Disclaimer: Honey & Clover isn't mine.
I just finished the series. And just as I thought, there were certain inconsistencies with regard to what I wrote. I just had to make some minute changes. I'd like to stay as faithful to what they actually showed in the last episode. I'm really, very sorry about this, but thank you for the kind words and the encouragements. They were greatly appreciated.
Domo arigatou gozaimasu.
I now present you with a "revamped" version of Chapter 2.
Four Seasons: Summer Showers
By StarrYsTarRysKy
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Is…
…is this how I really feel?
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
II. The morning light can only seek out the truth
Light flooded through the windows of Room 101; a light breeze blew against the white curtains. It was a sunny day: the sky no longer forbade people. The clouds were once again white and airy. The sun's rays shone across the sky and the warm light beat against his smooth cheeks.
It was already nine o'clock when he woke up. But due to the rising intensity of his work, not to mention his growing 'stalking' tendencies of Rika, waking up early was nearly impossible. He wearily rubbed his eyes and reached out for his glasses. He looked at his watch. 9:05 am.
"Wow, it's that late already, huh?" He plopped back against his futon looked around him.
Here he was, Takumi Mayama, deemed one of the coolest bachelors in his former University, a self-declared Rika protector, back in this cruddy, rundown apartment in Tokyo. He really thought that Rika was going to ask him to stay longer in Spain, but she didn't. Instead, she asked, rather, commanded him to go back to Tokyo.
--- --- --- ---
"Mayama, why don't you go back to Tokyo?" she said after taking a sip of her tea.
"Huh?" was the only thing he could muster.
"Go visit your friends. You must be lonely doing nothing here."
"But I'm not lonely here. I'm happy just to be with you; even if you don't need me around. I don't ha--"
"Your friend, Hagu. Her right hand—it could take until spring to heal," Rika inquired, her eyes transfixed on him.
He walked towards her. "Yes, it would. But they say that the probability of it recovering completely is quite big. She just has to be patient."
She took another sip of her tea.
"Why don't you go visit her? Go check out her condition."
"Huh?"
"Why don't you take time off—return to Japan, ne? I'm sure they're all waiting for you."
He put his hands on her shoulders. "Well, I'm sure Yamada, Hanamoto, and the others will take good care of her. You know how they are."
"How about you? Don't you want to be there?"
"I am worried, but, I…" he began.
He found Rika staring at him with eyes pleading, speaking of a want—an unbearable amount of wanting.
An unbearable amount of wanting to be with herself.
She smiled at him. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Someone else needs you more than I do."
He opened his mouth, tried to argue. Yet he couldn't. He just kept silent.
The next day, he was on a plane bound for Japan.
--- --- --- ---
He closed his eyes as he thought about it. Rika's eyes—he had never seen them like that before. Yes, he thought her eyes were expressive, but that time was different. Up until then, they had never revealed that much. They had always been dulled by the pain of Harada's passing.
Her eyes—they were so powerful.
They were so powerful that they could command him.
"Did I make the correct decision?"
He sat up and looked at the scenery outside. The sun was gently humming against the road. The trees swayed to the melody of the wind. The breeze conducted the curtains, like an orchestra. Who would've thought that he was in an urban neighbourhood?
"I guess I better go see them," he said as he stood up.
--- --- --- ---
Everyone was quiet inside the studio. The snow had stopped falling, and the sun had decided to give the place a little warmth. It was such a beautiful day, and yet the only thing they could do was to think of Hagu's condition, and their pseudo-attempts at concentrating at their tasks: Yamada, finishing the project she was commissioned to make; Takemoto, picking out shards of broken pottery that may still be useful; Morita, pretending to catch up on rest.
"Hey, Yamada," Takemoto started.
"Yes?"
"How long has it been?"
She stopped her work and turned towards him. "How long has it been…?"
"Since Hagu's hand…" he trailed off.
She wiped her hands. "It's been almost a week or so."
