Hey guys! :D So a lot of you have noticed that i am back again with this story. Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter. Loved them all. :)

Anyways, i want to give some routine on my updating thing, so i will post a new chapter each saturday around the same time as now!

Enjoy your reading.


Everyone was talking to everyone and the kids and their new found family was getting to know each other. Leroy and Gibbs were talking. Cecile was talking to the the twins and Kate and her parents were talking to Tony and Ziva.

''So Lindsay?'' Tony asked McGee. ''She's older then Katy?''

''Yes. 4 years she just turned eleven'' McGee explained.

''And she's in Scotland?'' Tony frowned.

Abby grinned at his face. ''Glasgow Private School for Gifted Children''

''So, the little McKid took after her parents'' Tony joked. ''How's that not surprising?''

''Yup! Katy does too, only a little different'' McGee grinned. He was proud of his kids.

''Yeah we can see that'' Tony laughed.

''You guys did a good job, mixing your DNA'' Abby said, looking at the three DiNozzo kids. ''The twins are a great combination and from the stories we hear that Roy is more like his mother than his father. Thank God for that. What if there would be another Tony DiNozzo Jr. Jr. Don't think the world could handle that''

Immediately Gibbs' eyes went to Tony. Even though Tony and the rest were laughing, He could see that the words had an effect on the younger man. From short stories that Yonah had told him so far, Mark had been, indeed, a copy of Tony.

Ziva chuckled, but at the same time met Tony's eyes. She could also see that he had been hit by it. It was still so fresh in their minds for all of us, but Tony was acting worse. Most of the time Mark didn't exist in his life anymore. But he was haunted by his son's memories in his sleep, in this past year. Ziva had to wake him up many times, while he was murmuring soft cries of Mark's name. He hadn't talked about it with her, that it was a thing she came to accept. It reminded her awfully about an older man she knew.

After a moment, the subject changed again and Tony joined the laughter about a some kind of story that was being told. Gibbs knew exactly what he was doing, he had done it too, the first year after Shannon's and Kelly's death. There was one big difference though, and that was that Tony still had a family, a big one.

Being silent for a moment, he searched for a certain pair of brown eyes, it wasn't surprising that he found those eyes, looking worried at him. The silent conversation between Gibbs and Yonah, was very similar as Gibbs' silent ones with Tony.

Yonah tilted his head that the older man, and flickered his eyes towards his father. Gibbs nodded and Yonah, knew he had also seen Tony's reaction. His frowned at Gibbs.

Gibbs saw Yonah frown, but his eyes were pleading, asking his earlier question once more. He nodded again, to reassure the young man, that he was going to talk to his father.

Once dinner was over the group moved to the living room. It was just after 8 o clock and Kate had been send to sleep. Roy was leaning against his mother, who sat on one of the couches next to Tony. McGee sat another one, next to Gibbs. Abby and Cecile were sitting on the ground, as did Yonah and Yasmin. The laughter continued, cause they couldn't stop remembering stories they hadn't told yet. Gibbs reminded himself, that they probably wouldn't stop for at least a couple of more weeks.

''McGee'' Tony broke the conversation for a moment. ''Where's the bathroom? My daughter stuffed me so good, I think I'm going to explode''

''Never changed, did you Tony?'' McGee asked. Tony flashed his DiNozzo grin at them all. ''Out in the hallway, go to the left and it's the last door on your right'' He explained.

Tony nodded and hurried, as if he was going to be too late, out of the room. Gibbs watched him go until he couldn't anymore. No one else seemed to notice that Tony never went to the left and went to the right to the stairs instead. They continued with their chatter. Even though Gibbs had changed along the years, still he sometimes preferred the quietness of his basement.

After 10 minutes, Gibbs thought, Tony was gone long enough. ''Going to grab another beer'' He announced to the others. He stood up and went to to kitchen. It was true, his bottle was empty and he wanted another, but instead of one, he grabbed two. He glanced back to the living room, but the others were still totally into the telling stories thing. He went the other way around. And ended up in the hallway. He went up the stairs to find Tony.

He knew the way, well in the house. He had baby sat Lindsay and Katy millions of times to know it. He went to Katy's room and checked if she was fine. The little girl slept, peacefully with a baby Bert tugged safely under her arm. Closing the door, he went to the guest room, knowing that Leroy... He still had to get used to the fact that the little boy was named after him, was placed there, for the couple of hours. Leroy was completely exhausted after a night with really no sleep and an afternoon with the little McGee.

Still as he approached the guest room, Gibbs saw light coming from underneath the door, while he was sure that they had turned it off. He slowly opened it, but the room itself was dark. He smirked as he realized that he had found Tony. Silently he closed the door behind him and quickly glanced at Leroy, but he was just like Katy asleep.

Gibbs soundlessly made his way to the sliding doors that led the way to the balcony. Tony had turned on the lights there and the doors were still open. He stopped at the entry though and just watched the younger man.

Tony was leaning over the balcony with his arms. Fingers intertwined and legs crossed. He stared out of the backyard and neighborhood behind it.

''Got a beer for me too?'' Tony asked softly, without turning around. He knew Gibbs was coming and knew when he was there.

