Well, let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act
And the color of her hair
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there

###

She was soft and slender under her touch and with each delicate stroke of her hand, Callie could see the heated skin before her lush with pleasure. It was strange the way in which the milky white of her skin would immediately become bruised with the graze of her teeth or flushed with the tantalizing trace of her lips. Under Callie's touch, she had not felt cold at all, rather, her body was emitting incredible heat and she would sweat profusely. Her breathy, choked moans almost became intolerable to Callie; it drove the woman crazy, hearing those sounds and whimpers that seemed all too delectable to her ears. It drove her to a kind of heightened excitement that she couldn't quite name. And the smell of her, the smell of her was intoxicating, Callie almost felt drunk. She was sure that she could do this forever, even with the burning of her muscles as she worked her hand inside of Arizona in a rhythmic motion. She was sure when she felt those cool fingertips claw into her back, scraping roughly, leaving trails in their hasty absence. Yes, she could do this forever.

"Callie," she breathed. "Callie…"

Callie loved when the blonde called out her name with such ecstasy. It was enthralling, it only intoxicated more, it gave her more reason to want, to want it all. "Callie," she gasped, as the owner of that name thrusted wildly. She pumped inside of her, feeling the wetness slip through her fingers as she only delved deeper into her. The inside of her was warm and soft and with each thrust, she only clenched tighter, pulling her in. Callie could explore her forever.

"What?" Callie husked into her ear, her movements increasing with such intensity that Arizona started to gasp wildly into her ear.

"I'm gonna come," she managed to say, though the words were breathed out in a quick exhale. "I'm gonna come," she said again, trying to steady her voice.

"Come," Callie coaxed, wrapping her free arm around the blonde's slender body in order to anchor her in place. "Come," she commanded.

And with that command, Arizona clenched tightly around Callie's fingers – gasping loudly into her ear. Her fingernails scraped down Callie's back, and the taller women was sure that Arizona had pierced her skin – she felt the burn of the marks as the cool air hit it. But it was fine, because it was incredibly sexy. She still pumped slowly into the blonde as she came down from her orgasm, now bringing her lips to her exposed neck, kissing and licking and biting. She could leave as many marks as she wanted to, she thought briefly. Arizona was hers to mark and only she could see it, only she could know. That thought would probably have been disheartening to Callie, but in this moment, nothing mattered but the trembling woman that laid beneath her.

She felt the ghost grow calm in her arms, so she gently pulled her fingers out of her, feeling the woman tremble once more at the loss.

"God, you are so sexy," Callie murmured, gently kissing her neck.

To this, Arizona laughed softly and ran her fingers through Callie's raven locks, content to just snuggle in the bed with her. Since Arizona's trance, they seemed to have become more intimate, more entangled with each other. Callie often found herself wanting Arizona at strange times, and if sensing it, the blonde appeared before her in an on-call room. The medical library had now become their lounging spot in which the two would giggle together and flip through countless journals.

However, the best moments were when Callie arrived home. She could talk as freely as she pleased (granted, Cristina's absence) with Arizona and could touch her as much as she wanted. She found herself introducing Arizona to a wide array of popular culture – and they would spend hours in front of the television or otherwise. And now, Callie had had the last few days off and even more ahead of her, and though she'd made plans especially to do some cleaning, she couldn't help but spend every moment next to Arizona, who was keen on keeping her company.

"Mmm, this is nice," Callie murmured, her head nestled on Arizona's shoulder. "I could fall asleep."

"If you fall asleep, I'd be very bored," Arizona declared, still tangling her fingers through Callie's lovely hair.

"You could wake me up," Callie started. "The way you always do."

Arizona giggled and gently brought her hand to Callie's chin so that she'd scoot up the bed to meet her eyes. She kissed her gently and brushed her nose against hers.

"Well, then I take it back," Arizona said. "Go to sleep right now," she ordered.

"Mmm, no thanks," Callie refused. "I have cleaning to do."

