"Buzz…"
"Thud…"
"Oh shit!"
Damn phone. It just had to go and receive a call at…nine thirty in the morning. I rubbed my head, where it hurt doubly, after my collapse last night and when I fell off the bed just now. My poor, energy deprived phone had apparently vibrated in my pocket, since I forgot to take it out last night. Being annoyed at the dirty looks the people on the bus sent me every time my ring tone, Harajuku Girls, played; I had turned it to vibrate. I crawled over to my cell, where I had flung it when I woke up in alarm.
It was Sasuke. What a surprise. But a good surprise nonetheless. I flipped it open, surprised that it hadn't gone to my message box yet.
"Yeah."
"Is that anyway to greet the love of your life?" Sasuke cooed on the other end of the phone. I nearly dropped my cell.
"W-what?!?!?!"
"You're so cute when you're confused!" This time I really did drop the phone.
"…?!" I shouted at it anyway, long before it was back in my grip.
"Aw, is my cute little Naru-chan flustered?" Damn you Sasuke! Damn you and your Japanese suffixes, and your psychic mind! Oh, why must you turn seme on me just when I realize my sexuality? Oh well…
"From your lack of response, I deduce that you actually took that seriously. God, Naruto, you're so gullible!" Is it possible for a person to be disappointed and relieved at the same time, because I think that's what I felt.
"I am not! But…why are you calling me?" I asked, trying not to show my relief slash disappointment.
"Because…one sec," I heard a muffling sound, which was probably Sasuke covering the receiver. Then I heard him yelling. "Itachi! Turn the damn music OFF!"
"NO!" I heard as the answering yell. I swear, for someone who is somewhere around twenty, Itachi acts so immature! No, I am not a hypocrite! I accept and embrace my inner child daily. Sasuke simply embraces his inner emo child.
Suddenly the noise that I had at first thought was a mild buzzing suddenly blasted through the phone, and I had to hold the phone away at arm's length to even figure out what the song was. Once I did, however, I began singing along quite happily.
"Ai-ya-ya, ai-ya-ya, ai-ya-ya, where's my Samurai? I've been searching for a man, all across Japan just to find, to find my Samurai…"
What? Is it so wrong to love a Japanese-sounding song that is in fact sung by a Swedish pop group? Well, I guess the 'wrong' part would be the 'searching for a man,' but I have already established the fact that I am in fact Sasuke-sexual and besides, Sasuke's ancestors are from Japan. So ha.
I didn't notice when the music was turned off, which was the reason why I kept singing on the phone when Sasuke picked the phone back up.
"Ai-ya-ya, I'm your little butterfly. Green, black, and blue make the colors of the sky," I sang, but stopped immediately when I heard chuckling from the other end of the phone.
"That's reassuring; it really is, to know that you're my little butterfly. But sorry about that. Itachi was being childish and picked up the phone in his room. That's why it was so loud. Anyway, I was calling to find out when we were leaving for the amusement park. We're driving, right?"
"Um, yeah, I think so. Lemme go check," I said, and covered up the receiver. I then opened my mouth to its maximum width and shouted, "Hey, baachan, when're we leaving?!"
"You brat! I'm right outside your door, you don't have to yell! I was about to tell you to get your lazy ass out here; it's time to go NOW!" she yelled back, causing me to fall backward due to the sheer volume of her voice. I removed my hand from the receiver.
"I presume you heard that?" I asked calmly, while I was really rushing around madly in my room, shoving various articles of clothing into an old duffle bag. I really should have packed last night, but I was too bored. Makes a whole lot of sense, right? The duffle bag was a washed-out red sort of color, and had a few thread-bare areas, but it was pretty reliable, and had seen me through several class camping trips, including at least two where we were rained out and Sasuke let me share his extra blanket.
"Yup," he said, sounding as cool and collective and, dare I say, emotionless as ever. The bastard. And I mean that in the friendliest, and most loving sort of way.
"Right, we'll pick you up sort time soon, okay? No doubt you already have all your things packed, so you're good whenever. Just remember a pillow for the road, and maybe your laptop (because we both know mine sucks) and some movies. Scratch that, I'll bring the movies. Who'll bring the pencils? Well—"
"Naruto," he said in that voice of his that always makes my breath hitch. It's like the bastard's pretty much saying, Oh look at me being sexy, you can look but you can't touch it, if you touch it I'ma start some drama. No, wait; that's Fergie. But still, same concept, pretty much. "It's just a four hour drive. I think two movies should be good. Plus, we can listen to music or play a DS or something. It's called technology. Now, go get the rest of your stuff packed. God knows you've barely even started. And don't go all mother-hen protective on me; as sexy as it is to hear you constantly going off on me about not eating before riding a roller coaster, I think I can look out for myself. Besides, you need someone to watch after you too. Cuz seriously: you're Naruto!"
