Aaaaand here's what our sweet prince thinks during 2.08, The Sins of the Father. Brace yourself- it's almost 7,000 words long! :O I found this one pretty challenging, mostly because of the angst. I don't do angst I guess, since I've deal with depression for half my life, bleah. The next chapter will be Sweet Dreams, yay!
It's night in Camelot. The court is gathered in the Hall for a knighting ceremony. Fortunately for us, several men have recently passed the test. They would be a welcome addition to our knights' corps. I stood slightly behind and to the left of Father as he conducted the ceremony.
"Arise Sir Vidor, Knight of Camelot. Arise Sir Caradoc, Knight of Camelot," he said, then started slowly pacing in front of the new knights, giving them their charge. "You have been given a grand honor. However, that honor comes with great responsibility. From this day forward, you vow to live by the knights' code. You have promised to comport yourselves with respect, honor, and dignity. Your word is your sacred bond. You will discover no one who better embodies these morals than my son, Arthur. Follow his example, and you will validate yourselves deserving of your title."
Suddenly the entire court turned to the door—there was the sound of sword fighting outside. A lone knight entered the room. The new knights drew their swords as the knight approached. I stepped to the front of the group and the knight halted. He took off his gauntlet and dropped it at my feet. Of course I picked it up.
"I consent to your challenge. If I'm to meet you in combat, show me the consideration of revealing your face."
Everyone stared at the knight as he started to remove his helmet. I only just kept my shock from showing on my face as she shook her long blonde tresses from their captivity. A woman. Well, that was new!
"My name is Morgause," she said.
Father quickly called the room to order. The celebration was postponed and everyone, save Sir Geoffrey, sent away. This Morgause was offered a room in the castle, and she was conducted there without further comment from her. After a quickly whispered conversation with Father, Geoffrey headed out of the room. I suspected he was off to the library too look up precedents to this unique situation. I knew I had no wish to fight a woman; that just wasn't done, was it? Father told me to go to my chambers to wait until summoned. I left gladly.
A couple of hours later, I was summoned to the council chamber. It didn't take old Geoff that long, did it? I thought. So down I went to see what he'd found.
"I've examined the records going back over 300 years. I couldn't find anything to say a woman cannot initiate a challenge," Sir Geoffrey said. I sat on the table, trying to look nonchalant.
"There has to be a way to put a halt to this," Father stated.
"As per the Knight's Rules, it seems her challenge is completely valid."
I was already frustrated by the whole situation. I turned and said, "It appears there's nothing we can do."
"We know nothing about this woman! I won't let you meet her in combat!" Father's trying to coddle me again; I really hate that.
I faced him. "I agreed to the challenge. If I decline the fight, it'll be viewed as an act of cowardice."
"She murdered five guards. You shouldn't take her too lightly." Oh brother, that's so obvious.
I rolled my eyes at him. We've been here before. "I can't require my knights to support the code, then be noticed breaking it myself. I must face her tomorrow." I wasn't going to budge on this—he should know that from the last time, when he had to force me to miss a duel. I turned and left the room because this debate was over.
xxxXxxx
Back in my chambers, I paced silently while Merlin hammered away at my armor. It was annoying, but I was too deep in my brooding to really care. Apparently he cared enough to try and bring me out of my thoughts. Just great.
"Do you know why she challenged you?" he asked.
"I'm the King's son. Maybe she thought she would prove herself."
"Yeah, but you don't wish to fight her, do you?"
"I don't have a choice. If I decline fighting her, I'm a coward. If I kill her, what am I then?" I walked around behind him then stopped to look at him. He gave me an odd look. "What is it?"
"You haven't ever met a woman in combat. What if you waver? She could use that to her benefit." Thanks for the vote of confidence.
"You think she's going to beat me."
"I'm just saying. You must be wary, because it looks like she's fairly handy with a sword." No kidding—she killed five very well-trained knights.
