Soooo, I totally lied to you. I kept reading the last chapter and the epilogue over and over, and it simply didn't feel resolved to me. Regina had given so much for everyone else, and though she'd made friends and had support, she never really went as deeply as everyone else. She was always the strong one for everyone else for the most part. I slept on it, ate a chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich as a bracer, and then let my fingers go. This is the result.
Enjoy Lovelies!
Songs: Snuff by Slipknot, You Can't Hide Beautiful by Aaron Lines, She Thinks She Needs Me by Andy Griggs, Let it Go as performed by Demi Lovato
Regina breathed very deeply. Nurses and aids and doctors filtered in and out of the triage room where she and Emma had been assigned, side by side. Either word failed to spread about her showdown with Emma and Ruby or word had spread of her sacrifice. They X-rayed her wrists, scanned her brain for internal bleeding, patched up her wounds. They talked at her, but she heard nothing but the whoosh of air moving in and out of her. Emma answered when she couldn't or wouldn't. She wasn't certain which term appropriately fit her state of mind.
After the doctor finished stitching Emma's stomach, the sheriff leaned over her face and said something. She heard Henry's name and tried to care, but her grief consumed senses. Emma disappeared for a while, and when she returned, she made Regina stand up, walk, move, live. It seemed as though magic were involved because even though she remembered exiting the hospital doors, walking up the stairs to her bedroom, she suddenly stood in front of her bath tub. Water splashed and swirled and gurgled, and she cocked her head to the side at the harsh sound overcoming the gentle puffs of breath.
Hands pulled at her shirt, and she let them. Her pants and under things fells away under cold fingers, heels clonking as they were tossed onto porcelain tile. Emma appeared in front of her, deep lines etched into her face, and then she moved again. The hot water bit at her skin, and she gasped, waking up from her haze. She almost lowered her hands into the water, but Emma stopped her.
"Your wrists can't get wet, Baby," she said gently. Regina smelled lavender.
"I'm going to wash you," she continued when Regina said nothing.
The soapy cloth moved over her skin, bringing with it dirt and blood. The water swirled with flecks of brown, and she watched it, fascinated. Everything around her reflected her soul, dirty and bloody and black and white, half-clean and half-soiled. Her head tipped back at the urging of insistent fingers under her chin, and the cleansing moved to her hair save the one patch atop her wound. Half-dirty, mostly clean. Tears slipped down her cheeks as the new though filled her. Mostly clean, mostly good but still soiled.
Emma watched the varying emotions but remained silent. Quiet Regina had always freaked her out but never had she witness a complete shut down. Regina dripped strength and independence. As much as Emma wanted to be needed, she realized that Regina had never actually needed her before tonight. It terrified her. Regina must have thought and felt similarly when she was in the hospital, blatantly refusing to speak because everything hurt so very much. It still hurt, an ever-present ache deep within her soul that sucked in all of the light and happiness and swallowed it. A black hole of the soul. Regina had one, too.
"Regina," she caught the other woman's attention and waited for a response. Regina lowered her head and watched the brown flakes in the water. "I'm finished. Can you stand?"
Emma pushed herself off the cool floor and held Regina's arm as she complied with the request. The blonde breathed deeply in relief, unsure if she'd have been able to pick Regina up and move her without pulling her stitches. They remained pleasantly numb from the local anesthetic they had used to heal her, but the lack of pain was temporary. She needed to get Regina into bed before it returned and rendered her useless. She squeezed the dark hair into the towel and then patted down her body.
Regina stepped towards the bedroom before she finished, trailing watery footprints onto the carpet. Emma followed a few steps behind, dropping the towel onto the floor with Regina's destroyed clothes. Regina stopped and looked around her room, eyes narrowed in confusion. Her breathing increased rapidly, and Emma touched the middle of her back with gentle fingertips, pulling her back from the fissure dividing grief and reality. Their eyes met, both filling with tears. They understood each other with only that brief moment of connection.
