Physically? I've had better mornings. Way better. With less pain. Ow.

Mentally and or emotionally? This takes the cake for the best mood I've ever woken up with, minus the grogginess. What? The grogginess is part of the package, babe.

So here I am, lying in bed (and in a very, very, comfy certain someone's arms), and telling myself, stop being so smug. Actually, not really. I was thinking about how much a needed a shower. And a frappuccino, preferably vanilla bean. Yeah.

Now, you must understand: I never have frappuccinos. Never. So for me to be craving a frappuccino is a major ordeal, but then again…thinking about last night…I deserve it. After my shower, because I, for one, do not feel partial to be sticky the rest of the day. Just…ew. So…shower time! I leapt out of bed a little too spontaneously, and immediately regretted it. Why, you may ask?

Because my ass fuckin' hurt. No pun intended.

"Meep," I…meeped, for lack of better word, and hobbled away to gather some dark blue boxers from Sasuke's dresser, and picked up my own black cami. I think I'm getting rather attached to it; the fuckin' bastard who helped set me up with my best friend. As quietly as I could (in an attempt to not awaken Sasuke, who looked dead, he was that out of it) I limped over to the door, pushed it open, and made my way painfully down the hall to the bathroom. I turned the knobs to get the preferred temperature and stepped in.

Okay, time for a little educational lesson here. Sex is fun. Cleaning up after it is not. Sex is pleasurable. There are very few aspects of cleaning up that are erotic. Sex is something you want to do several times again before you die. Cleaning up after it is something you only do so you can have it again. Now that our little educational lesson is over, I will continue on with my shower. And such a nice shower it was. Very relaxing. Very…cleansing. Like, emotionally. Not really. More like physically. Cuz it removed the…icky stuff on my…well, you know…body parts… And the removal of the icky stuff made me happy.

Very happy indeed.

I lathered, rinsed, and repeated (two times, because three is not an even number) with nice vanilla-smelling shampoo, and just stood there under the pounding water (Sasuke's house always had nice water pressure) for a good five minutes before twirling the knobs to the right and effectively shutting the water off. I shivered from loss of warm water cascading in torrents down my body (such eloquent speech for whatever time it was in the morning!) and stepped out of the sliding door of the shower, tugging on the boxers and my cami. Yes, I am now referring to it as mine. Why? Maybe, because I was wearing it on the night of one of my firsts. Well, several of my firsts. First time, first time with a boy, first time with Sasuke, first time not with anybody but Sasuke, first time listening to Got Rice… Ah, yes, my logic; it frightens me, it is so accurate and logically reasonable!

Making my way painfully, but happily nonetheless, down the stairs, I skip-hobbled through the downstairs level, on my giddy-gay way to the kitchen, where I would devour what I damn well felt like devouring. As I passed through the living room, I noticed Tobi asleep on top of Deidara, a rather thick book on the ground looking as if it had fallen as the two fell asleep, the orange (not literally) man's hand still attached to the (CRAZY) blond man's arm. I briefly thought back to when Sasuke mentioned that they'd go at it like bunnies at night, then pondered how the gluing-of-the-hand-to-the-arm could affect their sex life.

"Kinky," I murmured out loud before continuing on. Onward! I passed the dining room, and was surprised to see Kisame sprawled out on top of the table, a small puddle of drool collecting on the surface beneath his open mouth. Beside his face was the same book that was by Deidara and Tobi; it appeared as it his was three-quarters of the way through. My attention span and hunger demanded that I hustle away into the kitchen before I was able to read the book's title.

When I did enter the kitchen, I was ever-so-slightly shocked to see Itachi sitting at the counter on one of the bar stools, his eyes hungrily roving down the page of the book; he was nearly done, I realized. I also realized he must have been up a while; he was surrounded by several empty Starbucks cups, and a few full. After a few moments I came to the conclusion that at the moment Itachi didn't care if llamas wearing fishnets they stole from him stampeded through the house, penguins barged in through the back door and demanded that he hand over his supply of Texas Pete, or if ten squirrels crashed through the windows and threatened to rape him if he didn't give them all Swedish foot massages, he was just that enamored with his book. So I happily skip-hobbled around the kitchen, trying to find something I wanted to eat. Then my eyes landed on possibly the bestest best thing in the world.

"Bread!" I sang, scooping up the loaf up in my arms, and twirling it around, or as much as I could with a limp. A song tune came to mind, as did a thought-train, and I followed it. "Bread, magical bread! Bread, bready-bread-bread bread!" I sang loudly and rather-off key to the tune of Food Glorious Food.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" Itachi yelled, his already red eyes seeming extra red as he glared at me with much hatred, snapping me abruptly out of my bread-induced reverie. "SOMEONE HERE IS TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HARRY DIES!"