"Since when do you understand anything about combat?" I walked to the fireplace and thought for a moment. I really didn't want to fight her, but I didn't want to lose face either. "I want you to convey a message to Morgause for me. If I'm seen doing it, it could be viewed as cowardice. You need to convince her to abandon her challenge."
And with that charge, Merlin left to talk to her. When he returned he told me she'd refused. It looked like the fight was on. I'd have to try to kill a girl—it felt so wrong, so against the Knight's Code. But it's what she wanted, apparently. I had to wonder if there was anything behind it besides challenging "the King's son."
xxxXxxx
The next day finally dawned, and with it a fight prompted by the first challenge by a woman in recorded history. To say I wasn't looking forward to this was an understatement. Nevertheless, Merlin was here preparing me for the fight.
"You gave her the option to withdraw. Whatever transpires, you are not at fault." But is that true though? I tried not to show my uncertainty as we walked to the tournament grounds. I tried telling myself, it's just another fight; it's just another fight . . .
By the time we got there, Morgause was already waiting in the center. The crowd was clapping and cheering until Father stood to say his piece, "This fight is by the Knights' Rules. And to the death."
I walked closer to her to make one last proposal, "I'm giving you a final opportunity to withdraw. I advise you to take it." She merely turned her head and looked at me, denial clearly visible in her eyes. "Then you give me no choice." I then walked away to ready myself.
Morgause immediately went on the offensive, striking and slashing with a trained hand. She was surprisingly strong for a woman, but she couldn't match my strength. After a minute or two, I managed to disarm her and land a cut on her sword arm. I back off while she examined her arm, then motioned for her to pick up her sword. The crowd cheered its approval.
She picked up her sword and went on the offensive again, but only for a moment. I managed to overpower her and she backed up against the wood partition. She managed to block as I rained blow after blow on her. Finally she rolled to dodge and I hit the partition. She kicked me in the back of my knees and I went down hard, my helmet rolling off. In a second, her sword tip was at my heart and I slowly fell to the ground. She whipped off her helmet and leaned down a bit to speak quietly, "Make me an oath and I will show you mercy."
I was stunned in more ways than one. "What is it you ask?"
"Come to me three days from now and agree to the challenge I set you."
"What kind of challenge?"
"That is for me to choose," she paused. I didn't like the sound of that. "Do I have your word that you will agree to it, no matter what?"
"You have my word." What else could I do? She dropped her sword then reached out a hand to pull me to standing. As I steadied myself, she walked toward Father, who stood. She bowed her head to him, then walked away. Father looked at me—he didn't say anything, but I knew he was disappointed. And it didn't take a genius to see why. His son, the best fighter in the realm, had just lost a fight to a girl. This is easily the most humiliating moment of my life. I lowered my head, hoping the crowd would disappear quickly so I could walk back to my chambers alone. I didn't quite get that luxury; Merlin was waiting for me. Fortunately he had the grace to be quiet, until we reached my chambers.
I slouched over my table face down, so I wouldn't have to see the world. Merlin just took that as his cue to remove my armor.
"It could've been worse," he said. Was that supposed to make me feel better?
"How, precisely, could it have been worse?"
"You could be dead."
"At least I wouldn't have to face everybody. I've never been so humiliated in my whole life. I was beaten by a girl."
"It's really pretty funny when you think about it." He sounded amused, so I turned my head to glare at him. "Or not."
I sat up in the nearby chair. "No. It's as you said. I held back because I was fighting a woman. I was concerned I was going to harm her. That's why she won."
"You didn't look like you held back . . ." He stopped when I turned to glare at him, again. "I'll stop talking now," he wisely declared. Best idea you've had all day, Merlin. Ugh.
Even though it was still very early, all I wanted to do was flop down onto my bed face-first and ignore the rest of the world. So that's what I did, until dinner. I couldn't wait until this day was over.
xxxXxxx
Early the next day, I decided to put off facing the world by going for a ride. I led my horse out of the drawbridge gate and stopped. Morgause was there, preparing her horse for travel. I decided the best way to avoid awkwardness was by being gracious. "Congratulations on your win. You're an expert swordsman. Woman. Swords . . . swordswoman." Ugh, I wanted to smack myself in the face.
