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I never thought that I could hate California so much. I don't mean the place, I mean the word. Stella, of course, had the wonderful idea to make a 'California' mix tape for the car ride over to the mansion. That means each song has the word 'California' in it at least fifty times. And now, I can't stop using the word California in all my sentences. I swear, if I hear the word California come out of one more person's mouth I'm going to…

"CALIFORNIA girls were undeniable! Whao whao whao whao Whao!" Stella sang out.

I'll never be able to listen to Katy Perry again.


"Alright guys, here we are!" Joe announced. I looked forward out of the windshield and found a house that was worth more than my mom could ever make in her lifetime.

Once we pulled in, all of us gathered our belongings out of the trunk and began lifting them to the house. Kevin directed us through the mansion and to the pool house. Their pool house was three times the size of my apartment.

"Not too shabby." I murmured.

"Not too shabby? Mace, this place is amazing!" Stella squealed. I rolled my eyes and reminded myself of the secrets I didn't need Stella knowing. Suddenly my body was once again taken over.

"I know! We're going to have the best summer!" I squealed back. Stella did a little happy-victory-dance type thing, then ran into the main house to go talk to Joe.

My smile instantly dropped off my face. I walked to one of the bedrooms and collapsed on the bed. The pure exhaustion of keeping up my façade was killing me. There are only so many things in the world to squeal and jump around about. Slowly I'm starting to lose joy in everything I do. Even sleeping on the same property as Nick couldn't make me happy.

Especially since I know I'm not wanted here.


You know when you hear a band on the radio and you instantly fall in love with it? Well that's not how it happened for me. The moment I began my pitiful obsession with JONAS, was the moment I saw Nick's face.

(Flashback)

"Mace? Are you even listening?" Stella demanded. I nodded at whatever she said and continued reading my horoscope out of Seventeen Magazine.

We were having a sleepover in her pink plush bedroom. Stella kept going on about how her best friends are about to be on T.V. I asked why and she said that they were a new up and coming band. Apparently they are having the premiere of their music video tonight, and I agreed to watch it with her.

"It's on, it's on!" Stella shrieked. I quickly put down my magazine and sat down next to Stella on the floor.

"One Day, when I came home at lunch time,

I heard a funny noise,

Went out to the backyard, to find out,

If it was one of those ratty boys…"

"Oh my goodness." I stated in shock.

"I know! Those outfits are atrocious!" Stella said while avidly watching the screen.

"Who is that angel that is singing?" I asked in awe. Stella gave me a weird look and then turned back to the T.V.

"The lead singer? Oh, that's Nick! You're going to meet him on Monday at school! OMG! I can't believe it's almost the start of high school! Freshman year he we come!" Stella yelled with her hands in the air.

Nick Lucas, here I come…

(End of Flashback)

I shudder at the thought of my three-year long obsession.

How long have I been oblivious to Nick's hate for me? How many hours of my life have I spent obsessing over a three boys that barely even acknowledge my existence? How long have I been in the state of denial about Nick secretly being in love with me?

How long will it be before there is no one is left that cares?


"I'm tired Stell!" I moaned from my bed. I buried my head further in the pillows in an attempt to block out Stella's voice.

"It's our first night here! We've got to go clubbing! It's practically an obligation!" Stella argued. She looked beautiful in the party dress she had put on. Stella had even gotten one for me, but I couldn't compare to her curvy body and blonde curls.

"I promise, next time we go somewhere I'll be more than happy to accompany you!" I assured Stella.

"But Macy…"

"Stella, just drop it." My alter-ego shined through my tone. Stella looked taken aback at my tone. I had to fix this quick before Stella suspected anything.

"Look Stell, me and my mom had a fight before we left and I want to fix it tonight. So, I'm planning on calling her." I lied through my teeth. I hadn't had a conversation, let alone a fight, with my mom since three months ago when my Dad left.

"Oh ok!" Stella said finally with a smile, "But tomorrow you have to come along!" With that Stella skipped out of the room without a second glance. Oblivious to any pain I've been feeling.

Aren't best friends supposed to know when you lying?


A new survey shows the average person tells four lies a day, or 1,460 a year for a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. The most common of these are: "I'm fine.", "Nice to see you", "Sorry I missed your call", "I'm stuck in traffic", "Our server was down", "The train was delayed", "The check's in the mail", "I'll call you back in a minute", "This tastes delicious" and sadly, "Of course I love you."

Congratulations Macy, you're a statistic.


I closed my eyes and listened to the soft sounds of the keys as I gently placed my fingers on them. I played the titanic theme song as I held back the tears in my eyes. The love story of Jack and Rose was epic. I used to dream that someday someone would be willing to put my life before their own in the name of love.

Of course, I also used to dream that Nick would suddenly show up at my door with yellow flowers and proclaim his love for me…but we all see how well that worked out.

After Stella left I had crept into the main house to the grand piano. The silence of the mansion helped my headache, and sounds of the instrument were therapeutic.

I changed my song from the Titanic theme to a cover of 'white flag' by Dido. I hummed the lyrics. I don't dare sing anymore since the members of JONAS admitted how much I suck at it. Instead I imagined singing in tune with the song.

I continued playing until I heard movement behind me. I immediately stopped and whipped around.

"What are you doing here?"


Here's a poem I wrote freshman year about Nick;

Your brown eyes,

Tell no lies, they never stray or deceive,

Your brown eyes,

Lead me away, back into my dreams.

Here's a rewrite of the poem from the day I found out Nick hates me;

Your brown eyes,

Tell no lies, but only in my dreams,

When I wake up,

Your big brown eyes,

Only seem to deceive.


"What are you doing here?" I asked breathlessly. Nick was leaning against the doorway staring at me. I couldn't read his intense gaze but none the less I was embarrassed he had discovered my secret.

"I heard the piano from upstairs; I didn't know anyone was still here. I thought you had gone with the others." Nick said quietly. He continued staring while I sat there uncomfortably.

"I didn't know you played." Nick gestured to the piano.

"Oh yeah! I learned the summer before ninth grade!" I explained. What I didn't tell Nick was I began piano lessons after Stella told me how much he was into it.

"So what were you playing?" Nick questioned while making his way over to me. I scooted over on the piano bench to make room for him.

"Whatever strikes my fancy." I answered with a smile. Nick laughed. We both turned to face the piano.

"So…what do you want to play?" Nick asked. I tapped my finger on my chin in mock thought. I then began to play 'Smile' by Nat King Cole. I thought Nick might not know the song but he began to sing the lyrics. We went along like that until the song ended.

We both sat there quietly again and smiled at each other.

"You seem different this summer." Nick said suddenly. I looked at him confused.

"Different how?" I inquired.

"Well, I don't know, cooler. I mean your less…" Nick drifted off. I suddenly realized what he was trying to say. I stood up quickly.

"I've got to go; it's been a long day…" I mumbled. I sped off quickly out of the mansion and to the pool house.

"Mace! Macy!" I heard Nick calling faintly.

Spazish, crazy, erratic, oblivious, perky, annoying… All words that Nick was about to say. All synonyms of what Nick thought of me.

Well I guess it only took my life to come crashing down for Nick to consider me 'cool'.

I've spent countless nights over the last three years crying over why he doesn't love me the way I love him. And I spent three months crying over why my dad doesn't love me. Just goes to show you, you can't trust the people you love. And I'm definitely done with trusting Nick.


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