AN: Three more I think.
New story on my profile. Songs of Alpha to Omega.
Chapter 18
Kid wandered around the room with Gwen attached to his waist like a monkey. She sang, "Fat ass!"
That would be me my fault. Every time I see Godzilla the Idiot, it just flies out of my mouth. Added bonus is how cute Gwen looks when she says it.
I wasn't too concerned about her penchant for foul language. Kid would take care of it. He was future Father of the Year for the state of Washington. If he couldn't get her to behave, then my spawn might be slightly evil. That would be pretty cool.
"Gwen, baby, it's fat cat," he cooed to our daughter.
She banged on his shoulder happily. "Fat cat, Da!"
My man could work miracles.
"Give me Gwennie, Edward!" The dictator demanded. Her hair was slicked back with gel and she wore a power suit. That hair was dyed blonde so she would resemble Hillary Clinton. She did a college interview over Skype and wanted to look like a future politician. Instead, Dictator looked like a pint sized Hillary Clinton bobble head.
"That name is not allowed in my house," I said with a sneer. "Stop drinking the Goop Kool-aid."
Dictator became even more obsessed with that diabolical actress after her conscious uncoupling with that Coldplay moaner.
"Bella," Dictator said with a sigh. She was always looking like she was annoyed with me lately. The feeling was mutual. My sister-in-law needed to find Cheech to bother. "We need to discuss your schedule for book promotions and signings."
"No."
"Bella," she whined. The foot stomp she added was a nice touch.
"Alice, Bella has a plan to handle this that will be best for our family." Kid started spinning Gwen through the air. "Daddy loves his girl!
"Fat ass!" Gwen squealed.
Kid stopped and gave me his serious look. "Bella, my love, we really need to work on our language around her. When I say ours, I mean yours."
His stern face was adorable. I would show him how adorable at nap time.
"Rachel told the stories. I just wrote them down for her and drew some pictures. She'll be handling it," I explained. Heading to the kitchen, I knew I needed Doritos to fend off Kid's gnat like sister. She thought those cheesy delicacies were filthy and stinky. If a bag of those didn't scare her off, nothing would.
"That witch is frightening! She'll scare the children at the readings!" Dictator complained. She gave my chips the evil eye.
Dictator was the one who was frightened of Rachel. The story Kid told was hilarious. When Dictator was a malicious little Girl Scout, Brownie edition, she decided to go door to door to sell overpriced, sugary cookies. The tiny tyrant was after the sought after free trip to Disney World for selling the most cookie. Actually, she was after the glory of selling the most boxes. She was ambitious even in her pigtails.
The first attempt at the Black homestead, Rachel slammed the door in her face.
Try number two had Dictator with a flower pot full of soil dumped on her head. Her pretty, pink bow was ruined.
The final time Dictator tried to sell the old lady Trefoils and Thin Mints, Rachel turned the hose on her.
It just reinforced the fact that I wasn't incorrect in my affection of Rachel Black. She is amazing.
Dictator continued complaining to me. "It could be the adventure of the summer, Bella! Jasper can drive us in his van and—"
"You want to spend the summer with Cheech without your parents around," I accurately deduced. "You want to use me to do it."
She threw her hands in the air. "Who do you think you are? Sherlock Holmes?"
"No, Alice. I'm smarter." I stuck a handful of Doritos in her mouth before she could say another word. "I'm not leaving my kid. I mean Edward and also Gwen here alone. They need me for guidance. Suck it up and tell Esme and Carl that you will be traveling in a van with your bubble headed boyfriend this summer. Grow a pair, Alice Cullen."
I hope she heard me. Dictator was busy spitting out Doritos in the sink.
"Did you work things out with Alice?" Kid asked quietly. He pointed to Gwen's room. "I got her asleep."
"Cool." I pushed him down on the couch and straddled his lap. "Let's do it."
"My sister is in the kitchen!"
We could hear the sounds of her still hacking by the sink. "She's trying to get cheesy junk food out of her mouth. Of course, if she walks in maybe she'll leave."
"One can only hope, lovely lady." He attacked my neck for a second, but pulled away. "Are you certain you don't want to share your book with the world."
"Interact with people? You must be crazy. The only people I like live in this house." I gave him a kiss. "Anyway, Seth is going with Rachel. She'll scare them and he'll be so embarrassing that they'll laugh."
"Wait. . . They aren't together, are they?" He looked green.
I wagged my eyebrows. "He wore her down. Supposedly, there was some walker love making. I think she used her cane on him."
"I'm going to be sick!" Edward dumped me on the couch and ran to the bathroom. I should I have waited to tell him until after we had sex.
Oh well. You live, you learn.
