Mornings are generally a jumbled up, senseless mess to me, especially when I wake up to find an extremely soft cushion beneath the whole of my body that I do not remember falling asleep on. I groaned, trying to keep the sun out of my eyes, still about sixty five percent asleep, and snuggled further into whatever I was lying on. It was about then that I noticed that the 'whatever' I was sleeping on smelled extremely good, and tickled my nose. In the jumbled up, senseless mess of my mind, I vaguely recognized the tickling sensation to be that of hair.
I cracked open one of my eyes, and let my gaze come into focus before scanning the 'whatever' that I was lying on. Apparently Sasuke falls into the category of 'whatever.' Never knew that. Sasuke was coooooooooooooomfy……………
Ah the joys of just waking up…Wait. What did I just say?!
Okay, for now I'll just ignore whatever thoughts are traveling through my half-asleep mind, and occupy my time with scrambling off Sasuke. Hmm. It appears Sasuke doesn't want me to leave quite yet. He had thrown his arm over my back, and turned over so I was trapped beneath him. As warm as it was, I really needed to get out of bed.
Ramen was calling. Oh yeah, and work.
I worked at a second rate pizzeria, not the most glamorous of jobs. Monday through Friday, one 'til seven. The pizzas actually tasted better than cheese on cardboard, which was a surprise to all of the staff including me, since that's all they seemed to be made of. Really, it was a nice little joint, though its color scheme scared away more customers than it attracted. No I'm serious: Not even a gay guy could make those colors work. No offense, Sasuke. I know you tried, but…
As quietly as I could, so I wouldn't wake him up, I squirmed and struggled out from beneath my best friend. Once free, I glanced at the clock. I saw nothing. No red blinking numbers, no pixilated figures to tell me the time. Groaning, my hand began moving around the night table in a fashion that could only be described as those of a caveman. Ah, darn; now the cavemen are gonna kill both me and Geico…
I will say this once more: ah the joys of just waking up. The many thoughts that float in and out of your head!
Eventually, my hand grasped a cell phone, and I flipped it open, looking at the time. Ten thirty eight. Not too bad. Considering that I could've slept until one or later, like I usually do on Saturday mornings….er, afternoons. Then again, this isn't Saturday afternoon. In fact, it is Monday morning.
Why do I always state the obvious when I first wake up? I shrugged, though I was only talking to myself. My conversation with myself being over, I ambled into the apartment's kitchen, fully prepared to make myself a bowl of ramen, and maybe get one for Sasuke too.
Only after three minutes of watching for the water to boil did I sadly realize that the power was out. No! My ramen! Gone from me forever!
…I wonder what uncooked ramen tasted like.
So completely involved in my thoughts was I that I didn't notice Sasuke stumble sleepily into the kitchen to stand behind me.
"Do you have some boxers I could borrow?" he asked, with more than a little sleep slur in his voice. I looked at him.
"Why?"
"I need to take a shower…"
"Okay…" I drawled, still not fully comprehending. Why would he need my boxers just to take a shower?
"Blonde idiot," he mumbled, smacking me lightly upside the head. "I need a pair of clean underwear to wear after the shower."
"Oh…" Right… Darn. I still need to do laundry. I looked down at what I was wearing. Having not changed since yesterday, I was still wearing the very flattering cami and pants. Yup, still need to do laundry. "Ne, I don't have anything clean. Hey, could you help me do laundry before I go to work? Pleeeeeeeeeease? Oh, andcanIborrowsomecashforthemachine?" I asked bunching the words together, hoping Sasuke's brain was too sleepy to understand.
"Moron," he said, yawning and stretching. Darn, he understood. "Ne, sure, whatever. What's for breakfast?"
I held out the package of freeze-dried ramen. "Ramen?"
"Tsunade forgot to pay the electric bill again, ne?"
"I guess…baachan has always preferred gambling over paying the bills."
"And who wouldn't?" he replied, more awake as he took the package out of my hands and ripped the plastic open. Eyeing the noodles suspiciously, he took a bite, crunching through the noodles and causing a few to fall onto the tiled floor. Shrugging, he continued to munch away on the noodles. Seeing as Sasuke hadn't keeled over dead, I grabbed a package for myself and began munching away happily. "Go sort your clothes."
