Disclaimer: Everyone knows Twilight ain't mine. 'Nuff said.
Glad everyone is enjoying my Bella and Edward! They're making some progress...So let's see if they'll keep it up :)
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! This chapters a bit longer than the others and they'll probably get longer as the story goes on.
And onward...
Chapter 10- Forwards and Backwards
I suppressed the smile that was threatening to burst forth from me. But it still filled my insides- I could feel it spreading, a warm, happy feeling that streamed through my veins. I felt it despite the fact that he hadn't promised anything, despite the fact that he had only said one little syllable. I felt it because it was a start.
I took a breath to calm myself, trying not to get too eager and scare him away, or scare myself. I'd never been in a situation like this before, and I had a feeling I was already getting in over my head. But I couldn't seem to stop. It was both terrifying and thrilling.
"Then…what do you want to do?" I asked.
Suddenly, he reached up, bringing a hand up to his hair, making the already messy locks even more disheveled.
"I said I don't know," he said, sounding a little frustrated.
"How about we-" I started to suggest, when his phone suddenly rang, breaking the moment. I blew out a breath of frustration. Of all days, he had to NOT have it on vibrate today?
He looked a bit annoyed as well as he reached down in his pocket, picking the phone up. "What?" he almost snapped into the phone. I watched as his face went from annoyed to urgent. "What?!" He sat up suddenly, his eyes narrowing and his other hand tightening on the wheel. He listened for a few more seconds, then said, "Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes," and hung up.
I sat there, wondering what was going on to make him look so urgent all of a sudden. He turned to me. I thought I spotted a hint of apology in his eyes as he said, "I have to go." I nodded resignedly, knowing I wouldn't get anything out of him at that moment and cursing that phone call, no matter how urgent it was.
I opened the door and was about to step out when his deep voice suddenly said from behind me, a little uncertainly.
"Bella..."
I felt my eyes widen, my heart skipping at the sound of him saying my name, feeling like he had reached out to stop me with his hand though he hadn't so much as touched me. I swallowed as I realized that he hadn't called me Princess since yesterday. He'd said my name. And not my full name, but the name that no one else called me but myself. Bella.
I turned back to him. "Yes?" I said, trying not to let my voice shake.
"I'll see you Monday," he said, his voice a little tentative again. The uncertainty in his usually authoritative voice gave me hope. I got out of the car, feeling like I could start dancing right there- even though I wasn't the best dancer.
I turned back to him, leaned down, and said, "Okay," before I closed the door, backing away as he pulled out of the parking lot and drove off, his engine roaring.
I walked to the school building, about to enter through the rarely-frequented exit door that I used to go Edward's car when Jasper came bursting out and crashed into me.
I let out an exclamation of surprise as I stumbled and started falling toward the floor. Cursing, Jasper reached out and grabbed my arm to pull me up, breathing as if he had run all the way here.
"Oh! Sorry, Bella," he said, his eyes scanning the parking lot before he looked down at me. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, straightening myself and pulling out of the grasp of his arm. "What's wrong, Jasper?" I asked, seeing the urgent look on his face. I'd only known him for a few days, but I knew that he was usually mellow. The concern and almost wild look in his eyes made me worried. It was the same as Edward's had been.
"Did Edward already leave?" he asked me, his eyes going back to scan the parking lot.
"Yes, about a minute ago," I said. He gritted his teeth and cursed, looking tenser than I had ever seen him in the short time we'd known each other. "What's going on?" I asked, trying to catch his gaze and failing as he walked around me quickly, heading toward the parking lot.
"Sorry, Bella! I'll talk to you later, okay?" he said, raising a hand quickly in goodbye, not turning around. I wondered what was going on: I prayed it was nothing too serious before I went back in the school, realizing I was almost late for class.
~*TEM*~
I pulled up in my driveway, humming along with Seven Days in Sunny June by Jamiroquai as it played on my radio. I was in a really good mood despite my worry about Edward. I turned the car off, getting my backpack out before I walked up our driveway to the path that led to the door of our small, sandy-bricked house, unlocking the black door.