Emma hadn't been weak when she refused to speak when she'd first awoken. She'd held her grief inside, held it captive. If it had escaped, she may never have returned. She waited until strength and resilience returned before opening herself to the possibility of rejection from those she loved most. It was the risk they took when they loved. Rejection. Abandonment. They more than others feared that sting because they'd given so much of their souls to others in the quest for love and acceptance denied them until they'd found each other. As much as Regina wished to remain silent, hold her grief inside until she felt strong enough to handle the world, she spoke.
"I'm here, Emma," she whispered, voice deep and raspy. Emma blinked rapidly in response.
Regina slipped into the bed, leaving Emma to undress and digest her statement. It said a lot. They weren't alone. They were loved unconditionally. The words confessed Regina's intention to fall apart in her arms tonight while surrounding Emma with her warmth and love, just as Emma had when she asked Regina to tell her the story of Rumpel's abuse. They were waves breaking against stoic stalwart stones. If one flew apart, the other accepted the blow with grace. They collected the droplets of water patiently and slid them back into the sea one at a time until the ocean became whole once more.
Emma slid her naked body between the cool sheets and rolled on her side, facing Regina but not quite touching her. Regina turned and faced away, stabbing Emma's heart with the rejection. Emma closed her eyes and swallowed the pain. The bed shifted, and Regina's shoulders pressed into her chest. Emma was too relieved to move, but Regina reached behind her and snagged Emma's hand, pulling it around her.
The blonde finally responded and pressed her hand flat against the skin beneath it. She battled with the pillow until it supported her neck adequately and slid her other arm beneath Regina's. It would be numbed and tingling by morning, but Emma did it anyway. Regina sighed into the touched and nestled further into Emma's chest. Almost immediately, eye lids dropped over bright green. She was safe and comfortable and held the most amazing woman in her arms.
"Emma, are you asleep?" Regina asked and squeezed her forearm lightly. Emma hummed.
"Getting there," Emma answered and adjusted her head when a strand of black hair tickled her nose.
"Am I hurting you?" Regina asked, and Emma grunted and squeezed her tighter. They fell into silence again.
"Emma?" Green eyes cracked but said nothing. "Do you know how Ruby keeps changing my ring tone?"
Emma snorted one high pitch laugh. "Henry," Emma answered, putting the other woman out of her torture. Regina gasped lightly, telling Emma that she'd not even considered her son to be the accomplice.
She chuckled, and Emma had a feeling that the two culprits would continue to play the joke without reprimand. If Henry felt comfortable enough to prank his mother, Regina wanted to keep the path open as they returned to their previous relationship before The Evil Queen got in the way. Regina brushed her fingers over the back of Emma's hand and forearm absently, lulling Emma into a near-sleeping state once more.
"Emma?" Her name came a few minutes later, and she huffed in frustration. Is this what Regina had felt at the hospital when she'd continuously pulled her back from sleep?
"Yes?" Emma answered grumpily.
"I love you," Regina whispered, the sleep she'd obviously been fighting finally sinking its claws into its prize steadily. Emma smiled.
"Sleep, Regina. I won't let go," Emma vowed in a reverent whisper and nuzzled her nose into Regina's damp hair.
Emma noticed two things when she woke. The first, most of her body ached like she'd been trampled by a herd of cattle. The second, her hand unconsciously clenched and released, kneading a mound of soft and warm flesh with a hardened peek in the center. Hardened peek, nipple, breast. Regina's breast, her mind quickly connected. She jerked to attention painfully, eyes wide, hand freezing.
Regina's back vibrated against her chest in silent laughter. Emma's cheeks burned in embarrassment and she pulled away. Regina's hand slapped against hers, holding it to her breast, and Emma's blush spread to her ears.
"Please tell me I only started doing that when I woke up," Emma mumbled, almost to herself.
"Darling, you've been quite persistent for nearly an hour. I had already decided to let you go if you ventured south once more," Regina teased her, an amused smile on her lips.