"What is this 'sorting' that you speak of?" I asked, grabbing a basket which was conveniently located by my bedroom door. Heading into my room, I piled the basket as high as I could with soiled garments, disregarding their color, make, and any further washing instructions. Sasuke stood watching me, leaning against my door frame, for a while before shrugging and grabbing another basket out of my closet, and piling it with clothing as well, following my lead and forgoing any further sorting, despite his OCD-like habit of separating the lights from the darks, and so on. That's why I had Sasuke clean all of my expensive clothes.
Grabbing the detergent out of the supply closet, pocketing the cell phone I had grabbed earlier and the keys, and hefting the basket of clothes onto my hip, I headed to the door before realizing that I couldn't open it with both of my hands full. Carefully, I attempted to hold the detergent by my teeth, with my mouth clamped around the handle. Feeling as if my teeth were about to be pulled out, I quickly removed the container and balanced it on my knee. Not being able to move my legs whatsoever, I began stretching my hand towards the door handle. Almost…nearly there… My hand had virtually touched the doorknob when I saw a pale hand reach out and turn the knob.
"Idiot. You could've just waited for me to come and open it," Sasuke said, pulling the door open and gesturing for me to leave the apartment. I glared at him, gripping the container of detergent in my hand, I left the dwelling.
"I nearly had it. Then you just had to come and ruin my near victory." He just gave me a grin and walked down the hallway to the elevator. I huffed and followed him, and pressed the 'down' button with my nose before Sasuke had a chance to reach for it. He rolled his eyes as the doors slid open, and we stepped into the small enclosed space.
My apartment building had horrible taste in elevator music. The least they could do is play, I dunno, classical instead of the songs that only people a hundred years dead would even vaguely remember from their very early childhood. Okay, so I'm exaggerating, so sue me if I hate the 'oldies'. Anyway, Sasuke and I rode the elevator down to the basement where there were separate laundry rooms, one for the women and one for the men, in case anyone decided to wash their clothes in nothing but their underwear, which was pretty common.
When we walked into the room, there were two other guys, new, judging from how they were attempting to use the broken machines. Also judging by the looks they sent my way, which I translated loosely into, 'Man you're hot, but why are you in the men's laundry room anyway?' I stopped in the doorway and glared at them. Why can't people tell I'm a guy?!
I yelped when I felt a knee nudge me in the butt. Then I remembered I was in Sasuke's way. Damn bastard sure was assertive. My butt hurt.
"Move it, moron, your clothes are heavy and I want to take a shower." Oh how those men over there glared at Sasuke! I shrugged, and moved over to the two nearest machines that worked. Sasuke followed, and began sorting through the clothes and putting all the whites in one machine. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "Well, at least sort the whites so you don't ruin them."
"OCD-freak."
"Dumb blonde."
Needless to say, those two other guys sure were confused. Think about it: a girl in the men's laundry room, along with another man who was sorting the clothes, and both were hurling insults at each other. Wow.
Turning on the water, I began shoving other clothes into the other machine until Sasuke stopped me, telling me that the washer couldn't possibly hold anymore clothes without bursting into a bubbly mess the second it was turned on. The thought of such a thing happening made me grin, but the grin vanished when I thought of the damage costs it would probably cause. I measured out the detergent rather messily before dumping it into the swirling mass of moist clothes of various colors and makes. Then, I moved onto the next machine, emptying what was left of the dirty clothes. Noticing that there was a little room for a little more, I turned to Sasuke.
"Ne, wanna wash your shirt and pants?" I asked, already stripping out of my pants, having already put the keys and phone into one of the empty baskets, but leaving my orange boxers on. What? I was not in a strip club! However, the other two guys in the room seemed to think so, 'cause they began to whistle appreciatively.
