My Doves, as promised, here is the second installment. Thank you, once more and forever, for all of your kind words and encouragements. It's wonderful to know that you are enjoying reading as much as I am enjoying writing this piece.
Warnings: You will need a freakin' tissue.
Songs: I'm Only Human by Christina Perri, Rain by Patty Griffin, I'm Not an Angel by Halestorm, What Have You Done by Within Temptation
Regina grumbled to life. Her head pounded and her stomach roiled. The sun taunted her with its bright light, and she considered waving her hand and closing the curtains with magic but refrained. Slowly, her eyes cracked and then slammed shut again. She shielded them with her hand and tried again, intending to close the curtains and return to bed until she saw the clock on her nightstand. It was already after one in the afternoon. Why had no one come to wake her?
Pushing aside her hangover symptoms, she stomped angrily down the stairs, silk pajamas rustling. She searched the living room first and found nothing, so she turned towards the kitchen. A note on the counter in Ruby's loopy script was the only indication that anyone else had been in the house.
Regina, Didn't want to wake you. Belle and Henry are at the library, and I am at the station if you need us. I made you something to help with the hangover. It's in the fridge. Don't worry, it's nothing gross. Let me know if you hear anything about Emma. -Ruby- P.S. You snore like a kitten.
Regina crumpled the note and stomped to the refrigerator. Her thigh burned hotly in aching, stabbing jolts now that her anger dissipated. The glass at eye level had a note attached that said, "Drink me, Regina!" Dark eyes rolled at Red's methods but begrudgingly wrapped her fingers around the glass of thick, dark green liquid. If anyone knew how to cure a hangover, it was Ruby. The girl practically lived on alcohol for 28 years.
Regina heard her singing outside her office window while she worked late a few years ago, a ridiculous little jingle that stuck with Regina for whatever reason.
"If the ocean was Vodka and I was a duck, I'd go to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean's not Vodka and I'm not a duck, so pass me the bottle and shut the fuck up," Regina spoke the words less enthusiastically than Red's drunken singing and then tipped the glass up. Huh. It actually wasn't as disgusting as she'd imagine, sort of minty. She downed the rest in one go and then rinsed the glass.
She wandered into her study, vaguely remembering being there last night. It was trashed, broken glass, an overturned table, papers blown off her desk. Regina scowled at the mess and jabbed her hands into her hips.
"There better not have been crazy wolf sex in my office, Miss Lucas," she muttered and then shut the door, leaving the mess for later consideration and cleaning.
Some toast, some aspirin and a quick shower had Regina feeling almost normal. Ruby's magic drink really cured her hangover. Regina dressed quickly in some black slacks and grey-blue blazer with a simple white shirt beneath. She stared at the mirror trying desperately to remember what she'd done last night after she'd put Henry to bed, but there were only spurts and flashes. Her office. Belle's eyes. Ruby's citrus shampoo. Nothing solid returned, and she sighed.
She picked up a dark plum lipstick and applied it quickly. Makeup was pointless, but Emma always stared at her lips more when she wore this shade. Emma wouldn't see it this day, but it comforted Regina, a cool balm for the fire in her soul. She needed that confidence today, needed to feel the way Emma always made her feel when she looked at her lips hungrily. Daniel had made her feel like a pretty, lovesick school girl, but Emma made her feel like a desirable, beautiful, sexual woman and not in a way that objectified her.
Daniel.
She watched her own eyes widen in horror. Her chest clutched painfully. He'd been outside her window, staring at her. She'd drank until he disappeared, thinking him an apparition of her grief about Emma, but now in the light of day, she wasn't sure. She'd never seen such an animalistic expression on his face before. Surely, her mind wouldn't have conjured such a twisted image of the man she perceived as her true love. Had Whale…? No, he swore it wasn't possible.
She ignored her burning thigh as she sprinted to her car and drove straight to the hospital. She ignored the stares, glares and abrupt changes of direction as she stalked directly to Whale's office. It was wrecked. Blood stained the walls, papers and medical equipment covered the floors. She picked through the wreckage desperately, finding Whale's dismembered arm before she found the rest of him.