She walked over to my horse, admiring it for a few moments. "You have a fine-looking horse." Then she looked at me, as if to emphasize what she'd say next, "I shall expect to see you in three days' time."
"How will I find you?"
"At the right time you will know your way." Wait, what? How?
She walked back to her horse. "If I don't turn up it could be because I don't know where I'm going."
"The trail you must follow will become plain to you," she said, then mounted her horse. "I should thank you for permitting me to reclaim my sword." Does she ever give straight answers? Exasperating!
"I'm beginning to think I shouldn't've."
"You proved yourself to be a man of honor. You inherited that characteristic from your mother." Huh? I looked over at her.
"You knew my mother?" Please give me a straight answer!
"I knew her very well." She nudged her horse and rode rapidly away.
"Wait!" I yelled futilely. I started to go after her but realized something—this was her way of ensuring I'd come to her. I just hope what she want me to do isn't improper.
xxxXxxx
The ride wasn't as relaxing as I'd hoped. And I doubted I'd get any more relaxed in my next appointment—a meeting with Father in the council chamber. He wanted to discuss what Morgause had said to me. This wasn't going to go over well.
"So, what did this Morgause say to you? Father inquired. He was in the midst of signing documents.
"She said that she would show me mercy if I made her an oath."
"What was the oath?"
"That I would go to her in three days and meet the challenge she will set."
"And what type of challenge will this be?" I could see where this was going, and it wasn't good.
"She didn't say. But I gave her my word that I would agree to it no matter what." And that's that. I hope.
"You shouldn't have made such a promise. You have no clue what she might require of you."
"She had her sword at my chest. I had no other option." I paused; he won't react well to the next bit. "Morgause said that she knew my mother." Talking about her always makes him tetchy.
"She told you this?" I nodded; he stood. "Clearly she's lying. She's using your affections for your mother to draw you into a trap." Is that what he really thinks?
"That doesn't add up. She spared my life." Why would she do that if she wanted me dead?
"It proves my misgivings. I think Morgause is an enchantress. How else could she have beaten you?" That could be it . . . oh thanks for rubbing that in my face.
"I don't think she was using magic." It didn't feel like she was.
"And how you would know for sure if she were? Under no condition will you go see her, or take this challenge." He'd started to raise his voice.
"I gave her my word!" I walked around the table to him.
"I don't care what you told her. You will stay in Camelot." He sat back down. Assured he was right, he made his decree.
"I need to learn what she knows about my mother." I have a right to know!
"She knows nothing. She is lying. You won't get to her. I forbid it." How's he going to stop me?
"So I am to go back on my word?" I don't do that, ever!
"Conduct my son to his chambers. Under no circumstances will he be permitted to leave." What?!
"You're imprisoning me in my chambers?" I was angry, and strangely enough, amused. If I wanted to leave, he couldn't stop me.
"I am saving you from your own stupidity!" He yelled to me, just before the guards each took one of my arms. I decided to go easy on them. He was being stupidly overprotective again, but fighting now wouldn't get me anywhere but the dungeon.
The guards walked me to my chambers and let me in. I assumed they stayed outside; that was standard policy when confining someone to their chambers. I didn't have to wait long before Merlin showed up with a laundry basket. I sat in the window, digging at the stone with a dagger.
"Why are your chambers being guarded?" He looked and sounded confused.
"My father has confined me to my chambers and has barred me from taking Morgause's challenge."
"Well, perhaps he's got a point. You, you don't know what she could've expected you to do." Not him too—again! Oh it was so tempting to throw that dagger . . .
"I gave her my word."
"So, I assume we're going anyway." Now he gets it.
"You're brighter than you look. Collect some supplies, we depart tonight. Oh, and Merlin . . . figure out a way to get me out of here."
xxxXxxx
Well after nightfall, Merlin entered carrying a satchel. "I have the supplies," he said.