I walked in the foyer, still humming as I took my shoes off. As soon as I stepped into the foyer, my mom came from around the corner, a towel in her hands.
"Hey, mom!" I said, smiling at her.
She looked at me in surprised wariness before she replied, "Hello, Isabella."
I felt generous at the moment, so I talked with her a little more. "You got off early. How was work?"
"It was good," she said slowly. She looked at me some more, then asked, "How was school?"
"It was good," I said, smiling as I remembered my conversation with Edward.
"Did something happen?" she asked, eyeing me dubiously.
"Nothing special."
"Well, you go study then. I'm cooking dinner, okay?" she said, turning to go back to the kitchen.
"Yes, ma'am!" I said brightly, going up the stairs and walking into my room on the right. I flopped down on my bed, smiling idiotically.
Edward had said that he didn't hate me. That meant that he wanted me around. Even if he said he didn't know what he wanted, the small admittance was more than enough coming from him. I got up, heading to my computer to check my email. I opened Yahoo, looking at the front page news.
I skimmed over some news about a company leader having a heart attack, a man that killed his wife, and a sex offender who had finally been caught. Among that was yet another post about some new drama with Kim Kardashian and I rolled my eyes a little. The news was always either unimportant or really depressing and I didn't want it to kill my mood. I closed it out, not thinking much more on it, and decided to check my email. I scanned it quickly and emptied it after seeing that it was only filled with the usual college offers. That wasn't something I wanted to think about right now either.
I got up, feeling restless. It was only a little after four o'clock. I sat back down on my bed, looking up at my white ceiling, my mind replaying what had happened in the car over and over again, not able to stop myself from smiling. I thought of what Edward had said before he left.
"I'll see you Monday."
It was going to be a long weekend.
~*TEM*~
I pulled up to the school, my heart beating in anticipation. The weekend had been agonizing, seeming to drag on for eternity. I did the usual cleaning, studying, and watching a bit of television- I really didn't do much usually. This morning, I had taken special care of my clothes, ironing them. I'd even gone out and bought a small tube of lip gloss- it was the first tube I'd ever bought and was a soft pink that I thought complimented my skin. I put a very, very little bit of it on and smiled at myself in the rearview mirror, feeling somewhat pretty for once. The girl in the mirror had big brown eyes that shined with anticipation, cheeks slightly tinted with red from nervousness, and a smile of happiness. I was excited to see Edward and wondered if he would notice my lip gloss. I wondered what it would be like between us now that he had basically said he wanted me by his side.
I got out of the car, feeling an extra spring in my step. The morning seemed especially crisp, the sun especially bright, and the students especially pretty. I walked into the school and to my class, smiling at everyone who was staring at me. I got to class to find Edward already there, leaned over with his head rested on the cradle he'd made with his crossed arms. What was he doing here so early? Now I'd have less time to prepare myself.
I took a breath as I walked over, sitting down at my desk slowly and looking at him out of the corner of my eyes. He didn't lift his head, and I was just about to call to him when he said, "You're here?"
I smiled, feeling like it would split my face, and shyly answered. "Yes. Good morning."
He lifted his head up slowly, stretching his long limbs before he turned to me. I felt the smile fall off of my face as I looked at his eyes- they had heavy bags under them and they were darker than usual, almost black.
"Are you okay?" I asked him quietly.
He looked at me for a second, his eyes as unreadable as usual, and then answered, "Yea."
I was about to ask him more when the teacher came in and class began. During class, while the teacher was talking on, my mind was focused on him. Even though he was looking at the board, his eyes weren't here. His backpack remained on the floor next to his desk, unopened. I felt myself getting worried for him again, all of my happiness gone. I figured it had something to do with what had made him run out yesterday. What was wrong?
He was quiet all morning. He paid almost no attention to me in any of our classes. I was just starting to feel discouraged in fourth period. When the bell rang for lunch, I packed my things dejectedly and stood up to go. As soon as I got to the door, he said, "Aren't you going to lunch with me?"