"Oh God." Emma. Who would do Emma's surgery? "Whale?" Her hollow voice strained from her throat as she shook the man's good shoulder.
"What did you do?" she growled as soon as his eyes cracked open. "You fool! Did you bring him back?" She'd made him choose between Emma and Daniel, and now she may have lost both.
"He's alive," Whale whispered, his eyes bright with his triumph despite its cost, his arm… Emma's life.
"What about Emma?" She seethed. "You're surgical career is over!" She grabbed his white jacket lapels and shook him. He groaned weakly as pain shot through his shoulder and into his chest.
"Whose going to save her!" Regina screamed.
"Ms. Mills, what the hell is going on in here?" Dr. Zambrano stood wide-eyed at the door of Whale's office, whether by accident or summoned by her screams, she'd never know.
"This imbecile charlatan messed with things he shouldn't have and nearly got himself killed. That is what's happening, Doctor, and not by my hands either." Regina added as she stalked from the room.
"Ms. Mills!" Dr. Zambrano called after her and then gestured down the hall for some nurses huddled by their station. They approached tentatively, and Dr. Zambrano turned to face Regina.
"I heard them gossiping when I walked by. They called the sher… Deputy Lucas? They called Ruby to come down here. This doesn't look good for you. Probably best if you stuck around, just in case." Regina fixed the woman with cold eyes, but she seemed unaffected as she returned to Whale's office and assisted her staff with his care.
Once he was on a gurney and headed towards the E.R., Zambrano paused. "I can finish Emma's surgery," She stated confidently, chin tipped upwards in defensive pride.
"You can?" Regina's shoulders fell in relief.
"I will. Will you do something for me?" She asked, and Regina nodded.
"If I'm capable, I'd do just about anything," Regina admitted reverently.
"Stay the hell away from my hospital until Sheriff Swan wakes up. You may not scare me anymore after last night, but you terrify my staff. It's distracting, and quite frankly irritating as hell. Just stay away or magic yourself to her room unseen. It's room 205." With that she turned and strode after Whale's gurney and her pack of nurses surrounding him.
Regina followed at a much slower pace and stood outside the glass barriers when she arrived, watching various medical staff work on Whale's mutilated body. Moron.
That's how Ruby found her when she arrived 20 minutes later. The girl was flustered and exhausted as she should be. She'd been caring for Henry and Belle and Regina added her name to that list last night. Given the state of her study, she'd apparently been a handful even if she couldn't remember it completely. Now they expected her to drop everything and step into the role of sheriff, replacing one of her closest friends who willingly sacrificed herself to save the life of one of her supposed sworn enemies. None of that mentioned the fact that Red's nightmares of killing people she loved most had returned with a vengeance and her best friend and her husband had been sucked into an unknown realm and may be dead.
"Regina, what the hell happened?" Ruby crossed her arms and cocked her hip to one side, but her eyes assessed the damage to Whale's body that she could see.
"He… He brought him back," Regina's shoulders rose and fell slightly with the words, knowing more questions likely followed.
"Brought who back from what?" Ruby snapped, her patience thinning. Regina terrified once, but now, now she mostly just pissed her off with her cryptic secrets and half-hearted death threats.
"Daniel. He… we were engaged. We were running away together." Regina stopped as emotions flooded her thoughts.
"You and Whale?" Ruby asked in confusion, nose scrunched at the thought.
"No, you twit! Daniel and I intended to run away together. Whale, he… well, he wasn't from our land. I brought him to the Enchanted Forest because he was confident that he could bring the dead back with the aid of hearts torn out by magic, the kind I kept in my vault."
"Wait, hold up. Hold the fuck up," Ruby rubbed her forehead, and Regina clenched her jaws impatiently. She wanted to get this little story time finished so that she might search for Daniel.