And as if suddenly remembering, she moved to get off the bed, only to have her arm pulled back down forcefully.

"No," Arizona refused, cuddling her body close to Callie's. "Stay with me."

"Arizona," Callie warned. "I have to, I won't get another chance for a while."

"Noo," Arizona whined.

"I'll be done quick," Callie said. "Why don't you help me?"

"I hate cleaning," Arizona declared.

"Of course you do," Callie said, recalling the horrific last aisle in the medical library. The blonde only scowled at her, and wrapped her arms tighter around Callie's. While it was certainly always pleasurable to be physically close with Arizona, Callie was determined to get things done. And she suddenly had an idea.

Reaching her free arm towards her night stand, she grabbed her phone and opened the Youtube application, knowing that Arizona would at once become immersed by it. The blonde didn't quite understand the formatting of the website or searching utility, so Callie quickly showed her how to use it.

"I saw this already," Arizona murmured. "Yeah, it's cool."

"Yeah, but last time I only showed you the videos I wanted to see," Callie retorted. "Here, look. You can search for anything you want."

"Really?" Arizona asked, suddenly intrigued.

"Yeah, look," Callie said. "Just type what you want into the search bar."

Arizona took the phone and typed in whatever she wanted to and was quickly startled with the results. The naked blonde sat up on the bed now and opened a video, already enamored. "Wow!" she exclaimed.

"The Zombies?" Callie asked. She recalled Arizona going through the songs on her phone, and she noticed that the ghost was particularly struck with that band. That, and a bunch of other music that sounded similar. She was happy to have introduced Arizona to such an array of things. She smiled as the blonde briefly nodded her head and then she stood up, pulling on a shirt and sweat pants.

"I'm gonna clean now," Callie said.

"Uh huh," Arizona murmured, clearly no longer attentive.

"Okay," Callie murmured, briefly thinking that maybe it had been a bad idea to show her how to use the app. She shrugged and walked out of her room, her eyes immediately falling on the number of dishes in the sink. She rolled her eyes. Cristina.

She looked over to the window and saw Cristina's suitcase still sitting on the same spot (it had been there for over two months now) along with a box of books settled on top. A number of bags were piled next to those and Callie rolled her eyes again, quickly walking over to the mess. She bent down with the intention to pick up all Cristina's bags and toss them into her room, but her elbow hit the box settled on the suitcase and it quickly fell over.

"Urgh, stupid Cristina," Callie groaned, as the books tumbled noisily onto the floor. "When is she going to get rid of this crap?" she grumbled, reaching to pick the books up. She fixed the cardboard box back neatly on the couch, internally appalled at Cristina's carelessness for stacking a box of books on a light-weight, easy-to-top-over suitcase.

Hearing the noise, Arizona poked her head outside of Callie's bedroom.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing, I just dropped some stuff."

"Do you need help?"

"No, I got it," Callie insisted, glancing at Arizona who stood at the doorway of her bedroom, her bright eyes glued to Callie's phone. She knew the blonde had absolutely no interest in assisting her. "You go back to whatever you're doing."

"Okay," Arizona said. "Youtube is so cool!" she then exclaimed, her eyes still locked on the mobile device. She quickly turned around and went back inside Callie's bedroom, to which the brunette simply rolled her eyes. Arizona's enjoyment of modern technology was cute, but now she just appeared to be as distracted as the normal child or teenager with access to a phone. At least she appreciated things for what they were, Callie thought briefly.

She turned her attention back to the books on the floor, picking them up quickly and tossing them back into the box. They were all black, sturdy leather-bound journals that resembled each other – probably bought in stockpile. Callie reached down to grab another one – its spine damaged from the fall. She grumbled to herself and checked the book for any other wear – flipping through the pages momentarily.

It was a simple gesture, a simple thing. Fixing a book that appeared to be damaged, because it wasn't hers. But now she felt great need for the journal. A single phrase had caught her eye.

Fucking Arizona Robbins

She read it again, speechless.

