AN: I had a little writer's block. I think I'm back in gear. Thanks for reading.

Chapter 5

Elvis's fat jiggled when he spoke.

I just stared at his wiggly, jiggly midsection. I wondered if it was actually alive.

Jiggle and more jiggle.

Kid squeezed my hand. "He asked you a question, Bella."

"Who?" I looked around at our bored wedding party.

"The minister!" He exclaimed. "I know you're upset about your mom, but—"

"It's like he's made out of jello and tapioca pudding," I said in awe. "Laugh, Elvis!"

Elvis's wig was falling off and he pushed it back on with a huff. In a very, not Elvis like voice he stated, "Your vows?"

"Do you eat peanut butter and fried chicken sandwiches?"

"No." Elvis was annoyed. "Your vows?"

Elvis's rhinestones moved along with his buoyant belly. It was dazzling. "How many calories per day? Do you eat the whole cow?"

James Taylor was hysterically laughing behind us, as Kate stomped up behind me.

"Isabella Marie Swan—" she began.

"Cullen!" Kid exclaimed.

"Chill out, Edward. You're still about ten minutes or less from giving her that new title." Her hands went onto her hips. "Garrett and I have tickets to see the most wondrous show in Vegas. I refuse to miss it. Marry Edward now!"

Okay. Obviously, no drugs makes Kate demanding.

"Fine. Kid, it's been interesting—"

Dictator yelled at me, "It's your wedding! Call him Edward!"

Ugh, she was so demanding. Cheech just stared at her with his blank expression.

"Fine. Edward, thanks for my parrot. Annie Oakley is better than humans. This includes the ones here. I guess you rank higher than my bird. That's good." I hated emotions. "I should add something about being knocked up. I'm glad my dad didn't shoot you. I would miss your face. Thanks for making me macaroni and cheese from the box. The Kraft kind with all the butter and not the overpriced organic stuff. I guess I will be supporting you and the spawn. That's works. I'm done."

There was silence. I wasn't expecting applause, but maybe some finger snapping.

"You forgot something," Kid pointed out with a pout.

"What? Thanks for sex?"

He knew I was bad with speeches. I was horrible with emotions. My stomach was growling and I needed to feed the spawn. What did he expect from me? Poetry? Gross.

"You forgot to say you love me." More pouting.

Kid should have been wearing the dress. He was cute when he was expressing his feminine side, which was almost always.

I sighed. The things I have to do to keep him happy. "I love you."

He beamed.

I added, "Your turn."

"I love you!" He exclaimed.

"No. Your vows."

He looked at me in confusion. "I already said them!"

Oh shit. I had been distracted by Elvis's sparkles dancing on his jumpsuit.

Kid continued, "You missed my vows again!"

"I love you."

"Bella—"

I was in so much trouble. "I love you, my king!"

"You are the sweetest love of my life!" He kissed me.

It was so very easy to distract him.

Kate sighed. "I taped it. Again."

Elvis threw his arms in the air. "Should you two be getting married?"

"Yes!" We both exclaimed happily.

He pushed up his rhinestone encrusted sunglasses. They were slipping off the sweat from his nose. They really needed air conditioning in this chapel dedicated to the King of Rock and Roll.

"Girly Boy, do you take the scary, mean girl to be your old lady? Uh huh." Elvis asked.

Kid smiled. "Of course! She's my angel! My goddess! My vision of per—"

"Mean Girl, do you take Girly Boy to be your old man? Uh huh."

"Sure." Why not?

We already had our rings on. Cut down on the ceremony time.

"Your pictures and commemorative wedding souvenirs are at the front desk," he added. "Go ahead and kiss her."

Kid laid one on me that was passionate, but with a little too much tongue. I was hungry for food, not Kid. I really think he thought I was going to put out. Silly kid.

Our friends sort of slow clapped and there were a few yawns.

I looked at Elvis. He looked famished.

I pointed to him. "Hey Fake Presley, we're having a wedding reception next door at the Twilight Buffet. You in?"

"You paying?" He looked at me skeptically.

"Yup. I think I can get the senior citizen discount for you." I think he just made the age requirement.

Elvis shrugged. "I can eat."

Kid pulled me close. "Thank you for becoming my wife."

"You're welcome."

I was officially Mrs. Isabella Swan-Cullen. Well I'll be damned.

Edward would be Cullen-Swan by next month. I guarantee it.