"You have hearts?" Ruby whispered harshly, checking over her shoulder for an eavesdroppers. "Here?"
"They are from our land. I brought them here with the curse. They're in my vault underneath my father's crypt. It's not important. The point is that I also brought Daniel's body with me. It had been preserved with a spell. Whale brought him back with one of the hearts from my vault." Regina finished, leaning close to Ruby's face.
"Whose heart did he use?" Ruby struggled to keep up with Regina's explanation.
"I have no idea. There were so many it was impossible to keep track," Regina admitted quietly after a small pause. She vaguely remembered saying the same thing about her mother when she'd taken Dr. Frankenstein to Cora's vault for a heart.
"Regina, is this guy dangerous? I mean, look what he did to Whale with his bare hands. Are you prepared to do what needs to be done… if we have to?" Ruby crossed her arms again and had the decency to lower her eyes as she suggested killing someone Regina clearly care for.
"Deputy, do you intend to help me find him or not?" Regina snipped suddenly, uncomfortable with the parallel between herself and her mother and the thought that she might lose Daniel once more.
"Yeah. Fine. I'll help. Do you have any idea where to start looking?" Ruby turned from Regina and started back towards the front of the hospital. This place creeped her out. She smelled everything, death and disease, fear and pain. She hated it.
"Remember when David woke up from his coma? He returned to the Troll Bridge, the last thing Mary Margaret read to him. My best assumption would be that Daniel will return to the last place we met, the stables." Regina shared her theory, struggling to keep up with Ruby's long strides.
"The stables?" She stopped abruptly, and Regina bumped into her shoulder. She glared up at the suddenly scared wolf.
"Yes, why?" Regina's stomach clenched as she watched the fear grow in Ruby's big brown eyes.
"Belle and Henry are at the stables. It's why I was late getting here. I dropped them off," she breathed and then took off in a sprint.
Regina followed as best she could. By the time she caught up with Ruby, the girl had pulled the cruiser in front of the hospital and drummed impatiently on the wheel.
"Bout time, Your Highness." She snarked and then burned rubber as she pulled into the street, siren blasting.
"If you hadn't put my son in danger, then we wouldn't have to rush, now would we?" Regina volleyed, stomach flipping as Ruby used her wolf reflexes to keep the car on the road as she took a turn far too quickly.
"Excuse me, Majesty. I wasn't aware today would be Storybrooke: Resident Evil Edition!" She yelled and pressed the accelerator to the floor as she righted the vehicle coming out of the turn.
She flipped the siren off when they pulled up to the stable. The second the blaring sound ceased a muffled shouting could be heard from inside. Ruby took off, Regina trailing behind like before. She cursed her heels and injured leg that seemed would never heal.
"Hey!" Red shouted as she skidded to a stop in front of a stall. Henry pressed into a corner, as far from the man as he could get. Belle dangled in the air, throat gripped tightly in the man's hand. She'd put herself between a zombie and Henry, the kid of the woman who tortured her for three decades.
Belle dropped to the floor gasping. She grabbed Henry and held him close with one arm, her other hand rubbing her throat. Regina finally arrived at the stall, and the tall man paused, leaning his head to one side and then the other as though he recognized her. Ruby waved Belle and Henry to her while he was momentarily distracted. He grunted and groaned, however, as the sudden movement set him off again.
"Go! Get out of here!" Ruby pushed Belle and Henry towards the exit and whipped around in time to see Daniel charge at Regina who was staring, dumbfounded and unmoving.
She slammed the stall door shut and pressed all of her strength against it. This dude was strong, maybe even stronger than her if the painful jolts flying up her arms indicated anything. She reached for Emma's gun.
"What are you doing?" Regina said suddenly, snapping from her stupor at Ruby's intention.
"He's a monster, Regina, and if you won't put him down, then I will." Red screamed at the former royal and turned towards the door.
"No!" Regina pushed against her arm. "I won't let you hurt him!"