As I looked at him, I noticed he seemed a little thicker around the middle, "Merlin, is it my imagination, or are you growing fatter?"
He lifted up his shirt to show me he'd wrapped rope around his torso. I guess he really is smarter than he looks. He unwound himself and tossed the rope on the floor.
"So how's this going to work?" I asked. "I lower you down to the ground then anchor the rope to climb down myself?"
"Not what I had in mind. That would leave the rope in here as evidence. I'll lower you down, then stash the rope away someplace. Then I'll come find you. That way I won't be implicated in your escape."
I rolled my eyes. "All right." I didn't bother to point out that the fact that he'd be missing also would implicate him. He pulled out some gloves and picked up the rope. I grabbed the other end. He pulled on it a couple of times to test it while I opened the window and looked down. I really didn't want to fall all that way.
"Are you certain you're strong enough to support me?"
"Yeah. I'm stronger than I look." That didn't reassure me at all. I stepped up and through the window, perching on the outside for a moment before I jumped off. I got halfway down then suddenly stopped. "What are you doing? Let down the rope!" I tried to yell quietly.
"There is no more rope!" I wanted to bang my head on the wall, then he yelled, "I don't think I can hold on much longer!" Oh no. If he lets go . . .
"Merlin, don't let go of the ro . . ." Free falling is not so fun. At least I'd landed in something not so hard—unfortunately for me, it was dung. Face first. I saw him poke his head out the window, so I glared. He is so getting nonstop chores when we get back!
xxxXxxx
We'd been riding through the night when we came to a fork in the path. Oh great, now which way? How was I supposed to know again? II was going to look like a fool in front of Merlin, again. We stopped.
"Which way? Do you really know where we're going?" And so it begins.
I made a wild guess and pointed to the left path. "It's this way." I tried to steer the horse that way, but it wouldn't budge. "Come on. What's the matter with this horse? It's even stupider than you, Merlin!" When it finally moved, it went in front of Merlin, to the right.
"Where are you going? Didn't you say it was left?" Was it me or was he amused at my expense again?
"It's not me! It's the horse! Morgause told me. When it's time, you'll find your way." I looked back at him. Of course he didn't believe me.
"So the horse knows where we're going. Lovely." I shared that sentiment.
We continued riding through the seemingly endless woods. I was sure we'd crossed out of Camelot's lands a while ago. If that wasn't enough to set me on edge, Merlin kept up a seemingly endless stream of chatter too.
"What if Morgause has you do something you don't want to do?" He asked. I'd thought of that myself, but it all came back to the fact I'd given my word.
"I don't expect it to be easy, Merlin. That's why it's called a challenge."
"So you'd do whatever she asks of you?"
"I gave her my word. It's a matter of honor."
"What if she makes you do something even less honorable than breaking your word?" Was he insinuating what I thought he was insinuating? That's beyond insulting!
"Will you stop rabbitting on? We're in Odin's lands. We could be attacked at any second."
"I simply think it's odd to agree to do something when you don't know what it is."
"One more word out of you, Merlin, and you'll be doing the challenge in my stead." There was a sudden thud as a crossbow bolt hit a tree right next to Merlin. His horse reared and he fell off. I just had to be right about Odin's men. I really had to stop saying those kinds of things. This was one time I wouldn't have minded being wrong.
Men came running out of the forest, so I dismounted quickly and drew my sword. The first didn't last long after he'd engaged me. The second came roaring up to Merlin with an axe. I turned quickly, felling him by virtue of a dagger to the back. The third was a bit better than the first, but went down as well. I thought I'd heard another man yell behind me, so I turned to look. It looked like he'd simply fallen out of a tree. I thanked his dumb luck for that.
I was breathing heavily, and there was Merlin on the ground, as usual. "Don't fret, Merlin. I'll handle this, you lie there, get cozy." I walked away, back to my horse; why did I always have to do all the hard work?
