The Eccentric Files
Action8: Rue the Day
Kiba,
SO, IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DUMPED. I would laugh at you, but that is frowned upon in our culture and I am totally going to be the bigger person here and—
Oh, screw it.
HA.
Eat some ramen, you'll feel better. Lee and I will go with you after school so you can drown your tears in that ZESTY broth. Your treat, of course.
--Naruto, the ultimate ninja!
P.S. Sasuke is such a sissy. I was rooting for you, man. Did you see the way he 'dramatically swept in' to save her? I think he practices that. Saving of damsels and all.
P.P.S. I knew there was significance behind the CRIMSON crayon.
Naruto,
Gee, I'm so glad to see that you're SUCH a great friend, what with the way you just comforted me, who NEEDS enemies? Thanks SO MUCH for the concern. I'm fine. And I don't want ramen.
--Kiba
P.S- I'm GLAD that the Uchiha finally removed that stick from his ass.
P.P.S- What are you talking about?
Kiba,
I know I'm awesome. But it is nice to hear such positive reinforcement. Just for that, I'll split the ramen bill. Don't lie and say you don't want it, you fool! IT'S RAMEN, THERE IS NO ESCAPE!
Also, methinks that Sasuke deserves some abuse for taking so damn long. And we have to keep an eye on Sakura-chan.
He has a tree house in his backyard. I am setting up camp back there, if you would care to join me. That way we will have 24/7 surveillance of The Seducer. (As he shall from now on be referred to.)
--Naruto
P.S. SASUKE take out that stick?! AHAHAHA—You jest. I don't think that's possible. He wouldn't know how to support himself if that got removed.
Naruto,
Well, alright, we'll go out for ramen. And I'll pay, since I doubt you'll have any money.
Hmm... you prove a very valid point. After all, Sakura and Sasuke HAVE liked each other since Kindergarten. We are now Juniors in High School. Sakura has some amazing patience.
Alright, I'll be there. What time?
-Kiba
P.S-- Please don't word it that way, my inner eye burns from the mental images.
Kiba,
I knew you'd warm up to me.
Indeed! It is a tragic tale of two lovers, both of whom too thick headed to realize their eternal devotion to one another—which translates into Sasuke being an idiot in denial who can't chat up a girl to save his life. SHAME ON HIM, SHAME ON HIS SOUL!
He should go sit in a corner.
Okay, we'll meet up at six, right after ramen. Bring your sleeping bags, and I'll bring Lee. If Sasuke brings Sakura to his place and 'tries' anything, then the FIRES OF YOUTH shall put a halt to his advances.
Do you think the evil laughter I'm giving off is alarming people?
--Naruto
P.S. OH, YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT.
Naruto,
Please, don't flatter yourself. I'm merely doing this for Sakura. (Though I think we should just leave them be; she might WANT him to make some moves on her.)
And I doubt his fan girls flock to him because of his MAD PEOPLE SKILLZ.
Alright, sounds like a plan to me. An evil plan, albeit, but a plan nonetheless.
Hell yeah, it's scaring ME.
--Kiba
P.S- Yeah, uhm, NOT REALLY. Do YOU wanna see the image of Sasuke removing a stick from his ass and then waddling like a duck, then falling over?
P.P.S- Never mind…
Kiba,
Would YOU want some moves pulled on you by Sasuke?!
I think my point has been proven. Clearly, we are doing her a great service. She will thank us, when she's old enough to understand. This is of course, assuming that Sasuke could figure out how to 'pull a move.' Which he can't, by the way. I've seen him in action. Calling people annoying turns out to be his sole pickup line.
Sweet, sweet ramen, so close yet so far…
--Naruto
P.S. He already walks like a duck. Especially if you piss him off. Why do you think I do it? I don't ENJOY getting smacked over the head—just laughing while he stomps/waddles away.
Naruto,
GOD no. Do I look gay to you?! But I'm not Sakura, either.
Naruto, she's SEVENTEEN; I think Sakura's CLEARLY old enough to know what she wants, and if what she wants is Sasuke, then let her. I'm just coming along to get my revenge against Sasuke for everything he said against me while Sakura and I were dating.
--Kiba
P.S- I never realized you had SUCH a vindictive side, Naruto.
Kiba,
WHAT THE HELL?! YOU AREN'T GAY? THIS ENTIRE TIME I THOUGHT YOU WERE! THAT'S WHY I LET YOU DATE SAKURA-CHAN!
Sakura is confused. Sasuke drugged her. I think. I just need the proof…
How exactly do you plan to get this 'revenge?' I still owe him for the crimson crayon. VENGENCE SHALL BE MINE!
--Naruto
P.S. There are many things you don't know, my silly little friend. (Who is still buying me ramen.)
Naruto,
You're lucky there's a teacher in the room, or you would find yourself missing some crucial ligaments. And you let me date Sakura because you could never oppose your precious Sakura-chan.
Sasuke didn't drug her, but good luck attempting to prove your theory. Unless he drugs his eyes.
I have no idea, but I'll get revenge against him SOMEHOW. (And I am not going with any of your ideas. Honestly, Naruto, throwing an egg through his window?)