"Yeah…" I said, mentally slapping myself for even thinking of doing that. I kind of laughed at the way Sasuke was teasing me, what with his description of my voice. "Well, see you soon!" I flipped my phone shut, and shoved it back into my pocket, and continued packing my duffle with more clothes and toiletries. Before I forgot about him, I packed Kyuubi, the orange stuffed fox that Sasuke got for me at a school carnival back in fifth grade. It's pretty old and has several holes in it, but I won't let anyone but Sasuke touch him. When I asked him why he gave it to me even though he was the one who won it, he said that it reminded him of me, with the blue eyes and its obvious affection of the color orange. He also told me to shut up and keep it.
Not even bothering to comb my hair (what was the point?) I pulled on a fresh shirt, an orange one with 'I'm never wrong; I once thought I was, but I was mistaken' in red letters stretching across the chest, and sprinted out of my room and skidding into my kitchen slash dining room slash living room where Tsunade was waiting, two suitcases at her feet.
"About time, brat," she said, picked up her bags, and opened the apartment door, holding it open for me as I walked out. As she locked the door behind us, she asked, "So, Sasuke knows we're coming to pick him up?"
"Yeah," I replied, taking the stairs two at a time despite my heavy duffle. Tsunade followed, but at one stair at a time, and certainly not as excited as I was. We reached the parking lot at ground level and I hopped into the back seat of baachan's station wagon. Not the back-back seat, where you sit facing backwards, because, as much as I wanted to sit back there, there wasn't much for leg room. I tossed my bag into the back-back, and clicked the seat belt. Tsunade slipped into the driver's seat, revved the engine, and pulled out of the parking lot.
It didn't take us long to get to Sasuke's mansion, and he was waiting for us by the gates that fenced off his property. He was dressed in some ripped up old jean pants and a black Simple Plan tee shirt, a normal look for him, and had his hair styled in his normal duck-butt (Sakura claims it's more of a chicken-butt style, but I still stand strong to my theory of its similarity to a duck's behind) fashion. He threw his clothing bag into the back with mine, whacked me upside my head with his pillow, and sat on my lap. Yes, Sasuke Uchiha also known as the emotionless bastard, sat on my lap.
"Aw, you're excited to see me, aren't you?" he said in his sexy voice again. I flushed red and tried not to look as if I really was getting rather excited to see him.
"W-what?!" I said—well, shouted slash stuttered really.
"You know I'm kidding, Naruto. I would really think that you would know that by now, Mr. Gullible of the Year," he said, rolling his eyes at me and sliding into the seat next to me, pulling his computer bag in with him and closing the car door. In order to do so, he had to reach across me and I could have sworn he brushed my thigh on purpose. Of course, it was probably just me being wishful, with my Sasuke-sexuality. You know how bad it's getting.
I could see Tsunade grinning at us (meaning me) in the mirror. I gave her the finger when Sasuke wasn't looking.
Once we were on the highway, I began to fidget, feeling restless. I had always had an issue with sitting still during a long period of time, which probably explained my lack of good grades in school. Sasuke must have seen how restless I was getting, because he reached into his computer bad and pulled out his computer and DS, shoving the game into my twitchy hands.
"Here. It's Mario Double Kart Racing," he said, and opened his laptop. I turned on the game and began the oh-so-fascinating start. My favorite part was blowing up each other with bombs. That's right fellow Americans, fear me and my ultimate bomb-throwing skillz! I swear I have no clue what-so-ever where that came from.
Sasuke plugged in the head phones, and gave me one for my ear. I lodged it into my ear, not far enough to seriously damage my ear canal, but enough for the government to find me using the slight bit of earwax as a DNA sample. My best friend clicked something on the computer and turned to me, giving me the signal that I should sing the second part. He'd sing first. A familiar beat came on and I winced at Sasuke's choice in song.
"Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?" he sang along.
"I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump, my hump my hump…" I sang, swaying my hips suggestively despite the fact that I was sitting down and in a car. We continued on until we reached my favorite part of the song. This part made Sasuke sound so stupid, but at the same time it turned me on. Sad, right?
"I met a girl down at the disco, she said hey, hey, hey, hey let's go." Even though he was singing along, he gave me this scowl, knowing that I was enjoying it as much as he was disliking it. However, he gave me a victorious smirk when his favorite part came up.
"They say I'm really sexy, the boys they wanna sex me." Okay, the only reason Sasuke likes this part is because it's vaguely true; in the eighth grade, a lot of the class seriously wanted to get into my pants; I blame it on the girls wanting to make Sasuke jealous and the boys wanting to make the girls jealous. I feel so used! No one loves me!
By the time we had finished the song, I was in hysterical giggles (manly giggles of DOOM; fear them!) and leaning against Sasuke for support. He himself was sporting a grin and was even laughing softly. Once I had regained my breath, he yanked the earpiece out of my ear, causing me to give him a pout.