"Mm, sure," Sasuke said, before slowly removing his shirt. His must have done this before. Wait. That last statement sounded so stupid! Of course he'd undressed before! What I meant was that he must have stripped in front of someone, making his movements flowing, and taking so slow you just want to go right to him, and yank the shirt off from him, before—
Why the hell I am thinking like that?!
But…wow. Even those two other guys are staring. Is that blood I see?
Ever so casually, as if he hadn't been practically stripping in front of his best friend and two strangers and actually acting like he meant it, Sasuke dropped the shirt into the machine and proceeded to drop his shorts, less sensually than the shirt, but still pretty damn hot.
…WHY?!
Just for the hell of it, I, too, began slowly removing my cami, grinning at the wide-eyed expressions of the two guys. I crossed my arms over my torso, gripping the hem of the shirt in two delicately curled fists. Slowly, I began pulling the tight black cotton over my body, wriggling my hips a little, and showing off my stomach muscles. I could practically hear the rushing of the blood from the nose of one of the guys in a nosebleed. I smirked, something only Sasuke would usually do.
However, once I pulled the cami over my chest, I knew something was wrong. The whistles had stopped. Yanking the black cotton off my head and dropping it into the machine, I shot a confused glance at Sasuke who in turn nodded his head worriedly towards the two men who, I could see in my peripheral vision, were flushed, half angry, and half still aroused. Pouring in the detergent and switching the machine on, I turned back to my best friend.
"So, what do you want to do now—" I began, but was cut of by the angry yelling of the two guys.
"You gay sons a' bitches! Get your fruity asses out of real men's territory, you faggots!"
I winced at what they said, but not because it hurt my feelings. Oh no, I'd had that thrown at me several times before, sometimes only because of what some would call guilt by association, the association being Sasuke. But I winced at the look of hurt that passed over my friend's face, apparently being reminded of his painful breakup with Neji yesterday.
So I picked up a conveniently placed Stiletto with a five-and-a-half-inch heel and lobbed it in the general direction of the two guys who were now hurling insults at Sasuke and I. The Stiletto impaled itself in one of the guys' foreheads, causing blood to splatter onto walls, the floor, their newly cleaned laundry, and the second man, who was staring at me with his eyes widened fearfully. I grinned maniacally.
Well, that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to do that so badly. But sadly, I do not wear Stilettos. Nor did anyone leave any Stilettos around for such an incident.
Sasuke must've seen how angry and bloodthirsty I was because he sighed sadly and said, "Come on Naruto, forget it; they're just closed-minded bitches with nothing else to do but insult others due to their lack of self esteem and happiness in themselves." Man, Sasuke must be depressed: he never talks like that. Never.
Luckily, the two guys grabbed their individual baskets of laundry and left the room, but not before sending Sasuke and me looks filled with contempt and disdain. Together, we sat in silence, waiting for the three loads of clothes to finish washing. Once they were, we quietly shoved them into the dryers and watched as the clothes went in a colorful spiral motion. As was tradition, Sasuke and I sat in front of the dryer to watch the show that never got boring. Beginning to feel an odd mixture of drowsiness and dizziness, I leaned my head against Sasuke's pale shoulder, and he slumped a little to accommodate for my height disadvantage.
When the dryers all beeped, about ten seconds between each other, making a weird-but-cool-sounding harmony, we gathered the clothes up into the two baskets and took them back up to my apartment, which had somehow magically gained electricity in our absence.
"Sasuke, mind if I take a shower first? I kinda promised Sakura I'd be early today to help with the extra customers, or something." Beside myself, Sakura, Ino, and two guys named Lee and Chouji worked at the pizzeria, which actually paid a rather nice amount of money despite lack of aforementioned customers.
"Go ahead," was all Sasuke said, so I grabbed a new pair of boxers, white with blue polka dots this time, and waltzed into the bathroom, ready to wash away all the ickiness of the black cotton cami (that would make a cool song, kinda like the 'Itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini,' except it would be like 'Black attractive, comfy fitting, uber stretchy cotton cami') from my body.
"'Lather, rinse, repeat,'" I read off of the bottle of the shampoo after I had turned the water on and stepped into the shower. "Huh. How many times do I repeat, though?" Still confused, I decided to go with a nice even number. Three. Wait. That's odd. I'll go with two then.