I turned to see him standing up, his backpack slung over his shoulder. I felt myself starting to smile, and bit it back. I just nodded, suddenly feeling shy. He had never asked me to lunch before, just ordered me. But here he was, inviting me, even though it was disguised as more of a command than a question. He walked slowly to me, and I moved out of the way.
I reached out to take his backpack, used to him dropping it in my hands, but he just brushed by me and hiked it higher up his shoulder. "Don't you want me to take your backpack?" I asked.
"You don't need to do things like that anymore," he said, glancing over at me before he passed me, going on his way to the car. I stood there in confusion and he glanced back at me, the familiar look of irritation tightening his features. "You coming?" he asked gruffly, and I nodded before stepping forward slowly.
He turned back and began walking and I followed him, wondering what that meant. He didn't want me as his slave anymore? Then, what? I didn't let my mind go past that, knowing that we had barely just begun. I didn't want to get my hopes up on what I felt would be one of the biggest challenges of my life.
We passed by the busy cafeteria and I glanced in to see Jasper sitting at our table, looking just as tired as Edward. He turned just as I passed and I gave him an apologetic smile from the doorway in passing. I wondered briefly why he was looking so tired. He nodded and turned around to keep eating his food. I didn't have time to see what else he did because I was focused on the tall frame of Edward, who was walking in front of me. We continued to the back of the building, heading out the usual exit and across the lawn to the parking lot. I noticed something different in his stride, in the set of his shoulders- it was stiff, unlike the easy confident air he usually exuded, and somehow wary.
We got to the car and he walked to his door, unlocking it and getting in, then reaching over to open my door. Another difference that made my heart rate spike. I didn't show it though. I slipped in nonchalantly, setting my backpack on the floor between my feet. I pulled my seatbelt on just as he turned the car on and pulled out of the parking lot.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked me, surprising me. This was the first time he'd asked my opinion. There were so many differences in his behavior today, but I wasn't even sure he noticed.
"Um… we haven't been to Wendy's," I said tentatively. He nodded and turned left to head to Wendy's. We rode in silence and I found myself becoming nervous. Now that I thought about it, he had just said he didn't hate me. But he hadn't said anything definite about our relationship- if we even had one. What were we now? Just… acquaintances who were getting closer to each other? Well, he hadn't said he liked me or anything, just that he wanted me around. People wanted dogs around; I could have just upgraded from slave to pet or something. The thought made me feel discouraged and I let out a heavy sigh, lost in my own mind.
"Hey!" Edward said loudly, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I snapped out of my musing to see him looking at me impatiently, pulled up to the colorful drive thru menu. "What do you want to eat?" he asked.
"Number ten," I said automatically, my mind choosing the chicken nugget combo for me. "With lemonade for a drink," I added on so that he wouldn't ask again.
He ordered for me and ordered a meal for himself, and we went through the drive thru. Edward paid for my meal and then drove us to the parking lot. He quietly handed me my food after he cut the car off and we dug in silently. I could feel myself getting nervous again, so I decided to make some conversation.
"So…" I began, "How was your weekend?"
Yes, that was so interesting, Bella. Way to show off your IQ.
"Okay," he said through the burger he had in his mouth. I waited a few seconds, but apparently that was it. I could feel silence building up again, so I continued.
"My weekend was okay too. Well, it was nothing special. Just the usual, you know… I cleaned and studied," I finished weakly as he finished his fries. He didn't answer, just continuing to eat.
I shut up and finished my food, then tried again, feeling like I was treading on thin ice. "What… did you do this weekend?" I asked tentatively.
"Nothing much," he said, getting his trash.
"Did… something happen?" I asked, and he stopped.
"Why?" he asked me in a low voice. His eyes moved to mine and pinned me in place, and I felt my breath shorten at the intense look he was giving me. There was anger brewing beneath those dark green orbs and I felt the familiar fear that I felt when I didn't know what I'd done to set off his temper. I swallowed hard before I answered.