"That long, huh?"
She smiled at him. "She'll get better. She's very strong, you know, in spite of how she looks. Besides, her hands are recovering little by little. Before we know it, she may have already recovered."
"Mm. I know," he said, his hands rummaging through the shards. He regarded her at the corner of his eye and sighed.
"Go on," she coaxed.
He looked at her, almost confused.
"I know you wanted to ask something else. Go on. No one's stopping you."
"Well, do you still think about him?"
She looked at Takemoto quizzically.
"I mean, do you still think of Mayama?"
She smiled, once again. "Yes, I do. I was just thinking about him yesterday, as a matter of fact."
"Do you still love him?"
She nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. "Yes, I do. I still do. And it's…"
She couldn't continue anymore. Once again, tears fell from her wide eyes.
Seeing her cry wasn't new to him, and yet, it didn't cease to gnaw at his heart.
He walked over to her. "Ah, Yamada, I'm sorry," he said as he held her hand.
Morita had been listening the whole time. He had wanted to sleep, but he couldn't. Not when there were important matters to attend to. He stood up and walked over towards the two. He plopped down beside Yamada and held her hand.
"Just cry it out, alright? Just cry it out. No one's stopping you, as well," he said.
They stayed like that for a while: the two boys each holding one of the girl's hands, the girl sniffling like a little kid.
She didn't continue what she had begun saying, but they all knew what it was.
It's painful. It's still very painful. I don't know if it'll ever go away.
"Hey, guys, I'm back," Mayama said as he entered the room.
Yamada looked up and gently took her hands from the other boys' hands.
"Oh, hey, Mayama," she said, regaining herself. "You're back early. Did everything go well in Spain?"
He bowed his head. "Yeah, well, about that: let's not talk about it."
"When did you get back?"
"Yesterday evening. I went straight to the apartment."
"You didn't even call us," Morita whined, his tear-stained face, frightfully close to Mayama's.
Mayama cautiously backed away. "Ah, well, you see it was…"
"He's right. You didn't even clue us in on what was happening," Takemoto whined against his ear.
"Takemoto, not you, too," Mayama said, his contour, slumped.
"Where's the Mayama that I raised, huh? You're not the Mayama I knew."
"Yeah, Mayama would never keep secrets from us!"
And here began an onslaught of whines from the two men before him.
"It's scary how Takemoto has become so much like Morita when it came to these things," he thought to himself.
"A little help?" he pleaded towards Yamada.
Yamada just raised her right hand and laughed nervously.
"I'd rather not," her reaction seemed to say.
Once again he slumped, as barrages of complaints rained on him. He sighed. Well, at least he knows that he really is home. He willed himself to ignore the two whining men and walked around the studio.
"Everything's the same as it was."
"Well, it's the university's studio," Yamada said. "We can't exactly change it."
He looked at her, checking if she were alright. Nothing seemed to be wrong, except for the fact that he looked exhausted.
She was physically and emotionally exhausted.
"She must've been thinking of Hagu all this time," he muttered to himself.
Yamada walked towards him, half-smiling. "Huh?"
Morita and Takemoto were still at his ears, bombarding him with complaints that did not have anything to do with him. Really, it was starting to get to him.
"Could you guys, please, shut up? Just this time? Please?"
The two men shrunk from Mayama, their faces still covered with tears.
He sighed, once again, and turned his attention to Yamada.
"Hagu, is she alright?"
Yamada's half-smile turned upside down. "She's still in the hospital."
"Is that so? When will she be released from rehabilitation?"
"In about a few months or so."
His eyes dropped. In a few months—Hagu would still be cooped up in the hospital for a few months. It wouldn't have been as hard for the girl if it hadn't been her right hand.
At least, that's what he thought.
"Hey, why did you come back here early?" Yamada asked. "You said you won't be back in a few months."
"I was hoping," Mayama said. "That you had forgotten that."