Merlin picked himself up and led his horse to where I was. "Perhaps we should turn around. The woods could be filled with Odin's men."
He sounded really worried, but that wasn't going to stop me, so I gave him an out, "You can turn around if you want; I won't stop you."
"You don't know a thing about Morgause! You don't know what she'll ask you to do! We don't even know where we're going, a horse is leading us!"
"Morgause said she knew my mother." That stopped his rant. He knew her story, and probably knew how little I knew about her. I didn't think he'd object anymore and I was pretty sure he wasn't going to leave me either.
xxxXxxx
A few hours later we decided to stop for the night. It wasn't quite twilight, but we'd been awake for two days and it had taken its toll. Merlin built us a campfire and we sat there enjoying the warmth while staring out into space. Of course he had to break the silence.
"What was your mother like?"
I didn't look at him; I wasn't exactly comfortable with this subject. "I never knew her. She passed before I opened my eyes."
"I'm sorry."
"I hardly know anything about her."
"Can't you ask your father?" I looked up then. He'd hit on one of the points of contention between me and my father.
"He won't talk about her. It must be too upsetting for him. Sometimes it's as if she never even lived. Yet I have a sense of her. Nearly as if she's part of me." How does he manage to drag these sensitive admissions out of me? I looked down again; it was too painful to acknowledge.
"That's the same with my father. I never knew him." He's never spoken of his father before, and maybe that's why. I looked up again—I sensed he felt the same way I did. "And my mother's hardly ever spoken of him. I've got this . . . hazy memory. It's probably only my imagination." Yes, he was as frustrated as I.
"I'd do anything for even the haziest memory." At least he maybe had that.
"Is that why you're so bent on finding Morgause? To learn what she knows about your mother?" As usual he's seen right through me. How does he do that?
"Is that so wrong?" I really wanted to know for some reason.
"No." He hadn't even hesitated.
And that was it; I'd hit emotional overload and needed to escape. "I could use some rest." I got up and sought after my bedroll.
xxxXxxx
We rose fairly early in the morning and got going quickly. Mercifully Merlin wasn't nearly as chatty, but my horse still led the way. It was pretty frustrating not knowing where we were going or what we would face there, but since I couldn't do anything about either I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. After not much more riding, we came into a valley with a small lake. On the side opposite us, a waterfall churned away. This didn't look good for my horse's navigation skills.
"It appears your horse has led us to a dead end." Merlin evidently agreed.
But my horse wasn't done yet—it walked forward into the lake, like it was still determined to reach its destination. "Now where's he going?" I had no choice but to stay where I was or get soaked.
Merlin couldn't resist poking fun, "I think you're going to get drenched."
"No kidding." I took the opportunity to take in the scenery.
"Arthur?" From the sound of splashing behind me, I could tell Merlin had decided to follow me. Good on him!
The horse carried me toward the waterfall. I really hoped we wouldn't hit rock. To my surprise, we went right through the water and into a cave—tunnel, rather, since it opened on the other side. The horse continued into the woods on the other side. An obviously neglected castle lay around a corner. We stopped there and I contemplated the castle while waiting for Merlin to catch up.
"Where are we?" he asked.
"No idea," I replied, and we nudged the horses forward to find an entrance.
"If we weren't already certain Morgause was a sorceress, we can be sure of it now." I silently agreed. Hey, that gave me an idea . . .
"That must've been why she beat me. She was using magic." When all other explanations fail, blame magic. It works for Father.
"Hmm, it didn't seem like she was." What? I looked back at him, incredulous.
"And what would you know about magic, Merlin?"
"Nothing." We finally found a door with steps leading upward. So we dismounted and entered a chamber empty, except for a block of wood with an axe embedded in it.
I picked up the axe and asked the obvious, "Now what?"
"Perhaps we should ask the horse." He got a glare for that. I swung the axe back into the wood. He started back down the stairs, "Well, there's no one here."