"It just seemed like something may have happened…" I trailed off.
He was quiet for a moment, and then said, "It's none of your business," decisively, reaching over to take my trash out of my hands. I felt a wave of frustration. I thought I had made some progress. Why did it seem that every time I saw him we went backwards? I didn't want that to happen, so after a second of mustering my courage, I continued.
"It may not be, but I'm…worried," I said.
"Worried?" he said, looking at me almost dangerously.
"Yea… So what happened? Something with your friends? Or did something happen with your family-"
"Who the hell do you think you are?! Why don't you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone?!" he suddenly snapped. It whipped through the air and landed on my ears like a slap, seeming amplified with the crackle of the paper bag he had crumbled in his hands. Why was it that when I tried to find out about him even just the slightest bit, he bit me? It was silent a moment, his words spreading through the suddenly thick silence.
"Fine," I said stiffly, trying not to let my anger and hurt show in my voice and failing. Was this his idea of making someone want to stick around? I turned around in my seat and faced forward, crossing my arms as if that would protect me. I heard him let out a sigh and start the car, turning to back the car out before he headed back to school. I set my jaw, blinking back the furious tears trying to build beneath my eyelids, and didn't talk the rest of the ride back to the school, focusing on the car-filled road ahead of me and fuming inside. He was so frustrating, and he seemed to hurt people without even realizing. The not realizing it made it even worse.
We pulled up to the school and he turned the car off, unlocking the doors. We sat for a split second before I spoke, wanting to get out of the car as quickly as possible.
"Thanks for the lunch," I said mechanically, moving to get my backpack. I picked it up, setting it down forcefully on the leather upholstery beside me and slipping it on one shoulder.
Just as I put my hand on the latch of the car door, his deep, quiet voice came from behind me. "Sorry."
Surprised, I turned around to see a slightly sour-looking Edward staring out the front window, his hands tight on his steering wheel. Had he really just said what I thought he did?
"What?" I said, not believing my ears.
He was quiet a moment, his eyes narrowing visibly, before he said, "I said I'm sorry." His expression looked as if those words were some spoiled sour lemon he'd been forced to chew and swallow.
I wasn't sure how to respond, still surprised that he'd even apologized. I didn't even know what he was apologizing for, and at that moment I didn't really care. I sat there blinking at him in surprise and he sighed, bringing a hand from the steering wheel and running it over his face.
"Earlier when I snapped at you… I didn't mean it," he continued. "I just don't… I'm just not used to being asked shit like that. I don't know…" he trailed off, looking a bit frustrated. His hand was firmly entangled in his hair by now, making it stick up off of his head in all different directions.
I sat back, seeing the truth in his eyes. I mulled his words over for a second. He had said that. I had been so focused on the fact that he had said he wanted me around that I had sort of glossed over that in my mind. Maybe I was being too impatient. But it wasn't okay for him to talk to me like that, and I told him so.
"I accept your apology, Edward... But I'd appreciate if you didn't talk to me like that again. I didn't like it when I was your slave, and I don't like it now," I said firmly. He didn't answer, just nodded curtly after a second. That done, I took a deep breath before addressing the rest of what he said in a slightly softer, more cautious voice. "And you could start by saying what's wrong with you when someone asks." He didn't answer, but his face didn't show any anger, so I continued in a soft voice, "So, what's wrong, Edward?"
His hands tightened on the steering wheel and he was silent. It was tense in the car for a while, and it seemed to stretch out as I waited for his answer, knowing this would determine if he would really let me in or not. Finally, he blew a deep breath out.
"I just have some… things going on at home," he said slowly, each word coming out as painfully as pulling a tooth out.
"Things?" I said, holding my breath, fearing I was going too far but unable to stop myself from that curiosity and worry present when I talked to him.
"My dad…" He stopped, his jaw clenching and eyes flashing. "Bella," he said slowly.