"Well so-orry!" I mocked, doing my best impression of a valley girl and, scarily enough, doing an excellent job of it. I pranced over to the wall calendar, seemingly randomly. Well, not seemingly; entirely. Entirely randomly. I pranced over to the wall calendar entirely randomly. So ha.

"It is the twenty-first!" I announced, swinging the bag of bread as I skip-hobble-prance-limped over to the table, and set down my bread. I read the package label and smiled gleefully; it was white. I loved white. I forgot if I mentioned this before, but I am in no way racist based solely on my chocolate, ice cream, bread, and cake preferences. No wait, I'm pretty sure I have. Oh well. I happily munched away on a piece of bread. I reminded myself of a hamster. A happy hamster. A happy hamster that just got laid. Except I couldn't fit a lot of stuff in my cheeks. I know. I've tried. Sadly I only got to fourteen grapes. Sakura could get up to eighteen jumbo marshmallows.

A loud snap—which sounded extremely similar to that of a book being closed forcefully due to extreme disappointment in the ending—brought me back to the real world. I turned to look at Itachi, who appeared to have forcefully closed the book due to him extreme disappointment in the ending. He sniffed and wiped a few tears off his face.

"All my years, faithfully shipping them, and they don't even work out in the end! I mean, I would have understood if one of them had died, but noo-oo, they had to go and not get together and be—and be—and be straight!" he whined, crossing his arms and pouting, looking extremely childish in his footy pajamas (how he got them in his size, I'd rather not find out) with the pink penguins on them. I sighed and faced him, a mock pity look on my face.

"Did Ron and Draco not work out?" I asked, still mocking pity.

"They were so canon, too!" he cried. I rolled my eyes.

"So I take it you were at the book release party last night? You, Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi?"

"Well, Deidara didn't want to, but Tobi did, and since they were glued together and all…" he trailed off purposely. He looked at the book, then up at me. Suddenly his face brightened. "I will tell unto you all the deep dark secrets of the book!" he squealed in joy. My face turned to one of utter horror. I clapped my hands onto my ears.

"NU! Nu spoileries for Naruuu!" I wailed, rocking back and forth, as if to ward away all rumors to the newest book.

"'Nu'?" he repeated, confused. "'Spoileries'?" he questioned, bemused. "'Naruuu'?" he asked, amused. I was getting sick of all the words ending in -oozed. Please note that it only sounds like oozed, but is not spelled like it.

"Oh shush, you smug person, you," I reprimanded, not at all heart-felt, and turned my attention back to the bread, which truly deserved it. I could feel Itachi giving a combination of a pout and a smug look behind me.

"That's not a very nice thing to say to someone who has an extra—" he brandished one of the Starbuck's cups in front of my face, "—vanilla bean frappuccino!"

I gasped. "You manipulative bastard!"

"Profanity," he chastised, poking me in forehead; I squealed in protest and slapped his hand away before reaching desperately for the frappuccino. He chuckled, and held it just out of my reach. "No, no, Naru-kun, not until you tell me what happened between you and my darling little brother last night. Now don't give me that look, it's merely a woman's intuition."

"You do realize you're not a girl right?"

"Same concept applies for older brothers," he shrugged. "Plus your limp was a dead giveaway."

"I thought as much," I replied, shocking him by my lack of indignity, and snatching the frappuccino goodness out of his grasp. "For you see, my dear, dear soon-to-be sister-I MEAN BROTHER-in law, I am in a particularly good mood this morning, as you can see. Now please leave me alone with my bread, and my frappuccino."

Itachi paused a moment, letting the implied information sink in, because grinning gleefully, and skipping off in a very sleep-deprived fashion, but not before calling out, "Kays!"

He is so gay.

Like totally.

I daintily stirred the frappuccino, before picking it up and sipping, my pinky extended.

Totally gay.

Now…what to do now?

What to do, what to do…

What.

To.

Do.

Lalala, so bored.

Soo-ooo bored.

Pronounced bor-red.

Because it's much awesome sounding.

Like cursed.

Cur-sed.

Accursed.

UH-cur-sed.

Yeah.

Damn, where was Sasuke when you need him?

"Urg, my head!"

There he was!

"Sasuke!" I cried happily, swiveling around in my seat, the frappuccino cup still in grasp. My grin was so bright, it could have blinded a vampire! No, wait…that's not what I meant… "You're up!"

