AN: I was having a hard time with this one. I apologize for the wait.

Chapter 7

The house smelled like urine. It made my nostrils burn.

I should have guessed it was going to bad by the overgrown yard where all the cats were stalking through the tall grass and faded, garden gnomes.

"Girl, my grandmother is one mean, old lady. She beats people with her walker. Not only family, but the mailman and the guy who sells hot dogs by town hall!" Jacob looked frightened to go into his own grandmother's house. "Look at your future, Bella."

We stood in the entryway and if Jacob was correct, I was looking at a life full of meowing companions and dust bunnies galore. I sneezed.

"Aww Bella, my wiggy widdy Ella. You might be sporting a baby pooch, but I would make you scream DJ Sethy Diddy!"

I was going to kill Seth Clearwater. He made Jacob seem normal.

"Shut up. Now." I pinched him on the arm.

He started making odd movements that appeared that he was having a seizure in slow motion. He sang, "I'll be your baby daddy! I'll be your baby daddy!"

"She will rip off your head, Seth!" Jacob looked panicked.

"Leave Edward for me, baby!" Seth cried. He wore fake gold chains. I wasn't sure what annoyed me more, his words or those gold painted pieces of metal.

I grabbed his ear and pulled him towards the ground. "Should I call my kid or should I maim you? Your pick, you annoying piece of shi—"

Jacob pulled me away. "If you kill Seth, how can you meet grandma? She'll be the key to your book!"

I was going to get Rachel Black to work with me on my book. She had all the old ancient stories and folklore about the Forks inhabitants. I needed them. Every last one. She tells me the stories, we write them up and I draw the pictures to sell to millions of people. Old lady Black gets extra cat food money and I get funds to support my family. It should work perfectly, because we're two, crusty peas in a pod.

"Get in here, boy!" The old woman screeched from a nearby room.

Jacob was trembling as he called out, "Coming, Meemaw!"

"Put on your big boy pants, Jake!" I had to push him a little to get him to move. It appeared that his feet were cemented to the floor.

He looked at me with wide eyes. "I don't know who scares me more! You're mean and so is she!"

"Bella has a better ass," Seth pointed out. I stepped on his foot. "I like it rough!"

I looked at Jacob. "Do something about him. Now."

"Aww girl! I just be playin'!" He started moonwalking around the floor like one of those old time Michael Jackson videos.

Jacob pushed that gyrating nincompoop into a room. He looked at me with a grin. "Throwing him to the gray haired wolf. It's every man and angry woman for themselves."

I'll have to admit, I'm warming up to the guy.

It didn't faze Seth in the least. He threw both hands up and strutted in like a drunk peacock. "Sexy Grammy B! Your little Seth Muffin is here to rub your bunions! Come give me some sugar, Grammy Hot Stuff!"

"What's wrong with him?" I asked Jacob.

Jacob shrugged. "Dad said he was dropped on his head when he was a baby."

That made perfect sense.

"Jacob Black! Why did you bring this moron here?" An elderly woman with her snow white hair twisted up in curlers shuffled out with her walker. The muumuu she wore was decorated in giant, magenta polka dots. "I'm surprised Harry hasn't locked him up in a cage to protect the populace from his idiocy. Actually, I'm not surprised at all. Harry isn't the brightest boy either. It's all the inbreeding."

She gave a wink. Mrs. Black was a feisty one.

"He followed me, Meemaw," Jacob squeaked.

Seth reclined on the couch. His feet rested on the plastic cover. He said with a smirk, "Don't be hatin', Granny B! I can be your house boy and you can bake me cookies."

She shuffled over, grabbed a rolled up newspaper and proceeded to whack him on the head with it. "Get your feet off my couch, you nasty flea! I knew you father married his cousin, but I thought you'd have at least an inkling of a brain."

She just kept hitting him, as he cried.

Jacob started to go over to stop it, but I held him back. "Just a couple more hits, Jake. It's hilarious."

"Cool," he replied.

Approximately two minutes later, Mrs. Black turned to me. "You the Swan girl? Charlie's kid?"

"Yes."

"I've heard stories about you." She narrowed her eyes at me.

I nodded. "They are undoubtedly true."

"You're pregnant? What Charlie think about his daughter being an unwed, teenage mother?" She looked at me with a smirk.

She was a delightful, old bat.

"Meemaw! That's not okay!" Jacob exclaimed.

"It's fine, Jake." I looked at her. "Chief Charlie is good with it. I'm a married, teenage mother after all. Do you ever clean the litter boxes around here? The sweet smell of litter and cat urine is upsetting my spawn."

I patted my belly for emphasis.

"Jacob, clean the boxes!" Mrs. Black demanded.

"Meemaw!" Jacob looked ill, but she shot him a look and he shuffled out of the room.

Mrs. Black hit Seth again. "Get helping, gnat!"

"Can I have a cookie?" Seth was a special breed of oblivious.

"Go!" She hit him again and he scurried out. "Now young lady, what are you planning on using me for?"

"I'm going to make us rich, Mrs. Black." I gave her a grin.

"Enough so I can move to Florida?"

"Enough that you can even bring your cats," I added.

"I like you, girl." She appraised me. "This might be the start of a beautiful friendship."

I couldn't agree more.