--Kiba
P.S- In your dreams, maybe.
Kiba,
Bah, I could take you. But you are right about Sakura…oh my God she's scary when she's mad…
Did I ever tell you what she did to me in second grade? When I cut her Barbie's hair? SHE RIPPED HALF MY HAIR OUT, IS WHAT SHE DID.
'Unless he drugs his eyes.' HOLY SHIT. YOU ARE GAY.
Not that I have a problem with that or anything but whoa, man, come out of the closet already. It's time to Believe It!
Egg through the window is classic, silence cretin. Ah, good times…
…
Can we egg him?
--Naruto
P.S. No way. I have it on paper. Signed contract, biznatch.
Naruto,
One, I could kick your ass with my pinky finger, and two, since you're so afraid of Sakura I could have her protect me.
Idiot. I'm NOT gay. But maybe you are; after all, you DO spend an AWFUL lot of time with Sasuke. Hmmm...
We are not egging Sasuke. I fear Sakura's Deadly Wrath.
--Kiba
P.S- Oh yeah? Show it to me.
Kiba,
FOOL! You have no chance against my awesome ninja prowess! I could crush you with my eyelash! And don't hide behind the women, you creep. That's cheating. You know damn well that I haven't got a prayer against them.
Me. Being gay with Sasuke. Uh.
Thank you, I'll have nightmares for life. AND IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. I think I need to check myself into a therapist's office.
--Naruto
P.S. And I quote, "Well, alright, we'll go out for ramen. And I'll pay, since I doubt you'll have any money."
….gotcha, bitch!
Sasuke,
We aren't going to be gay together are we? Were we ever? You're straight, right? I'm straight?
Is Kiba straight? I wonder about that guy…
--Naruto
Naruto,
Go away you loser. Do not come to me for guidance through your sexual crisis. I don't give a damn.
And we will never, ever be gay together.
Kiba's about as straight as a set of perpendicular lines.
--Sasuke
Sasuke,
BUT WHAT IF I LIKE SMALL CHILDREN OR SOMETHING?! I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP TO BE LIKE MICHEAL JACKSON! SAVE ME, YOU BASTARD!
Wait. You know fully well that I'm about to fail geometry. Perpendicular lines---er, they're the straight ones, yes? The ones with out a point of intersection?
--Naruto
Naruto,
Your reasons for hanging out around Konohamaru are becoming increasingly clear. You should be ashamed of yourself, pedophile.
The lines you're thinking of are parallel, idiot. Perpendicular lines intersect at a ninety degree angle.
--Sasuke
Sasuke,
Oh, shut it. YOU are the one who hung out around the REAL pedophile! Remember that time you almost got kidnapped in sixth grade? By Orochimaru?
Yeah. And all because he told you he had some tomatoes in his car. You imbecile. Did you not notice the warning signals I was sending you?!
--Naruto
Naruto,
The warning signals you sent me were out of his trunk. If I recall correctly, you were lured back there with the promises of ramen. Now who's the moron?!
--Sasuke
Sasuke,
…Just…lick a toilet seat, catch an STD and die, or something.
--Naruto
P.S. IF YOU PASS IT TO SAKURA-CHAN, I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG.
Naruto,
Oh please, you keep telling yourself that. And using Sakura as a defense shield isn't cheating, I'm merely using my resources.
Glad to know I'm doing my job correctly.
-Kiba
P.S- Fine, fine, I'll pay for the ramen. But you owe me.
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: I knew history was bad for me!
I never realized Kiba had such a sick mind... (or gay, for that matter.)
He offered me a threesome. WITH SASUKE-KUN INCLUDED. Excuse me while I go sit in the corner and whimper.
So, what's been going on with The Bitch and PH?
--Sakura
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: At least it wasn't math?
Did you scream/break something/faint? Not that I wish you an discomfort or anything, but…please tell me you broke something?
Raunchy, Kiba. Very raunchy. And if you had accepted, I'll have you know I would come back to that godforsaken town and make it a foursome.
Well, there is much I have to tell you. First off, the Burger King vs. McDonalds games are quickly approaching! It is taboo to walk on the other side of the street, for that would be fraternizing with the enemy! Everyday, small acts of sabotage are played out, and a pre-games scoreboard is being drawn up as we speak!
Burger King is leading by three points—curses. But fear not! I plan to graffiti their windows with catsup. They won't even know what hit them—that's got to be worth a good seven points.
Gaara is kicking me off the laptop for a second. I would protest, but as it's his laptop, there isn't much I can do. I swear, that boy is completely asexual. He didn't even blink when I wore a V-neck that was practically down to my stomach. There is no negotiating of computer time.
Gaara says, "Tell your friend that you dumped a bucket of mayo over Kankuro's head yesterday, and your limited computer time is completely deserved."
…Well, that wasn't really my fault. I mean, he just didn't understand that bed-head is NOT ATTRACTIVE on some people. I had to take action.
And he plays with dolls. He deserved it.
Also! Temari and Shikamaru are still arguing, but I don't know what about, Mr. Butters is still missing, and—
PH JUST WALKED IN! OH MY GOD!
-Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: The horrors of that subject are too much to handle
I fainted. And Sasuke-kun had to carry me to the nurse's office, muahaha. He wasn't there when I woke up, though.
How about, uhm, you just...have fun...with Kiba. And Sasuke-kun and I will...play chess? Sounds like a good idea to me!
...I still stand by the fact that YOU SHOULD'VE WORKED IN DUNKIN DONUTS. (Though your fights are incredibly amusing.)
WHY WOULD YOU DUMP MAYO OVER KANKURO'S HEAD?! I am STILL laughing over that incident where he acted gay for you because of that customer.
Good luck, Disco Stu! (sorry, I just saw a commercial for Knocked Up. Only it was with a doctor, and he said to the guy, "Are you with me, Disco Stu?!" Freaking hilarious, man.)
--Sakura
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: I don't go to school—Ha.
Damn. I really, really wanted you to break something. Guess I better go talk to Kiba.
SO WE CAN ARRANGE OUR LITTLE ORGY, TEE-HEE. Or not, since Sasuke would probably self-implode from mortification. That boy is such a prude sometimes, demonstrated by your willingness to play chess with him. (What the hell is wrong with you—you finally bag the boy and then you play board games with him? That's got to be illegal. I shun you. Shun shun shun.)
Well, of course I dumped mayo on his head. I didn't have any hair gel, and had to improvise. His acting gay was much appreciated—though I do wonder about that boy. And Gaara. Gaara better be gay, because otherwise I am seriously loosing my touch.
Burger King is in the lead by ten points! THE Burger King, (my boss, God, this is going to get confusing,) has officially declared war. He and I are going over there to day for some serious undercover work. I plan on humiliating him to the fullest of my power.
DISCO STU IS ON THE GROOVE, DISCO LAY-DAY.
I love the Simpson's.
Also! Also! PH visited me at work! And while this was very sweet and kind of him, he made the fatal error of bringing me Taco Bell. The Burger King was furious. He made me throw them out, so I had to shove his hat down the garbage disposal. Just, you know; poetic justice and all.
Whoops, time to cross the street and invade Burger King. Gaara just gave me a squirt gun and said, very gravely, 'you might need this.'
…
This should be fun.
--Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: Yeah, but you work, and have to deal with Temari. Ha HA!
What the hell do you expect me to break, my desk?
(and I'm NOT EVEN DATING him! I didn't bag him AT ALL. He just...kissed me, is all. A kiss means nothing.)
Did you ever consider that maybe Gaara already has a girlfriend? That he loves a lot?
What. The. Hell. Aren't the people who work at Burger King going to KNOW that you're from Mickey D's?
...and never say that disco thing again or else I will shove a Big Mac down your throat and choke you.
I'm almost afraid to ask what is in that squirt gun.
--Sakura
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: BITCH, DON'T REMIND ME.
I wouldn't put it past you. You could probably break just about anything if Sasuke's concerned.
I REMEMBER when you BROKE THE FLOOR in third grade! Jesus, you CRACKED IT WITH YOUR HEAD. That is amazing. I could probably hit that forehead of yours with a sledgehammer and it would just…bounce off!
Uchiha Sasuke kissed you. He might as well have just shoved a ring on your finger, for Christ's sake.
Gaara. With a girlfriend.
…
HEE.
I am so telling him you said that. He'll put you on his hit list for sure.
OKAY. Infiltrated the enemy's premises, where we loudly and publicly announced that we were going to be having the fast-food-Olympics on Saturday. We were chased back when they threw chopped-pickles at us. Curses. Foiled again!
It's okay. I put my squirt gun to good use—looks like Gaara filled it with our disgusting five-thousand-degree-coffee. Ha-ha, burn baby burn!
-Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: Muahaha.
...I think you have a faulty memory. First off, THE FLOOR WAS CARPETED. Second of all, there was a piece of wood in front of me; THAT'S what I chopped with my head. It was on a stack, and I broke the wood with my forehead.
He might've kissed me to get me to break up with Kiba. THAT'S IT! IT'S A CONSPIRACY!
And tell Gaara that he's on my hit list because he wasted PERFECTLY GOOD COFFEE.
...I fail to see how telling them about the Olympics (how the hell do you have fast-food Olympics anyway?!) is considered 'foiling your plans'.
And also? McDonalds coffee is good.
--Sakura
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Just stop breathing, traitor.
Liar. I have a photographic memory. And that snap shot in time is going to stay with me until my dying day!
I don't doubt the wood thing though. Probably a separate incident.
Sakura, the idea that one boy kissed you because he predicted it would offset you enough to make you break up with Kiba and then feel completely miserable—is utterly ridiculous. I don't think even Sasuke's that much of a bastard.
Gaara has heard your threat. He is asking if you're single. Apparently violence is something of a turn-on.
The fast-food-Olympics draw ever nearer—I should go train!
How're things with Sasuke? And Kiba? And Naruto? Hell, how's EVERYONE doing?
--Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: I love you too, Ino-chan.
You DON'T have a photographic memory, and you suck at that Memory Game.
