AN: I missed these guys. You wouldn't believe how much.

Chapter 11

"Just tell me what to paint!" James Taylor yelled, waving a paint brush in the air. "I cannot believe I flew back to Forks to do this!"

I sat on a rocking chair with my feet up on the box that contained the crib. "Sing some folk classics to my spawn, James Taylor. The wee babe hates the sound of your speaking voice and is kicking my insides."

James Taylor just glared at me.

"This is so much fun!" Boobs bounced over to James Taylor with a paint can. My black walls were vetoed. These people were driving me nuts.

"Like a root canal," her boyfriend complained. He was a worthy nemesis. I had missed him slightly.

"Feel free to head back to Boston," I suggested.

We decided it was time to get a room ready for the spawn. My stomach was rapidly expanding. Kid was having nightmares about getting me to the hospital on time. My father was planning the police escort to the hospital. Plans needed to be made and everything needed to be completed before the spawn flew out of my vagina.

Esme told me my need for having things ready was called nesting. There was only one bird in this place and Annie Oakley was squawking dirty things about kid in the other room. I instead believed I was being highly level-headed. I was surrounded by idiots and if I didn't force them to do it right then the spawn would be living in a box by the bed.

"I think we need more castles," Kid announced staring at a piece of paper.

What?

"Oh Edward, you don't need more than one!" Esme pointed out, leaning over his shoulder. "Let's add a dragon!"

"I would say that one castle is one too many," I chimed in. "Didn't I say no to Medieval Times inspired living spaces?"

I was certain that I did.

"I still think a black room covered in stars and aliens would be better," I continued. "We should wait for Katie. She's the artist. Actually, so am I. Let me paint whatever the hell I want."

"Bella! The baby can hear you say naughty words! Calm and soothing tones!" Kid ran over to place his hand on my mouth. "I don't want you to near the paint!"

I bit his hand. Get on my nerves, and no matter how much I love you, I will bite.

"It's non-toxic paint, Edward Cullen," I hissed in a calm and soothing tone. It resembled the hiss of a rattle snake that I was certain was calm before striking his prey. Kid was lucky I wasn't poisonous. "Remember that you insisted on the organic paint?"

It was terrible stuff that barely stuck to the walls and strangely smelled like manure. I was all about saving the planet, but having my spawn's room smelling like cow poop was not okay.

"Bella!" he whined.

Pregnancy was giving me headaches and kid was giving me a migraine.

Esme noticed me rubbing my head. "Honey, would you like to lie down? Should we wait for Alice to help? She's full of great ideas!"

Teeny Tiny Dictator would probably make the room look like a mini White House and try to teach my child how to boss around everyone on the planet. I was lucky she was visiting Cheech this weekend in Texas. They were probably at a rodeo, and she was bossing around cowboys. I bet Dictator thought she was an expert on everything even roping cattle.

"You know what. . . Do whatever you want. I'm just going to take your advice and lie down, Esme," I stated and stomped out of the nursery of knightly horrors.

My bedroom was dark and I flopped onto the bed. It would be easy to blame hormones, but I was feeling sad and invisible. I felt a tears coming from eyes. It was horrible tears running down my face. I, Isabella Swan-Cullen, did not cry. This was a travesty.

"Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?" My kid grabbed me and held me tight. I was comforted, but also wanted to be alone with this awful wetness dripping from my eyeballs.

"I don't want castles!" I wailed. I think I might be possessed.

Kid looked at me in confusion. "I won't make you move into a castle!"

"No castles in the baby's room!"

"Who?"

"Our spawn!" I was hysterical.

"Oh right! I never heard you call our sweet lamb that before." He had the audacity to grin at me.

I grabbed him by the shirt. "Our child is not livestock on a farm!"

"Bella, just tell me what to do!"

I wanted so many things like no stupid castles. A plate of french fries would also be welcome. A really long nap would be cool.

"I want someone to listen to me," I admitted.

"No castles, princesses, dragons or knights in the nursery?" Kid held my face. "Honey, what do you want? Space? The final frontier?"

Not anymore.

"I like the woods," I said with a sniffle. "I like bunnies!"

I think the spawn was talking through me. I detested those things. They left tiny pellets all over the yard. It was gross. Sometimes I would take Mr. Bojangles out on a small kitty leash and he would try to eat them. Evil rabbits.

"That makes it final. A wilderness wonderland for my two loves! I love you, Bella." He kissed me and then my stomach. "I love you too, baby."

A wilderness wonderland? That would work. I guess.

"I'm going to ravage you right now, kid." It made me happy when he listened to me. Who was I kidding? He made me happy.

"What about my mom? Our friends?" He asked with an excited gleam in his eye.

I pushed him down and climbed on top of him. "When has that ever stopped us before?"

Two hours later, there was a loud knocking on the door. "You two are just nasty! I think my ears are bleeding and I'll be having nightmares for years!"

Giving James Taylor nightmares? This day was going to be a great one after all.