"Yeah," he moaned, sitting down at the seat that was so recently occupied by his older brother, wearing only a pair of boxers. He clutched his head. "Ugg…what happened last night?"

I felt my grin falter. Please don't tell me… "You mean you don't remember?"

He looked at me quizzically. "What was I supposed to?"

Ka-splat.

"Ah! Naruto, would you watch it?! You just got your frap all over he floor and my feet! What were you thinking?!" His words were just a blurred background noise to me. How could he? How could he?! The best night of my pitifully short life, all but forgotten to him!? I swear if I turn emo and suicidal, and start cutting myself, I will blame him in my suicide note. I will, dammit. There it'll be, scrawled across the paper in blood, 'If anyone asks why, I blame Sasuke-Fucking-Uchiha, who gave me the best night of my life, then forgot about it the morning after. But really, Sasuke: thank you. Now I know better.' This will be slightly ironic, seeing as that is so long, I will probably have bled to death by the time I finish writing it. Oh, darn you, irony!

But wait. I am getting off topic.

I got up out of my chair, and turned to Sasuke, who had stopped ranting about the spilled iced coffee. I narrowed my eyes, and turned my back on him, heading for the back door, purposefully over exaggerating my limp. I paused to speak without turning to him. "Try thinking about it real hard." Then I walked out on him, slamming the door behind myself, perfectly happy to be walking out of his life at the moment.

Then I walked back into it, grabbed the bread with a mumbled, "Forgot the bread," and exited once more.

Feeling no undeniable need or wan to go back home, I plopped down onto the top steps of the deck, and regretted it immediately; for I had a sore ass, and, as is implied, sore asses are assuredly sore. I wasn't crying. I knew I would eventually, I just…wasn't, now. Tsunade-baachan had always said that when it came to these sorts of issues (those which caused great sorrow) I tended to become fairly stoic. Judging by my reactions thus far, I'd say I have to agree with her.

I had sat on the steps for about five…or three…minutes before I heard the door open slowly, as if the opener of the door was hesitant to approach; if that was the case, then the opener had damn well get his ass out and do something, or go back in to do whatever he had been doing before. I didn't look up when I felt someone's presence behind me. I didn't flinch when the same person sat beside me.

"Naruto?" I heard him ask quietly; his voice wavered and cracked. Throughout puberty, Sasuke's voice cracked only once.

I still didn't acknowledge him. Only when he reached towards me did I scoot as far away as I could, clutching the bread to my chest tightly, pressing against the railing. "Don't touch me," I hissed. "Or my bread," I added as an afterthought. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sasuke's fingers drop uselessly to the wooden planks that made up the deck. The were trembling, and alternated between slightly clenching and releasing.

After a seemingly endless period of silence, Sasuke sighed, and brought his hand to rest in his lap. "You probably hate me right now." I laughed mirthlessly.

"Stop giving yourself so much credit," I said softly, noticing Sasuke flinch. I sighed, and further crushed the bread. "I kinda wish it were that simple."

"Life is a toilet," he said suddenly, causing me to look up at him. He stared out over the vast amount of land (not really, it was only one or two acres) the Uchiha family had chosen to bestow their great smexiness upon.

"Why, because it has so much shit in it?" I asked. He laughed a little bit.

"Well, that, and it's when you drop your favorite toy in there, and flush the toilet, wanting to give the toy a little ride; taking a chance. The key is you have to pull out the toy before it's swept away to the sewage."

"But what if the toy is too big gets stuck in the pipes?"

"Then you get an emotional back up, or something, and I don't know!" He flopped backwards onto the deck, never mind the fact that he was naked from the waist up, and pressed his palms against his eyes. I frowned at him.

"So basically you're saying that we threw our friendship into the toilet to take a chance and go for a little fun ride, rode it out a little too long and it's getting close to the bottom?" He removed his left palm to stare sorrowfully back at me.

"If it isn't already through the pipes," he said in that hopeful, uplifting, optimistic manner of his. Note sarcasm.

We sat in silence for another tension-filled moment before I ventured to speak. "Do you think it's too late to save it?"

He smiled hopefully up at me.

-The Author-ess Deems This an Appropriate Time for a Time Skip and to Beg for Mercy-

The next day found us seated at the same booth we did only a week ago (was it only that long ago?), munching on various fast food shit. I wore the black cami, and some borrowed pants of Sasuke's. He wore a high-collared dark blue tee, and off-white khaki pants. His dark, almost blue, blue was spiked up in the back, much akin to that of a duck's arse. My blond hair was messy as usual, and needed to be cut, as it hung in my eyes and would not stay out whenever brushed it to the side. Not much had changed since a week ago.