A female voice from nowhere said, "You kept your word." I whipped around, looking for its source, and spotted Morgause descending from another staircase. She walked forward and stopped an arm's length away from me.
"What kind of challenge you want to give me?" I asked.
She turned toward the axe, "Put your head on the block." I followed her movements as she picked up the axe. "You gave me your word that you would do whatever I asked."
Behind me, Merlin said, "Arthur, don't." The voice of reason. I contemplated that for a few moments then walked over to the block.
I heard alarm in his voice when he said, "What are you doing?" I knelt down to place my head on the block anyway. "I won't let this happen!"
What's he going to do? "Keep out of this, Merlin!" I yelled back. I felt the axe move through the air and nearly touch my neck as she took a practice swing. The anticipation was going to kill me if the axe didn't. I could almost hear the whoosh of air as it came down . . . to rest, head down, beside the block. I stood up, startled and relieved.
"You've proven that you are indeed a man of your word, Arthur Pendragon, and for that I'll grant you one wish. Tell me what your heart desires most," she said. She'd walked slightly away from me and turned around.
I walked toward her, "You told me you knew my mother. I want to learn all that you know of her."
"Maybe you'd like to see her." What? How? I was ending up surprised a lot lately.
"I want that more than anything," I said back to her, without hesitation.
"As you wish," she replied and turned to head back up the stairs she'd descended. I followed her and assumed that Merlin would too.
She led us into an interior chamber. The walls, buttresses and altar were covered in some kind of vegetation. There were several lit braziers scattered about, and the altar was covered in lit candles. It looked like Merlin's sorceress theory was correct. I looked around while she went behind the altar to light more candles.
"Are you certain you want to go through with this?" Merlin asked. He sounded pretty apprehensive; I felt the same way. I was about to condone the use of magic in my presence.
"If you were given the same chance, wouldn't you want to meet your father?" He conceded that point, but came up with another:
"The King won't forgive you if he learns you've worked with a sorcerer."
"What if my father's view of magic is wrong?" I wasn't sure when I'd first thought that, but there it was.
"You actually think that?" He sounded surprised and . . . relieved? Nah, that couldn't be right.
I pondered for a moment. "Maybe it's not as plain as he would have us think. Morgause is a sorcerer; she has done us no harm. Certainly not all who practice magic can be evil."
"We don't even know why she's doing this." She turned around then, glancing at Merlin before focusing on me.
"It is time." She held out her had to me, so I walked over to take it. "Close your eyes." I did so. "Arásae mid min miclan mihte þín suna to helpe. Hider eft funde on þisse ne middangeard þín suna w'æs." Almost as soon as she began incanting those strange words, a wind blew through the room. I shivered; I could definitely feel something happening.
Suddenly I heard a new female voice say, "Arthur." I opened my eyes to see a beautiful blonde woman standing a few yards in front of me. "Arthur," she said again. It could only be my . . .
"Mother." I couldn't believe it, let alone move. She ran towards me.
"My son." When she reached me, she threw her arms around me in a fierce embrace. "When I last held you, you were a small baby." She let go to look in my face. "I remember your eyes. You were looking up at me. Those few moments I held you were the most cherished of my life." She laid a hand on my cheek. She certainly felt real.
"I'm so sorry," I replied.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." She doesn't blame me?
"It was my birth that brought about your death."
"No, you are not to blame."
"I cannot tolerate the idea that you died because of me." Shame and sorrow were overwhelming me.
She threw her arms around me again. "Don't think that. It is your father who should bear the guilt for what took place." Father?
"What are you saying?"
"It is not pertinent. What matters is that you are alive." She let go again as I spoke.
"Why should my father feel guilty?
"Better to leave it in the past." She really didn't want to say. But I couldn't bear not knowing.
"You can't leave me with more questions. Please."
She looked away before speaking. "Your father, he was anxious for an heir. Without a son, the Pendragon line would come to an end. But I was barren."
"Then how was I born? Tell me."
