(Notes: First part of this is before part 1, from Thor's point of view, and the second part is after)
He wasn't sure when it started, when his eyes had become drawn to Loki's figure. At first he had just thought it was his overprotective brotherly instincts. Those feelings had been part of him ever since he'd seen Loki as a child. His mother and father had only encouraged him, so he was there at every bruised knee and scrape. He'd been there to wipe away any tears that had graced his beloved brother's cheeks as a child and had shared the same bed when nightmares had plagued Loki's dreams.
Thor put the thoughts out of his mind so thoroughly that by the time he noticed that he was paying close attention to certain parts of his brother's anatomy, it was too late to change it. Such feelings of love, of possession and lust, had been growing on their own without his cultivation. They had embedded their tendrils in his soul enough that Thor found it unbearable to leave Loki's side.
For a few hundred years, he had fallen into a depression, not that he would let his friends and family know. The guilt of falling in love with his brother, and falling so hard in fact, gnawed at him like some diseased, wild creature. Thor knew that it was wrong, but it didn't stop the dreams at night. It didn't stop his eyes from wandering. It didn't stop his heart from loving. After three hundred years, he had grown past the guilt into acceptance that the one person he loved beyond all was indeed his brother. The fact didn't lose any of its significance, but it failed to bother him as much. By the time eight hundred years had passed from his first realization, despair had turned to hope.
Because no matter what Loki teased about his intelligence, Thor was not stupid. He saw in those eyes the warmth that Loki shared with no one else. His brother seemed as unwilling to leave his side as Thor was to leave his, and those fingers were often so painfully gentle when they touched that it could only mean one thing. Their lingering glances were, he felt, terribly obvious and he'd always thought it was an amazing wonder that no one else in the entirety of Asgard had picked up that he was madly smitten with the man.
Thor also knew Loki, though. He knew that if he brought up his feelings that the cautious, sometimes skittish, creature that he loved would retreat. Family meant everything to his brother, it had formed his very core, and if Thor were to confess his feelings before the right time, he would shake that core. He couldn't do that to Loki, couldn't make him take the first step.
So he would do it instead. He would take the responsibility of leading his brother into sin himself.
As his coronation drew closer, Thor still had no plan. Such subterfuge was not his expertise and it would have to be truly something to behold if he was to keep it from Loki. Most ideas that came he discarded because it would only anger his brother or was so impractical as to be laughable. It was only when Heimdall asked for his presence did an idea begin to burn as possible in his mind.
"You asked for me, Heimdall?" he said as he approached the ever-present guardian at his station.
Heimdall turned to him, face serious. "I wished to speak with you before I went to the Allfather."
He felt something in his stomach sink. What would Heimdall want to talk to Odin about? Was this…about his feelings? He wasn't ready yet to tell his parents about his feelings until there was actually something to tell. If things remained as they were with Loki, something that caused his stomach to clench in knots, then there would be no reason to make his feelings clear. "What have you seen?"
"Your brother, Loki, has slipped from Asgard to Jotunheim. He has just returned."
"You…let him go? But the Bifrost—"
"He did not leave by the Bifrost."
Thor frowned a bit. "Do you know what he did in Jotunheim?"
"He spoke with the Jotuns; that is all I can tell you, but with your coronation due, I fear it might be something related to that. Even for a harmless tease, to let Jotuns into Jotunheim would be tantamount to treason."
Treason. He almost shuddered at the thought of Loki being accused. So often did Loki have to save him from himself, but this time he would save the man he loved. Clearly his brother had thought no one had observed him leave. "I will take care of this, Heimdall. Speak of what you saw to no one, especially not the Allfather. There is no need to involve the Allfather in a practical joke between siblings."
Though Heimdall gave him a considering look, he agreed, and Thor quickly left. He knew that this was no practical joke, but he also knew that Loki did not want to harm Asgard itself. His brother loved his home and disliked the Jotuns as much as any other Asgardian. That left disrupting the ceremony itself so that it would not complete. While he felt a stab of annoyance, he wasn't as angry as he thought he would feel. Loki would have good reason; he would have to ask him later what that reason was.
Thor found his feet taking him to a familiar room and familiar faces. Sif smiled at him as he walked in. His friends had reclined themselves on chairs and sofas around the fire. "Thor! Come join us! We were merely telling our tales of many battles."
He dropped to sit down next to Volstagg who offered him a cup of wine. He reluctantly took it, needing the spirits to bolster his own before he was about to admit to them something he had acknowledged to no one. "I have come to ask for your help, my friends, and it is necessary that it remain in strict silence. No one must learn of our conversation."
Their expressions grew grave and concerned. For a moment he considered and then discarded the idea of telling them what Loki had planned; he would take care of that on the morning of the coronation, prevent it from coming to fruition and the less people that knew the better. Not that he did not trust the Warriors Three and Sif with his very life, but there were others that he didn't and he would not chance his brother's future on his own wayward lips.
"What do you need, Thor?" Hogun asked, leaning forward and bracing his arms on his knees.