"Then bind him, freeze him, do something before he kills someone." Red's cold voice slipped up Regina's spine. "Get out of my way!" She shoved Regina against the wall and started for the door again.
"Ruby, stop! Please, please just stop. Don't hurt him!" Regina beat her fists against Ruby's back and shoulders, but she held strong at the door. Without using magic, Regina had nothing to offer in a match against a werewolf, even in human form.
"Not yet," Regina conceded. "Let me talk to him. I can get through. I know I can." Regina's tortured features and bright begging eyes made the decision for Ruby.
"Regina…" Ruby sighed. "I am going to be just around that corner. If you need me or he hurts you, I will be right here and I will put him down," she explained concisely and then back away from the stable door.
With wolf hearing, she needn't have been that close to hear what Regina and Daniel said to one another, but she tried her best to ignore it. She easily deciphered the pain in Regina's voice as Daniel fought the monster inside him. Tears stung the back of her throat as she sensed the conversation drawing to a close. He couldn't have fought it forever.
"But I love you," Regina whispered, and Ruby hung her head, forcing her tears away and her breathing to calm. Why couldn't this woman catch a fucking break?
"Then love again," Daniel's pained response broke Ruby's reserves and a solitary tear trekked her youthful face. Regina had loved once before, and had been loved fiercely in return. How the hell had she gotten to the person she was today, to the Evil Queen?
She stepped around the corner at Daniel's angry growl, but Regina held up one hand, encasing him in a purple glimmer. She simply watched.
Regina leaned forward, lips near Daniel's ear, and whispered, "I have." And then the man disappeared into ash with a wave of Regina's hand. "Goodbye, Daniel."
She bowed her head as soft whimpers and whines escaped her throat. Ruby gave her a moment and then stepped behind her. She fought tears of her own, but they were nothing compared to Regina's, nor was her pain, confusion or grief at the situation. Gingerly, she placed her hands atop Regina's shoulders. When she met with no resistance, she pressed her front into Regina's back, arms slipping around Regina's chest and stomach. Regina leaned forward as though she might fall over, but Red held her tightly, keeping her on her feet. Ruby's arms ached with the effort when the tears finally subsided.
"Ruby?" Regina's small voice questioned. She leaned into the young wolf, head lolling against a thin shoulder.
"Yeah," Ruby answered, unsure where Regina was going because… who else would be hugging her right now?
"Thank you," a straggling sob hiccupped into her throat, and Regina pressed her hands against Ruby's arm around her chest, forcing the wolf to continue holding her. "Thank you," she repeated. Her head ached and her face burned, but she felt… cleansed.
Ruby pressed her lips against Regina's temple and held them there, surprising both of them when it wasn't as awkward as they thought it should have been. It was… comfortable?
Red understood, even though the words remained unspoken. They weren't necessary. If someone had hugged Regina the first time Daniel died, perhaps she might have chosen a different life. She tightened her grip on the trembling woman, and the silence stretched on. She itched to get back to Belle and Henry, inspect every inch of their bodies for injury, but she waited. This was one decision Regina needed to make for herself. She refused to release the woman until she prepared herself to stand on her own again.
Finally, she released her death grip on Ruby's forearm. Ruby released her instantly despite her own desire to remain in the unlikely embrace and watched her gimp towards the exit for a moment before following.
She steadied the injured woman with a hand under her arm. Regina paused long enough to glare at her long fingers, which Ruby removed quickly at the look, and then continued into the sunlight to where Belle held a shaking Henry against her chest. They parted slightly when they saw them exit the stable. Henry immediately sprinted into his mother's waiting arms, and Ruby continued to Belle. She wrapped her hand around Belle's upper arm and gently led her to the back of the cruiser, facing away from mother and son.
"She needs a minute," Ruby explained, and then lifted Belle onto the trunk with firm hands on her waist. Her eyes flickered over the ugly purple fingerprints marring Belle's perfect skin, her arms and neck especially. Anger flared, and Red felt her eyes change as the wolf rage filled her to the brim.