Fucking Arizona Robbins

She read it once more, her eyes now searching below that, searching for more, searching for every instance of that name.

August 16th – Lunch Hour – 3:42 PM

Fucking Arizona Robbins

She caught us, that was not my plan. Richard wasn't as frantic as I was. Mainly because Robbins would not ruin him. She is not the type to ruin a friend like Richard.

The entry abruptly ended in the next sentence.

I must go. 911.

Callie quickly flipped the page.

August 17th – 7:54 PM

Oh, what a stupid folly. I should have been more precise in the operation but I couldn't have done it – if only for Thatcher's yelling and Meredith's wails and Richard in the on-call room and Robbins walking in on us. Richard told Robbins... who I now call Arizona … but the problem is that Richard told Robbins and now I'm entirely distrustful but she didn't seem to care much. She's overly cheerful and it makes me want to vomit.

I hate girls like her.

The way she insists that she knows everything is certainly enraging at times.

But she is going to be a promising surgeon. She does read medical journals often, much often than I do and I suppose that she is the biggest competition I've had to date.

I often compete with her, it only enrages me to notice her complete disregard of my efforts. Perhaps I am looking for acknowledgement because all the Attendings seem to praise her much more than I. However, they all see that we are talented. They all see our specialties unfolding.

Out of all of these incompetent imbeciles – Richard, Arizona, and myself have survived…

Though Callie had become increasingly engaged in the new information on Arizona, she quickly realized that these journals were dated. They must have had a date, a year.

"Where's the year?" she asked herself, flipping through the pages, looking for some indication of a date. It seemed to Callie that Ellis Grey only recorded, at the top of every entry, the months and the days – yes, even the time, but not the year.

"Ugh!" Callie groaned.

"Year, year, year…" Callie murmured, flipping through the pages. She then flipped to the beginning of the notebook and saw the headline of the journal. It was a continuation – one of many in a series.

Continuation Journal 4 – February 04 1973

Callie read it again.

1973.

Arizona was alive in February of 1973. And according to the entry she had just read, she was most certainly alive on August 17th 1973.

She recalled the entry that she had read only moments ago. She flipped back to it now and her eyes landed on the name Richard.

Richard? Richard Webber.

He had known Arizona. When she was alive.

And then, Callie suddenly recalled her first day back at the hospital and Arizona's distant gaze as she watched Richard's departing figure. He was familiar to her. Though Arizona had passively made a comment about being intimidated by authoritative figures (and Callie was sure it was true in some regard), her real gaze had been one of familiarity. He was someone who had known her so long ago. He must have looked so different in Arizona's eyes, she thought.

And Ellis Grey. Arizona had actually known the legendary Ellis Grey. And not only that, but Ellis Grey was intimidated by Arizona. She seemed to write so vigorously of her strange contempt for the blonde, they must have known each other intimately. Callie knew there was only one way to find out.

She looked up from the journal and back at the open door to her room. Arizona had not come out, she was busily engaged in whatever she'd been watching on Youtube. Callie would have time. She picked up the box and quickly tossed the rest of journals into them, then planting herself down on the couch. She opened the journal in her hands and skimmed the pages, looking for every instance, every mention of Arizona Robbins.

But the name seemed to be scarce. Months separated the mentioning of Arizona as Ellis wrote more and more about her affair with Richard, her fights with Thatcher and surgeries. Callie read the ones she could find with rousing impatience.

December 27th – 1:34 AM

It's completely out of character to not even write about surgery in a single entry. I thought that perhaps I should because it is only in my best interest that I remember the days that have treated me both well and miserably.

Richard will not leave Adele.

I am more than willing to leave Thatcher and Meredith. And he knows. I know he knows, I can see it in his eyes, his distrust of me. I take it out on Meredith. I shouldn't. I shouldn't and even god damned Arizona told me that today.

She brought Timothy along with her to Richard's party. Home for the holidays.

"Timothy?" Callie murmured.

