A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating! I just finished another story I've been working on for like a year now and that took up most of my time (by the way it's called Southern Comfort and you should go read it? Am I pimping out my other fics? Yes. Am I ashamed? No.)! So this chapter has a bit of angst in it but a nice little 'AWE!' moment too. Please read and review! I love to hear what y'all think!
Disclaimer: I do not own the turtles or the song. I own Kaliyah though, and I think she's pretty cool.
Chapter 10: Did He Say Training? Cuz This Seems More Like Torture.
Master Splinter led Kallie out of the dojo and to his room. The lights were off, but candles were burning and cast a soft glow throughout the room. Incense was burning as well, making the air smell like some sort of sweet spice. Master Splinter led her to the middle of the room and motioned for her to sit. He sat as well, Indian style, and Kallie did the same. Splinter closed his eyes and took a deep breath before releasing it slowly. Kallie fiddled with her hands in her lap, totally uncomfortable with the silence in the room. She was already uneasy about what kind of training she was about to receive. Splinter opened his eyes and stared straight into hers.
Splinter tilted his head to the side slightly. He was trying to get a feel for the young woman, trying to connect with some part of her. Eyes are the windows to the soul and the old rat knew that Kaliyah would be no exception. She had startling blue eyes. He had always loved his youngest sons' eyes; they were a soft baby blue that could convince anyone to do anything the young turtle wanted. He had fallen prey many times to what Leonardo had called Michelangelo's 'Puppy Eyes.' But Kaliyah…her eyes were a blue that he had only seen once before; in the cerulean blue of the ocean surrounding Bermuda's islands. He had traveled there once with Master Yoshi and he had never seen such a beautiful color before. But here he was staring right at it in the eyes of a young girl. One would think that with such beautiful eyes that she would be an open book. But that was not the case of Ms. Kaliyah Miller; her gaze was guarded, practically impenetrable. Splinter knew that in order to help the young girl he was going to need to break down the walls she had so carefully put up around her.
"Close your eyes Kaliyah." Master Splinter instructed.
Kallie obeyed and shut her eyes.
"Take a deep breath and release it slowly." He continued. Again, she did as instructed. "I want you to clear your mind."
Kallie tried her hardest to do as she was told but how the heck did he expect her to not think?
"You're not clearing your mind." He commented.
"I'm trying." She replied, trying her hardest not to whine. She took another deep breath and slowly released it again, allowing her mind to blank.
"Much better. Listen to my voice and do exactly as I say." Master Splinter told her.
Kallie nodded.
"You are guarded Kaliyah, you have built walls around your heart that you allow no one to climb."
Kallie sucked in a breath at his words; her heart starting to beat rapidly in her chest as she struggled to keep her head clear.
"You keep yourself at a distance from everyone you know. Those who are closest to you are not even allowed inside of the wall you have so carefully built around your heart. You are afraid."
Kallie's heart was slamming against her rib cage, her breathing heavy. Every instinct in her was screaming for her to run; to book it out of that place as fast as she possibly could. Splinter was getting way too deep too fast. She was going to have whiplash by the time this session was finished.
"Do not move from where you are." The old rat said as if he could read her thoughts. "This is necessary. Listen to my voice, do exactly as I say." He said to her again. "You are afraid. Life has not been kind to you, you have been hurt by family and the loss of your father destroyed you. It is because of these things that you are now guarded, afraid to give anyone a piece of who you are, because they might leave."
Kallie felt tears springing to her eyes and she tried to keep them at bay, but the mention of her father had her on the edge of despair.
"Please…" She whispered, eyes still clenched shut.
Master Splinter opened his eyes and looked at Kaliyah; her jaw clenched, tears silently pouring down her face. The old rat gave a sigh of relief.
Finally some progress. He thought to himself. He did not enjoy making the child cry, but in order to train her properly and possibly have her remember this combination she had hidden in her head, he needed those walls to crumble to the ground.
"Please…don't…" She asked hoarsely. Splinter got up and placed a hand on the girls' shoulder. She drew a shaky breath and lifted her head up to look at him. Her eyes were still guarded, still protected, but he saw some chinks in the wall this time. And that would be enough for today.