Belle giggled at the unexpected gesture but sobered a second later when Ruby turned her back unexpectedly and stared off into the field, fingers gripping her slim hips painfully and shoulders coiling with tension. Hesitant hands touched the tight muscles.
The taller woman offered no protest, so Belle spread her knees and pulled Ruby against her chest. Ruby leaned her hips against the trunk and allowed Belle to wrap her arms loosely around her waist. A relieved sigh escaped her lips when Belle squeezed her hips between her thighs and rested her cheek on her shoulder blade, not tall enough to hook it over her thin shoulder. It mattered little as long as Belle touched her, comforted her, absorbed her tension and pain. Was this what Regina felt only moments ago when she'd held her in a nearly identical embrace?
As much as she wanted to take things to the next level with the librarian, perhaps Red needed only a friend right now, too. Especially if Belle continued to offer comfort and unwavering compassion so easily.
"Miss Lucas?" Regina called softly, and Ruby threw her hand up, telling the former royal to leave her in peace. To her surprise, Regina fell silent and simply stepped beside her right shoulder, not quite touching their arms together. Henry wiggled out of the safety of his mother's arm about his shoulders and scrambled to her left side. Ruby's face scrunched with emotion when his tiny arms circled her waist above Belle's, and his face pressed against her shoulder. She was safe and she was loved. She glanced at Regina who shared a knowing gaze with her.
After today, after what Ruby had done for her, neither of them would ever be alone again.
"Ruby, can I stay with you and Belle?" Henry whispered, voice tight with emotion and fading adrenaline. His face tipped towards the wolf's, the top of his head barely reaching her shoulder. Ruby nodded almost imperceptibly at Regina, confirming what they both already knew, before gazing down at Henry's sad eyes.
"Of course you can, Kiddo." She raised her arm that his head rest against and wrapped it around his back, pulling him against her.
"Thank you, Ruby," Regina said and then touched her shoulder before disappearing in a puff.
"Henry… where's your mom going?" Ruby rolled her eyes and looked to the space Regina had occupied only a few seconds ago.
"She said that she needed to talk to someone, and that I should ask if I could stay with you. I think she's going to see Emma." His eyes softened at the mention of the blonde sheriff, and Belled covered his arm on Ruby's stomach with a comforting hand.
"I guess we'll see when we get there. You and Belle need to be checked out." Ruby reluctantly forced herself out of their safe embrace and then lifted Belle off the trunk, setting her gently on the ground like precious, breakable cargo.
"We're fine, Ruby," Belle assured her, but the acting sheriff shook her head and held up a hand, halting all protest.
She slipped her hand onto Belle's back and escorted her to the passenger side of the vehicle and opened the door before she even thought about what she'd done. The tiny woman smiled up at her as she realized that this wasn't Ruby protecting her but assuming the role of a gentle suitor and respecting friend. She might have kissed her again if Henry hadn't watched intently from the backseat. Ruby's ears burned with embarrassment under Belle's blue-eyed scrutiny, parted lips, and slightly heaving chest as the librarian struggled against with her war between passion and sensibility.
After a tense moment, she slid into the car and held her dress until Ruby breathed a relieved sigh as she closed the door. Ruby wouldn't have resisted if Belle had kissed her even though they decided last night to remain as friends for the time being.
Belle tracked the waitress turned sheriff as she crossed in front of the car and smiled shyly, heat burning up her chest, making the bruises on her neck throb. Ruby made her feel like a princess again without making her feel weak and powerless and without expectation of reciprocity. With Ruby, she called the shots, decided the pace. Ruby well-informed her the previous night of that fact when she'd set the rhythm of their short but tense kisses, and it fanned her desire for the other woman all the more. She hadn't expected to find someone so soon after Rumpel, certainly not a woman, and certainly not someone who destroyed all of her senses in a way Rumpel only dreamed of. Maybe her heart was meant to be shattered so that she truly appreciated what she inexplicably shared with the other woman.