A righteous boy, he is. And quite the dynamic they share. But Arizona lectured me on how I should be a mother so I slapped her in the face. And of course, she'd slapped me back. Timothy pulled her away and Richard among others broke up the fight. I am quite sure she never liked me but only tolerated me for Richard. Though I must admit, we both retain mutual respect for each other. She is a skilled surgeon who teaches me countless developmental medical procedures.

Speaking of which, I've practiced many of them and they seemed to have…

The entry had quickly trailed off into a discussion about certain medical procedures, so Callie only skimmed before flipping the pages for more mentions of Arizona. She could not find many. It seemed Ellis was not favorable of her. Especially not after this entry. They had a falling out and Arizona was scarcely mentioned again.

Finished with the journal in her hand, Callie tossed it aside and reached for another inside the box. The beginning was dated March 05 1974. She skimmed through the pages and finally found another entry that mentioned Arizona.

April 9th – 4:40 PM

Speaking of which, Robbins is different now. I admit, it is quite sad. She seems incredibly distracted. Even her surgeries have not been going well. I fail to write much of Richard lately because he is almost completely occupied with her change in attitude.

It is sad. Where is my great and feisty rival who was known as Arizona Robbins?

Richard is afraid that she will destroy herself.

I must say, I am too.

Callie let out a trembling sigh.

Destroy herself?

She skimmed the journal again, looking for that name, but was interrupted by a soft voice.

"Callie?" she heard. Her eyes shot up to Arizona, who looked at her inquiringly. She seemed worried. And she was still naked. Callie gulped as Arizona approached her, settling gently onto her lap. She brought the journal close to her chest, glad for the anonymity of black, leather-bound journals.

"I felt your state of panic," Arizona murmured. Callie suddenly felt incredibly hot as Arizona's bare thighs brushed against her own clothed ones. Even through the cloth, she could still feel the heat emitting from the touch of skin, however.

Callie shut the journal and set it aside on the couch, flinching as she suddenly felt Arizona reach into her shirt. She felt as Arizona gently grasped her breast. It seemed the woman had sensed her feelings, but she had something else in mind entirely.

"…Do you?" Callie whispered in a short, sensuous exhale.

"Your heart is racing," Arizona said, simply.

"I-is it?"

"And confusion," she added.

"What?"

"I feel confusion coming from you."

"Huh, I'm just reading Cristina's journals," Callie admitted, hoping that Arizona would quickly forget about her strange feelings.

"Why? Is it interesting?" the ghost inquired.

"It is," Callie declared, hoping that Arizona would not ask to read them alongside her.

"Now I feel fear emitting from you."

Callie briefly cursed Arizona's ability to sense her feelings. "…That's because it's so intense," Callie lied. Or moreso, half-lied. It was intense. Because she'd been reading answers. Because she'd been getting a glimpse into Arizona's life. Snapshots, really. The information was so scarce, but nonetheless, she was thrown into another world – it was like a novel, a history she'd never known – a memoir from a woman she'd never met nor ever really cared to meet. She knew who Ellis Grey was, the woman was acclaimed in her field.

And she'd felt fear because Arizona was sitting on her lap. Naked and so close, and she felt her hot skin against her own and her cool fingertips delicately grazing over her heated skin – slowly, softly. The same Arizona that the journal was referencing. The Arizona that had, at one time, been alive.

She was afraid to tell her, to let her know that she was reading about her. Like her own history was some secret that couldn't be shared. Something so personal – though through the eyes of another, through the eyes of Ellis Grey.

She was afraid of Arizona knowing that she'd been reading about her past – glimpses of her past. Because there was a chance that Arizona would take that away from her.

"I'm fine. It's just an intense journal. Writings… and stuff," she murmured, distracted by the woman's curiosity – her closeness and the lips, the breath against her own – her forwardness, her warmth, her concern. It was unnerving not to speak. Not to ask.

"Your heart rate is-"

"You're naked, sitting on my lap and your hand on my boob, why do you think?" Callie asked.