"That is all for today." He said as he patted her shoulder. He offered her a hand and she grasped it, allowing him to pull her to her feet.
Kallie felt as if he had just punched her in the stomach. Her resolve was weaker than normal and she was unnerved at how well the old rat was able to read her. She normally prided herself on being able to keep everyone oblivious as to what she was really feeling, to what she was really thinking. It had taken her years to be able to hide all emotion, well except for anger. That was one thing she really couldn't control. The old rat was spot on when it came to how her family had hurt her. Her mother did something that was unforgivable in Kallie's opinion and her father's death really had destroyed her. Master Splinter caught on to all of that just by staring into her eyes. Maybe she wasn't as guarded as she thought she was.
"I…I'm…" She didn't know what to say.
Master Splinter smiled softly at her. "I told you that it would be difficult. I am sorry that we went so deep so fast. But now you know that this is not something to take lightly, we will resume tomorrow."
She walked to the door, but stopped and turned to look at him once more. "Do you think this will help me to remember this combination?" She asked.
Master Splinter nodded. "Yes I do. But this is more than that combination. This is also about you and getting you to trust once more."
"I do trust people…" She trailed off quietly.
"There is more to trust than you may think." He said sagely. Kallie nodded and walked out of the room, practically running up the stairs and locking herself in the bathroom.
She sat on the toilet, dragging deep gulps of air into her aching lungs. Her heart was still slamming against her rib cage; she was shaking too, her whole body shuddering with every intake of air. She tried to stand but her knees buckled instantly and she barely had enough time to propel herself towards the toilet once again. She couldn't believe how weak this was making her, how completely exhausted she was after only 45 minutes of training. Kallie wanted nothing more than to just curl up in a ball and cry her eyes out. Master Splinter had gotten too close, went a little too far for her liking. She wasn't a hundred percent sure why it was so important for her to 'trust' people. She trusted people! She trusted Maggie! Maggie knew a lot of stuff about her; she knew that her and her Mom didn't get along (although not why), she knew that her Dad died (although not how), she knew that she…er…well she knew that…uh…okay…maybe she did have some trust issues. But that didn't mean that she didn't believe that all people were untrustworthy; just that more than likely people will hurt you in the end. She didn't think of herself as a pessimist, she was a realist.
People leave and hurt you.
That was just the truth. And she had learned that the hard way. Her dad had left and her mom had hurt her. The one time she opened up and was 100% truthful about how she was feeling she was wounded beyond repair by her mother. Her mom had completely disregarded her feelings and crushed her hope in humanity. And Splinter was becoming dangerously too close to breaking down the defenses she'd been building for the past six years.
Another shudder ripped through her body and her breathing hitched again. A sob made its way out of her throat and she clutched the edge of the toilet seat, trying to regain control. She was about to try to stand up again when there was a knock at the door.
"Kallie?" A cautious voice called from outside. Kaliyah jumped, slightly caught off guard by the soft knock and voice. She didn't want to really talk to anyone though, especially with her not being in control of her emotions. She had broken down in front of them once and she was never going to allow them to see her that vulnerable again.
"Kallie?" Michelangelo called again.
Kallie didn't trust her voice not to quiver when she spoke so she said nothing; hoping that maybe Mikey would just get the hint and leave.
Of course this is Mikey we're talking about so he simply picked the lock and slipped inside. Kallie did her best to control her breathing but they were still coming in short, quick gasps. Soon she felt hands gripping her shoulders, forcing her to stand. She knew her legs weren't working right but she somehow shuffled forward, with Mike gripping her shoulders tightly enough to keep her upright. He led her to the sink and pushed lightly on her neck, making her bend forward. Kallie grasped the sides of the sink as Mikey turned the water on and wet a washcloth. Soon Kallie something cold hit her neck and she gasped, flinching. Michelangelo kept a firm hand on her neck.
"Take a deep breath in." He instructed.
She obeyed, although it wasn't really a deep breath.
"Release it slowly."