After two repeats and a conditioning, I stepped out of the shower and toweled myself dry with the orange cotton towel hanging on the towel hanger, where towels are normally found, unless the towels are dirty and therefore in the hamper, or if they are clean and new, which in that case one would find the towels under the bathroom counter. Quite simple really. Tugging on my boxers, I stepped out of the bathroom, and into my room, where Sasuke and I had dumped the clean clothes, and where I would find my work uniform. Actually, it's not a uniform really, just a tee shirt that said Al's Pizzeria, and some blue jeans of some random brand. Levi's, I think. I looked at the waist band of my jeans. Yeah, Levi's. Pocketing the cell and the keys from the bottom of the basket, I searched around the apartment until I found Sasuke in baachan's room, watching some show about a singing yellow thing with his best friend a pink blob.
"Hey, Sasuke, I'm leaving. There's one or two more things of ice cream in the freezer if you want anything to eat, or you could have some more freeze dried ramen, and you can borrow some of my clothes if you need some clothes to change into. However, I would not recommend wearing anything of baachan's, as she has a large chest and it really wouldn't fit you that well. And stay away from my tee shirt with the phrase 'It's a blonde thing, you wouldn't understand,' because it really doesn't fit you, both personality wise and in size. You generally know the rules around here: no strange boys over, don't burn the building down, don't go all emo and suicidal on me, and no downloading porn under my name or baachan's. Use your own." I sounded like a mother would. A sudden image of me in one of those dresses from the fifties and holding a black haired, blue eyed baby made its way into my mind and I shuddered in horror.
Sasuke gave me a small grin. "Sure thing, mommy!" Darn. Even Sasuke thought I sounded motherly. I gave an exasperated sigh and grabbed my bus pass, putting it into the same pocket as my key and phone.
"Right. Well, then, bye, son!" I said I a falsely high voice as I strode out the door. A passing neighbor gave me an odd look and I gave her a sheepish grin. Deciding to take the stairs now that I didn't have a sixteen pound basket of laundry and eight pound container of detergent to hold, I walked down three flights of stairs until eventually reaching the bottom. Man, why do I always point out the obvious, half asleep or not?
I waited at the bus stop for approximately five or fifteen minutes before the right bus arrived. It was white, with an advertisement for some sort of teeth whitener kit from some obscure company I had never heard of. Offering my bus pass to the driver, I scanned the seats, looking for anyone I knew. Surprisingly, I saw Hinata, Neji's shy but nice cousin sitting in a seat near the back. After receiving the bus pass back, I went to her. She wore a loose-fitting sweatshirt as always, and had her long dark hair pulled back in to low braids on either side, draped casually over each shoulder. Her pale eyes were lowered and reading a large novel, her legs tucked under her.
"Mind if I sit here?" I asked, her head snapping up to see who was talking to her. She gave me a small smile when she recognized who it was.
"Sure," she said quietly. Back in middle school, she was known schoolwide for her huge crush on me, her habit of stuttering when spoken to, and her extra baggage. Since middle school, she had lost many things: some weight, her stutter, and her immense crush on me. I didn't know who she liked now, though.
I sat down beside her, and gave her a large grin. She returned it with another small smile of hers.
"How're Sasuke and Neji doing?" she asked. My face faulted. She looked at me concern. Then realization dawned on her face. "…he didn't…?" It wasn't a question. It was more of a statement.
"He did," I confirmed. Normally, I wouldn't tell anyone about Sasuke's love life, but this was Hinata and I trusted her.
"It was bad, wasn't it?" she asked softly, and I nodded. She put a consoling hand on my shoulder. I wished Sasuke was here to feel the condolence that was radiating off Hinata. "Tell Sasuke that he didn't lose anything that should be mourned after breaking up with Neji; if anything, he should be celebrating, possibly burning anything and or everything that Neji has touched. Neji should be the one mourning loss of boyfriend, not him."