He rubbed his hands on his thighs, palms suddenly sweaty, and he mentally concentrated on Mjolnir hanging from his side to bolster himself. "I know what I am about to say might…repel you from me and if it does, I give you leave. I will not hold it against you; all I would ask is that you keep the knowledge to yourself."
"What could you possibly say that would cause us to leave you?" Volstagg said with a laugh.
"…I have fallen for Loki." His eyes met each of his friends, trying to drill into their minds the thought of what he meant. "My full meaning, my friends, is that I desire him in my bed. I desire him as my husband. He is all I think about. I realized my feelings almost a thousand years ago, but it has taken me time to…accept them." Thor took a deep breath before continuing. "I would not be here speaking of it if I hadn't seen…hope. I believe, with my very soul, that Loki loves me in return, but I also know he would dare not do anything to risk our family, our current relationship. I must be the one to make the first step."
There was silence and Thor feared that those he had come to care for so deeply would be unable to look past this. He dared not expect them to help; no, he only hoped they would. He had to bite his lip to keep himself from babbling, from throwing out excuses, the 'I know but' statements that crowded his mind. He would not attempt to coerce them. He would give them the facts and let them decide. He would not beg for their help.
"Do you know what you'll be asking of Loki?" Sif said softly. He was not so foolish as to not know of her lingering feelings for him, but he praised her beyond all that she put those aside for their friendship. "He is a prince of Asgard and you will be asking him to be subservient to you. For a man to hold him, it would be considered a lowering of his stature."
"I would never desire to make Loki feel less than my equal." He took a deep breath. "That is why I'm here."
It was Hogun who spoke again. "What is it you ask of us?"
Thor turned to each of his friends, but even Sif was still there. There was no look of disgust in their eyes. "I plan to ask Loki for a boon on the day of the ceremony and he has never broken a promise with me. That night…I will finally be able to hold him."
"So why are you here asking us?"
He glanced at Fandral. "Because I have no experience in bedding men. I have no idea how to make it pleasurable to Loki. I was hoping that any of you had ideas, or knew someone that would be discreet. That could teach me how to hold him so that I don't make him feel… That I can both please him and make him feel like as my equal. I have no desire to be selfish, to make him feel that he is servicing a king because he is lower than I am; I want him to feel that he is embraced by a lover."
He watched as they shared glances. Volstagg shifted next to him. "I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of advice, Thor. This is…far beyond my area." His big hand clapped Thor on the shoulder. "But so long as you are happy, and this is what Loki wants as well, then I will support you no matter what."
Thor smiled brilliantly. "Thank you, Volstagg."
Fandral stood up and paced a bit before looking him in the eye. "I know you want experience, Thor, but even the most discreet man can let it out at times. Even if he was not told the reason for the night, are you absolutely sure you would not accidentally whisper Loki's name in bed?"
He shifted uncomfortably and forced himself to reply honestly, "No." Did he have to into this unknowing? Did he have to fumble and hope he was doing it right?
Fandral was studying him before he sighed. "Then that leaves us with a very clear path: you will have to hold one of us, with the exception of Sif."
"I can't!" he protested immediately. "You are my friends and as you've said, I will likely…"
"Thor," Fandral told him seriously, "if you want to experience how to hold a man before Loki, you have no choice. We all know what this is for and I, for one, won't let this affect our friendship. Since Volstagg has made abundantly clear, he doesn't have any idea how to go about this. Hogun?"
"I'm afraid I've never experienced it myself."
"So that leaves me."
Sif raised her eyebrows. "You've been with a man, Fandral?"
"Once or twice, in Thor's position. I'll be able to tell him what he needs to do."
Thor stood up slowly. "Are you sure, Fandral? You have never been held by another man?"
"Not as you would hold Loki, no."
"Then I can't ask this of you."
"You're not asking, I'm offering. There's a difference. I'm well aware of the situation and what it entails. It's up to you, Thor: will you take the offer or will you abstain?"
Did he truly want to go into holding Loki blind? He didn't want to make a mistake. If he didn't know what he was doing, what would happen if he forgot something? By the Norns, what if his lack of knowledge meant he'd hurt him? Fandral's eyes were serious, and he slowly nodded.
"Good. I'll have the preparation, but you should come to my room. We don't want Loki seeing anyone enter your room and besides," Fandral finally smiled a bit, "your room should be a safe-haven for you both, where no one else but he has laid…at least in this regard. Can't do much about the past."
Thor nodded and hoped that someone was looking out for him and his friends, because he didn't want to lose what he had. Loki had always said that to have something great, there must be something great risked, but he had never had as much confidence in his plans as his brother had in his own. He was definitely not as smart as Loki, as clever.
-0-
He knocked politely on Fandral's door and stepped in when he heard the cheerful 'enter' called to him. Thor would not admit to nerves that fluttered in his stomach and he closed the door. His friend was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and his arms were crossed. Thor couldn't help but look a bit and felt just a little relief; Fandral had the same basic type of body as Loki, though not as slim, and he hoped it wouldn't make it too hard to…react.