"Oh," Arizona laughed. She leaned in now and kissed Callie softly and slowly and the latter allowed herself to be pulled into the sensations of Arizona's lips against her own. The kiss became deeper now and Callie felt Arizona's tongue in her mouth, she heard the woman on her lap moan deeply and she felt her tangle her fingers into her hair.

As she drew back to allow Callie oxygen, the latter realized that despite having a hot, naked and sexy Arizona Robbins on her lap, she really wanted to read the journals. Arizona began to kiss along her jaw and down to her neck, biting at the skin.

"Stop, stop," Callie gasped.

"I really…" she continued, feeling Arizona's tongue trace the pulse on her neck.

"…want to finish reading…" she said weakly, gently pushing the blonde's shoulders back. Arizona looked at her with wide eyes.

"Really?" Arizona asked disappointedly. "You're passing this up?"

"Don't make it sound like that," Callie murmured. "I really need to catch up on reading and these journals are just the thing for that."

"I thought you were cleaning," Arizona said.

"Well, I changed my mind because my career comes first… and these journals are just the thing," Callie explained.

"Oh," Arizona said, still disappointed. "Can I see?"

Arizona's interest in medical journals had, for once, become a nuisance to Callie – though she adored the blonde unconditionally.

"No," she refused. "When I'm done you can."

"Seriously?" Arizona asked.

"Yes!" Callie exclaimed, growing impatient. "Go watch a movie."

"Where?" Arizona asked, pouting.

"Youtube."

"Well," she considered. "I was watching this really interesting documentary," she said. And just like that, Arizona had vanished back into Callie's room. Callie let out a deep sigh, briefly rubbing her thighs together. She was aroused, but she was more interested in those journals than anything else. She picked up the one beside her and flipped through it again.

July 7th – 3:56 PM

And Doctor Ford has been on Arizona's trail, lecturing her as such. She has been missing too many hours, distracted, mostly tired I suppose. Richard told me that she has been attending many of those hooligan parties, looking for some stupid friend of Timothy. If she does not shape up, she will be kicked out of the program.

She is a fool.

They could not kick her out, though. Ford is not so incompetent as to kick the most promising one (next to myself) out. I feel cheated. I am now at the top. I am at the top, but I did not earn it. Arizona is not fighting with all that she has. She is not.

In any case, Richard has been…

The entry trailed off again and Callie let out another sigh, picking up the other journals. Most were dated earlier and mostly spoke of Ellis' meeting of Richard, she finally found the one following the entry she had just read. August 16 1974.

August 23rd – 9:32 PM

By the way, Robbins is back. She's back with that disgusting glow of happiness that I find increasingly repulsive.

Only for today, however, do I find that same glow of happiness to be enchanting. That happiness, that joy, that is Arizona Robbins.

She is back.

Let's see how she rivals me now.

Callie dug through the other journals again, but she could find nothing more. Most of them spoke of her earlier years in which she simply wrote about medicine and surgery. Then Richard. She began to record her personal life much later – around the time of meeting Richard. She scarcely mentioned Meredith. The hospital was her life, it seemed, and Arizona was important to her on only a level of rivalry. It was only when Ellis was not conquering Arizona in competition did she write about her. Callie tossed the last journal in the box and huffed a sigh. She looked over to the room where Arizona was watching a movie, wondering what it would be like to go in there and talk to her now.

Ellis recorded journals until the very end – until the loss of herself to Alzheimer's. There were more, there had to be more. Surely, they could have told Callie something.

Arizona seemed amazing, but the journals scarcely revealed anything of her personal life – only Ellis' thoughts on her. Arizona had a rough patch, it seemed. Destroying herself? Parties with hooligans?

Richard, Callie thought.

Richard Webber would know.

Callie thought she should probably move the box into Cristina's room since she intended on cleaning, but Cristina suddenly entered the apartment as if on cue, tossing her bag to the side.

"Hey!" Callie exclaimed. "I'm about to clean!"

