I used to dream in color. Honestly, it was like a rainbow exploded inside my head and painted the most beautiful images. I used to wake up and imagine all my dreams coming true. I could imagine that my world was a party with me as the DJ. I could imagine that I won an Olympic gold medal for being awesome. I could imagine that I was a princess, and he was my prince.
Now, I dream in black and white. I wake up, and see that the world is the same way. It's cruel and unforgiving. You're either in or you're out. And no matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough.
Like most girls, my life revolves around a boy. Or used to anyway. But stupid me, I picked a boy who most girl's lives revolve around. With his brown curls, matching eyes, and voice like an angel, he breaks hearts on a daily basis. Not to say that any of this is his fault, he's just part of the reason.
He's part of the reason that I now avoid everyone I used to care about. He's part of the reason that I quit doing sports. And he's part of the reason for me not wanting to live.
Have you ever really looked at on outsider? You know, one of those kids at your high school who you call a loner? Have you watched how they react with people, or how they think?
Well I have, and I discovered something very disturbing; they're not alone, they just don't need people.
Okay, now look at the people in your life who you consider popular. Maybe you consider them strong because they're surrounded by people that follow them. Or maybe people follow them because they're good at a recreational game, otherwise known as a sport. 9 times out of 10, who do you think is going to succeed in life, the person who can go it alone, or the person who needs others to think themselves worthy?
Why do 50% of songs involve a girl pining after, musing over, breaking up with, or lashing out at a guy? Do we really have nothing better to do with our lives then constantly think about boys? It's demeaning!
I mean sure I used to dance around in my pajamas and sing to Taylor Swifts, 'You belong with me', but now I realize how pathetic I am.
When has the guy ever gone for the lonely and geeky girl next door? Especially a world-wide famous rockstar?
You could consider Macy Misa popular. She's admired for her athletic ability and constant perkiness. Her best friend is one of Horace Mantis's popular people. Not to mention she is friends once removed with the infamous band, Jonas.
Why in the world wouldn't you want to be Macy Misa? Why in the world does Macy Misa not want to be Macy Misa?
"Man she is so annoying! I wish she would just get it through her head that we don't need some stalker following us around at school! We already have enough of that outside in the real world!" Joe complained.
He continued picking at his lunch while thinking violent thoughts towards the perky brunette who had made him sprain his ankle.
"Come on, give her a break! So she admires you a lot, you don't have to hate her for it!" Stella said quietly.
"We don't hate her, we just can't stand her!" Kevin said matter-of-factly. Stella shot him a death glare across the lunch room table.
"Well I hate Macy; she totally ruined my chances yesterday with that new hot girl Linda! Macy totally needs to get over her stupid crush!" Nick commented. Stella stayed quiet and tried to ignore the rude comments directed at her best friend.
"Whatever, just be nice to her okay? She thinks you guys are her friends! Plus she's coming with us this summer to L.A.!" Stella announced. The members of JONAS groaned at their misfortune while Stella quickly shushed them.
They all continued eating and proceeded to talk about Kevin's latest dream. Little did they know that the brunette they were just talking about had overheard the whole thing from her spot behind a nearby pillar.
The oldest unanswered question; what is love. Here are some definitions; an intense liking for another; a desire for someone; concern for the wellbeing of another; or caring for someone else's wellbeing more than your own.
That's basically the only reason I don't off myself right now. It's because I love my mother. And she couldn't bear to live without me. She already lost her husband, and look how well she reacted to that. My mother now is intent on spending her days lying around in bed refusing to speak or eat. She doesn't even take showers unless I force her to get up, and she sure as heck doesn't work for a living. My uncle pays for most of our expenses now.
But despite all this, the only thing that hurts the most in this situation is I found out just how much my Dad really loves me, or just how much my Dad doesn't love me.
Tom Lee Misa.
My father.
My worst enemy.
I'll give you the reader's digest version; He slept with one of his clients, and left me and my mother.
His last words to me were; "Honey, I love you! And I'm not leaving you; I'm leaving your mother!"
What a fricking lie.
My dad doesn't love me, or he would have stayed!
And he didn't just leave my mother, he left me too.
"Hey Mace! Ready to go?" Stella asked joyfully, standing at my door.
Heck no!
"Heck yes!" Macy said. Whoa, who was that? I thought to myself.
"This summer is going to be so fun! You, me, Nick, Joe, and Kevin! We're going to have the whole summer to ourselves!" Stella squealed and started jumping around.
Macy joined her best friend. I watched in my brain wondering who the heck this alien was that had taken over my body.
I didn't want to go to L.A. Especially with three guys who hate me. However, lately I've become quite the little actress. I've successfully tricked Stella and the members of Jonas into thinking that that I'm the same person I've always been. But I have stopped talking to Joe, Nick, and Kevin completely. I've also memorized their schedules so I won't have any casual run-ins with them during school. Sure I still sit next to Stella and them at lunch. But I only make conversation with Stella. None of them seem to notice…or seem to care. Some friends.
I remember when I was little; my dad had a whole collection of fairytale books he would read to me every night. My favorite was sleeping beauty.
Her parents sent her away to live with fairy god mothers so she would be safe from the evil maleficent. On her sixteenth birthday she met a prince who fell in love with her at first sight. But then she was captured and put into a never ending sleep. The only thing that could save her was the prince. And that prince fought through a dragon and climbed to the tallest tower just so he could kiss his princess on the lips and live happily ever after.
My father used to tell me that someday, I would meet my prince and all my dreams would come true.
What a load of crap.
All my dreams went out the window the moment I discovered my Dad didn't even love me enough to call home and see how I was doing. Or when I found out that the boy I thought I loved hates me.
The plane ride to L.A. was…interesting. All five of us took a private jet down there. Stella brought her camera, reasoning that this was our last big trip before senior year and she wanted to have memories. I volunteered to take most of the photos since I know they didn't want me in them anyway.
Nick, Joe, and Kevin kept giving me weird looks on the plane. When Stella and I went to the back of the plane to get water Stella blindsided me.
"What is your problem?" Stella whisper-shouted rudely. I gave her a confused look and then asked her to explain.
"Nick, Joe, and Kevin invite you to their mansion in L.A. and you ignore them the entire plane ride here?" Stella questions. I consider telling her about the conversation I overheard. Or the fact that I know the Jonas's didn't invite me and that it was Stella's idea. But instead, I let fake Macy take over.
"Sorry Stell, I've just been feeling a little sick, I'll promise to be nicer!"
And from then on I ran on autopilot. Stella and I returned to where the boys were and I became my old self. I sat next to Nick and laughed at every one of Kevin's lame jokes, I told Stella that she looked beautiful in her over the top outfit, I made a bet with Joe on who would win the Soccer World Cup, and I fan-girl shrieked when Nick accidently swiped my hand.
I felt like an idiot when doing this stuff but Stella kept giving me approving glances. All the while I felt like such a poser.
I don't know how I could have ever acted like this before. Especially since Kevin's jokes are stupid, Joe can't tell soccer from hockey, Stella doesn't need to wear a thousand dollar outfit on a plane and I haven't felt the same about Nick ever since he said he hates me.
This is going to be a long summer.
"Hey Mace, are you feeling okay?" Stella asked me out of the blue. I glanced up to see everyone looking at me. I plastered a smile on my face and said, "I'm fine."
And so begins my pathetic existence.
Hope you guys like it, there will be Macy and Nick in the next chapter, don't you worry!
