of alarm in his voice that doesn't go unnoticed to Cagalli.
"Nothing much," she says truthfully. "Shiho-san said you had a girlfriend back in college, that's all."
Athrun sighs under his conscience; he knows Shiho wouldn't be able to tell Cagalli much but just in case. If there's anything he doesn't want Cagalli to touch about, it's his past relationship but knowing her…
"Tell me about your ex-girlfriend."
…she'd just ask away now.
The man sighs again. "It's nothing you should be bothered about. I haven't seen her since we broke up."
Cagalli doesn't feel like giving up, though; she has been stupid enough to let the matter be till now so she'll just ask away now since she has started. "I think I should be bothered if she's the reason why you won't give me a chance."
"Then, if I give you a chance, will you let my past be?"
"He doesn't want to be loved, though. At least, not by me," she has said to Shiho during their dinner previous evening.
"But he is just as affected by you; it's just the matter of time. You know me; they are not at all honest. Athrun needs someone to cherish and someone to cherish him. I think you'll be perfect for him, no, I think you two are perfect for each other," Shiho has answered confidently.
"Can I actually cherish him?" Cagalli muses loudly as she watches Athrun from afar. They have been shopping for some light groceries at the nearby mall and Athrun has asked her to wait outside instead of queuing with him at the counter. His reason is because 'it is crowded' but Cagalli knows it's just his excuse so that he could pay for her things as well; he is a gentleman like that. It's too tiresome to argue so Cagalli just let him be and so there she is sitting on the bench outside waiting for him. She looks at how the girl at the counter tries to flirt with him and him smiling politely in response and wonders just what type of girl that managed to steal his heart.
Her mind doesn't get to wander off too far, though, as Athrun is already making way towards her, laden with shopping bags. She stands up and reaches for some of them but Athrun moves them away from her reach. Instead, he transfers those in his right hand to his left, and grabs Cagalli's extended hand into his now free one.
"Come on," he says, oblivious to Cagalli's surprised look. "I asked them to put your things in separate bags but I don't know which ones are whose so we'll have to check them again later."
"You should just let me pay for them myself, then," Cagall counters lightly as she matches her steps to his. Athrun's car is parked across the road so they have to go through the swarming street to reach the zebra crossing. "Or at least let me carry some of them."
Athrun smiles at briefly at her; the smile he usually gives her when he is about to suggest something absurd. "Or maybe we should just live together to save the trouble of splitting the groceries."
But for some reason, Cagalli doesn't find this suggestion as absurd as she would if Athrun suggested it a day earlier. She has not thought about it, yes, nor she expected Athrun to come up with the idea - but surprisingly, she has nothing against it whatsoever. It feels strangely right, even. She couldn't place it whether Athrun is being serious or not, though.
"Are you serious?" she asks bluntly, not knowing how else to put it.
"What do you think about it?" Athrun asks her in return as they stop to wait for the pedestrian light to turn green. "It's a suggestion – I think it's easier for me to fall in love with someone I see daily than only on weekends."
Cagalli gives it a thought. She never cohabits before; it will be fun to try something new. It can also help them in their relationship, she supposes, so she sees no harm in trying. Trust Athrun to come up with something like this; he really couldn't just let her take things in charge, could he? But still, Cagalli doesn't dislike the idea so perhaps she should just go along with this one.
"I'm okay with it," she decides, much to Athrun's surprise who expects her to need more time to make up her mind. "But I have to talk about it to my father first so…"
"Right, of course," Athrun cuts her off distractedly; he actually had forgotten about it. "Right, you do that…"
"Oh, look, it's Lacus Clyne!" says Cagalli suddenly, leaving his words trailed unfinished.
Athrun follows Cagalli's gaze to the giant billboard along the road. Yes indeed it shows Lacus Clyne, the popular pop idol from PLANTs that is also a household name in Orb, apparently. She started at early age and was at her peak six years ago when she was 19 but after a year or so, she ceased her activities as an idol to focus more on charity activities all around the world. So all these while, she is travelling from one country to another to help with all type of causes so while it is quite normal for her to appear in news and documentary programs, she has been on a billboard for quite some time now that it's surprising.