"I will, and thanks Hinata," I said. It was common knowledge that Hinata didn't exactly get along with her cousin, and didn't approve of her cousin's relationship with Sasuke. Not because she was homophobic (actually, she preferred gay guys over straight, she once said to me; it never occurred to me at the moment that it was during that time that she had crush on me) but because she thought Sasuke could do better than Neji. Right now, I know I agree with her. "Well, here's my stop. I'll see you sometime soon!"
"Bye Naruto! Give Sasuke a big hug from me!" she said quietly, and I nodded back, waving. I stepped off the bus and looked up at the fading paint job that proclaimed to the world of pizza-shaped-cardboard-and-cheese connoisseurs that Al's Pizzeria was open to the world. Not that the world cared, of course.
The bell above the door jingled as I walked into my chosen work area. I mean, despite the amount that I complain about what with the cardboard-and-cheese pizza, it really is a nice place, with extremely cheerful management, good pay, and pleasant coworkers.
"Dammit Naruto, you were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago!"
Yes. I emphasize pleasant.
"Get in the damn kitchen before I fry your ass in the deep fryer!" Ah, that happened to be my favorite coworker, Ino. Please note sarcasm. And yes, we do sell fries too. I sighed and yelled out to her, "I'm coming!"
In response so my yell, I heard a loud thump and hysterical laughter. "Dammit Sakura, don't be so perverted!" Ino again. On my way to the kitchen, I mentally examined my last statement, looking for anything that could have suggested something provocative or something of that sort. Then I found it.
"Sakura, you're worse than Sasuke, who is THE biggest closet pervert I've ever been friends with!" I told her while tugging on my apron. She grinned at me.
"Yes, we know he's a pervert in the closet, but what else does he do in there?" she asked. I gave her a Look, Ino face-palmed and shook her head making her long pale blonde ponytail wiggle, Lee looked up from where he was youthfully making a pizza crust, and Chouji paused in the munching of his chips.
"You do realize that what you just said made absolutely no sense, don't you?" asked Chouji, causing Sakura to literally shake with laugher.
"It does to me!" she said before returning to the cash register where an unsuspecting victim was looking over our food choices on the menu. The four of us left in the kitchen gave a consecutive head shake and returned to our work. Lee, with his shiny black hair with a bowl cut stuffed into a hair net, continued rolling out the dough; Chouji, a sweet guy with just a little extra baggage and auburn hair, continued chopping vegetables; Ino, her long pale blond hair tied up and out of her face, continued deep frying the…fries and getting the sauce ready. I got to work putting the vegetables, meat, cheese, dough, and sauce all together.
It wasn't until four, three hours later, did we get a break; we had a surprising amount of customers today, probably more than in a whole month. Suddenly my phone began ringing. Except it wasn't my ringtone.
"…He's a cold hearted snake, look into his eyes, oh-ohh, he's been telling lies…"
Man, Sasuke can change his ringtone pretty quickly. And what the hell was that!? Poor, depressed Sasuke! I pulled the phone out of my pocket.
Not looking at the ID, I flipped the phone open and pressed it to my ear, cheerfully answering, "Sasuke Uchiha's phone, Naruto Uzumaki speaking."
"I knew Sasuke was whore, but I didn't know he was that much of a slut," a haughty voice replied, his voice dripping in disdain.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, feeling the fury rising within me. No one hurts my Sasuke and gets away with it!
And by my, I mean that in the no-one-hurts-my-best-friend-Sasuke-and-gets-away-with-it kind of way.
"Less than twenty four hours of breaking up with him, I call my ex's phone to have it picked up by his new boyfriend. He's such a manwhore, I bet he fucked you senseless last night too, then again this morning. I bet you can't even walk right now." I really didn't need to be hearing this from him right now.
"Shut the fuck up, you bastard!" I yelled into the phone, catching the attention of several customers and turning's Sakura's facial expression serious. She had agreed with me when I told her that I thought Sasuke was too good Hyuuga. He wasn't even good enough to be called by his first name. Shun the Hyuuga! Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun! Sorry….