Well, you never know! I mean, he has an odd mind!
...is Gaara hot?
HOW THE HELL DO YOU TRAIN FOR SOMETHING SO STUPID AS THE 'FAST-FOOD OLYMPICS?!
Kiba is fine, Naruto is fine, Kakashi-sensei is drowning us in homework and OBVIOUSLY laughing it up, that bastard, as he reads his porn. Sasuke and I are avoiding each other like the plague; we got into a fight again.
--Sakura
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: I hope no one goes to your funeral.
SO DO YOU, YOU HYPOCRITE. WE WILL SIT WITH ALL THOSE CARDS IN FRONT OF US FOR HOURS AND NOT GET A SINGLE MATCH UP. I seem to recall you once flipping over the same two cards. The entire game. At least I got one pair!
God, Sakura. You are entirely too paranoid. Buy some Prozac or something.
Gaara says he is single. (HAH, I TOLD YOU.) And I am sending a picture of him, attached. Note the bed head. I am giving him an 8 on the hotness scale, what say you?
Well, contests in the fast food Olympics include burger flipping, and eating contest, some kind of food fight, (I am working on my aim, the customers really like it when I throw a mustard-slathered hamburger bun at their heads.) and seeing who can make the most money in a certain amount of time.
…What did you and Sasuke fight about THIS time?!
--Ino
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Damn.
It would appear that I owe you some money. What are Sakura and Sasuke fighting about? And how's it going with the whole break-up thing?
Hugs,
--Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: I hope you go lick a public toilet
I TOLD YOU: THAT GAME WAS RIGGED.
You're probably on it; therefore, I refuse to use it. Also, I AM NOT PARANOID.
...his bed head is incredibly hot. And he has green eyes, like me! And the rings underneath his eyes remind me of L, from Death Note? Plus, he has RED HAIR. I give him a 9.
...the customers LIKE IT when you do that to them? Uhm, yes, clearly YOU ARE WORKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE. (Even though I'm STILL convinced you belong in a place where everything is white. And the walls are padded. Just the way you like them, Ino-chan!)
We fought about Kiba, actually. Apparently, him and Naruto were staked outside his house and were watching him, or something. I defended them that they were just looking out for me, and he argued that I didn't need personal bodyguards, and that I had broken up with Kiba, right, so why was I still friends with him? So now we're not talking.
--Sakura
To: Angel4awhile
From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: What?
Indeed you do, darling. But I'll settle for it when you come back for the play. It's coming up in a few weeks, you know.
Ahaha, funny story, actually... I'm, uhm, just going to let Sakura explain that one to you, since I fear the Uchiha; he's been shooting me death glares, and after History pinned me against the wall and snarled that I had been looking at Sakura's legs a little too long. (She was wearing a denim skirt, but I was actually spacing out and not paying attention to, well, anything. But apparently, this is all part of my plan to get Sakura back. Right.)
I'm handling it pretty well, if I do say so myself. I'm actually dating a girl from Shigoken High…but Sasu-chan doesn't need to know what.
--Kiba
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Well, I hope you…choke on your candy!
IT WAS NOT RIGGED YOU DOLT, YOU JUST INSISTED THAT THE CARDS WOULD SOMEHOW MAGICALLY REVEAL DIFFERENT RESULTS NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU FLIPPED THE DAMN THINGS.
See, your paranoia is making you suspect that 'I am in on it.' My god Sakura, its over-the-counter drugs—I don't think my psychic powers can extend that far.
You and your weirdo anime obsessions. Gaara appreciates the 9, by the way. He is demanding I inform you that his hobbies include blowing up American Girl dolls and playing the drums. Wow, Gaara. Saving the world one creepy-dead-doll at a time.
Oh, I showed Gaara a picture. He says that you have a very cute nose. (WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR NOSE?!) Kankuro has agreed with him. They are now fighting for custody of said picture. Judging by the foot shoved in Kankuro's mouth, I think Gaara's winning.
The customers do not like it when I throw things at them. Except that one guy. Who apparently has a mustard fetish. (There are apparently a number of unknown terrors in this world.) My powers of sarcasm have, once again, gone undetected. Woe is me.
The food was good in that insane asylum. Don't judge me.
Well, tell Sasuke that he has the prettiest eyes that sparkle like sapphires in the moonlight. That should win him back.
--Ino
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: YOU IMBECILE!
You STAKED OUT HIS HOUSE? Are you two IDIOTS?! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?
…
Please tell me you didn't let Naruto egg him. Oh God. He didn't, did he?
Good luck with your girlie, and if she's a bitch to you, I'll break her nose.
Peacefully yours,
--Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: Go eat a ceiling fan
AND I AM STILL FIRM IN THAT BELIEF, THANKYOUVERYMUCH!
...Denial is the first step to acceptance, Ino.
Tell Gaara that he is my hero for the American Girl dolls thing; those things CREEP THE HELL OUT OF ME. Playing drums, huh? I bet he looks hot while doing so. (OH GOD, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE YOU'RE RUBBING OFF ON ME.)
