So, you might've noticed this is my second update in two days. That's because I'm writing what I want to, instead of three day cycles. Sometimes I get these 'writer pangs', where I really want to follow up on what I had written. So, instead of ignoring the 'pangs', I'm going to be writing when I want to.
(The Next Day)
Nina
"So she's using these diet pills?" Fabian asked, holding the bottle that I had found yesterday. Amber was visiting with the House, so it gave us time to talk. "Yeah," I sighed. "Well, I don't see the big deal," said Fabian dumbly.
I took the bottle and pointed to a side effect. "If you more than two, then you will throw up!" I almost sobbed. "Shh," Fabian said. "She's probably just on a diet. You know Amber." "No, the clues are all there! You can see the vertebrae on her neck, she's lost a ton of weight between last month and this one, she's sunk into the shadows, her voice is raspy, and have you seen her eat the past week?!" I collapsed into more sobs.
Fabian became quiet. "What?" I asked, wiping the tears from my face. "I saw her eat," he said darkly. "She had a bite from a muffin after you left, but she considered it first. Then she ran upstairs, to the bathroom." I was horrified. "I need a bath," I whispered, and ran upstairs. Before I got to the bathroom, Fabian called that he would be at Starbucks. I just powered on, dropping the bottle on the sink counter when I got into the room.
oOoOoOo
After fifteen minutes, I was in a bubble bath, trying to figure out to help Amber. Would she want help? I sunk into the bubbles, shutting the bath curtain.
I heard the jingle of keys and someone opened the front door, and assumed it was Fabian. He climbed up the stairs, and…opened the bathroom door?! Before I could yell at him, I peeked out of the bathroom curtain and saw Amber. She was getting out a scale from the cabinet under the sink. I had a scale? She set it on the ground, and stepped on it. I was quiet while the numbers whirred, and she started crying. I stuck my head out of the curtain a little more. It read: 90 pounds. I clapped a hand over my mouth so I wouldn't gasp. She was 5'6! She should be in the 120-130 range! "Fat," I heard her mutter. "I'm fat." her voice broke, and she grabbed the pill bottle and swallowed three pills dry, and promptly started retching into the toilet. After throwing up, she stood on the scale again this time it said: 89 pounds.
oOoOoOo
I didn't move after she left. I heard the door slam shut, but I was immobile. She was so beautiful, so why did she feel ugly? Silent tears fell down my face, and I started draining the tub and wrapped a towel around my body. I grabbed the scale and the pills, and hid the scale under my bed, and put the pills in my secret box.
oOoOoOo
That night, after Fabian and I ate Chinese takeout (Amber said she already ate at the hotel), Amber excused herself to go to the bathroom. I waited until she headed into the bathroom, and after the bathroom door shut, I said to Fabian, "She's bulimic. She is freaking bulimic." I started crying. Fabian stared at me. "What?" he asked stupidly. "I-I was upstairs t-taking a b-b-bath, a-and she came u-up, and s-she didn't know I w-was in there, a-and…SHE THREW UP!" I sobbed. "W-why would she do that?" he asked. "I don't know," I whispered. At that moment, Amber came out of the bathroom.
I gathered myself, and asked her, "What's wrong? You seem preoccupied." "Oh, it's nothing," she said, looking around nonchalantly. "Amber…" I paused. "What?" she asked, her eyes darting under my bed. Before I could respond, she screamed. "YOU FOUND THE SCALE?" she yelled, pulling it out from under my bed. "Amber, I know what is happening," I said quietly. "No, you don't, no, you don't," she whispered. "Amber, I was in the bathtub when you came in earlier today," I explained, barely audibly. She started crying, and flopped down on my bed. I raced up the stairs, and put my arm around hers. "Amber, you were beautiful already. Why do it?" She just shook her head. "I saw you in a beautiful dress, and I thought how bad I looked in mine. Everyone was surrounding you while I stood off to the side. I guess that's why."