"You're lucky enough to even look at him let alone date him! He's too good for you and you know it; I don't know how you tricked him into it, faking your true self, but I know he'll never be fooled into anything like that ever again!" I would have continued my rant further if Sakura hadn't yanked the phone out of my hand at that moment.
"Go fuck your hand, Hyuuga," she said simply before hanging up on him completely. Pressing the phone into my hand, she turned to look at me. "So I take it that the motherfuckin' bastard ditched our Sasuke?" It amazed me that she could say such obscenities in such a cold tone. Then again, she's said much worse (as in perverted things) in a calmer, colder voice than that, so I shouldn't be so surprised.
"Yeah. I don't think he said anything other than that he found someone better and that he didn't want to date a faggot," I replied, trying my best not to crush the phone in anger.
"That hypocritical fuck!" she hissed.
"My thoughts exactly," I answered dryly. "Since then, Sasuke's been way out of it, crying, and eating ice cream. He stayed over last night, and we watched some semi-romantic movies, and that seemed to make him feel better."
She grinned at me. "If I didn't know better, I would've said that it sound a lot like a date you two were having." I grimaced at her.
"You know I'm straight," I reprimanded. I was straight…wasn't I?
Having heard the commotion from where Sakura and I were sitting from earlier, Chouji, Ino, and Lee had dared to venture closer, so see what was up.
"Hey, Naruto, you alright?" Lee asked, apparently concerned from my lack of 'youth.' He has a weird obsession or something with 'youth.' That sounded so pedophilic.
"Uh, no not really. I really want to pound a certain somebody's face into the ground; buy a thousand dogs just to have them piss on them, then force them to listen to Barbie Girl until their ears bleed," I said to Lee, though my glare was directed at the fist that still held the offending cell phone. Sakura raised an eyebrow at me.
"What? No maces, matches, or mutilating? No rats, ropes, or railroads? No fucking hair cuts for God's sake?" I grinned at the last one. Everyone knew Neji was obsessed with his hair and would probably die is it got marred.
"Eh, I was trying to keep it mildly child-friendly," I said.
"Why? We're all old enough t curse without our elders yelling at us for disturbing the peace," she said. Chouji murmured, "Not all of us."
"Yes, we are, but the troop of five year olds aren't," I commented, moving my head to the side so I could look at the gaggle of midgets behind my friend. She turned and gave them a friendly, if sheepish, smile.
"Hullo, munchkins!" she said. Ino turned to me.
"Naruto, I think you should go home to console Sasuke. Neji probably called your phone after getting you on his; probably said a lot of hurtful things, too." I nodded, completely understanding. Sakura turned back from the munchkins.
"You have no idea how suggestive that sounded!" she said.
"I was trying to avoid that!" Ino shouted back.
"Chouji," I began, turning to look at my friend and coworker, "do you think your dad would mind if I take the rest of the day off?" Yes, Chouji's family owned Al's Pizzeria, though none of them were named Al. Chouji nodded, happy to help a friend in need.
"I can probably even get him to pay you while you're off," he said. I gave him a grateful smile.
"Thanks, Cho. Before I forget, can you guys give me a few names of some feel-good movies?"
They all gave me knowing smiles before all shouting out the first movies that came to their minds. By the time I left the pizzeria, I had a list about twenty movies long.
The author-ess is proud of herself for making this one over four thousand words long as well. She has also thought of the plot. It was about time. By the time she posts this, however, she will probably have typed everything up, which is good, so she doesn't leave people hanging. She admits that it was too fun writing the strip scene in the laundry room. It was also too fun writing Naru-chan's rant to Sasuke, telling him what he can and can't do.
The author-ess told you that there would be Perverted!Sakura and freeze-dried ramen being eaten! What to look for in the next chapter: some possible plot. Joy!
The author-ess does not own Naruto, and she will not repeat this every chapter, so she will have to expect the readers to take it for granted that there is a disclaimer. She also does not own "Cold-hearted Snake" by Paula Abdul. The author-ess just realized that Paula Abdul is old…er than she thought.
She was extremely happy to put the "I'm coming!" line in there. It makes her happy. Just think about it.