She finally looked back at me. "Your father deceived me. He called on the sorceress Nimueh and asked for her aid in conceiving a child . . . You were born of magic." I felt like I'd been stabbed in the back—a few times. I couldn't believe it.
"That can't be true."
"I'm sorry, Arthur. Your father has betrayed you as he betrayed me. To create a life, a life must be given. Your father knew that." I shook my head in desperation.
"No," was all I could manage without breaking down.
"He sacrificed my life so the Pendragon line could go on. It makes you neither less my son, nor me any less pleased with you. Now that I see you, I would have offered my life gladly." I couldn't bear to look at her anymore. "Don't let this realization change you." I shook my head repeatedly. How could I not let it change me? Everything I knew about my birth was a lie!
That strange wind blew through the room again. I looked back up to Mother, but she was gone. "No! Bring her back!" I yelled at Morgause.
"I cannot. Once the doorway is shut, it is shut forever." She looked as if she would if she could, then walked to me. "I am very sorry that you discovered your mother's fate in this way. I can just imagine how it must feel to learn your father is to blame for her death. It is an unpardonable betrayal."
She left the room. I stood there, unable to sort out the thoughts and emotions whirling through my head. I couldn't even move or look or move around—the confusion had paralyzed me.
"Are you okay?" I flinched at Merlin's words, but didn't move. "Arthur?" Suddenly a plan came to mind, cutting through the haze in my head.
"Get the horses. We're going back to Camelot."
xxxXxxx
It was a quiet ride home. Neither of us spoke much beyond the necessities. I just assumed that Merlin was as shocked as I was. The return trip passed much quicker—I wanted to reach home as fast as possible, so we pushed the horses.
I had only a single thought on my mind as we rode into the main square. I jumped off my horse almost before it stopped and drew my sword from the saddle. Behind me, I heard Merlin dismount while I hurried to the steps and up them.
"What are you going to do?" I heard him yell, but I ignored him. I kept walking toward my destination, toward where my lying, backstabbing father was—the council chamber. Nothing and no one would stop me from confronting him.
My fury kept building as I walked down corridors and climbed stairs. I knew exactly what I was going to say to him. He would not get away without explaining what he did and why. The guards at the door immediately noticed my furious countenance and opened the doors before I reached them. As I entered, I noticed Father looking over some papers with Sir Leon. He looked up when he heard my steps. I put my hand on my sword.
"Arthur. Where have you been? I've had search patrols out looking for you." I didn't bother replying to him. "Arthur?"
"I know . . . what you did to my mother." I poured as much venom as possible into those words.
Finally he noticed how upset I was. To Sir Leon he said, "Leave us. No one is to enter." Leon exited the room and closed the doors. Good, now we won't be interrupted. "What are you on about?"
"You were so anxious for an heir, you were ready to use magic."
"Did Morgause tell you this? She's lying." He's so calm, so sure he's right.
"My mother is dead because of your pride and selfishness. Her blood is on your hands."
"No. That's not right. But Morgause would have you think that." He was very quick to refute, like someone denying their guilt.
"This is what feeds your loathing for those who perform magic. Instead of blaming yourself for what you did, you blame them."
"You would trust a sorcerer's lies over the assurance of your own father? I can only assume that Morgause has enchanted you." Not that same old excuse again!
I raised my voice further, "You pursued her people like animals! How many hundreds have you sentenced to death to relieve your guilt?"
He raised his voice as well, "Those who perform magic will do anything to destroy us! I have simply done what was needed to defend this kingdom!"
I nearly cut him off, "You speak of respect and dignity! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!" He was using the same rationalizations for my mother's death as he's used to keep fueling the Purge!
"I am your father and your king. You will give me some respect!" Respect? How could I respect a liar? He could respect my challenge! I took off my gauntlet and threw it at his feet. "Have you taken leave of your senses?" He was shocked.
"Pick it up," I said, deathly quiet.
"Arthur, I beseech you, consider what you're doing."
"Pick it up." He's not getting out of this.