"Shit. Sorry, didn't mean to molest you in my sleep," Emma mumbled and hid her burning face into Regina's hair.
Regina rolled in her arms and pressed their lips together commandingly. Teeth and tongue work Emma's lower lip, pulling a moan from her throat. She was quickly learning that a little rough play wasn't necessarily a bad thing. A hand slid up her thigh and pushed her onto her back when it reached her hip.
Emma's sore body protested when Regina mounted her thighs, but the relentless lips on hers held it inside. Teeth clamped her lower lip and scraped the sensitive flesh as her lover pulled back, eliciting a harsh gasp and a bubble of pressure between her legs. Regina moved to her jaw and then her neck. Teeth clamped down when she felt Emma's erratic pulse throbbing against her tongue. Hips bucked upward forcefully, and Emma cried out in pain.
"Regina, stop," Emma pushed at her shoulders. "Stop. Please, stop."
Regina straightened her spine immediately and studied her lover's pinched face. Watery green eyes met hers for the briefest of moments before turning downward. Emma craned her neck and pressed fingers to her stitched stomach. Regina slapped them away and peeled back the gauze from another wound that promised another scar for Emma's efforts to save her life.
"Typical, Miss Swan, starting something you cannot finish," Regina berated playfully, covering her guilt with humor, as she inspected the gash.
"The stitches are holding perfectly," she informed Emma a moment later, wadded the used gauze, and surprised both of them when she tossed it carelessly onto the carpet.
"I can," Emma started and trailed her fingertips down Regina's stomach. "If you want, I can for you…" Emma fumbled for the right words, fingers resting on the stubble between Regina's legs.
Regina hooked her thumb around Emma's and kissed the back of her hand. "I want you, but I don't want that," she answered, lips moving against Emma's hand.
She hadn't wanted to simply get off. She wanted to make love, and without reciprocity, the physical release would have left her aching and wanting for that deeper connection. She'd told herself that Emma Swan intended to ruin her for life the moment she discovered her intention to remain in Storybrooke, and she had succeeded in a very surprising way. She sighed and rolled from Emma, bouncing to the edge of the bed.
"Don't watch me," she ordered as she stood and crossed to her closet.
Emma rolled to side, propped her head on her hand, and blatantly defied the request. Regina slipped into her silk panties and snapped her bra into place, unaware of Emma's eyes drinking in her every movement. Emma's thoughts, however, were as far from Regina's insecurities as they could possibly be. She was in love with Regina Mills, heart and soul, and her body certainly responded to Regina. Her humble earthy scent, instead of expensive perfumes like one might have assumed at first glance, was intoxicating. The sight of her naked, sitting atop her thighs in passion or freshly showered or slipping into a grey pencil skirt, aroused her in a way no other woman had achieved.
She'd never been disgusted by the thought of being with a woman and had certainly kissed plenty during late night games of spin the bottle in the state homes when they were supposed to be asleep and during her party days after she'd been released from prison. They never really meant anything more than a fun time, though, and she'd not considered sleeping with any of them. The more heated make out sessions had never turned her on and she'd been drunk for all of them. She was most definitely a heterosexual woman who seemed to have fallen in love with a soul encased within another woman.
Gender may have deterred her before, but it seemed silly now. It obviously wasn't an issue emotionally or sexually, and Regina challenged and surprised her enough to keep things interesting. Emma smiled at that. No matter how good or tender Regina Mills became, one wrong step led to a snappy comment and a new challenge to figure out which button she pushed.
"Have I amused you, Miss Swan?" Regina snapped, proving Emma's silent point.
Emma's eyes refocused to find Regina stretching an unbuttoned royal blue shirt over her stomach self-consciously. Emma's eyes widened at the double-sided question. Regina had in fact amused her with her comment, but watching Regina dress had not amused her. How to answer, honestly or in self-preservation?