...uhm, good for Gaara? Though tell Kankuro that he is ALSO my hero for the whole Trucker thing. But, alas, I like Gaara more for the reasons I stated before. And also, Ino, you can't talk; you have an anime obsession also.
You know, keep on telling me things like that and I think I will be forced to take like, a week off from school and come save you from the Weird-Guy-Who-Likes-Mustard. (Mustard is totally gross!)
...Ino. ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT YOU'RE ASKING ME TO DO? I CAN NEVER TELL SASUKE THAT!
I'd rather just go jump off a bridge and cry, "Goodbye, cruel world!" It'd probably be safer.
--Sakura
To: Angel4awhile
From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: You called?
No, no, don't worry; I didn't let Naruto egg Sasuke. Though we DID catch him singing in the shower. Naruto recorded it and is now cackling gleefully and muttering something about...Revenge of the Crimson Crayon...? What the hell?
Yuuki is a very nice girl. Sakura knows about her. She nearly flipped her lid and started screaming, "Zero!" and something about 'Vampire Knight.' Well, her nose scrunched rather adorably, so after that I didn't pay much attention, though there were a lot of exclamations of, "OTP!" and "Kaname sucks!"
Any idea what THAT'S all about?
--Kiba
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Swallow a cactus
Heading home, so last e-mail of the day.
…You're getting your psychology mixed up again, dork. Denial is the first step in GRIEF. Jesus.
I told Gaara that he was your hero. And that you thought he was hot.
He's blushing. What the HELL Sakura, I think you BROKE him. I swear, Kankuro's already checked him for a fever twice in the past fifteen minutes. It's unnatural, I tell you.
My anime obsession? What anime obsession? I don't know what you're talking about. I have much better things to do then sit around all day, watching two dimensional characters do various retarded things.
…
Now if you'll excuse me, there are several shrines I need to burn.
Agreed that mustard is the most disgusting thing ever. But you don't need to save me—the BURGER KING came to my rescue. (I am kind of in shock over the whole thing as well. I mean, he hates my guts. Apparently he needs me in top shape for the competition tomorrow.)
Seriously, mustard-guy? Highlight of my day. The Burger King squirted him with ketchup and started yelling about sexually harassing employees.
I so wanted him to fall to the floor, writhing in ketchup, and yell, "I'm meeeelting!"
Why are you so scared of telling Sasuke that he-has-beautiful-eyes-that-sparkly-like-sapphires-in-the-moonlight? Works in every romance novel I've ever read.
--Ino
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: My witty and awesome putdowns are kind of lost on you, know that?
You have got to be kidding me. The Crimson Crayon? MAN, he has GOT to MOVE ON. That's just ridiculous—KINDERGARTEN man, KINDERGARTEN.
Also, if I may ask, why were you taping Sasuke in the shower? You perverts. You were going to sell those tapes on the black market and make a fortune, weren't you?
…
Incidentally, which song was he singing?
Don't concern yourself with Sakura's odd prattling. Just know that she is a ridiculous fan girl. And you might want to change your name to Zero.
--Ino
P.S. If I hear one more comment about her flipping nose, I swear to god, I am getting a facelift.
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: Adopt a pet bear
Oh. Really? Well, whatever, that class was stupid anyway; I STILL think that teacher was hitting on me. And she was MARRIED. EWEWEW.
Heehee, aw. I wonder what would happen if I told Sasuke-kun that...
He was staring at me today all through History. His eyes aren't like sapphires (I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT THOSE TWO MIXED UP, INO. Sapphire is BLUE) but actually like molten pools of onyx. It was definitely a weak-in-the-knees moment.
If you burn your Light one, I will be forced to stick a statue down your throat. Because even though he was psycho (and killed L. Sniff.) he was still INCREDIBLY hot. (I still think Misa's a bimbo.)
Did you tell The Burger King that he's sexually harassing his CUSTOMERS?
And INO. This is SASUKE. What do YOU think would happen if I told him that?
--Sakura
To: Angel4awhile
From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: You were subtly insulting me? That hurts, Ino.
KINDERGARTEN?! That is just pathetic. (Want to tell me what happened?)
Actually, we were thinking of selling them to the fan girls. (Don't worry, all you can see is his upper half and his scrubbing his hair while singing, "Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath times so much fun!" It was an awesome sight. I thought Naruto was going to fall out the tree he was laughing so hard.)
Zero? Like Zorro? Why?
--Kiba
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Hold your breath, count to a million.
Hola, my darling love slave!
…
I mean, best friend. Yes, that. And in case you haven't noticed, everyone hits on you. See above for proof. You are just…hittable. Wait, not good. Oh GOD, you're going to grow up and be in an abusive relationship!
If Sasuke hits you, bite him. Scar that pretty face. Make him look like a zombie! A BRAIN-EATING ZOMBIE!
A word to the wise: LIGHT IS A FREAK. Have you seen the faces he makes? Slobbering all over the pencil is not attractive, Sakura. Just. No. Mello, on the other hand, is a hottie. Mmm…Mello of the tight pants and extreme badassery…
We should start a religion. Of closet-shrine fanatics.
And I know that Sapphire is blue. I was making a 'The Aristocats' comment. Jeez, study up on your Disney movies!