"I won't fight you."
I drew my sword and advanced on him. "If you prefer not to defend yourself, I will kill you where you stand."
"You are my son. You won't attack an unarmed man." Oh, am I?
"I no longer consider myself your son."
"Then attack me." Oh he'd get his wish. I stared him down for a minute, before striking at his left side with a furious roar. Sadly, he'd gone back on his word and had brought up his sword to parry.
He dropped it, realizing what he'd done. He backed away as he said, "I don't want to fight you." I didn't respond; just twirled my sword and advanced to strike again.
We traded blow after blow, fast and furious. At least I was furious; he looked genuinely afraid. Good. "Arthur, stop this!" He said without stopping. I replied with my sword. After a few more blows, he managed a vicious swipe, which I managed to dodge. I shifted back into ready position and he copied me, looking astonished at what he'd done. I started backing him around the table, then started striking again, pausing only when I hit a column. I turned around and we resumed fighting, even more furiously than before. I could vaguely hear voices yelling outside the doors. I managed to knock his sword down to the table and kicked him into his chair. I grabbed him by the collar and prepared to strike the final blow through his heart.
Suddenly I heard the doors fly open behind me. I didn't know who came through until he yelled, "Arthur! Stop! I know you don't want to do this!"
I should have known it would be him! "My mother died because of what he did!" I yelled back.
"Executing your father won't return her to life." He lowered his voice, "You've lost one parent. Do you truly wish to lose another?" I was starting to feel torn between grief and anger.
"Listen to him, Arthur," Father said.
"Arthur, please, put away the sword." As much as I didn't want to admit it, Merlin was getting through to me—NO! I wanted to be furious!
"You heard what my mother told me! After all he has done, do you think he ought to live?! He condemns those who perform magic, and yet he has used it himself!" I replied to him. To Father I said, "You have caused so much misery and hurt! I will put a stop to that!"
"Morgause is lying! She's a sorceress. She deceived you. That wasn't your mother you met. That was a trick. Everything . . . everything your mother told you . . . those were Morgause's words." Merlin seemed to struggle for words a bit there.
"You don't know that!" I yelled desperately.
"That was her plan from the start! To turn you away from your father. And if you kill him, the kingdom will be devastated! She wants this!"
Father interjected again, "Listen to him, he's telling the truth."
I turned my attention to him. "Swear to me that it isn't true! You are not to blame for my mother's death! Promise me!"
"I swear on my life, I loved your mother. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish that she was still with us. I couldn't ever have done anything to harm her." I lost it then—the anger, the betrayal—it dissipated and the grief overwhelmed me. My sword slipped from my hand and I fell onto my knees, slumping against Father's chair. He reached out his hand to my back and leaned over me. "My son, you mean more to me than . . . than everything."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I had trouble willing the tears away. What had I almost done?! I felt so lost and confused.
Father spoke again, "It's not your fault." And just like that, he forgave me. How? Why? I didn't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself, but I had to, somehow. We had to work together again for the sake of the kingdom.
xxxXxxx
Much later in the day, after I'd returned to my chambers, I stood against the wall staring out the window, thinking. I'd come around enough to believe that Merlin and Father were right about sorcerers and magic. How had I ever believed Morgause?
Just then, I heard Merlin's light footsteps behind me. "I am in your debt, Merlin. I had become . . . confused. It is once more plain to me that those who use magic are evil and treacherous." I turned my head slightly so I could see him. "And that is thanks to you."
He hesitated a moment, then said in his usual cheerful voice, ". . . Happy I could help."
I turned and walked over to sit at the table where he'd begun cleaning my armor. It seemed I owed him a lot. He'd tried to warn me about Morgause many times, and when I wouldn't listen, he followed me into danger. He stayed with me even though I yelled and when I didn't talk at all. He was the voice of reason that stopped me from doing something that I'd regret for the rest of my life. What did I ever to do deserve such a loyal . . . friend?
Thanks for reading! :)