Unknowingly, they followed Regina to the hospital. The witch appeared in a swirl of violet haze. The poor nurse at Emma's bedside shrieked and then cowered on the opposite side of the room from the door. Regina rolled her eyes.
"Quit sniveling, you fool. If I wanted you dead, I'd rip your heart out and have it for lunch. Now, tell me how she is," she ordered the woman, not quite lowering her eyes to Emma's still form yet. Not yet, she told herself.
"S-s-she…" the woman stuttered. Regina's eyes slipped shut as she took a calming breath, chest shaking with the effort.
"Will you please tell me how Emma is?" She forced through clenched teeth, trying her best to be nice.
"She's stable," a voice answered behind her. "Kim, you can go," Dr. Zambrano nodded to the other woman as she grabbed a chart hanging from Emma's bed. "Or as stable as one can be while on life support with a bullet hole in three major organs, two of which still need repairing."
"Do you lurk about and wait for me to appear?" Regina nipped, only half-joking. The woman made Regina uneasy, and that was saying something huge about her.
"I follow the screaming," the doctor answered casually, clicking her pen closed and shoving it into the pocket of her coat. She slid the file back onto the bed and then slipped her hands into her pockets, fixing Regina with curious eyes.
"Why aren't you screaming?" Regina wondered aloud, not meaning to have spoken the question.
"I no longer fear you," the other woman said with a shrug. "Was a soul-seer in the Enchanted Forest. You made me a healer here. I can't see the past or the future, but I do have the ability to view what is in a person's heart… without ripping it out," she added flippantly. She made sure her words hit home; they did. Regina squirmed uncomfortably, and she continued. "I touch a person, and I feel their intentions, their feelings. Makes bad sex a bitch." She laughed in nostalgia and then refocused.
"Sometimes I even get flashes of what they are thinking about in that moment, thoughts… memories." She stared straight into Regina's eyes, the word holding more meaning than the rest.
"You saw what I was thinking when you stitched my leg," Regina confirmed aloud, not really asking a question. She swallowed thickly. "How much?"
"Enough to know that you have the best intentions but very little conviction in them if Sheriff Swan loses her battle. You only want your son to love you as he once did and for Emma to return your deep feelings. You want to believe that you won't let your grief turn to hatred and vengeance again, but you and I both know that you don't."
"Read me again," Regina demanded quietly, and the doctor started at the unpredictable request.
"Are you asking for my sake or yours?" She asked when Regina raised her hands, palms up, towards the doctor.
"I… I'm not sure," she confessed as flashes of Ruby hugging her in the barn flickered behind her eyes. The spontaneous comfort moved something within Regina, something she'd thought died long ago, but the feeling lay dormant so long that she could no longer name it.
"Maybe one day I will, Regina, but not today. I will tell you one thing, though," she nodded towards Emma's still form. "She'll forgive you, for…" the doctor paused as a shiver ran up her spine, shaking her shoulders with the force behind it.
"Belle," Regina quietly finished for her. Dr. Zambrano nodded once and rolled her shoulders, shaking off the uncomfortable feeling associated with what she'd seen.
"For everything," she added and then smiled, face dropping shyly. "She doesn't know how yet, but she's trying." A shock of dark hair fell into her face, and then she was gone, abandoning Regina to her own thoughts, making her wonder what the doctor had felt in Emma to make react so gently. She knew Emma's love ran deep for anyone who was lucky enough to get close. Perhaps it wasn't too late.
After a moment with that thought, she collected herself and forced her eyes to Emma's face. The tubes and machines beeped and whooshed, testing Regina's resolve to be in the same room as the sheriff. She allowed herself a moment to adjust to the harsh noises and gaunt face of the normally vibrant woman before her. Slowly, she slid a slightly more appealing chair than the one in the triage room next to the bed and lowered herself onto the hard cushion.
She brushed her knuckles against Emma's temple and then carefully found a comfortable position around the I.V. and gripped her hand lightly. She seemed so frail, so breakable. She'd done this for her, offered all she had to keep her promise. A single tear rolled onto Regina's cheek.
