Nina
My heart was about ready to burst.
I never liked dramatic girls who would reject their perfect guy over and over again just for the sake of attention; now I know why they did what they did.
They were afraid of getting hurt.
Fabian had broken, scorched, destroyed, and stamped on my heart way more times than I care to admit; and yet, I was drawn to him, like a paperclip to a magnet. It was like he was the only one I wanted to be with, and as much as I kept denying it, it was true. I loved him. But I also hated him.
He'd broken up with me after I had nearly gotten raped; what kind of guy did that? He was heartless, cruel, mean, hot, caring, amazing…I would be so much safer with Will. Why couldn't I have him? He actually cared about me. And yet…and yet I didn't feel it, the thing that I felt with Fabian. It felt like I was electrified, pulsing with an energy that made me feel like I could run a marathon, yet my knees were weak like jelly. It is what made me love Fabian. It made me feel like there could be such a thing as a soulmate.
Maybe that was why I was pacing in an airport bathroom, fifteen minutes before our flight was set to leave, cursing myself and trying to get the gumption to talk to Fabian, yet at the same time trying to convince myself that it was a bad idea. I felt like the devil and the angel were talking on my shoulders, but I couldn't figure out which one was which. I groaned, and leaned on one of the sinks that lined the bathroom's walls.
Just as I was about to get up and start pacing again, Amber burst in, her eyes searching wildly. For a minute a pang of panic hit my chest: was she reverting? Was she about to make herself throw up? But when her gaze settled on me, she smiled, and I knew that her goal had been to find me. The panic drained out of me, and I sighed. "Nina! We have to go soon, you know," she said, half relieved, half scolding. "I know," I muttered, straightening back up.
Amber looked at me, mildly concerned. "Nina? Are you okay?" she asked. "Yes…no…ugh!" I stuttered. Amber frowned. "What is it?" "It's…it's nothing," I said, taking a deep breath and trying for a smile. "No, it's definitely something. And you're going to tell me," she said decisively. "I really don't want to," I said weakly. "You're going to tell me. So what is it?" she asked, her nose wrinkling as she tried to figure out what was bothering me.
Her face suddenly brightened as the answer dawned on her. "It's boy troubles, isn't it? Are you still in love with Will?" she asked sympathetically. "Yes…and no," I decided to confide in her. "It's…well, it's Fabian," I said the last part quietly, but evidently Amber picked up what I said, because she smiled widely. "I knew it! I knew Fabina was still alive!" she squealed.
"Shut up! I don't want anyone to hear!" I hissed, and she complied, but she still bounced on her feet, obviously overjoyed at the thought of her favorite couple possibly getting back together. "When are you going to tell him you still like him?" "Soon. Never. I don't know," I sighed, leaning against the white brick wall. "Do it sooner rather than later," Amber advised, "the longer you wait the farther you guys drift apart." "I know, but…well, I'm not sure if I like him. I don't want to be hurt again," I explained.
"Nina, take it from someone with knowledge on this kind of thing. You guys are meant to be, it's obvious from the way you guys work with each other, from the way you two look at each other, even when you guys aren't together. You get starry-eyed at the very mention of Fabian! You've written countless songs about him, and I know you have even more of them in your songbook. So stop denying yourself, alright? Just go and get him!" she lectured.
I nodded slowly. She's got a point, but…what if he hurts me again? I thought to myself. Then, suddenly, a stronger voice in my mind yelled at me, what does it matter? You want him don't you?! Screw what ifs, and kiss the boy already! I nodded without realizing it. The voice was right. Screw it. I thanked Amber, and walked out of the bathroom, and saw the Anubis kids standing together. I took a deep breath, seeing Fabian talking with Mick and Eddie. I marched determinedly over.
"And so—oh, hey Nina," Eddie said, slightly surprised. "Hey, Eddie and Mick. Mind if I have a moment with Fabian alone?"Eddie eyed Fabian, who just nodded, surprised. Eddie grabbed Mick's arm and marched him away from us.
Fabian sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Okay. What is it Nina?" he asked, sounding a bit peeved. That almost turned me away, but the voice inside my head reminded me why I was doing what I was doing. I took a deep breath, and kissed him.
It felt…wow. It was better than any kiss I'd had before with him. We fit together so perfectly, it was like I was a puzzle missing a piece, and he was the missing puzzle piece. It felt…it felt right. And it ended altogether too soon as we both separated to get air.
Fabian, who had been frowning before, smiled so widely I thought his entire face would be consumed with it. "So I guess that means we're all right then?" "Better than all right," I agreed. "Listen, Nina-" "No. Don't ruin it with talking," I said. "No, but I was an arse. And I'm so, so sorry," he apologized. "I guess I was a bit—well, I was an ass too. Can you forgive me?" I asked. "Definitely," he whispered, and we kissed again.
And for the first time since London, I felt whole.
I'm…well, I'm an ass too. SORRY
~Don'tEvenBlink
