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013. Brumal

Noise—dark. Cold.

Murmurs which spun in his dizzy mind. He was lying down. Maybe. Maybe, he was lying down.

Lights—only one. Light. Just one.

It was strong and constant and burned.

He hurt. His leg burned with something sharp and acid, and his head pounded out a crazy beat that he couldn't follow. His fingers wouldn't move no matter how much he tried.

Was this sleep paralysis? He was awake, but he couldn't move a single inch.

He couldn't move.

This was not sleep paralysis.

This was not sleep paralysis, because it was

Loud and cold and

Impact.

He remembered, soft thoughts which floated beneath his closed eyelids like ink imprints of leaves on paper.

"Rei-chan, look out!"

And a hard shove and

Impact.

Suddenly, Rei gasped sharply and snapped his eyes open.

His glasses had flown off his face and were nowhere to be found, so everything before him was a thick blur. A string of streetlamps provided poor illumination.

His entire body hurt, and he could feel the distinct sensation of friction burn and bruises swelling beneath his skin. He shot up and regretted it immediately, for the blood which rushed from his head and worsened his dizziness.

"Nagisa—" he rasped out, looking around wildly. He didn't have to search far, because there was a blond lump about half a meter away from him. The form was still. "Nagisa!"

Someone was calling out to him to stay still, but his ears were full of water, and the voice was nothing but a garbled mess. He was underwater in a sea of molasses.

He thought someone calling out about an ambulance but couldn't be sure.

Rei staggered toward Nagisa and shoved off the hands which tried to keep him back. His knee landed on something and scraped it across the dark asphalt. His glasses. He picked them up hastily and jammed them on his face, never minding the sharp crack which ran down the left frame.

With them on, he could finally see how Nagisa was. He was lying on his back with his arms thrown haphazardly outward. He looked surreal surrounded by fruits and vegetables in various states of disarray and edibility. A puddle of strawberry ice cream melted on the floor apathetically. Nagisa was the subject of a painting with too-harsh lighting and poor arrangement.

Something bubbled up from Rei's throat. It was a sob. Or maybe it was his heart.

He scrabbled closer to the prone man and called out to him.

"Nagisa—Nagisa-kun. Nagisa-kun!"

Rei didn't dare touch him, in fear of injuring him further, but what could he do? Was he okay? Was he oka—

Nagisa's jacket had a floral pattern on it. Pretty and surreal and dark, dark red like warm wine and strawberry jam and no, it was blood and there was so much and there was so much and there was so much.

"Wake up, Nagisa-kun!" Rei cried out, voice reedy shock and fear. His hands were cold, but not as cold as Nagisa's face felt when he cradled it gently.

The blond's eyelashes fluttered very weakly. His lips parted to take a breath, but then something bubbled, popped, and he coughed. A fine, red mist.

Oh, Rei thought. Oh.

His voice was urgent and thin when he called out again, "Nagisa-kun…!"

Pink eyes opened blearily. They looked so far-away, so lost and cold.

"Rei-ch—?" he tried to say, but then he hacked again, and his lips were red, like the time he stole Gou's lipstick during one year's Christmas party and insisted on kissing everyone with it on. Rei thought the shade didn't look good on Nagisa—it was too dark, but it looked alright on Gou. The lipstick he wore now was too dark as well and looked even worse. "What happened?" he croaked out after he cleared out his airway.

Rei wasn't sure either. "We just had a small accident. That's all," he said, shakily brushing Nagisa's bangs away from his face.

"Okay," Nagisa replied, taking in the words. "Where are we?"

"Near home. Near home, we just—we were walking back from buying groceries, remember?"

Nagisa's pink eyes glazed over.

"Nagisa-kun, remember?" Rei insisted.

The focus returned. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I think so."

"Are you okay?" He was not, and Rei knew it. He didn't have to read a medical book cover-to-cover to know that Nagisa was not. "Does it hurt?"

Nagisa's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You're bleeding," he said, completely ignoring Rei's questions. One of his hands wobbled uncertainly from the floor as if he was trying to reach up to Rei's face. Rei grabbed it tightly.

It was so cold.

"Shh," he shushed. Tears burned at his eyes. "I'm fine," he said. "I'm alright."

A spasm of pain crossed Nagisa's face. "It's cold."

Rei knew this as well.

"It's okay. Someone's called an ambulance, so people are coming to help us. They'll get you to a nice, warm bed and stop—"

"The bleeding" was what was supposed to come next, but Rei couldn't say it.

"Rei-chan?" Nagisa asked. "Where are we?"

He started crying. "Almost home, Nagisa-kun," he said. Tears collected on his glasses.

"Oh. I see. It's cold. Why can't I stand up? I can't… Rei-chan, I can't…."

"Shh," Rei said again and bowed over Nagisa protectively. He was squeezing Nagisa's hand hard, but the blond was not returning the gesture at all.

"Is it bed-time? The room's so dark."

"No! No, Nagisa, don't—"

"But I'm so sleepy. I want to sleep. I feel so tired."

"Nagisa…!"

"Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. What did I do, Rei-chan? I'll fix it. I won't do it again. Don't get angry."

Rei shushed him and pressed his forehead against Nagisa's. "Don't talk anymore, it's okay. I'm not angry. I'm not angry, Nagisa, just stay awake, alright? Just a little longer. Help is coming—"

"What happened to 'kun'?" he asked, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

He couldn't answer.

"Gross. You're getting snot all in my hair. Stop that…."

He wished he could.

"We'll go home and wash off your face then. And afterwards, we can make dinner together. We were going to make your favorite for dessert, remember? Strawberry shortcake with ice cream? Do you want cookies too? We can make those. We can make those if you want. Just hang in there, and I'll—"

"You're so suspicious, Rei-chan, being so nice to me…." Nagisa swallowed but choked on the iron in his mouth. He coughed and whined.

"It's because I love you," he cried and clenched his eyes together tightly.

"Gross," the blond said again, laughing slightly. The tremors which followed that were out of pain. When the smile faded, Nagisa weakly squeezed back Rei's hand. "I love you too."

"I love you so much, okay? Nagisa-kun, I love you so much."

"Mmn. I know."

"Nagisa…."

"I love you too, Rei-chan."

Rei kissed him, coppery and cold.

"I love you too," Nagisa repeated. "Can I sleep? I'm tired. Just a little…."

"Please don't. Nagisa, don't—"

"Don't be stingy. It's just a nap. You can wake me up later, okay? A twenty-minute power nap. That's what's best, right? That's what you say. Just twenty minutes, and then you can wake me up."

"No, no, no. Nagisa, no…."

"Good night, Rei-chan. I love you, okay? You can wake me up later… Good night…."

"Nagisa—"

No, not this, not this.

"Nagisa! Wake up! Nagisa!"

Not this, that was not beautiful at all. Not this.

"Please…. Please, no, no, no. Nagisa-kun!"

Why now. Why.

"Nagisa, no…. Please…. Wake up, I—"

Have so much more to tell you and do with you.

Nagisa-kun, you wanted to adopt cats, right? Let's go. Let's go find some you'd like. You can take back as many as you'd like home. It's okay. I don't mind.

We still haven't finished your garden on the balcony. Didn't you say you wanted to plant some tulips this year? Which ones were they? The pink ones? Did you want the pink ones?

The movie you wanted to see comes out next week.

You were supposed to help me air out the futons this weekend.

Tomorrow, there's a sale on your favorite chocolates again.

We were going to make cake tonight.

There's so much we still have to do together.

There's so much we still have to do together.

Nagisa—

"I love you. I love you, Nagisa. I love you…. Good night."