"I was thinking about something else, Baby," Emma commented easily without actually answering her question. Points for Emma.
She scooted to the edge of the bed and sat up, beckoning Regina to her. The witch narrowed her eyes and begrudgingly moved towards her lover. Emma spread her knees and pulled her by the hips for the last few steps. With a little effort, she unclenched the hands from the shirt and left them to hang at her sides. Regina stared down at her, confused and a little uncomfortable with the intimacy but compliant.
She tentatively trusted that Emma wouldn't shatter her, even if the thought sounded absurd to her logical brain. She was only a woman. One that had been abused and tortured emotionally for most of her life, and that conditioning could never be undone no matter how many times Emma told her that she was beautiful and worthy of honest love and affection.
Emma pressed a kiss between her breasts and slid her fingertips over the bare skin of her sides. Her hands wrapped around her back when they reached the bottom of her bra, thumbs tickling the skin at her ribs. Green eyes rolled upwards when her lips adamantly refused to leave Regina's chest and met light brown. Emma smiled against her skin and propped her chin on the space her lips had occupied.
"I was thinking about how much I love you and how happy you make me. I have a lot of things that I need to deal with," Emma sobered suddenly, not having expected the words to come out of her mouth.
"We both do," Regina saved Emma from her awkwardness with a nervous grin. Was Emma breaking up with her?
"We do. So I was thinking that maybe… it might be a good idea to…"
"Take some time apart?" Regina finished sadly, clearly not wanting to go through with her suggestion. Emma jerked back.
"What? No. That is on the other side of the lake from what I was going to say," Emma babbled incredulously. Regina truly failed to see how much Emma needed her - at her side, in her bed, beneath her hands and lips every single day, hugging their son, making dinner.
"What is it then, Miss Swan?" Regina clipped, sassing in her vulnerability.
"I want to leave Storybrooke. With you and Henry," she added firmly. "I'd like to go back to Boston and go to college. I actually miss the city, and there was a professor there I really liked." Emma halted her tangent and glanced up at Regina's watery eyes.
"Shit, Baby, we don't have to go if you'd rather stay. I was only thinking it would be good for both of us to g…"
Regina silenced her lover when she grabbed her face with both hands and slammed their lips together. It lingered, progressed, slowed, heated again and then end with wide eyes connected. Emma held all commentary, waiting for Regina's opinion to be spoken because the kiss could have been for either option.
"I agree some time away from Storybrooke would be beneficial for us as well as our son," Regina answered as she straightened, clearly embarrassed by her outburst of emotion.
"So, that's a yes, then?" Emma clarified for her own sake.
"Yes," Regina answered immediately and kissed Emma again, gently this time. "Now, please clothe yourself. I'd like to visit Ruby."
They paused long enough to make pancakes, scrambled eggs and toast for Belle, Henry and Granny, which Regina had nearly finished by the time Emma stumbled into the kitchen and gulped the sweet coffee waiting for her. She sort of took a shower. Actually, she washed her hair while bent over the tub with the shower head and then rubbed a wet wash cloth over her body except for her stitched area. She felt better at any rate.
Regina had grown quiet and fidgety during the drive, and Emma only guessed it was due to seeing Ruby again. She'd been tortured physically and mentally nonstop for two weeks simply for sharing a deep friendship with Regina. Emma took the cloth bag full of breakfast from the back seat of the Mercedes and wordlessly took Regina's hand when they met in front of the car. Regina smiled gratefully and laced her fingers with Emma's longer ones. The savior truly spoke so much better when she held her tongue.
The closer they came to Ruby's room, the tighter the grip on Emma's hand became. She almost asked Regina twice to loosen her painful hold. Regina inhaled sharply when they reached Ruby's room and stopped. The door was cracked, and the faint murmurs of Henry and Belle's story-telling duet could be heard. He had flat out refused to leave Belle's side last night when Emma came to collect him from the waiting room, and Belle's silently pleaded with her big blue eyes to allow it. So she had.
