She snuck through the back alley, her breath short and ragged. She exhaled and inhaled in short bursts which made it seem as though her lungs were enflamed. She almost tripped, her head was so hazy and light, as though someone had just struck her. She shut the metal door roughly, struggling with herself to pull the heavy structure closed. It finally shut with a slam, and she stumbled back due to the force.

"Shit," she grumbled. She turned around now, and ran down from the alley way and into the streets. Her eyes were blurry and the streetlights seemed to blind her momentarily. She rubbed her eyes, forgetting about the mascara she had applied earlier.

She scanned the streets now, in silence. The streets were completely silent aside from the resounding boom that came from inside the building she had just exited. She heard a loud honk and felt her body jump in response, breaking the silence.

She looked over to the direction in which the sound came from and noticed a white car sitting at the end of the street. She promptly ran over to it and entered through the passenger's side in the front.

"Oh, thank god," she cried, shutting the door to her car and slumping in her seat.

"Fuck, Arizona," she heard.

"Thanks, Richard," she responded, as the man next to her quickly ignited the engine to the car. He quickly shifted it to drive.

Arizona had said nothing else, she instead looked outside of the window in silence, aware that the man next to her was furious.

"You're not a fucking child," he said.

"Alright," she replied.

"Don't 'alright' me, Arizona."

"Sorry."

There was a moment of silence before he said, "Please don't tell me you're high."

"I'm not," she said, as he stopped at a traffic light. He looked over to her.

"Are you high?"

Arizona sighed heavily and slapped her hand on the dashboard.

"I'm not fucking high, okay?" she yelled. "I just had a few drinks. What kind of stupid doctor would get high?"

"I don't know, Arizona," he retorted. "What kind of stupid doctor would go to an illegal party for drug addicts?"

"Look, I-"

"Tim's death doesn't give you the excuse to act like a fucking idiot."

"Fuck you," she said. "Let me off here."

"Arizona-"

"Let me off here!"

Richard said nothing and continued to drive down the desolate streets, much to the disdain of Arizona, who was now furious.

"Richard!" she exclaimed. "Richard, will you just let me off here!?"

"No," he said, and then Arizona began to nudge the door, unlocking it quickly. "No!" he said again, promptly hitting the brake. Arizona fell slightly forward, almost hitting her head on the dashboard.

"What the hell!" she yelled.

"Put your fucking seatbelt on and shut up."

"I don't-"

"This is my car, not yours. You're not the driver. Now put your damn seatbelt on!"

"Just let me get out and it won't be a problem," she said, opening the door to the car.

Richard quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over to her side, shutting the door back with force.

"Will you listen to me?" he asked, his voice softer now. "Will you please just listen?"

Arizona sat silently, staring straight ahead of her – she felt suddenly defeated. Her head hurt and her body ached and she felt very tired. She leaned back in the seat as Richard parked to the curb and shut the engine off.

"Can I smoke?" she asked.

"No, Adele will kill me, you know that," he said. "She'll think it's Ellis."

"Ellis doesn't smoke, just tell her it was me."

"Then she'd just get more worried."

"Worried?" Arizona asked, looking over at him. "Worried about what?"

"Worried about you, Arizona."

"Why is she worried about me?"

"Because of Tim."

"Tim is dead."

"That's exactly it," he said. "And you don't smoke. You only smoke those cigarettes."

It was silent again as Arizona scrunched her face in confusion. She peered ahead of her again, her mind blank.

"They're Tim's, that's why I smoke them," she replied.

"I know."

"And I need," she started. "And I need Nick not to ruin his life."

"Why?"

"Because Tim wouldn't want that. Because he has too much to lose."

"Like what?"

"Like, a lot. A lot. The way Tim wrote about him in his letters, I just can't leave him like that. I can't."

"Arizona," Richard said. "You're the one that has too much to lose. You're a doctor, you've got credentials. You can't mix yourself in that crowd."

"I'm just trying to find Nick."

"Let him ruin his own life, this is yours. It's yours Arizona, and you need to let go."

"Richard-"

"Just let go."

"But I-"

"Just let Tim go."

###

She cried in Callie's arms when that child died. Only because she hadn't understood anything about that child's life or her own – or really anything about life – like why it was so brief and why people had to die.

She never dreamed much. Not much. Because ghosts never had dreams. But often times, she'd find herself falling into a daydream. She recalled moments of her life with such vividness that it almost seemed within arm's reach, like it was only yesterday. Her yesterdays were long gone, but when she had those moments when her life came back to her, when she remembered what her life was like – she'd fall into a daydream. And she called it a trance. Because everything seemed to wash away. The world kept revolving, the world kept going, but she sat still and fell into her dream – her, as she coined it, trance.