He kind of liked the darkness, the warm, safe, calm of it was relaxing. Weightless and free he gave in to the dull ache of it until he felt blissfully numb. He would have stayed there in the abcence of nothing for the rest of his days gladly. The silence was broken by a voice. It started off far away almost non-existant, but it slowly grew closer until it echoed in his brain, a female voice calling his name.

"Arnold, Arnold? Can you hear me?"

With a soul shattering decision he cracked one eye open. A seemingly blinding light penetrated the darkness and he winced, his head was throbbing.

"I think he's coming around." The woman said.

He tried to open his eyes, his vision was blurry. Above him a woman with blonde hair floated. She touched a cool hand to his cheek. Her face refusing to come into focus.

"Helga?" He asked softly.

"No, it's me Claire." She said gently

Her face finally came into focus and he could see she was worried. He was laying on the floor of his office, his body stiff and his head pounding. Leon was standing behind Claire, and a few nurses were congregating around the door.

"Claire? What happened?" He asked trying to sit up, he winced at the nausea the movement caused and grabbed his head to try and stop the spinning.

"You tell me...slow down." She said grabbing his arm to help him sit up.

"I'm fine, I just need to get up." He said pushing to his feet.

He swayed unsteadily and Claire wrapped an arm around his waist trying to steady him. He leaned his other hand against his desk. His head was still pounding.

"Sit down. I'll get you some water." She said motioning at the Leon.

Leon turned a waved the nurses from the office and shut the door beind them. He then moved to a small table where Arnold kept a pitcher of water and glasses for his patients. He poured a glass before handing it to Claire.

"Here, sit down." She said trying to guide him to the couch.

"I have to go see Helga, I moved her into a double room."He said as he sat down.

"She's fine I promise. I moved her myself."Leon said.

"Take a minute, I think you should go to the emergency room." Claire said.

"No, I'll be fine. It's just...I'm tired." He said rubbing his head.

"Arnold...please...go for me?" She asked.

"For you? Go for you? Really? What if I don't? What are you going to do Claire turn me into a mindless drugged out patient too?" He snapped.

"Leon, talk to him...he won't listen to me." She said.

She pushed to her feet and started for the door. Leon moved to take her spot, she opened the door and turned back to Arnold.

"I really do care for you Arnold, I'm trying to do what's best for these people...At least give me that much credit." She said softly before leaving.

"If you don't mind me saying so sir, that was harsh." Leon said.

"I'm taking the rest of the day off Leon, can you watch out for Helga for me?" Arnold asked.

"Of course."Leon said.

"Thanks, I'll go to the hospital get things checked out." Arnold said standing.

"Do you need me to come with you sir?" Leon asked.

"No. I need you here watching Helga and Irene...if you have any problems call me." Arnold said.

"I will, but I doubt I'll have any problems sir." Leon said.

"Great...I'll see you tomorrow." Arnold said leaving the office.


Helga sat on the narrow twin bed against the right wall, against the left wall was an identical bed. The walls were white and so was the floor, there was a window in the middle of the room but just like the others it didn't open. The only splash of color in the room was the light blue blankets on the bed. Her new roommate was sitting on her own bed her back resting against the wall looking at Helga.

"So, What are you in for?" Irene asked finally.

"I...had a bad experience..." Helga said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Irene sounded sincere.

"Thank you, what are you in for?" Helga asked.

"I had a bad day." Irene said. She turned her wrists over and rolled up the sleeves of her sweater, showing Helga the deep scar that ran up her wrists.

"Who's your doctor?"Helga asked.

"Arnold, he's nice and all but he just doesn't seem to get me...I've been spending a lot of time with...someone else."Irene said.

"That's my doctor, I kind of wish he wasn't...we have...history." Helga said with a sigh.

"History?...come on spill." Irene said patting the bed beside her.

Helga smiled a little before sliding off of her bed and moving to Irenes.


Claire opened the door to her own office and closed it behind her. She took a minute to lean against it needing the support for just a minute. She moved to her desk and forced down the pain welling inside her. Her chest burned, her stomach ached and her throat tightened with the on-set of tears but she choked them back. She opened a file on one of her patients but didn't sit down.