When it became obvious that Regina had frozen and wouldn't be moving anytime soon, Emma toed the door. Four sets of eyes shifted to the newcomers, and Regina clenched her hand again. Ruby inhaled sharply, and Belle slid from the bed where she and Henry had been sitting and dragged the boy with her. She stood at Ruby's head on the opposite side of the room from the door with her hands on Henry's shoulders. Granny sat in the chair on the other side of Ruby's head and stared up at her with a neutral expression. Everyone knew that her reaction would reflect what Ruby needed.
Emma released Regina's hand when the other woman stepped forward, her tapping heels the only sound. Ruby seemed to be fine. Her red cloak hung around her shoulders, tempering the wolf's anger and urge to run that became nearly uncontrollable this close to the full moon. Her right arm rested in a sling, the only indication that she'd been injured at all, but everyone knew gauze and stitches hid beneath the flimsy hospital gown. She'd nearly died, probably save by the fact that her DNA and body was made more resilient by the wolf. Her eyes drooped heavily under the influence of morphine. Regina tried to speak, failed, closed her mouth.
"Regina," Ruby whined, tears dripping onto her cheeks. Everyone held their breaths. Ruby had neither invited nor rejected her, and they waited for the backlash and hoped for a happy reunion.
"Re…" Ruby choked up and held out the uninjured arm to her friend when she realized she'd not recovered in a timely manner.
Everyone breathed, and Regina tapped across the linoleum quickly. She slowed, however, and sat gingerly. She wiped Ruby's wet face, and everyone teared up when Ruby repeated the motion on Regina's. The two women laughed nervously and simply looked at each other.
"You got me back," Ruby squeaked, and more tears spilled onto her cheeks. She swallowed in attempt to loosen her vocals cords.
"How many time do I have to say it, you silly mutt. I'll always come for you," Regina smiled and gave into her urge to hug her friend.
It was awkward at first as she avoided Ruby's injuries, but they figured it out. Ruby hooked her chin over Regina's shoulder, face turned towards her neck, leaned forward and wrapped her arm around Regina's waist. Regina followed her lead and repeated the exact same movements.
"I'm so sorry that you couldn't save her, too, Regina," Ruby whispered into her friend's neck and squeezed her tighter.
"She was inside of me for a long time," Ruby pulled back and held Regina's neck, eyes serious and sad. "She loved you. No matter what else she did, she loved you. And I am so sorry that you lost her," she finished, tears spilling again. She pulled Regina into her once more, and they cried together.
Emma moved forward silently and began unpacking breakfast. Belle, Henry and Granny followed her to the table, granting a moment for the two women to take comfort with someone who understood what they were going through. No matter how much Emma and Belle wanted to understand and be the one their significant others ran to for comfort, they fathomed very little of their struggle.
Ruby and Regina not only appreciated the darkness within the other but also had been together since the start of this entire mess from Snow and Charming going through the portal to Cora's death last night. They held the town together after Emma had been shot. They saved Emma and Belle and Snow and Charming and then the town again. Ruby saved Regina from herself when Daniel died, and Regina saved Ruby from Hook's ship. They'd gone through this together, and the others couldn't empathize with their torrent of emotions at the simple joy of seeing the other alive and breathing.
"I love you," one of them whispered and the other repeated it. Emma and Belle served breakfast.
Every single person in the room had much coping in their near futures. The last two months had cut into them deeply, leaving wounds that will never heal and scars they'll never forget. As much as they'd lost, however, they gained. No one looked to the future with apprehension and the pinch of loneliness anymore. It wasn't quite a happy ending, but for the four damaged women happily wiping tears, it was the closest they'd ever come.
They'd created a family, a dysfunctional and complicated family albeit, but it was theirs and it was perfect. They wouldn't have it any other way, so they smiled and ate pancakes and wrapped themselves in the love until the next crisis struck.
If and when it came, they'd face it together.
