Susan snuck out into the garage and threw her bags in the car that she had inherited from her parents. She hesitated, then went back inside to leave her aunt and uncle a note so they wouldn't worry. They might not like her much, but they were her relatives and did actually care for her, even if they didn't particularly show it.
It was still dark out and it started raining. Susan was having trouble seeing through the rain as it poured harder and harder. Yet she continued driving onwards, desperate to put as much distance as possible between them. They must return to Narnia without her.
Suddenly, she saw movement up ahead. There was a little boy in the street. She swerved to avoid hitting him and saw a lamppost. She slammed down on the brakes, but it was too late. Pain raked through all of her body and her vision blurred. She crawled out of the car, onto the hard, cold ground. She could move no longer, and laid there to die.
As she laid there in the rain, in pain and dying, she stared at the lamppost. Suddenly, she realized there was snow on the lamppost. She felt the ground and realized it was still wet, but it was wet with snow, not rain. She looked up and realized it was snowing, even though there was no snow expected that week. Her pain was fading away as well. She looked to see her injuries and was confused when she realized she was wearing her coronation dress. She got up and walked to the lamppost. It was the one in Lantern Waste. She smiled as she stroked its cold metal. She looked around herself. This was indeed Lantern Waste. She recognized it, every single leaf. But it was far better than she remembered it being. Each color was richer, each detail more refined. She laughed and spun around in the snow. "Impossible," she whispered.
She reached to her head and realized she was wearing her crown. Then her delight was gone as she remembered what she had done. She took it off, saying, "I no longer deserve this."
A warm voice from behind her said, "Once a king or queen of Narnia…"
"Always a king or queen of Narnia," Susan finished. "Oh, Aslan!" She ran to him and fell to her knees, burying her face into his mane and crying.
"Susan, Daughter of Eve, do you love me?"
"Yes, Lord, you know that I love you," Susan cried, stroking his golden fur.
He asked her this twice more, one time for each time she had denied him, her heart grieving more each time he asked.
"Aslan, where are we?" Susan asked.
"You are in my country now. Whether you stay or not depend on what is in your heart."
"My heart has always been with Narnia. It was my mind that betrayed her and you."
"Indeed," Aslan said, breathing on her. Susan felt much calmer.
"Aslan, how can I ever make up for my betrayal, my denials?" she implored. She was not ready to accept her place as queen, but ready to undertake any trials that she must to be worthy of it again.
"You were left behind in the Shadowlands to suffer alone as penance for forgetting Narnia. There remains but one task for you now before you will return to Cair Paravel and retake your throne," Aslan said. "You must learn to forgive yourself and embrace yourself as the queen that you once were. You remember the way to Cair Paravel?"
"Of course. It was my home," she said, turning her head to look to where she knew Cair Paravel was, even though she could not yet see it.
"Go directly there, but speak to everyone who approaches you along the way," Aslan instructed. "They will help you on your journey." Susan bowed her head and Aslan breathed upon her and disappeared. She rose and walked towards Cair Paravel.
"Hello, Queen Susan," a woman with ethereal beauty said, walking directly up to Susan and taking her hands into hers.
"My lady, I do not think I know you?" Susan asked.
"Forgive me, I've heard so much about you that I feel as if I do. Caspian spoke of you constantly, he loved you so much. I am Liliandil. I used to be his wife," she said.
Susan looked away. "You must despise me for it."
"Nay, for I only wish for him to be happy. We loved each other, but not as a husband and wife should. Please, he will only be at peace once you can forgive yourself and return to him," Liliandil said, touching her cheek lightly. "I was his closest friend. I knew how much his heart ached for you."
"As he must be disappointed that I failed as a queen of Narnia."
"From what I have heard from your siblings, it was from too much love, not a lack of love that you forgot Narnia. That is no vice," she said softly.
"You are being too kind to me, despite my keeping your husband from loving you as he should a wife," Susan said.
"That was his choice, not yours. And the slight pain of knowing that the love of his life may soon be returning was assuaged by my heart finding love. I hope that your brother Peter and I have your blessing," Liliandil said with a hopeful smile.
"Of course!" Susan exclaimed, although rather surprised. She then laughed, the first genuine laugh of delight she had since forgetting Narnia. "All this time, I kept trying to get him together with various girls, and he finally finds one without my prodding him at all?"
"From our conversation, your heavy heart lightened enough to laugh. May the next person you meet teach you what it means to forgive yourself," she said, embracing and kissing Susan on the cheek. "Now go on towards Cair Paravel. You'll need a place to sleep the night though. I recommend stopping by the Beaver's dam for the night."