"I'm gonna listen to emo music now, you don't want to listen," was all he said, sticking the earpiece into his ear. All I could think of was our DNA now mingling, my earwax and his. It wasn't the most romantic of thoughts, but it still put a goofy grin on my face.
That stupid grin got me slapped upside my head. I glared at Sasuke while rubbing my head; the fourth time in less than twenty hours that my poor head has been assaulted.
"You looked high," he said, and turned back to his laptop.
"Yeah, well you don't see me slapping every druggie I see," I replied sulkily, and focused all of my attention to my game.
"Because then you would be a hypocrite, and you know how much we hate hypocrites," he countered.
"Touché."
Two and a half hours into the drive, I really needed to go. Like, bad. Like, squirming in my seat, bad. Ooh. Squirming. Sasuke squirming underneath me. No; I can't picture that in my head. But I can somehow picture me squirming underneath Sasuke. Darn it all, Sasuke, why must you be seme in all of my perverted fantasies?
Damn, now I really needed to use the bathroom!
I must have whimpered or something because Sasuke looked up and said to Tsunade, "Naruto needs to go."
Tsunade sighed, something between exasperation and relief (I think she needed to get the beer from earlier this morning out of her system) and pulled onto the next exit ramp, where a Bojangles was supposed to be located. Baachan must have been booking, because we got to the parking lot in less than thirty seconds. I had practically ripped the seatbelt off and had the door open before she had stopped the car. Tsunade was right behind me when I rushed into the restaurant. I guess Sasuke must have oh-so-casually sauntered in, because I don't remember him being in a mad dash to the bathroom.
After relieving myself, I scanned the seating area and, after spotting Sasuke in one of the corner booths, slid into the seat next to him. His mouth was attached to the straw in his cup, but I didn't see any sucking action going on.
…Eew! (The author-ess needs a life.)
I stole the cup from him and took a long drag from the straw. I swallowed and stuck out my tongue at him; it was a diet drink. Why get a diet drink? I mean, comparing the words splurge and diet, splurge sounds a whole lot more fun to say, so why not go with splurging?
He rolled his eyes at me, and stole the drink that I had originally stole from him in the first place. He eyed the mouth of the straw and looked back up at me.
"Indirect kiss," he said, and stuck his tongue out at me. Wow, I must have really rubbed off on the guy after these long seven years.
"Hey Sasuke," I began, thinking of one of the many topics that had constantly floated in and out of my head these past few hours, "if there is such a thing as bisexual, what would polysexual be?"
Unfortunately for me, I had decided to ask that question as the exact time that Sasuke had decided to take a large gulp of the not-splurge-erific drink. That having been the case, I was covered in a mixture of Sasuke-spit and diet Dr. Bleh after Sasuke had shown exactly how surprised he was to hear such a question coming from me. Now normally, I wouldn't mind being covered in Sasuke-spit, but not when it's mixed with the diet-not-splurge-y-goodness of whatever was in the cup.
After choking down whatever he hadn't sprayed on me, and the table, and the chair, and the rest of the booth, and everything else in a one yard radius, Sasuke looked up at me. "In order for one to be polysexual, there must first be proof that there are multiple sexes, not including the given male and female sex." I grinned; now this was a perfect chance to totally show how much Sasuke had rubbed off on me throughout the years (and Sakura too, I guess).
"Well, of course there is the male and female sex, but we can't forget the oral sex, and the anal sex. And don't get me started on the other sexes, like car backseat sex, shower sex, bathroom sex, public restroom sex, and my personal favorite, the table sex." Sasuke stared at me for a while before letting his mouth turn up in an almost feral grin.
"I have taught you well, my student," he said, in reference in turning me into a total, if not complete, pervert. "Yes, the table sex is my favorite too."
"Oh, you know how badly you want to throw me onto this table and have me now," I flirted (not-so) subtly, batting my eyelashes at him. This is just too fun. It was nice to be able to flirt with him, and have him think nothing of it, even though I do mean a whole lot of what I say. Man, that made absolutely no sense.
"Ah, we both know that I'd love to, but I doubt any of the people here would enjoy it as much as we would," he said, reverting back to his sexy voice. He paused a moment, as if in thought; I wonder what he was thinking about. I wondered if he was thinking about me. I have decided I am hopeless. "Of course we also couldn't do it here, because Sakura would kill us for not letting her see too."
"Of course," I replied as if we weren't just talking about Sasuke fucking me on the table we were sitting at. Unfortunately for me, we were only just kidding, but still; a guy could dream, right?
"Well, if you two are done chatting, we can go now," Tsunade said, standing behind me. I wonder how much she heard. I wonder why I'm wondering a lot of things all of a sudden.