She blinked back the tears until she couldn't anymore. She moved and sat down on her couch leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, she let her head fall forward as well. Her entire life was suddenly spinning completely out of control. The door opened with a knock and she glanced up to see Jack step inside.

"Hey, hey, what's all this?" He asked moving to the couch beside her.

"Did I do the right thing? Are you sure those drugs are the right choice?" She asked.

She had always been strong willed, she had her own thoughts of how things should be. Usually her ideas were the right ones but now in her time of doubt she reached out to the man who always reassured her.

"Of course it's the right choice." He said slipping an arm around her.

"It doesn't feel right, something about this whole thing feels wrong." She said.

"Were you talking to Arnold today?" He asked pushing her hair back from her face.

"Yes, I have to consult with him. This place would be nothing without him." She said.

"This place is nothing without you, you can't afford to second guess yourself...and I'm a little hurt that you doubt me." He said.

"I don't doubt you...never, I have always had faith in you. Since day one I've had your back." She said.

"So what's wrong?" He asked.

"I just...feel like everything is on the edge, it's all going to come crashing down. Everything you worked for, everything I worked for." She said burying her face in her hands.

"It won't I promise. Just have faith in me." He said kissing the top of her head.

"I do." She said.

"After all this time?" He teased.

She nodded and wiped her nose, he smiled kissing her cheek. As hard as she tried she couldn't shake her feelings, she didn't believe in him. There was something that she couldn't see or put her finger on lurking just outside her subcouncious. She was on a sinking ship, but was she going to stay with the captain or save herself?


Arnold sat on the stiff white bed in the emergency room. The entire place smelled like plastic, and strong disinfectants and he could hear the nurses scurrying on the other side of the plastic blue curtain that isolated his bed. He took a deep breath wincing at the slight pain in his ribs. He had been here for three hours now, getting poked at with needles and having x-rays. He needed to get back to his patients.

"Well, your test results are in." His doctor said, stepping inside the curtain.

"Am I dying?" Arnold asked grimly.

"No, not yet at least." His doctor sat down on a vacant stool. An elderly man that had gone blald, he reminded Arnold of Mr. Simmons in an odd way.

"Not yet?"Arnold asked.

"It's stress, a panic attack mixed with exaustion can wear a body down and quickly. You had a massive panic attack and your body being bone tired just gave out on you." The doctor said.

"So I'm okay? I can go back to work?" Arnold asked.

"I didn't say that. I think you need to take today off at the least, maybe even the rest of the week. You're stressed out beyond measure and obviously not sleeping, you were lucky this time. If you keep going like this the health risks will increase." His doctor said.

"Okay, I'll take today off but I can't afford to lose anymore time with my patients." Arnold said grabbing his jacket.

"If you keep running like this your pateints will be in real trouble, when you take a heart attack." The doctor said.

"That's a risk I'll have to take.I'm sure you understand, you're a doctor." Arnold said.

"The best thing for my patients is for me to take care of myself, so I can be here to take care of them." The doctor said.

"I'll take off today, but that's it." Arnold said shrugging on his jacket.

"It's your life." The doctor said with a sigh.

"Thanks Doctor." Arnold said exiting the small room.


Helga was still sitting on Irenes bed beside her listening to Irene go on about Leon. They had spent the entire day getting aquainted and Helga decided she liked her roommate. They had a lot in common, and she reminded her of Phoebe in an odd way.

"So you like this guy?" Helga asked.

"No. I mean I like him, but not like that." Irene said.

"He's not hard on the eyes." Helga pointed out.

"Neither is doctor Arnold." Irene said.

"No, but...he's too good for me." Helga said sadly.

"Leon is too...He doesn't know about why I'm here." Irene said.

"He doesn't know you tried to kill yourself?" Helga asked.

"He knows, but...I haven't showed him what I look like...He hasn't seen the scars. He probably thinks it was pills, but it wasn't...and my husband left ones worse than those. He could never want someone who looks like this." Irene said.

The knock on the door turned their attention and as it slowly opened Leon stepped inside. He smiled at Helga and Irene.