"The basics first, Thor. Come away from the door, at least?"
Thor hadn't realized he'd been standing motionless at the door and he locked it behind them before coming further into the room.
"Now." Fandral dropped the towel. "I take it you can guess where exactly you're going to be placing yourself." Thor's eyes unwilling dropped to his rear before going back up. "Right. Now you'll get the experience in doing this in a bit, but you have to prepare that area with your fingers and some oil or lotion. I have some beside the bed. But let's not rush that. How often do you do foreplay with those you bed, Thor?"
"I'm not sure how to answer that, Fandral," he said, shifting. It depended on whether he was drunk. He had much less control of himself if he was inebriated and tended to have less foreplay in that case. That only made him have a mental note not to get drunk at the coronation celebration.
"Well, if you really want to assure him that this isn't just about you then that's your first move. I always made sure to do that with the men that I bedded." The amazing thing about this with Fandral was that he was paying little attention to the man's nudity. It was as if he was fully dressed and they were talking of battle tactics. "Nipples are still erogenous zones for men too, some more than others, so you'll have to find out on your own if that's the case with Loki. Now I'm sure you've had a woman pleasure you with her mouth?"
"Occasionally."
"I've always, always done it with men because I know just how good it feels and there's no better way to take a man apart than that. My suggestion, which you're free not to follow, is let Loki have his first orgasm then go for penetration. It will relax him, in case he's nervous, and it just feels damn good. Besides…"
"Besides?" he said with a raised eyebrow, telling his friend he wanted him to elaborate.
"Well, it's one of the better ways I know of to make it clear that you're equal. He can do it to you later, but you're doing it first. Frankly, I don't know what goes on in Loki's mind, but it has to cross it at some point that here you are, the near-future-king, on your knees pleasing him."
Thor nodded, though he had to profess mentally that he failed to really understand why Loki would ever feel the need to be reminded of that. Did those barely-there traces of insecurity really mean he thought they weren't equal?
Fandral raised an eyebrow. "So, ready to get to firsthand experience? I'm not leaving anything off the table. We can do what you want to do, what you feel the need to try."
He didn't want to know too much, wanted to experience new things with Loki that neither of them had done, so he merely wanted to experience the basics so he didn't hurt his brother. "Very well," he said and dropped Mjolnir on the floor, tugging at his clothes. "Let us begin."
-0-0-0-
He left Loki sleeping heavily in his bed and was assured that the man would remain that way. It was very rare that his brother was in a deep sleep, but Thor had not let him rest for hours. Not that he was keeping count, but Loki had orgasmed at least four times that night, it was no wonder he was exhausted.
Gently he kissed his sleeping head before easing out of the room in the not-quite-dawn light. He found his friends where he had not a few days ago, quietly talking amongst each other. Thor hadn't bothered to really dress, just pulled on a robe and loose pants. His appearance, his hair, probably told them all they needed to know, but Fandral braced his elbows on the table and asked anyway, "So what happened?"
Thor smiled so wide it actually hurt. "Loki…is mine now, and I am his. It was the best night of my life." His eyes were warm on Fandral. "Thank you so much, my friend. Our experience was invaluable."
The blond warrior shrugged, but smiled anyway. "It was no trouble…well, except for the day after. I almost feel sorry for Loki because I had trouble walking and we only did it once. I doubt you stopped at once with him. Where is he, anyway? Isn't he usually up at about this time?"
He blushed a bit at that. "He's asleep, exhausted. I did not have the heart to wake him."
Volstagg shifted, picking up a grape and tossing it in his mouth. "Thor, from my experience, it might be best not to tell Loki about Fandral. There is no telling just how badly his jealousy would be if he knew, even knowing that you merely held him out of a need for experience so you didn't hurt him."
Thor nodded seriously. Nothing had changed between himself and Fandral. Their friendship was as easy now as it had been before, as if what had occurred had just been a sparring session, but letting Loki know would be tantamount to a betrayal. That it was someone he knew, someone that he had known for a long time, no matter the reason, would upset him fiercely. He knew his brother, knew that he carried hurt and slights for a very long time deep inside, and he would always wonder whether there was something more between Thor and Fandral.
"Thank you, my friends. Your advice has been invaluable."
"What are you going to tell the Allfather?" Sif asked. "You can't hide this forever."
"I…don't know, nor am I entirely certain I'm ready to tell him. I must speak with Loki, what he thinks." He smiled again. "I must return to him before he wakes."
"You pamper him too much," Fandral teased and Thor merely grinned goodnaturedly.
"It is my privilege to pamper him."
As his friends waved him off, he returned quickly. Loki was still sleeping, hadn't moved, and he slipped out of his clothes before getting back in bed. He wrapped his arms around Loki from behind, pulling him to his chest. There was a soft sound, a sound so gentle and sweet that it melted his heart yet again, and he made himself a promise: no matter what, they would never, ever be apart.