Gibbs smirked, knowing he was going to make the right decision later on. He slowly walked to the railing and handed a beer to Tony, before taking the same position, next to him. ''Long night?''

Tony snorted. ''You could say that'' He said, taking a swig from his bottle. ''My house is blown up''

''Yeah, heard it from the kids'' Gibbs replied. ''You have been quiet. With the story telling, I would have though you would be the loudest''

''Not the same anymore, Gibbs'' Tony stated empty.

''Twelve years, does that to a person'' Gibbs agreed. ''But you were loud enough during dinner, until Abby made a comment'' Silence, but Gibbs could see Tony's eyes went from the horizon to the bottle in his hands. ''You know she didn't mean it right? She was just joking'' Tony nodded, but Gibbs wanted the younger man to look at him. ''Tony'' He said softly. He waited, until slowly Tony tilted his head towards the older man. ''I know'' He simply said, knowing Tony would understand.

Tony looked at his former boss and the substitute grandfather of his children. Of course Gibbs would know. ''Which one?'' He asked.

''Yonah'' Gibbs told him. ''Had a little break down this afternoon. Exhaustion and everything took it's toll I guess'' He explained. Tony looked away and the grip on his bottle tightened so much, Gibbs thought it would break. ''Tony—''

Tony cut him off. ''1 year, 2 months and 17 days'' He said softly, his voice already cracking. ''And stillI can't get the images out of my head''

''I know''

''No, you don't. You don't know!'' Tony accused. ''I know, you know how it is to lose a child and I wish that you never knew how it felt, but you don't know how it is to turn around to see if your kids are alright and you see the head of your son smashed in! Blood was everywhere... God it was everywhere'' He moaned in sadness as he let himself fall, so he sat on the concrete floor.

Gibbs continued to be silent, knowing that if he did, the words would come from Tony himself.

''I got him out of the car and tried to wake him, but he wouldn't.. He wouldn't wake up'' Tony's eyes were filled with tears. He hated it that Gibbs could do this to him. ''The worse part was that Leroy did wake up, before the paramedics were there. He was hysterical, but I couldn't let go of Mark. I couldn't... I just held him... while Leroy was trying to get my attention... It took four men to pull me of him. They sedated me, I didn't even know I was hurt until I woke up hours later in the hospital'' He stopped.

''Tony'' Gibbs knelled down in front of his age— former agent. ''You're right. I don't know how it is to find my child like that. I don't have that image in my head''

''I should have caught the guy before he took an personal interest in me'' Tony stated angrily.

''Don't do that'' Gibbs growled.

''Don't do what? Blame myself? Sorry, but it was and I do. It is my fault that one of children is dead'' Tony looked at Gibbs with determined eyes. Then they changed, to empty. ''It was all my fault and nothing what anyone says, can change that''

''So what? Now Mark doesn't exist?'' Gibbs asked in disbelieve.

''It's like Abby said. The world didn't want another Anthony DiNozzo'' Tony said defeated.

''How were Ziva and the twins handling it?'' Gibbs asked the question he asked Yonah, about Tony earlier.

Tony sighed. ''It hit her hard. She was always the stay at home mom, but I had to stay at home, because she wasn't able to. The twins miss their brother, but Yasmin and Roy are the only one really to talk about him, Yonah... I don't know how he feels, he's so mature about it''

''You should talk to him'' Gibbs suggested.

Tony looked at the older man. ''He said something to you?''

Gibbs nodded. ''Yeah, but I think he should tell you himself''

They were silent for a couple of minutes, as they just drank from their bottle of beer, before Tony spoke up again. ''I want him back, Gibbs'' He admitted softly, again a tear ran down his face.

''I know'' Gibbs only said.

''I love all my kids equally, but he was Mark, we shared everything together, sports, movies, music'' Tony said. ''He was going to be a cop, he said, after he played some basketball and football. He was going to show me that he wouldn't make the same mistake and break his leg, which cost me my career that way''

''Ziva says she saw only me in that boy. All three kids, had a mix, but Mark... she said she could only see me in him, that's why she wanted him to have my name. It didn't even bother her. She said that she loved having another Anthony DiNozzo in the house, just as much she loves the other kids. You would have loved him. Everyone did''

''I'm sure I would'' Gibbs agreed.

''Do you ever get over it?'' Tony asked almost desperately. ''The pain?''

''No'' Gibbs answered honestly. ''You just learn to deal with it the right way'' Tony nodded sadly. ''We have to get back downstairs soon, otherwise they will go on a hunting trip''

Ton chuckled, but his voice didn't have any of the amusement. ''Maybe coming back is what I needed''

''Maybe it is'' Gibbs said, he stood up and reached out a hand. Tony took it and pulled himself up with the help. ''It will get better, Tony''

''Maybe. But it's still my fault'' Tony said, then without another word went back inside, while Gibbs looked after him. He saw Tony kiss Leroy on his forhead, before walking out of the room. Gibbs sighed and slowly followed the younger man.


So that's a wrap. what do you guys think? Leave a review! you know i love them :)

-x- Leonie