"God, I'm so tired," Cristina declared, ignoring Callie's protests. "I've been up for like two days."

"Where are the other journals?" Callie suddenly asked.

Cristina looked over to her, suddenly alarmed. "Don't throw away my journals!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not, I read them," Callie said hurriedly. "Where are the others?"

"I don't have anymore, Meredith has them."

"How many?"

"Boxes of them, probably-" she started to say, but Callie rushed inside of her room. Cristina only shrugged and walked to her own, shutting the door with a slam.

Arizona looked up from the mobile device in her hands, watching as Callie dug through her drawers for some street clothes.

"You're going out?" Arizona asked.

"Yeah," Callie said. "Yeah," she repeated.

"What's the matter?" Arizona asked. "You seem frantic."

"I, uh," Callie started, not meeting Arizona's eyes. "I gotta see Webber… and Meredith."

"Why?" Arizona asked.

"I need to discuss some things for something," she rambled, noting, from a side view, Arizona arching an eyebrow.

"Some things for something?" Arizona asked. "What's wrong, Callie?"

Callie looked over to her, noting now, that Arizona had suddenly manifested her clothes. She was dressed in an instant.

"No, you stay here," Callie ordered.

"What?" Arizona asked, surprised. "Why?"

"I need to be alone," Callie said. "I need… thinking space. You make me nervous around Webber," she explained.

"Okay…" Arizona murmured, offering Callie's phone to her. The latter only shook her head, dismissing the offer. It wasn't of importance and she noted the questioning expression of Arizona's as she fled out of the bedroom.

###

Callie wasn't supposed to be at work, standing in front of Richard Webber's office with her hand trembling as she knocked on his door. But she was. The door was quickly opened by Webber, who seemed surprised to see her.

"Torres, what can I do for you?" Richard asked. "Isn't it your week off?"

"Yes," Callie said, briefly looking around the room. If Arizona had followed her, she would have certainly known. She could see Arizona even though she was dead. The ghost could disappear and retreat somewhere, but if she was in the presence of Callie, Callie could see her. She was relieved. "But I want to discuss something."

"Of course," Richard said, offering her the seat across from his desk. He sat down in his chair and Callie immediately set off with her questions, determined.

"Can you tell me about Arizona Robbins?"

"How do you know about Arizona Robbins?" he asked her, surprised.

"I read about her in Ellis Grey's journals," Callie told him.

"Oh god," Richard murmured, probably embarrassed at some of the details of their relationship that was likely recorded in the journals. Callie only skimmed through the parts that hadn't mentioned Arizona, having no interest in Richard's former affair.

"Can you tell me about Arizona?"

"I haven't heard that name…. in years," he said, leaning back in his chair. He stared up at a blank space just above Callie's head, seemingly lost in thought. "God, Arizona, huh?"

He seemed to remember something and laughed lightly, his eyes softening.

"Arizona was my best friend," he said simply.

Callie was surprised. She knew that Ellis' mentioning of Arizona's friendship with Richard was suggestive in that they were very close friends, but the thought that the notoriously serious, authoritative Richard Webber considered Arizona Robbins as his closest friend never crossed her mind. So she was surprised.

"Can you tell me about her?"

"Why do you want to know about Arizona?"

"She seemed like an incredibly promising surgeon," Callie said, and it was true – from Ellis' entries, it seemed entirely true.

"She was," Richard said. "God, she was. If she hadn't died, well, she'd probably be sitting in this chair right now."

"Really?" Callie asked, surprised.

"Well, I think she was aiming for Paeds, but I wouldn't be surprised. If it was Arizona, she would do it. She dominated everything," he explained. "She was a control freak, she tried to do everything."

Callie sat there and listened intently to Richard, nodding her head for him to continue.

"But she also developed this careless attitude. She was self-destructive when it came to concerning herself with other people," he said. "Patients, anyway. Friends, people like that. She lectured me a lot for Ellis, for being insincere to Adele, but she never betrayed me. Not once," he explained. "She was incredibly loyal."