"Amber, that was a photo shoot," I said, remembering that. "Well, why am I not good enough to be like you?!" she sobbed. "Amber, look in the mirror," I whispered, leading her to the bathroom. "Look at your perfect hair, your cherub face, the natural pinkness of your lips. Do you think I wouldn't kill for that?" She wiped tears away. "But now your cheeks are hollow. Your lips are wrinkled from dehydration. Your eyes have lost their sparkle, and you're losing hair. Is this what you call perfect? You were beautiful before, when Mia wasn't talking to you." (A/N: 'Mia' is what they call the voice of bulimia.) I told her, wiping away a stray tear from her eye. "Let me help you. Please," I told her.
She sighed. "What have I done to myself?" she asked herself. "Fine. I'll try it your way."
oOoOoOo
Nina (one week later)
I talked to the press, and told them about my Gran. I also got the managers to delay the concert one more week, telling them that I needed more time to grieve my Gran. I talked to Harris, and he agreed to get me a therapist for Amber. Only he, my most trusted prep team (i.e. NOT Tracy) and the House knew about Amber. Now I was downstairs in my dressing room, the hair stylist doing my hair. She had it in angelic curls, and I was already in my dress, a robe on over it. I practiced vocal practices, while the hair stylist told me to quiet down because somehow my throat vibrating was making my hair go wonky.
"Are you sure I should do this?" Amber asked quietly. She was sitting next to me, having her own hair done. Only having seven appointments with the therapist (I'm making her have a session with him every day for two hours the first two weeks) she was far from recovered. She was eating, but only a small amount and we had to restrain her from the bathroom until she was digested.
"Amber, the therapist said that you should adopt a habit, and if it's song writing, so be it," I told her as the stylist put bobby pins in my hair. "I know…but cameras…" she twisted the hem of her dress. She was wearing a gray flowing sundress with black wedges. Her hair was in a loose French braid, and she looked amazing. "I know," I said gently. "But you are beautiful and an awesome best friend, and we'll get through this together." she smiled and hugged me. "Five minutes to show time," a voice said on the loudspeaker. "C'mon. We're going to rock it," I promised her.
oOoOoOo
I took a deep breath. I was being brought up onto the stage by a moving platform from underneath. I could hear Adele's fans screaming for her, and I was just the opening act. I took a deep breath, and nodded okay to the engineer.
I was brought up awkwardly. I was squatting half the time, and finally I was in the open air. The fans stopped cheering for a minute, confused. I walked over to the microphone, and said, "Um, I'm Nina Martin. Um, Adele's going to be here in a minute, but for now, you have me." it was quiet for a moment, and then enormous cheers erupted. I smiled, and waited for people to calm down. "But, I'm not going to be singing right away. First, please welcome my best friend Amber Millington!" Amber came out, looking nervous. Everyone cheered politely.
"Amber has gone through a tough time lately. She IS still going through a tough time, really. Amber is suffering from bulimia, from a cause of bullying." I had talked with her therapist, who said that was most likely the stem of the problem. "She has recently started counseling, and is getting better. Now, everyone who is suffering from an eating disorder, I want you to know that each and every one of you is beautiful in his or her way. Don't worry about the number on the scale, or what others think of you. Worry about how you see yourself. Do NOT be afraid to tell someone, or to go to a rehabilitation center. You need to take care of yourself, and find beauty within." With that, I handed the microphone to Amber.
"Nina is right. You are beautiful, no matter who thinks. And to people who bully, let this be a warning to you. Calling someone fat only takes a second, but it will emotionally scar them forever." With that, the music came on. She started singing:
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm, but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened,
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
Here I am, at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise,
There will be a dawn
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
At the end, Amber was sobbing as she handed the microphone back to me. The audience was silence, until…someone sniffled. We stood in beautiful silence, until a person said, "You are amazing…" then deafening cheers, as I stood, with Amber hugging me, tears running down her face, and me just smiling big. Because, we were going to be alright. I knew it.