"I know why he's back early," Morita offered. "He was dumped—by Rika nonetheless."
"I wasn't dumped, okay? She just wanted some time alone," Mayama said through gritted teeth.
Morita turned his back. "Yeah, right, I believe you."
For the umpteenth time, Mayama slumped. Morita loomed over him.
"So you WERE dumped. I knew it," Morita said, grinning from ear to ear.
Mayama gave up and sighed. "No, I wasn't, really. I guess she just wanted to be alone. This was the first time I've seen her like that as well. It's the first time I've seen her want to be alone, you know?"
"Well, regardless of your reason," Yamada interjected. "Welcome back. It's nice to have you here. Hagu will be glad to see you."
And she smiled. She smiled albeit the fact that she wanted to cry out of sorrow, happiness, and something she can't quite put a finger on. What was it?
But she knew. It was the feeling that she had always carried ever since she found out about Rika and Mayama. It was envy—envy of Rika. It was then she started asking herself: would Mayama ever cry or worry about me the way he does about Rika?
Every time her question was answered, it would break her heart in little degrees—little but irreparable degrees. But she wouldn't mind getting hurt if it meant being able to get over her sickness that is her affection.
She wouldn't mind running into the maelstrom if it meant numbing herself of any feeling for Mayama.
Mayama was glad, was truly glad, that everyone precious to him was able to cope even through this whole ordeal. He was happy that everyone is happy—is learning to be happy.
Everyone was happy.
His eyes wandered around. In spite of everything that's happened, the tragedy that they have experienced, everyone can still smile. Everyone is going on, as if nothing bad has happened; because deep in their hearts, they know that this would be what Hagu wants. Hagu wants them to go on with their lives, and be happy. Just the same, she would be happy if everyone were happy.
She'd be happy if everything were the same.
"By the way, Yamada, how's work coming along?" Mayama asked, as if remembering something.
Yamada turned towards him. "Well, it's coming along quite well. Nomiya just commissioned me to make a three vases and a big bowl for him. He said it was for a friend of his."
"Nomiya?"
"Yes. It's very nice of him to continue looking for work for me, you know. It's still due next month, but he came over here last night and asked about it. I felt quite guilty about lazing around about it, so I'm working on it. Plus, I figured that I needed to finish it earlier as well. You know, for his approval, for the painting job, et cetera."
"You mean you were here last night?" Mayama asked, his voice on the verge of hysteria.
Yamada blinked at him, confused. "Yes. I used to stay here late, don't you remember? I don't have a studio at home, anyway."
"Alone?"
Morita and Takemoto looked at each other. They could see where this was going.
"Yes," was Yamada's innocent reply.
Something snapped inside Mayama's head. "You were alone with Nomiya here? Last night?"
"Yes, is there something wrong with that?"
"What? But you know what kind of a person he is!" Mayama said, going crazy at the thought. If that Nomiya does something to hurt Yamada…
…he won't live to see daylight!
Yamada kept her composure. "Yes, you're right I do. I know what kind of a person he is. He's a very decent person. He looks out for me you know."
"But he's a playboy, Yamada. He'd just play with you and spit you out."
Anger started to well up in her. "No, he won't."
"He would, and I should know. I've seen him do it!"
"He wouldn't, so just stop it!" Yamada snapped back. "Stop acting as though you know him, okay? Because the truth is you don't, Mayama. You don't know who he is or what kind of a person he truly is, so just stop it, okay?"
Mayama stared at the girl in front of him. The Yamada he knew would've already pummelled him to the ground or knocked him out cold. This Yamada in front of him, however, only stood there firmly, hands fisted, lips pursed, and eyebrows creased. His head dropped. She has changed a lot ever since she and Nomiya became closer. Maybe, just maybe, she's moved on.
"Maybe she's starting to move on from me," Mayama thought.
"Look, Yamada, I'm sorry. I—"he started.
