AN: A short one. I've been going through some things.
Enjoy.
Chapter 15
I was a cow.
A human cow.
Gwen was latched on and I truly believed my spawn was trying to suck the life out of me. It was an unpleasant experience at the moment.
The nurse at the hospital was a liar when she said it would get better. The pinched faced woman thrust my screaming child at my chest and said to remain calm. That advice was impossible when Gwen was rooting around like a pig looking for grub. At least this what I imagined. I'm not an expert on pigs, but watching Trailer's piggy baby was close enough.
The only thing that was giving me sanity was that I was home. However, being awake for twenty-four hours and watching that stupid vampire movie every night was getting old. It was on around midnight for the past five days. It was either watching an emotional regressed vampire boy who looked like he was sucking on a lemon or an infomercial. I was really leaning toward letting the SHAM WOW guy annoy me on a loop. It would be better than stalker vampire boy.
"Bella, would you like me to take her? I can give her a bottle," Kid offered. "Have you pumped anything?"
Here is the thing about breast pumps. I know, logically, that they perform an important function. They also squeeze your cheat in a painful kung fu grip.
I was so very tired. "No."
"There's the formula—"
"No formula. Nurse Hatchet told me that breast is best. The woman is positively evil and will know if an ounce of formula touches Gwen's tongue. That beast is psychic and will come after us with disapproving looks and a need to verbally berate me." I hugged my rooting little piglet closer. "I won't let that mean, old bat touch you again, Gwennie."
Instead of nursing school, I believed that Nurse Rodgers learned everything she knows from repeated viewings of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I figured that out by watching that same movie as dawn approached. Jack Nicholson might actually be some sort of mad genius. Sleep deprivation is making me a mad genius.
Kid sat down with me and gently took Gwen from my arms. "You called her Gwennie. It reminds me of Gwyneth Paltrow. Want me to put on one of her movies?"
"What?" I hissed. I have an unnatural dislike of that woman and her love of telling people how to live the good life and her deep friendship of the rapper, Jay-Z. "That woman named her kid, Apple! You must be nuts. What's next? Are you going to serenade me with Cold Play songs? I will completely lose it and murder you in your sleep, Edward."
He started rocking Gwen and humming the song, Clocks. Did that man have no self-preservation at all?
"Edward—"
"Bella, would you like me to pull up Gwennie's blog and see what she says about breast feeding? What is it called? Loop?" He was bouncing a happy Gwen. He was the only one who could instantly calm her. It seemed Gwen took after me.
"Goop! Who the hell would come up with a name like that?" He must be going insane. "That woman must be nutty trying to advise normal woman to buy expensive designer products! Not to mention, her advice on healthy eating! Did she go to college to be a nutritionist? No! She stars in movies based on a Jane Austen book, while trying to look cool to the kids by guest starring on Glee. She should be on American Horror Story so I can watch something terrible happening to her."
Kid came over to me and kissed my head. "We are the parents and we will make the best decision for our daughter. No one else matters. You need to sleep and I am going to feed our girl."
"How did you get so wise?" I asked. Bringing his palm to mine, I gave it a kiss.
"I married you," he stated.
I closed my eyes to go into a deep slumber and I heard him say to the baby, "Daddy, is going to read you chapter one of Harry Potter."
For once, I didn't care in the least.