She did as she was told. Mikey said the same two sentences over and over again for about five minutes until Kaliyah was finally breathing normally. Mike took the cold cloth off of her neck and led her to sit back down on the toilet seat.
"How did you know to do that?" Kallie asked after a few moments of silence.
"I've had a few panic attacks in my day." Mikey said softly with a sad smile on his face.
"Is that what happened?" Kallie asked. "I had a panic attack?"
Mikey nodded. "Fraid' so."
"I don't like them."
"Yeah, they're not that fun," said Mikey. "Donnie taught me how to deal with them when I had my first one."
"Do you have them a lot?" Kallie asked, not wanting to pry too much but too curious not to ask.
"Not as much as I used to." Mikey replied.
"Please don't tell the others," Kaliyah begged. "They'll just worry and this was rather embarrassing. It's bad enough you found out."
"You know, trying to keep Leo from knowin' stuff is like trying to keep Donnie away from coffee…" Mike said wryly.
Kallie sighed. "Fabulous. Well…can you at least keep the whole panic attack thing to yourself?"
"Yeah, if you don't want me saying anything I won't. Scouts honor." Michelangelo said, holding up two of his fingers.
Kallie smiled slightly at that.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked.
Kallie shook her head no.
"You sure?"
"M'fine Mikey…just…a little overwhelmed there for a moment. Master Splinter wasn't lying when he said this thing wouldn't be easy…"
Mikey nodded solemnly. "He can be a little tough at times, but he knows what he's doing. And I know you're kinda like Raph and you don't like talking about your problems and what not but…I'm here for you if you ever do wanna talk."
"Thanks," Kallie said warmly before standing and nudging Mikey with her shoulder. "Since when did you become Mr. Serious?"
Mikey put on a puzzled look. "Me? Serious? No, no. I'm in this for the food."
"The food?"
"Yeah. Chicks dig that sentimental crap, if I'm all touchy feely there's a good chance you'll feed me."
Kallie couldn't help but laugh at that. Mikey grinned widely at her and opened the door before sweeping his arm our and bowing at her. "After you m'lady."
"Why thank you good sir." She replied, doing a slight courtesy. The two of them walked out and down the stairs in search for the others.
OoOoOoO
Kaliyah found herself hanging out with the guys for most of the day. She had emailed her professors and all of them were just fine with her taking her exams next week instead of the week before Christmas. She called Maggie regularly and scheduled to have lunch with her the next day. Mags had been insisting that she stay with her and Kallie figured if her friend saw her well and whole then maybe she'd fret a lot less. She also called The Duplex and her tutoring boss that she would be taking a leave of absence until the new year. Kenny was upset, but glad that Kaliyah was fine. He had even given her free reign on any songs she wanted to sing for the next three months. Kallie couldn't wait to start doing some of her own stuff! The only down side was that the fire had burned all of her sheet music. She knew most of the older ones by heart now, but some of her newer things she'd have to start from scratch. It's not like she could really practice anyways…she didn't have a piano or a violin anymore.
Kallie was feeling kinda low and the guys had gone 'topside' about an hour ago to make a 'run.' She really didn't know what they meant by that but it meant she was alone with Master Splinter who was currently in his room with the doors closed. She had seen him throughout the day and had even stood next to him while she watched the guys do their afternoon practice, but she couldn't help but be on her guard, just in case he really did read minds.
Kallie was lying upside down on the couch; her legs thrown over the back as her head dangled inches above the floor, when the living room erupted into chatter alerting her of the boys' presence. She got so excited that she tried to get up too quickly and ended up face planting right into the floor.
Leonardo snickered. "Smooth."
"Shut it." Kallie retorted as she resisted the urge to flip him off. "Where did y'all go? And where's Raph and Mikey?"
"Had to make a quick run and they're on their way. I've been looking for a new hard drive for a few months now and found one on Craigslist so we went to go pick it up." Donatello answered.
"How did you do that without them seeing you?" Kaliyah asked.
"Trench coat." Donnie replied.
"Very ninja like." Kallie said with mock seriousness.