"She sounds amazing…" Callie murmured, Arizona's bright smile flashing in her head.

"She was. We were all interns together. We practically grew up together. I was young, she was young," he continued. "But then… she died."

Immediately, Callie saw Richard's expression change, his soft eyes seemed to quickly darken – his demeanor was at once, one of gloom. He was sad. She waited for a moment before asking, "When?"

"February 1977. I'll never forget the day I found out," he said. "Never. I was heartbroken."

He picked up one of the framed photos that sat in front of him on his desk and handed it to Callie.

Callie was surprised. Arizona had looked exactly the same. She was in a simple casual outfit – but she had the same strikingly blue eyes, the same bright, dimpled smile and florescent blonde hair. Richard, in contrast, looked far different than how he looked now. He was far younger in the picture – he had a full head of hair and his face lacked any scruff. Callie stared at the picture momentarily before looking back at him.

"How did she die, Chief?"

He frowned and sighed. "Car crash. Arizona never wore a seatbelt," he said. "Not once."

"We found her car first, it was wrecked," he murmured. "Then we found her body."

Callie flinched in her seat, briefly recalling her own accident. She was grateful that her seatbelt absorbed some impact before ripping.

"It's hard to adapt when a friend like Arizona dies," he said. "She-" he started to say, but was interrupted by the beeping of his pager. He looked at it and glanced at Callie, who in turn, cursed the timing. "I'm sorry, Torres."

"It's fine," Callie said, and the two rushed out of the room.

###

Callie noted the absence of Meredith Grey's name on the surgical board – aware that she had gone home for the day. It was still early. Callie could still catch her. She thought that maybe she should have taken her phone with her, but she didn't want to take away Arizona's only distraction from her.

And yet, the blonde stood in front of her, eyeing her intently. She jumped briefly, startled by the ghost's sudden and unexpected appearance and Arizona opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Derek who suddenly walked over to the surgical board, intending to update it.

"Torres," he said. "What's the matter?"

"No-nothing," Callie murmured, shifting her glance from Arizona to Derek. "I'm about to head to your place, actually," she said, quickly glancing over to Arizona who now seemed to be upset. "Is Meredith home?"

"She is," he said. "Why?"

"The journals," she said.

"Oh," Derek laughed. "Is Cristina rubbing off on you?"

"I guess so," Callie said.

"Well," Derek said. "See you later, then."

Callie nodded and turned to go, taking the stairs rather than the elevator. She wanted to be in constant movement since the blonde was vigorously following her. And it was apparent that Callie had been acting strange. She could only wonder as to what Arizona was thinking.

"Where are you going?" Arizona asked.

"Stop following me, go do something else," Callie groaned, not wanting to offend her, but intent on discovering her history. It was a strange thing. Incredibly so. She probably should have just told Arizona, but something made her decide against it. She wasn't sure what. She was afraid of her reaction.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Go away, Arizona," she said.

"But-"

"Go away!"

There was silence as Callie slowed her race down the stairs. She heard a meek "Okay," and looked behind her. But Arizona had listened to her. She was gone.

###

"Callie?" Meredith asked, surprised.

"Hi, Grey," Callie murmured. "Er, Meredith."

"What can I do for you?"

"I've been reading the journals your mom wrote, the ones Cristina had in our apartment," Callie hurriedly explained. "Can I see the rest?"

"Really?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"There's something I really need to read," Callie said. "Please, Meredith."

"Okay…" she said, stepping aside to allow Callie inside the house. "But I hope you're not reading about Richard and-"

"I have no interest in that, believe me."

Meredith led Callie into the living room where she found many boxes scattered among the floor.

"All of these?" Callie gaped.

"No, those are my mom's other things," Meredith said. She led Callie to some boxes stacked on each other – Callie briefly recalled that Cristina once had those in the apartment. They seemed to be recently returned. "Some are here," Meredith said.

Callie quickly pried open a box, not even asking Meredith, who didn't seem to care much, anyway.