"Your big, stupid, beautiful heart," Regina berated with a sad smile.
"I love you," she whispered. If Emma had been awake, she probably wouldn't have heard the infinitesimally audible confession. Regina sniffed and dropped her eyes to their joined hands.
"I said goodbye to Daniel today, Emma. If I were honest with myself, I'd say that it was actually easier than I thought it would be, but I'll be honest with you. That was our deal, right? I tell you everything, no bars held." Regina studied Emma's face as if the unconscious woman might have reacted.
"Ruby was there for me. She hugged me after I… after he was gone. She's just a girl, but she's so strong. She has a big, stupid, beautiful heart, just like yours. Maybe you're both descended from mutts. I bet your owner bought you a hideous red leather jacket to take family photos in," Regina chuckled at the image of a huge Golden retriever in Emma's jacket and then sobered.
"Belle has completely stolen that heart of hers. I'm not sure if either of them are aware of it yet, but I think we may have our first case of true Sapphic love on our hands. I'll keep you posted, and don't worry, I'll look after Ruby. She's so tough, but like you, she's so fragile. She's going to need some help navigating through the murky waters of love. She's so terribly confused already and I doubt she'd go to Granny for advice, but she came to me, sort of.
"She asked me a few questions about us. When I knew that I'd fallen for you, those sort of questions. I think she's trying to understand her fierce connection with Belle. I remember the clumsy throes of that kind of love, except their experience is different from mine and from your parents' because they've both suffered. They've already loved and lost without ever really knowing what they had, and now they're terrified that what they share might be the final word in love. It's really sort of beautiful to watch true love blossom from clumsy chivalry and stolen glances."
Regina laughed sadly, remembering Ruby's protectiveness and unwavering support as she helped Belle eat her dinner the previous night. She sobered and pulled nervously at Emma's limp fingers.
"He was my first love," she continued after a moment. "I loved him with my entire soul when I was a girl. I would have been unspeakably happy if we had managed to run away together, but that's not who I am anymore. His soul is… was too good, too pure. He could never have loved the woman I became because he would always see that naïve little girl who followed him around on her horse for two months before ever gathering the nerve to speak to him." Regina laughed at the memory and swiped some tears from her face and waited for Emma to react once again.
"I know. It's difficult to imagine me too shy to speak, but it's true. Like I said, I'm not that person anymore." Her throat constricted, and her eyes dropped back to their hands, finding Emma's unexpressive face too difficult to look at in the moment.
"You hurt me, Emma, when you pulled away from me. I know that I deserved it and that you asked for time to deal with who I am, what I've done, and I didn't respect that. I'm so sorry. But I need you. I know what it feels like to touch you, now, and I'm not sure you'd like who I would become if I lost your touch, your smug smile when you get one up on me." Regina pushed away the thought of her uncertain future with a shake of her head.
"I thought I needed him, but he couldn't love my darkness, which meant that he could never truly love all of me. It was there long before I ever summoned Rumpelstiltskin, my mother made quite certain of that," Regina confessed bitterly.
"I pushed it away, denied it because I didn't want to admit that I was so very similar to the woman who tortured me the first 18 years of life. I loved it, though, giving into the darkness. It was wild and liberating. I love using magic. I love the way it makes me feel, the power and control. I was untouchable, but now, I think I want you to touch me, Emma. You make me want to be better. Don't you dare leave me, you fool."
Regina bowed her head when a spontaneous sob stole her breath at the truth behind her words. She pressed her forehead into Emma's hand and let go, tear after tear flowing onto the scratchy white blanket. All of the torment and torture at her mother's hands flowed through them, the guilt of her own actions, the ache she'd harbored her entire life for a love she believed would never find her. They washed the darkness in her soul upon Emma's hand and left it there for the Savior to cradle and control as she wished.
You make me love the light. Regina finished silently when her voice became lost in the torrent of tears.