The rest of the ride was rather uneventful. Yeah, there was this one time where we drove past a tree, and man did that get us excited, because no one ever saw a tree on the east coast, and golly gee, what a sight that was, but nothing else happened after that. Unless you counted seeing a high speed chase complete with gunmen and not-fat policemen exciting, but hey, why live it when you can play it in a video game?
We arrived at the hotel, which was about ten minutes from the park, at about one-ish, and we dropped our bags off at our room. I consider it purely coincidence that we were in the thirteenth room on the third floor. Coincidence, and that little smirk Tsunade gave me when I stared open-mouthed at the number in gold on the door. Just as we were about to get back into the car for that last ten minutes until the park, my phone went off.
And it just had to vibrate in my pocket again, making me jump and slap my pocket like an idiot with mental issues. I took my cell out and looked at the ID. It was Sakura. I flipped it open and put it on speaker so Sasuke could listen too.
"Hey, Sakura," I said into the phone.
"Hey, Naru. Why aren't you at work today?"
"Oh, Tsunade, Sasuke, and I are going to an amusement park for today and tomorrow."
"Oh, that's cool. I was just—wait, amusement?" she said, in the same tone as if she just thought of something extremely perverted. However, this was Sakura, so it could be expected. "Okay, I know you two will ignore for that—and yes, Naruto, I know you have the speaker on, and no, Sasuke I will not shut up and get to the point quite yet—so I will continue with what I was saying before. Ahem. I was just calling to see why you weren't at Al's Pizzeria and I have an invitation for you. No questions please! I will explain. Ahem. It's gonna be this Friday night, seven to the wee hours of the morning at Ino's place. There's gonna be food and drinks, and a few other illegal items, happily provided by Kiba's older sister Hana. Ino said she'd love if you could maybe get off work a little early with us to help us set up and stuff, or maybe help in the morning."
"I'd love to go!" I shouted into the phone before turning to look at Sasuke.
"Sure, whatever," he said in a noncommittal voice, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"He said he'd love to go too!" I repeated for him a more enthusiastic voice.
"Right, see you Friday, and remember, safe sex is good sex!" Then she hung up.
"Is that her catchphrase or something?" I said once I had closed my phone and slid into the back-middle seat. "Like how Buzz Lightyear's is, to infinity and beyond?"
"No, that phrase is too safe to be her catchphrase. Hers would be something more dirty, probably involving the words 'tight' and 'long,'" Sasuke elaborated while following me into the car and pushing me to the other side, causing me to shiver in disgust…or excitement…at what he said. I'm not entirely sure which.
Tsunade, after having located a snack machine and somehow getting a chocolate bar without paying, got into the driver's seat and started up the engine once more, probably trying to mentally prepare herself for the onslaught of various aspects of socialization. Sasuke was probably going through the same metal preparation, too; he's not much of a social butterfly. Me, on the other hand; well, let's just say that I'm like type O blood: I can go into everybody.
Baachan backed out of the parking lot and got back onto the highway, where we stayed for about three minutes before she located the exit ramp for the amusement park. She got into one of the lanes where we had to show the lady (or man, I couldn't tell) in the booth or parking pass before we could actually get into the parking lot. By this time I was practically vibrating in my seat in sheer excitement.
"Go ahead," the lady said, popping an obnoxiously pink bubble to punctuate her boredness. The gate opened and Tsunade drove through. We parked in the Ireland section of the parking lot, in row forty one. I nearly jumped out of the car, even going so far as forgetting to unbuckle my seatbelt. Sasuke sighed, and pressed the button for me.
Once I was free from my station wagon confinement, I leapt out of the car, pumped my fist in the air, and made a mad dash at the tram, all the while shouting very loudly, "Yatta!"
I could virtually hear Sasuke grumbling about how he wished he had never taught me that particular word in Japanese. I grinned a feral grin.
The author-ess feels extremely angry. The author-ess is sorry if it shows in the story. Really, she is. She just wants to strangle a certain few friends of hers for being very unfriendly to her and each other. So grr. She would like to thank her guy friends for not being so fucking dramatic, and would like to give them a very big and happy hug filled with everything that is gay (happy), like sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.
A specific song lyric has really touched the author-ess and reminds her of her own situation as well as Naruto's. It's from Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan. If you haven't heard it, the author-ess demands that you do.
"With the big fake smiles and stupid lies while deep inside you're bleedin'."
However, the author-ess feels much better after listening to My Humps by the Black-Eyed Peas and butterfly by Smile.DK, neither of which she owns.
As always, the author-ess has incorporated specific real-life events shared with her best bud into this story. The author-ess isn't sure yet, but she thinks that she has finally found a plot. Yatta! What to look for in the next chapter: frozen lemonade that tastes strangely like Mountain Dew, and (oh the author-ess' gosh) a possible revelation of the plot.