Callie flipped through the journals, nodding when Meredith would plop another one down for her. She looked at the dates labeled on the boxes, though – and disregarded everything after 1978. She read from 1978 and below, to see if Ellis had mentioned Arizona anymore. She was disappointed to find redundant information – mostly about how Ellis had done better than her – though Ellis also began to note her losses. She found an interesting entry in which they had slapped each other at a bar, the reason unaccounted for.

"So what's got you so interested?" she heard Meredith ask.

"This woman she sometimes writes about."

"Really?" Meredith asked. "Who?"

"Arizona Robbins," Callie said, already flipping through the journals. Meredith found it strange how frantic Callie seemed to be, but dismissed it upon hearing the name.

"Oh," Meredith said. "I remember her, she was nice."

Callie stopped what she had been doing and looked up to Meredith, entirely surprised.

"You knew her?"

"Vaguely… I was really young," Meredith explained. "She took care of me this one time my mom was in surgery. I was really young, but I'd never forget her because she gave me a really nice toy," Meredith laughed. "She died a little while after that, so I never really knew her."

"Wow," Callie murmured.

"Yeah," Meredith said, finding the last box of journals and plopping down next to Callie. "I remember growing up and hearing my mom mutter about her sometimes. Whenever she was angry or trying to figure something out, she would say something like 'I need to channel stupid Arizona Robbins,' or something like 'Arizona Robbins died for a reason.' It was sick, really, I guess she tried to make herself feel better when she hit a dead-end by talking nonsense about someone who already died. I guess it gave her an ego boost, she told me she was really competitive with Arizona one time when I went to see her. She said she was chosen and Arizona died and in a way, she had to bear the weight of two geniuses," Meredith explained. "It was all stupid, really."

Callie considered her words – it seemed that was the extent to which Meredith had known Arizona, only from her mother's mutterings about her. There was only one more journal in which Callie had found a detail of Arizona's life and that was the end of her life.

February 18th

Arizona Robbins is dead. I am late to the news, but Arizona Robbins is dead. It shook me more than I would care to admit. I am guilty of crying.

Why did she die? Why did she die?

You're weak, Robbins.

You're fucking weak.

###

Callie sighed deeply, it was an intolerable day. It was exceptionally busy and informative just the same. She didn't expect to see Arizona this time – considering her behavior towards her earlier. She was sure the ghost would disappear for a while and come back when Callie's emotions were too much for her to ignore.

But to Callie's surprise, she found Arizona seated on her bed, patiently waiting for her. She had been peering at her phone, but her expression was incredibly serious. It was not an expression of anger – it was calm solemnity.

Arizona looked up at her as she shut the door behind her.

"I read the journals," Arizona said.

Callie wanted to ask how, to ask why – but she was sure she made it obvious. She asked Derek about the journals. Her strange behavior started because of the journals. So, of course, she read the journals.

"So you know," Callie said.

"I should be saying that. I should say that you know," Arizona replied.

"You died in 1977."

"That's right."

"You were cheerful," Callie said. "'Disgustingly happy'" she said, quoting Ellis Grey.

Arizona chuckled. "I was."

"But you still are. You're calm and lax, though."

"Exceptionally," Arizona grinned.

"You slapped Ellis Grey."

"A few times, actually."

To this, they laughed. Callie went over to Arizona and sat next to her. The blonde looked into her eyes – she seemed sad.

"Ellis was pretty cruel, writing about me like that," Arizona said. "I didn't know she paid so much attention to me."

"She should have paid more attention to you," Callie said.

"So you could read about it?"

"Yeah," Callie said. "I want to know more about you."

"Callie-"

"Like why you're here. Even though you died so long ago."

"I just-"

"Will you please just tell me?" Callie asked, deciding that this would be the last time. "Please. I want to know. I want to know everything about you."

Arizona sighed and nodded – she seemed to decide something and then looked back up at Callie with her determined, bright eyes.

"…Okay."


She's Not There by The Zombies