Chapter 17 (EPOV)
"I'm stuck!" Emmett yelled. I wasn't sure what pose he was doing, but it wasn't what the yoga instructor was demonstrating.
Somehow he was twisted up like a pretzel as his daughter waddled toward a container of veggie puffs. That little girl constantly had food in her mouth. I was fairly certain she made her father contort into such an uncomfortable position just to escape so she could get to the bag of snacks Emmett brought. My friend was a big man and was extremely inflexible. I had no clue how we were going to untwist him.
"Princess Clarabella! Stop eating Daddy's BBQ chips!" Emmett shouted. Princess had bypassed the child appropriate snack and headed right to the potato chips. She was certainly her father's daughter. They had changed her name to Princess Clarabella Peaches after Emmett's grandmother. The old woman had angrily threatened to disown Emmett if he didn't make the name change. It probably wouldn't be the last time Princess had a new name. It was almost changed daily.
My Gwen just sat next to my feet and watched all the commotion. She would yawn and play with her toes.
All of a sudden, Emmett moved his arm that was wrapped around his ankle and he fell over like a mighty oak. He landed with his back hitting the floor. He didn't move.
Gwen started laughing and clapping her hands. Princess shoved her entire head in the potato chip bag.
My daughter took after my beloved Isabella. The misfortunes of others made them giddy.
Of course, both of my girls can be absolute sweethearts when they don't think others are watching them. I'm always watching my girls, so I would know best.
This baby and toddler yoga class was Isabella's idea. She had determined it would be best to keep Gwen away from Rachel Black's house for a few weeks. It wasn't because the insane amount of cats or the large amount of dust. It was all because of Seth Clearwater. My Isabella didn't want our daughter to witness Seth acting like a fool. I personally found him funny.
"Mr. McCarty, I need you to breathe with calming breaths. Let's think about your most relaxed state," our yoga teacher instructed. She leaned over him and Emmett's eyes were fixated on her breasts which were peeking out of her tank top.
"Boobs," he moaned.
Our teacher covered her chest with her arms. "What?"
"Mountains. I meant mountains." Emmett reached his arms up toward her. "Bend down and talk about calming mounds."
"Mr. McCarty!" She exclaimed.
I walked past the poor woman and reached my hand down to help the big guy up. "Don't let Rose hear you talk like that!"
"Rose would laugh, you pussy." Emmett started laughing as I pulled him up hard. All of his sudden, his face turned to a grimace and he grabbed the back of his sweatpants. "God damn, my ass hurt."
"Watch your mouth, Em!" I complained.
There were mothers covering their children's ears. The yoga instructor was angrily staring at Emmett. Gwen laughed and pointed at Emmett. "Fat ass!"
Oh no!
There were only two people she could have learned that from. Isabella or Annie Oakley.
I was certain it was that evil bird that made my sweet child learn such language. It was easier to blame that feathered fiend than my sweet wife.
"Mr. Cullen, We cannot have your daughter use such language in a place of true light." The woman stroked my arm. She had a nose the reminded me of Annie's beak. "Why don't you come to my home for some hummus and pitas. We can discuss a way for your child to find a pure soul."
"She's not even one. I think we're fine."
"Call me Cassandra." She stroked my arm again. I didn't know why I needed to use her name.
I tried to back up, but she followed and kept touching. Until I was backed up against a wall. "Listen, Mrs—"
"It's Miss, but I said you can call me Cassandra."
Over Cassandra's shoulder, Isabella appeared. She gave me a wink and tapped the yoga teacher's shoulder. "Cougar, can you give my husband some personal space. He has no interest in the elderly."
Cassandra was in her forties, but I didn't disagree with my Isabella. She was teaching this lusty woman a lesson.
"We were discussing your child and her rude language," the woman haughtily replied.
Bella raised a single eyebrow. "Were you discussing it with his tonsils?"
"Listen—" The woman began.
"No." Stone-faced Isabella was on the attack.
"Your husband—"
"Is mine, not yours. Hands off, spandex."
The woman threw her hands in the air. "You aren't welcome here anymore!"
"Cool. We aren't planning on it anyway." Bella gave the woman a wink and shoved her tongue in my mouth.
It was ecstasy. I felt a bulge growing in my spandex shorts.
Isabella looked down and shrugged. "You need bigger shorts, kid."
Gwen started clapping and calling, "Mama! Mama!"
Isabella scooped her up and kissed her head. "Come on, kid. We have some celebrating to do."
"What happened?" I started gathering up our stuff and feeling the joy radiating off of Isabella. It was infectious.
"I got an advance. The book is getting published," she announced. I almost dropped the bag. Maybe I could be a stay-at-home dad? It would be wonderful! "Let's get dinner at the diner."
"What about us?" Emmett whined. She had his attention at the mention of the diner.
Isabella punched him in the shoulder. "Join in, fat ass."
Okay, maybe Gwen did learn it from Isabella.