"Hey, it works!" Donnie cried.
Kallie laughed softly. "Hey, whatever works for y'all. I won't judge."
"I don't think she should get her present now." Donatello sniffed.
"Present? Y'all got me a present?" Kallie asked, her excitement rising.
"Maybe." Leonardo said with a slight smirk on his face, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I like presents." Kallie grinned.
"Good! Cuz this thing weighs a ton and yer gonna owe me!" Raph's voice called from the entrance of the lair. Kallie turned her head and saw them dragging in a small church type of piano. It desperately needed a new paint job and had definitely seen better days, but it was the most beautiful piano Kallie had ever seen in her life.
"Are…Are you serious?" Kallie asked breathlessly.
"Surprise!" Mikey called as they set the piano next to the entryway to the kitchen.
"It's not new or anything, but it works really well and is in tune. We had it checked out before we brought it back." Donatello explained.
"It's temporary of course, once you're safe you can buy a better one. But we thought you might enjoy being able to play on something since you enjoy music." Leo added.
Kallie still hadn't said anything and the boys were getting a bit worried.
"If you don't like you don't have to use it or anything…we just thought you might like it…we know it kinda sucks—."
"SH!" Kallie hushed them furiously.
"What are y—." Leo started to ask.
"Hush!" She hissed.
"Don't nobody tell me to shut up!" Raph growled.
"Don't ruin this moment for me." She growled back at him.
"What?" Michelangelo asked.
"This is the greatest. Piano. Ever." She said quietly.
The four brothers brightened at that.
"Really?" Mikey asked, sounding all of four years old.
"Really." Kallie said, beaming at her four new friends.
"Well, whadda ya waitin' for? Go play us somethin'!" Raphael commanded with an eye roll, but his mouth was quirked up slightly at the side.
Kaliyah walked towards the piano and pulled a chair up to it. She eased the lift up and allowed her fingers to test a few of the keys. It truly did sound in tune.
"I wrote a few months ago, it mentions New York too. Would you like to hear it?" She asked them quietly. Suddenly overcome with emotion by the generosity of these four brothers.
"Is it a hate song?" Michelangelo asked.
Kallie laughed softly. "No it isn't. It's more of a song about growing up and learning who you are as a person. A coming of age type of song, if you will."
"Sounds awesome." Leonardo said kindly.
"It truly does sound wonderful." A new voice said. Master Splinter was making his way towards the five of them, a soft smile on his face.
Kallie met his eyes and smiled back at him. She turned back to the piano and started playing the soft melody.
"This is called Gardenia:
"Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It's so easy to get caught up in what I'm regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart
" I'm the one who likes Gardenia
I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don't want to hang up the phone yet
It's been good
Getting to know me more
"I've been seeing all my old friends in the city
Walking alone in Central Park
Doing all the things that I've neglected
Traded 'em all in
To be in your arms
"I'm the one who likes Gardenia
I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don't want to hang up the phone yet
It's been good
Getting to know me more
"Well, I hear my own voice
Sounds so silly
Keep on telling my story all around
Everything I lost seems so different
Well, this is how everybody gets found
"I'm the one who likes Gardenia
I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don't want to hang up the phone yet
It's been good
Getting to know me more."
The song ended as Kallie's voice softened with the last held note. She noticed that her eyes were slightly wet and she blinked quickly to try and dry them. She looked up at her audience and all of them were grinning at her; even Raphael.
"That. Was. Amazing!" Mikey declared, throwing his arms in his air.
"You think so?" Kallie asked.
"You wrote that?" Leonardo asked.
Kallie nodded.
"You've got a lot of talent. It was beautiful." He told her.
"You are gifted Kaliyah." Master Splinter told her.
Blue eyes met brown and the old rat found that her soul was now open for all the world to see. The wall was no longer there, gone as if it had never existed. It was fleeting though, and only lasted for a few seconds before the wall was back up. Splinter tried to keep his face impassive, not wanting to alert the scared woman of his discovery. He had a few plans formulating in his mind now though.
He may have just found a way to open up the young girl who used to be Kaliyah Miller.