"She got a new single coming up – whoa, that's the first in six years!" says Cagalli in awe as she reads the details on the ads.
When there is no respond from her fiancé, Cagalli turns a bit to see him still staring at the stationary advert, eyes fixed on the pink-haired, princess-like singer with an unreadable expression on his face. Cagalli nudges him slightly.
"Quite a fan, aren't you?" she teases with a cheeky smile.
Athrun returns her a smirk. "You're the one excited for her new single; aren't you the fan?"
Cagalli shrugs offhandedly. "Well, just who isn't her fan? Everyone loves Lacus Clyne."
That is just about to sum everything – everyone loves Lacus Clyne. She has this charm no one can resist; both her songs and her speech. At her peak, she represented many organizations supporting world peace in general which eventually prompted her to embark on that kind of venture. Of course, there were some of the media who was desperate for something that could taint her perfect image of a public figure but they basically found nothing. When they shamelessly wrote up some feeble rumours about her, she brushed them off with immediate press conferences that explained the matter thoroughly, making fools out of those people in the process. So everyone adores and respects her to date, plus with all her efforts in making the world a better place.
"You know what," says Athrun after a while, his emeralds eyes twinkle with a smile. "My ex-girlfriend looks a lot like Lacus Clyne."
Cagalli looks at him as if trying to decide if she should trust him on that but considering his uncharacteristic boyish smile, she decides that he must be just pulling her leg – as if he would actually tell her anything about the top secret ex-girlfriend.
"Just who do you think you are?" she asks jokingly and he bursts out laughing but not extending the matter further.
It's not like it's totally out of place, though, Cagalli thinks, since Athrun is indeed good-looking enough to date someone flawlessly beautiful like Lacus Clyne. Actually they would make such a nice couple that Cagalli would totally cheer on. But then, the possibility is still quite slim even though they are both from PLANTs – and they wouldn't be able to keep it off media if the Lacus Clyne ever dated the son of the ZAFT's owner.
"Oh well," says Cagalli. "It's okay if she just looks like Lacus Clyne – if it's the real deal then I'll really have to back off."
Athrun simply smiles and some other day, Cagalli would wish she has known what lies behind his smile then.
"So," says Athrun, leaning over Cagalli, whose hands are already on the steering wheel, the soft rumble of engine on the back ground. "You'll talk to your dad, right?"
"Would you like to talk to him instead?" Cagalli teases and laughs when Athrun shakes his head at once – he is somehow childlike today. "I'll talk to him – no worries. You can start furnishing the room."
Athrun chuckles at Cagalli being so confident that her father would be saying yes. While it's true that Uzumi has been amicable enough so far, Athrun cannot be too sure that he would easily agree with her daughter co-habiting with a man, engaged or not. But for now, he would just cross his fingers. "I'll take you furniture-shopping right when we got the okay."
Cagalli beams at that – she loves furniture-shopping. "Okay, then. Reach you later."
"Drive carefully," Athrun reminds her before leaving a peck on her cheek. "See you, Cagalli."
He stands back by his car as he watches Cagalli's white Porsche zooms out from the compound. He smiles before turning away – if being in love means feeling unexplainably empty when they're leaving, then supposes he hasn't got a long way to go.
...Right,so I'm expecting reviews pointing out every single plot holes in this chapter *nervous laugh* Perhaps I should do more explanation and less dialogue but it's so hard for me /sighs But do review and tell me what I should fix in the next chapter. I'd have to apologize in advance for any grammar mistake, though - perhaps I'll edit it some time later. Due to my work load, I don't expect the next chapter will come up any sooner than next month but you can always hope for a miracle lol Please bear with me and yea, review! =)
p.s. Thanks for (still) reading! XD
-Mayu