A light then came out from her heart, enveloping her and she turned into just an orb of light and flew up to the heavens.
"A star?" Susan gasped in amazement.
Susan traveled onto the Beavers, eager to see her old friends. But they were not the ones waiting for her there.
"Edmund?" she said, pleasantly surprised. The other was not such a pleasant surprise. "Eustace?"
"Royal sister," Edmund said formally, standing and embracing her in the traditional kingly manner.
"Hey cousin," Eustace said, significantly less formal.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"We're here for you of course," Edmund said.
"Because we care about you," Eustace added.
"Ah, I'd believe that about Edmund, but you?" Susan asked skeptically.
"Yeah, I used to be a jerk. Sorry about that," Eustace said openly with a shrug. "Thankfully, Lucy and Edmund didn't ask Caspian to throw me back overboard when we first got to Narnia."
"We would never have… probably," Edmund protested. Eustace laughed. Susan couldn't resist smiling a little. Then Edmund grew serious. "Because we're family! And family is… always there to welcome you when you're ready." Susan realized that he wasn't just talking about Eustace but also himself and… her.
"It's different, Ed," Susan said, shaking her head.
"You're right, it is," Eustace said. Edmund and Susan turned towards him in confusion. "What? It is! I never was friends with all of you. We had no good past history to make you want to treat me as a welcome part of the family, but you and Lu did. Whereas you, Susan, have years and years of history with your family that weren't erased by just a year or so of trying to separate yourself from Narnia."
Edmund and Susan were both surprised at how strongly Eustace seemed to feel about it.
"And Susan, you forgave me even though I could have caused our family's death by going to the White Witch," Edmund said, taking her hands in his. Susan felt like she was about to cry. Edmund hugged her, and she buried her face into his chest, letting the tears now flow free.
"Shhh, shh. It's alright," Edmund murmured comfortingly.
"Um, I'll just… uh…. I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed for the night," Eustace said awkwardly while sidling out, uncomfortable with all the emotion going on. Susan laughed, but the tears made it sound more hysterical than anything.
"You should rest too. You have a long journey ahead of you still," Edmund said, leading to a back room that Susan didn't even know exist that had human sized beds. She looked at him quizzically and he shrugged. "We knew you were coming, and I was going to just set up a tent, but the construction workers were a bit zealous and insisted on building an extra room. And… so were the dressmakers. You have quite an assortment of outfits to pick for tomorrow."
"Why did they..?"
"Because to most of them, you're still a legend. The rest of us have become real to them, but you are a legend that they are eager to meet. You've been quite the talk of Narnia, especially amongst some of the men, which did not make Caspian happy while he was here. And the gossiping has only amplified since Caspian went back for you and especially when Peter went back."
"I thought I was in Aslan' country?" Susan asked in confusion.
"It is one and the same. The old Narnia is no more, but it is alive as Aslan's country."
She rubbed her head in confusion. Edmund noticed and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Sleep, dear sister. You've had quite a day and you're really going to need the rest for tomorrow," he said ominously. He pulled the sheets back for her and tucked her in.
Susan laughed. "This feels backwards, you tucking me into bed."
"Well, now I get to repay you for all the times you've taken care of me," Edmund said with a smile. Then he grinned mischievously. "Ah, what the hell, since I'm acting like a mother anyways." He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Goodnight."
The next morning, some birds had apparently delivered breakfast for them – Edmund's favorite, toast – and the boys ate with her.
As Susan prepared to leave, Edmund went up to her. "Sister, remember that you must speak with everyone you meet. And I'm afraid the next person is not somewhat you would have wanted to speak with if you didn't have to."
"Who is this person?"
"You'll see," Edmund said, hugging her. "Farewell. Next time we see each other, we will be at Cair Paravel."
They had given her a very fast enchanted boat to ride down the river, which helped her make better time. She rode it down to somewhere near the Shuddering Woods. She ate lunch that Edmund and Eustace had given her, but noticed that there was no dinner, so the person must be meeting her around then. In the evening as she approached Beruna, she smelled food, and came across a table set for a feast. There were two Calormene men at the end. They both rose to their feet at the sight of her. One she knew she had never met before. The other looked vaguely familiar. She frowned, trying to figure out who he might be. He was dressed in simple garments, and that was what made her not recognize him at first. He walked towards her, kneeling and kissing her hand.
"Queen Susan!" he cried.
"Get away from me, Rabadash!" she cried, yanking her hand out of his grasp and turning to run away.