"It's time for dinner, I thought I'd see if you wanted to walk down with me." He said.

"Can Helga come?" Irene asked.

"Absolutely." Leon nodded pushing the door open further.

The two women stepped out into the hall way and Leon fell instep beside them. As they passed the medication station he saw the nurses filling the small plastic cups with a tiny purple pill. He knew it as the one Claire ordered. They filled their trays with food and found a table to sit at. Irene sat between Leon and Helga.

"So, how was your day?" Irene asked softly.

"It was just fine." He said gently.

Helga was eating in silence and Leon was about to warn Irene not to take the meds when the nurses filed into the cafeteria. Helga said something to Irene and she laughed. Leon watched the nurses one by one hand out the meds, they moved closer and closer to his table. He couldn't warn Irene about the medicine without being heard.

"Hello Leon." The head nurse smiled. An older red headed woman.

"Miss Susan." Leon said with a smile.

"I'm glad you're here, can you make sure these patients get their meds down?" She asked setting a small cup infront of each woman.

"Sure thing." Leon said watching Irene and Helga.

Helga glanced at her meds but didn't move Irene reached for the cup. His eyes darted back to Susan who was talking about her grandson. He forced a smile hoping she'd leave. Irene tipped back her head and lifted the cup to her lips just as Susan turned around.

"Don't." Leon whispered sharply knocking the cup from her hand.

She jumped in surprise as the cup flew to the floor and the pill fell out. She turned to look at him and her eyes were wide in fear. He realized what he'd done.

"Miss Irene..."He reached for her arm and she rocketed from her seat running from the room.

He looked at Helga and she winced. She slowly stood letting her plate and pill on the table. She walked away, but at least didn't run. He quickly put both pills into his pocket and fought the urge to chase after Irene.

He managed to force down his dinner which sat in his stomach like a rock. He moved to the mens room and flushed both pills down the toilet, he was upset that Irene had been frightened but took comfort in the fact that she hadn't swallowed the pill. He washed his face with cold water before moving down the hall to her room. He raised his hand to knock and froze when he heard Helga speak.

"I don't think he meant to scare you." Helga said gently.

"I know that, I know...I just...I was so frightened." Irene said with a sob.

"I know, but you can't take anymore of those pills." Helga said.

He took a deep breath and knocked before slowly opening the door. Irene was laying in the fetal position on her bed and Helga was sitting at her feet one hand resting on Irenes hip. She turned to look at him, but Irene didn't move.

"Can I come in?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, come on in." Helga said.

He moved into the small room looking at Irene. He'd been in these rooms a thousand times, but now he felt like a giant invading the house of a tiny pixie. She looked so small and frail. He sat on the bed across from her and Helga stood.

"I'm going to go get us dinner...I'll give you a minute." She said.

The door closed softly behind her and he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." Irene said softly.

"No, I'm sorry I shouldn't have...I just...you can't take those." He said.

"I know Helga told me." She said wiping her eyes.

He didn't say anything and she didn't move. He wasn't sure if he should touch her or not. When she spoke he jumped slightly at the soft break in silence.

"I just...for a minute I thought I'd done something and...I know you aren't Steve, but...four years is a long time." She said.

"It's too long." He said.

She pushed up into the sitting position and took a deep breath before patting the bed beside her. He froze every muscle in his body going tense the intimacy in the room hung thick enough he almost couldn't breath. He moved to her bed sitting stiffly beside her. Even sitting he towered over her. She looked up at him with a weak smile. Her eyes were read and puffy, her cheeks wet and a few tears clung to her long eyelashes. Slowly she leaned her head over to rest it on his shoulder with a content sigh.

He slowly moved to take her hand in his. She let him and he knew he was forgiven. His fingers traced lightly up her wrist on their own accord. It was then he felt the roughness of the skin on the inside of her wrist, he barely noticed it at first but then grew more aware of it. Slowly he pulled her hand from between their bodies thinking back he realized he'd never seen her bare arms before. He lifted her wrist and with his other hand gently pulled back the sleeve of her sweater.

