I am pleased when my daddy comes home again. Only I remember him, aside from Ma I mean, 'cause I was six when he was home before and I'm nine now. Curly and Angel was too little, they don't remember, even though he was home a whole year before he went back inside.

Inside makes me smile to myself, when someone says it, like a teacher, like 'Everyone inside now', or 'I left it inside'. I think to myself, they don't even know it means jail.

Daddy is home from jail.

I am most pleased because it means no more fake uncles.

Ma don't seem so pleased. But it is Daddy's house and there's not a goddamn thing she can do to stop him living in it, that's what he tells her. And soon she is pleased again and she sits on Daddy's knee, like she did with the uncles who was here before, an' who we mustn't tell about.

I think she is dumb if she thinks Curly won't tell. He can't help it. He always tells.

But to be honest, Daddy might not hear him anyways. Daddy seems to like Angel best. I don't like to think that, especially since I am the one who remembers him, I am the only one who remembers him. It seems that way though.

I tell Daddy that I am still a real good swimmer and will he take me swimming again when it is warm enough, like he did when I was little? And Daddy says that he will take all of us, and has his little princess got a pretty swimsuit so he can teach her?

Daddy says that he's got himself a real little doll and he likes it when Ma dresses Angel up in fancy clothes. Angel likes it too. She's real smart, for all she's still a baby and only 5 years old. She straight away figures out that smiling and being cute will get her stuff, more than bawling and whining will. I don't think Curly's ever gonna figure that out.

After a few times when Curly cries about something, Daddy gets real mad and says that he's a whiny brat. Says he needs to toughen up.

I tell Daddy that I am tough, I didn't even cry when a big boy pushed me off the swing at the park and I cut my head open. He says that I'm his little tough guy and he shows me some real boxing stuff to do, for next time someone tries to push me around at the park.

Angel hangs onto his leg and says, "What if some big boy pushes me off the swing?" and Daddy picks her up and tells her that I will punch the boy for her. Girls don't punch, not if they got big brothers to do it for them. I think about the fact that Curly is her big brother too, but I don't say that to Daddy.

After two weeks, Daddy don't come home one night and Ma sits and smokes at the kitchen table. She smokes and smokes and when he comes back at breakfast time and he smells of beer and he has a big bruise round his eye, she yells and yells.

We stay in our room, like when this happened with the fake uncles. Daddy's voice is real loud and he breaks a dish.

Curly and Angel look at me and I tell them to stay quiet.

I give up trying to make Daddy like me better than Angel. He likes me better than Curly and that will have to be enough.

He likes me better than Curly because I am tougher than Curly. I am nearly as tough as Daddy, he says so. He says so and he laughs when Ma tells him not to teach me to cuss, 'cause don't I already got a mouth on me like a freaking sailor?

"Well, who taught him so far?" is what Daddy says, "sure as hell weren't me."

Ma tells him not to let me cuss, not to let me taste his beer, not to let me think that all I need to do is use my fists to get by.

"Sure, sweetheart," is what he always says. And then he winks at me, behind Ma's back.

I like to do the things that Ma says not to, except for the beer, I don't really like that, but I don't tell Daddy, 'cause that makes me special, that he gives it to me. Curly ain't allowed to taste the beer, he's too little, and Daddy says Angel ain't ever gonna taste it. He says that little ladies don't drink beer, it ain't nice for them.

I guess Ma is different, 'cause I seen her drink beer lots of times, with the fake uncles.

After another week, Daddy stays out all night again and he stays out the next night too. Ma is mad as hell when he comes home and she says that she don't gotta put up with this and Daddy says,

"Damn straight, you know where the door is, Ria, any time you wanna leave an' make sure to take them whiny brats with you."

I want to think that Daddy don't mean me too, because I ain't a whiny brat. But I know he does.

I don't know where we would live if we didn't live here. Maybe Gramma's house? I don't think I want to live there, even though I would rather share a room with Dom than Curly. Gramma washed my mouth with soap for no freaking reason and she tries to make me say prayers for everything.

I take my baseball cards and my arrow head - that me and Daddy found at the lake when he showed me how to swim - and I keep them in my pocket because I'm afraid to leave them behind if we go to live at Gramma's house.

I keep them in my pocket for two days, but we don't go to live nowhere else. Ma does plenty of bawling and then Daddy gives her a real gold necklace and says that he wants her to be his girl again and they do mushy stuff like kissing.

Then there is another time when Daddy stays out all night and they start fighting and that time he brings her earrings.

The next time after that, I don't bother to pack my cards and I give my arrow head to Curly. I don't think we will go to live somewhere else.

But I wonder what it would be like.