I AM WRITING 'MOLTEN POOLS OF ONYX' ACROSS YOUR BEDROOM CEILING WHEN WE GET BACK. AND TELLING EVERYONE WE KNOW.
…Oh, WAIT, I CAN DO THAT NOW. PREPARE FOR THE GIANT E-MAIL OF DOOM!
And after I do that, I need to work on my squirt gun skills. PH has kindly helped me set up a dart bored in my room so I can practice. (I didn't even have to bribe him! Blackmail was all that was needed this time! In case you were wondering, I was threatening to set fire to his calendar full of cloud pictures. Which he carries around in his purse. I mean, 'men's handbag.') (Purse.)
Technically, The Burger King isn't SEXUALLY harassing the customers. He's just assaulting them. There is a bit of a difference.
EXCUSE ME, NEED TO SEND MASSIVELY DISTRIBUTED E-MAIL.
--Ino
P.S. Muahahahaha!
P.P.S. But because I am a slightly merciful evil mastermind, I will not send it to Sasuke. Sigh.
To: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Put some duct tape on it. That stuff holds the universe together. Along with The Force.
Well, in Kindergarten, Sasuke had this crayon. It was red, and looked exactly like every other red crayon—except that it had 'crimson' written on the label, which was pretty impressive, apparently. Anyway, Naruto tried to take the crayon from Sasuke, (who had claimed it as his own and wouldn't share with ANYONE,) and Sasuke basically…tattled on him. Wow. Anyway, the only one he shared the crayon with was Sakura, and Naruto's never really gotten over it.
…It's nice to see how mature my friends are. Golly gee whiz!
SASUKE SINGS THE RUBBER DUCKY SONG IN THE SHOWER?! THANKS A LOT, KIBA! NOW I'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
And yet, I really, really want to see. No, it is not because of the naked Sasuke. At all. (Only partly, so sue me. That boy is built.)
And Zero is an extremely good looking character from a manga Sakura is obsessed with. That is all. Zorro is that guy with the cape and mask who never really got over the, 'there is no Superman' concept. And he pulled a Mexican Robin Hood—whatever.
Love,
-Ino
To: xxRamenNinjaxx, EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx, PoInTy, NHyuuga, HHyuuga, YOUTH4EVR, thebuZZZ
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Open if you dare!
Yo, haven't talked to you all in a while.
So, I'm sure you're all very curious as to the Sakura-Sasuke thing going on. Or at least, some of you are. Shino is probably hitting the 'X' button as we speak. (YES, I MEAN YOU, SHINO. HALT!)
…(You too, Neji.)
Anyways, I just thought that I'd inform you of a little something…
First, both of them have been madly in love since Kindergarten, but were too shy to admit it. Actually, Sakura usually blew something up whenever the two of them were near one another, so maybe that's to blame. There wasn't much time for proclamations of love when Neji's hair was on fire. (Have you checked out of therapy yet, by the way?)
Second, thanks to the masterfully cunning Kiba and I, the two of them have FINALLY started going out. If you see him, kiss him for me. Yes, I include Lee, Shino, Naruto and Neji in that. (Run while you still can, Kiba!)
And last…Sakura has recently told me that Sasuke's eyes are like 'Molten Pools of Onyx.'
…I really hope she was kidding around. Get a room, you two!
Ta!
-Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: xxRamenNinjaxx
Subject: YOU TRAITOR!
So it was YOU! It's YOUR FAULT that Sasuke's going out with her! INO, I AM GOING TO…TO…!
Well, I shall think of something. In the meantime, I'm sending you a tape of Sasuke singing in the shower. SEND IT TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW.
KEEP IT REAL AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
-Naruto, the ultimate ninja!
To: Angel4awhile
From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: (no subject)
You are so, so dead. She is going to murder you. And then follow you to the after life and kick your ass again. Rest in peace, dude.
-Kiba
To: Angel4awhile
From: PoInTy
Subject: Oh yeah?
I can top that. Velvety diamonds of snow. HAH.
…That was a joke. Do not tell Neji I said that. Actually, do. That is officially his new pet name.
How's it hanging, girl?
-Tenten
To: Angel4awhile
From: NHyuuga
Subject: Stop.
You'll give Tenten ideas. You know how excitable she is.
Cordially,
-Neji
To: Angel4awhile
From: HHyuuga
Subject: …Wow.
That's…kind of romantic, really. I hope they end up happy together. And I hope you're okay too, Ino! We've all missed you a lot! Sakura told me that you're coming back for the play—I'm in it too! Well, kind of. I'm teching. I tried auditioning—three times. I kept forgetting my lines. But at least I get to help out this way!
Sincerely,
-Hinata
To: Angel4awhile
From: YOUTH4EVR
Subject: Greetings!
Hello, Ino-san! How are you? I hope you are well, and fully in the springs of youth! Remember to eat healthy and exercise for at least an hour every day!
What is wrong with Sakura-san's expression of love? Though it has crushed my heart to see her snatched away in the blossoming promise of her youth, it seems I am unable to do anything. However, I think that her proclamation was very touching! She has the heart of a poet!