Yamada raised her hand as she headed for the door. "No, never mind. I shouldn't have to lose my cool."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"Ah, I just remembered. I had to get something from the storage. Takemoto, could you come with me? I need your help."
Takemoto nodded and hurried after her.
Mayama didn't see it. He couldn't have, for he had been too absorbed in his thoughts. But Morita saw it. He saw her expression clearly: a drop of glistening tear falling from her sky-like eyes, heading towards her bittersweet smile. And it broke his heart—broke his heart that he knew who those tears were for, why she smiled like that, and that he could never do anything to prevent her from doing so. As much as he'd like to tell her to stop crying for Mayama, he couldn't. He knew that doing so would only break her heart even more.
--- --- --- ---
Yamada walked along the path with Takemoto following her.
She knew that Mayama only wanted to protect her, and she was thankful for that, but couldn't he see? He's only making it harder for her to move on from him.
The truth is she would've been happier if Mayama hadn't come back. Frankly, she wasn't ready to meet him yet. She wanted to let everything settle, let her feelings stabilize.
Let her heart heal, even just a bit.
But he was here; he was already here. And he had to prattle about Nomiya again. Can't he understand that Nomiya was taking care of her? That Nomiya was decent enough to watch out for her, to make her strong?
Can't he understand that Nomiya was there to love her?
Takemoto stopped before her. "Yamada, is everything alright?"
She was crying again. She was letting her heart break again.
She smiled at him. "He told me, you know. He told me that he loved me."
His eyes widened. "You mean Nomiya?"
She nodded. "He loves me, you know?"
And she's grateful for that. She's grateful for having Nomiya around to help her get better.
Takemoto hugged her. "It's okay, Yamada. It's okay."
--- --- --- ---
Morita sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. "Hey Mayama."
Mayama looked at him. "Were you able to see Hagu, Morita?"
Morita nodded. "Yes, I was. She's different you know. Something about her changed. I can't quite put a finger on it, though."
"Is that so?"
"Hey Mayama."
No reply.
"What is it about Nomiya that you don't like?"
Mayama sat down on the floor facing Morita. "I told you already. He's a playboy. He wouldn't care if something happened to Yamada. Besides I think he's too old for her. She's still so young and so innocent, and I wouldn't want her to be corrupted by someone like Nomiya."
Morita mulled this over. "Well, when it comes down to it, Mayama, I can say you're a playboy as well."
Mayama's head snapped up.
"Wait, hear me out first," Morita said. "Don't you think that you're the one playing with Yamda's feelings? I mean, I know how you feel. You want her to be happy, because she's dear to you. But the thing is, with what you're doing, you're just keeping her hopes up of you liking her romantically."
Mayama smiled. "Yeah, but she already knows that she hasn't got any chance."
"Yes, we all know that, but the thing is you're confusing her. She won't know what to believe. You're the one toying with her emotions."
"But I just want to protect her from that womanizer."
"Don't you know what you're doing? You're restricting her, Mayama. Just let her hang out with whoever she likes. If it doesn't work out, that's when we come in to help her. You should let her learn on her own. It's what a true friend does.
"Are you really her friend, Mayama, or are you just keeping her as spare if Rika dumps you? Are you keeping her from liking someone else so that you could have her when your love affairs don't work out?
"Why do keep her from falling in love with Nomiya, Mayama? Are you really, purely concerned about her welfare?
"Or are you just afraid to confirm what you've feared all along?"
Mayama looked at Morita who was now standing up.
"You said that you idolised Nomiya, right? That he was perfection of what you've always aimed for.
"Are you afraid, Mayama? Are you afraid that she'll love someone better than you?
"Are you afraid to know that she'll realize how imperfect you actually are?"
---End Chapter 2---
AGAIN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THOSE WHO REVIEWED. I'LL WORK VERY HARD ON THIS STORY.
Thank you very much to all of you wonderful people.
Stay happy!
Domo arigatou gozaimasu!