My heart jumped at the sound of his deep voice saying my name in such a ponderous tone. He turned to me, his green eyes almost piercing into mine. They looked worried and a bit conflicted and unsure, making me wonder what he would say next, what was going on underneath that bronze hair of his.
"Say someone wants you to something, and you don't want to," he said speculatively. "You don't want to… but you feel obligated to. But at the same time you want to do something else too." His gaze became questioning as he asked me, "What would you do?"
I looked at him, my mind quickly calculating. Obviously something had happened Friday, and it probably had to do with his dad. I didn't know the details, so I didn't know what it was, but obviously they were having some kind of conflict. I then turned to his question, and I thought for a minute, focusing my eyes on the dashboard in front of me. What would I do?
My mind instantly flashed to my mom, how she was always making me study, how she always told me I had to go to college and get a good job. I actually just followed what she said, even if I was tired or didn't want to. When I thought about it, I had never thought about what I really wanted. I had just gone along with what I thought I should do, focus on my smarts. But I was thinking of it now. What would I do?
I turned back to him to find his eyes still on me. "Me…" I said slowly, thoughtfully, "I would do what they want. At least for a little while, but at the same time, I would go my own path."
He was quiet for a while, his eyes thoughtful, and I could tell he was mulling over it. Then, he looked back at me. "Would you… have the courage to do that?" he asked, looking like he sincerely wanted to know. It was one of the most sincere looks I had seen from him in the time I had been around him. He had actually asked me a question, so I didn't want to give him a token answer.
I thought again about how I didn't say anything when others ignored me or talked about me, how I didn't tell my mom how she made me feel. I realized that how I was then, I wouldn't be able to do what I had said I would. I would probably just do as I was told, especially if I felt like I had to. But I also realized that I wanted to be the kind of person who could both do for others and still pursue what I wanted.
"I'd like to think I would," I answered honestly.
He looked at my eyes, his eyes seeming to read into mine, and I shivered a little from the intensity of the gaze. It was considering and slightly surprised, as if he were seeing me in a different light. I felt my face flush slightly under his scrutinizing gaze and fought the urge to drop my eyes, biting my lip. His eyes dropped to my mouth for the merest of seconds before he lifted them back to mine.
"Yea," he said slowly, as if he were still considering my words. And then he smiled at me.
It wasn't a grin, just the slightest lifting of one side of his mouth to give a small, crooked smile. But I could feel my heart rise into my throat and my cheeks burst into heat as my mouth automatically curved in asnwer. I really didn't know what it was about him that could make me like this, make me want to make his usually harsh face gentler, but I couldn't deny his effect on me.
He stared at me a little while longer and I stared back, not dropping my eyes from his. They were back to their usual clear, bright green, and I couldn't have looked away if I wanted to. It felt like we came to some sort of mutual understanding of each other and agreement as we looked at each other until he finally broke the contact by turning forward and cranking the car again.
"Well, I have… something to take care of," he said, his tone back to being a bit guarded. But I heard a bit of warmth in his voice, and it sounded like music to my ears. Even though I wanted to know what had happened and what he was going to do, if I had helped him, I didn't ask. I knew this was enough for today.
"Okay," I said simply, smiling at him. "I hope it works out, whatever it is." And I really meant it.
He glanced at me and smiled slightly again, and even that small smile made me catch my breath a little as it lit his face the slightest bit. He nodded in acknowledgement and dismissal. I moved to get out of the car, opening the door and swinging my feet down on the ground, feeling light and somehow a little giddy as if I had been allowed to get a piece of a cookie from a forbidden cookie jar. But the next moment made it even better.
"Bella," his voice said, and I turned back to see him with a close-lipped smile on his face. His eyes were warm as he said, "Thanks. And... nice lip gloss." He winked as he reached over and shut my door.
When he drove off this time, I was speechless.
I'm a major Jamiroquai fan and love Seven Days in Sunny June. It's such a great, kinda mellow song.
So... How we feelin'? What do you think is up with Edward? And how do you feel about Bella getting a little glimpse into it?
I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.