-LEE!
To: Angel4awhile
From: thebuZZZ
Subject: Well
I'm YouTube-ing this. I'll stalk them with my video camera and put up the footage when I've compiled enough. Thank you for your tip off, Ino-san.
Nice doing business with you,
-Shino
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: If I were you, I'd run
You know, something INCREDIBLY funny happened to me today in school. Tenten came up to me, all serious, put her hand on my shoulder and says: "I think Sasuke's eyes are more like twilight. They're dark, but also have a little purple in them." And then she walks away.
Now, I WONDER WHY SHE SAID THAT, INO. Also, Sasuke-kun is more furious than ever; apparently, Naruto and Kiba video-tapped him while he was in the shower and singing, "Rubber Ducky." He also thinks I have something to do with it. Fantastic.
LIGHT IS NOT A FREAK! Have you seen him when he smiles? Yum. And also, Mello looks like a girl. Now, Matt, on the other hand...
If we started a religion like that, it'd probably be bigger than the Roman-Catholics. Yay!
...Ino. I was WITH YOU when we were seven and watching 'The Aristocats' in your living room.
I hope PH attempts to show you how to shoot and accidentally throws a dart in your eyeball. On accident, of course.
--Sakura
To: Angel4awhile
From: EveryxDogxHasxItsxDayx
Subject: Maybe I'll put some Windex on it, like that guy does in My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding.
Well, Naruto's basically the exception to EVERY rule. (Except that of gravity. Watching him fall out of the tree made my day.)
Shino put the video of Sasuke on YouTube. Did you watch it? I read through the comments, but after one girl commented on how powerful Sasuke's ass muscles must be I felt violently sick and almost broke my mouse frantically clicking on the X button.
I googled a picture of Zero. How do you expect me to compete with that? It's like Sasuke, only with silver hair and eyes!
--Kiba
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: That would require work. No.
Tenten is odd. We established this in ninth grade when she threw her sandwich at Neji because she had been watching the discovery channel and saw that monkeys throw poop at one another in some sort of mating ritual. Clearly, the girl is unstable.
Though, she is sort of my hero.
You know, Sasuke is really the one to blame for the whole rubber ducky matter. If he didn't present such mock-worthy situations, none of this would happen. CLEARLY, this is all his fault. He should be a more role-model citizen and less of an asshole. Then people would like him more. Tell him to read to orphans and help out the elderly. Sing the rubber ducky song to toddlers, whatever.
Alright, rules for the religion:
One, shrines must be present in closet.
Two, nightly prayer-rituals must commence.
Three, rabid fan girling is essential.
That's all I got, what say you?
PH is being a butthead and ignoring me. Well, not ignoring, but not talking to me. He and Temari are fighting again. If I was a less nosy person, I wouldn't listen in. As it is, I spoke recently to the ULTIMATE NINJA (!) and I really want to try out that ceiling crawl…
Okay, back. PH said something about 'priorities.' And Temari replied with, "like you even know what that means."
OHMIGOD.
-Ino
P.S. No one's called about Mr. Butters. It's been almost five days—the pound hasn't gotten him either…I think he might be gone.
To: valentineSTAKER, K-puppet
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: You ready for the games tomorrow? Are we going to kick ass or what?
LOAD THE MUSTARD CANNONS!
-Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: K-puppet
Subject: …Are you getting enthusiastic?
Please tell me you aren't. Oh God. Maybe I can break some essential body part before tomorrow.
-Kankuro
To: Angel4awhile
From: valentineSTAKER
Subject: (no subject)
Give me your friend's e-mail.
And stop eating artificial sugar straight from the packet. It makes you weird.
-Gaara
To: Uchiha723
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Idiot.
Ask her out already, dumb butt. If you don't she'll start thinking you're secretly some serial killer set on killing depressed women.
-Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: Uchiha723
Subject: Shut up
Don't tell me what to do. Why don't you ask HIM out? Hypocrite.
-Sasuke
To: Uchiha723
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: Never!
Yes, but unlike you, I actually have some concept of what I'm talking about. So, bow down and take my advice, bitch.
You have no idea how long I have wanted to call you that.
AND I'm prettier.
-Ino
To: Angel4awhile
From: Customer Services
Subject: User notification
The user, S. Uchiha, has blocked you from his contact list. Please contact us at YahooStaff if you have any questions or concerns. Be sure to check out our newest edition, version 3.4! Upgrade today, for free!
To: Angel4awhile
From: GreenEyed07
Subject: You're incredibly lazy. I think PH is rubbing off on you.
She is TOTALLY your hero. I had to keep you away from all pointy objects after she had been talking about how her and Neji shared a love of weapons and that's how they bonded.
Ino. Can you picture SASUKE-KUN in an orphanage? READING to those orphans? Because, uhm, all I can see him doing is kicking them, honestly...
I seriously CANNOT BELIEVE you made up rules. (Though I certainly have no problem following them. And having like, seven shrines in my closet. Which I DO NOT HAVE, OKAY? REALLY, PAY NO MIND TO THE TONS OF PICTURES.)