Almost instantly she yanked her hand from his letting the sleeve fall back in place, but he'd seen what he feared. The deep purple scar running up her wrist.

"Miss Irene..."He started.

"Don't...you knew why I was in here." She said stubbornly.

"I knew, but...I didn't realize."

"Realize what? That I was so desperate for my abusive husband that I took a butcher knife from our kitchen and cut myself from my wrist to my elbow?" She asked shooting to her feet she turned to face him and wiped her eyes.

"It's okay, I don't care." He said.

"You have too, can you honestly say you'd ever want to be with someone like me? Someone who not only married a man that beat her daily but mutilated herself the second he was gone."

"You're beautiful and whatever he did to you that's on him. I don't care." He said.

"I have worse, if you knew the things he did to me, if you saw..."She bit her lip and more tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Let me see." He said gently.

"What?" She asked wiping more tears.

"Let me see." He said again. He held out a hand.

She slowly place her hand in his and he turned her wrist upward. He took a steadying breath before slowly rolling her sleeve up to her elbow. The scar was deep and ran the length of her forearm. It was purple and showed no signs of fading. He could see how tense she was and he wanted to ease her fears. He did the first thing that came to mind he leaned forward and kissed her wrist. She jumped at the touch but didn't move, he tugged her closer and then continued placing soft kisses the lenght of the scar. When he reached her elbow he picked up her other arm and gave it the same treatment. When he reached the second scars end she stepped away from him.

"There's more."She said gently.

"What?"

"Scars, there's worse." She said.

"Show me. Let me see where it hurts." He said.

She bit her lip before turning her back to him and slowly letting her sweater slide off her shoulders. Her hair covered her back, but above her thin tank top he saw the spiderweb of scars. He stood and with a shaking hand moved her hair over her shoulder, belt marks. He lifted a hand to gently trace the longest one and she tensed at his touch. He leaned forward and kissed the scar directly on the back of her neck softly, then one on her shoulder, the one on her upper arm. She turned around gazing up at him her dark eyes seeming illuminous. He reached out a hand pushing her hair behind her ear.

"You're beautiful." He said softly.

So many lines, he was crossing so many lines by being here. He took a deep breath his eyes searching hers. Hesitantly he leaned forward intending to kiss. She didn't move and he was a second away from brushing his lips with hers when he realized what he was doing. Doing this might relieve some of the tension he felt, or more than likely it'd ignite a fire that had been smoldering. He wouldn't stop with a kiss, and she wouldn't want anything else. He closed his eyes and swallowed passed the lump in his throat. He backed away from her.

"I'm going to go." He said gently.

"Okay." She said softly as she picked up her sweater and pulled it on.

He cast one last glance at her before exiting the room. The door closed and he took a minute to lean against. Knowing she was on the other side, knowing that she was fragile, and frail and that he could break her apart with his bare hands.

She moved to the door as soon as it closed. One, two, three steps close to the door. She froze and stared at afraid he would come back in, wishing that he would she waited holding her breath.

He took a deep breath and pushed away from the door.

She turned away to stare out the window hugging herself.

He took steps, one, two, three, four, five. He froze and turned back to the door one more time.

She turned and looked over her shoulder at the door. She could almost feel him still in the room.

He dropped his head and walked away. singing softly to himself an old slow country trying to soothe his restless soul.

She turned back to the window and heard his soft, low voice singing softly as it grew further away. She smiled softly to herself.

"Somewhere there should be, for all the world to see. A statue of a fool made of stone. The image of a man, who let love slip through his hands, and then just let him stand there all alone..." His voice grew distant and she knew he was gone.


ALERT!: If you haven't already why not visit the forum Welcome to hillwood? You can talk to me and other authors that you like as well as learn about upcoming fictions, find ones you can't remember the title of, get to know your favorite authors, talk about your favorite stories, read other recommendations, and ask questions about stories already published. I'm there as well as other authors and I love talking to my readers. Stop on by and see me.

AUTHOR NOTE: Sorry this chapter took so long I was out of town. If you'd like to know what song Leon is singing it's called "Statue of a fool" By Ricky Van Shelton. I don't own it just borrowing the first verse for this fiction.