...not only is PH rubbing off on you, but so is Naruto. I'll be having words with him.
YES! THEY ARE FIGHTING! CLEARLY, THIS IS A SIGN. INO, PRAY ON THE FIRST STAR YOU SEE AND MAKE WISH AT 11:11 EVERY. NIGHT.
--Sakura
P.S- Really? This is most worrying...
Naruto,
I think you need to stop talking to Ino. Seriously, she is starting to QUOTE YOU NOW and it is TERRIFYING. Also, why would you do that to Sasuke-kun? He thinks I'M behind the whole video-thing-winding-up-on-YouTube. Thanks.
--Sakura
Sasuke-kun,
Are you still sulking?
--Sakura
Sakura-chan,
I feel so flattered! Clearly, she has been swayed to the way of the ninja! I'd crawl up on the ceiling now, but the last time I did that, the teacher put me in detention for stepping on her text books.
Trick of the light, I swear.
I'll take care of the idiot.
-Naruto, the ultimate ninja!
Teme,
You know, Kiba and I had an awful lot of fun last night, hiding in your tree house and videotaping you in the shower.
Yep, that was us.
You have no idea how much money Shino paid for that copy. Though seriously, I thought he was using it for his own entertainment purposes, not YouTube.
On the brightside, several prison inmates think you're the most fetching thing they've ever seen.
-Naruto, the ultimate ninja!
Sakura,
I was not sulking. I have to go kill Naruto now.
-Sasuke
P.S. I'm going to a movie tonight. If you have nothing better to do, I guess you can come.
To: GreenEyed07
From: Angel4awhile
Subject: OH MY GOD!
SAKURA.
MR. BUTTERS LIVES!
It's noon and I know you won't get this until you get home from school, and I have to go to work so that I can do the fast food Olympics—but I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW!
MY CAT. IS. THE. BEST.
So, I woke up this morning at like eight. Which is weird, because I usually stay in bed until ten, at which point I drag myself to the living room so I can watch Bleach. BUT—
OHMIGOD.
You want to know WHY I woke up at eight in the morning? Because Temari was SCREAMING.
My cat, my utterly awesome and brilliant cat, had stationed itself on our doormat. Temari opened the door, and I guess she didn't look down because I think she stepped on his tail—
AND THEN MR. BUTTERS PROVED THAT HE REALLY WAS A JUNGLE CAT!
Man, I am changing that thing's name to Lion, or SOMETHING.
BECAUSE—HOLY CRAP. HE ATTACKED TEMARI. HE TOTALLY MUTILATED HER 500 DOLLAR DRESS, SCRATCHED HER FACE AND—AND—
And then he peed on her shoe. ON PURPOSE. Which, admittedly, is sort of tragic, because she has some pretty fabulous shoes and I really wanted to steal—I mean borrow them some time but—
It was so worth it.
And now, Mr. Butters is back. I have fed him all of my beef jerky, made PH give him a bath, (I do not want to be seen as the bath person) and now he is sitting on my pillow, regally chewing on his new toy mouse.
PH went and got a toy mouse for MY CAT. CAN I FANGIRL AND UPGRADE HIS SHRINE NOW?
…
Oh wait, it's his cat too…
BAH. Technicalities.
-Ino
P.S. I am going to KICK ASS in the Fast Food Olympics—going for gold, baby!
Ren's Note: I would like to point out that Missa is going to be very apologetic and nice about us not updating in forever. You should all thank her, since she was the one who was like, "Reeeeen, we have to update! They're waiting! Have been for over a month!"
My response? "I HAVE HOMEWORK. CAN THEY WAIT LONGER?"
Yeah. Thank Missa. Anyway, only two chapters left to go! Hope to see you all at the end of this.
WHAT SHALL HAPPEN?
Will Sakura leave Sasuke for Gaara? What are Shikamaru and Temari fighting over? Is Mr. Butters rabid? Will Ino be able to make it back in town for her visit? Will Kiba decide he secretly loves Sakura? Will Sasuke continue being a prick and disregard Sakura's affections? Will they ever go on that date? Will Ren stop making this sound like an extremely corny soap opera?!
And most importantly...WHO WILL WIN THE FAST FOOD OLYMPICS?!
...Seriously, guys. I want a vote: BK vs. Micky D's.
Stay tuned! And thanks for reading, you guys rock.
Missa's note- Well, I decided to put this underneath Ren's (EVEN THOUGH THIS IS MY NOTE-CHAPTER THINGY! In case you haven't noticed, we tend to switch off on who does the A/N for one chapter, though that only lasted for like, five chapters.
Also? I AM apologetic. My internet was down for three weeks, and trust me, I was going INSANE. I also felt bad because we haven't updated in almost two months. But, uhm, hopefully the length of the chapter will appease you guys, along with the romance. (And Jealous!Sasuke, can't forget about that. And mentions of teh smexy Zero. Mmm... you guys should go read that manga. Or google him, or something. Kiryu Zero. Google!)
Okay, so, my birthday's this Wednesday, yay! (Or, to be more specific, it's in five days.)So, why don't you guys be nice and review?