Except for the fact that we had been late for the breakfast, and had to get something off the lunch menu.

Oh yeah: we were officially dating.

But really other than that nothing had changed.

In fact, if you asked Sakura, she'd say that things had gone back to normal, if anything else. She had finally given into Lee's pestering, and had to agree on a date. Hinata had set up a date with that Kankuro fellow she met at the party. And Hypocritical-One and Gaara were off doing who the hell cares.

And to think I learned all that from one text message.

I popped the last chicken nugget into my mouth, chewed, and swallowed, mewing happily. Sasuke gave me a gentle smile, his eyes already at half-mast, before he leaned forward and capture my lips with his own in a tantalizingly slow kiss. It was easily the sweetest one yet.

You must be thinking, Gee this guy sounds like such a girl.

Well you know what?

Romantic thoughts are not only for girls.

For that matter, neither are camis.

Camis are not only for girls either.

So ha.

-Is This The End? No, Dear Readers, for There are Two More Epilogues Yet! The Author-ess Exclaims Gleefully-

"Hello Sasuke," a boy with long dark hair and distinctly feminine features greeted, his eyes turned up as he grinned gently at us as he approached us in homeroom. "Hello Naruto."

"Hi, Haku!" I exclaimed, not in the least over eager. No siree. "How was your week off?"

"Oh, wonderful," he replied dreamily. I grinned full force.

"'Dja manage to wrap the quarterback around your little finger?" I asked, referring to Zabuza, the senior quarterback, and the only reason Haku attended football games. Haku blushed a slight shade of red, but managed to keep the grin on his face rather small.

"Yup," he said, trying his very best to keep the pride out of his voice, and failing. But the kid gets credit for trying. He then shook his head a little and returned his attention to us. "I'm sorry. I've been hogging all the focus. What kept you two busy this past week?"

"Nothing much," Sasuke responded in a monotone, before I could say anything. I pouted at him. He turned off his pout-radar, and ignored me.

"Oh, come now," Haku reprimanded, and I couldn't help myself; I began laughing hysterically. Haku stared at me for a moment before looking to Sasuke, worried. "Is this normal?"

Sasuke sighed. "Sadly, yes." I, meanwhile, was still laughing.

"Y-you said, you s-said," I stuttered, trying to control my giggling, but failing miserably. Taking one large gasp, I was able to force out, "Y-you s-said C-COME!" And then I collapsed in another fit of wild guffaws.

Haku tittered a little, as much as he would allow himself (because deep down, we all knew he was a far worse pervert that Sakura and Sasuke merged into one giant perverted beast named Steve), before hiding his giggles behind a delicate hand. Sasuke gripped my arm and jerked me up, slapping me upside the head once I was stabilized.

"Ow," I whined clutching my head.

"Oh, shush," Sasuke chided. Haku giggled softly before commenting,

"You two act like an old married couple."

I gaped while Sasuke began, sardonically, "Funny you should mention that—" But I abruptly cut off Sasuke's dry comment with my own shocked exclamation.

"How in hell, have you not heard about us?! And in a school like this?! With a student like Sakura?!"

Haku smiled. "So it is true!"

"Eh…?" I was bemused.

"There were rumors flying through the air like mosquitoes this morning, and I needed to find out if they were true," the feminine boy admitted, having the grace to look at least a little sheepish.

"O…kay."

The bell rang, signaling that all supposed bad boys who secretly did not have the guts to skip class had better haul ass and get to homeroom that moment, and the kids in our class mulled about before finding a seat and getting out the required materials for the class.

The teacher walked in, not one of my favorites by a long shot, and stood in front of the class, pushing his dark round glasses farther up his nose. "Though you just got back from a break after your end of the year finals, do not think that you're going to be let off that easy. Now, open your textbooks to page three hundred thirteen. Feudalism. Please copy what I write on the board into your notes. A serf…"

And thus I was lulled away into one of my Sasuke-filled daydreams.

Except this time, there was a fairly good chance that this one would repeated in real life…

Well, maybe not the ninjas one…that one's just plain silly! Kinky and hot (shurikens and kunai, tee-hee) but silly nonetheless.


The author-ess shields herself from flying fruit that is aimed at her from the reviewers. She truly is sorry she was a lazy ass and didn't write anything for three weeks, but things came up, and she was forced to put stuff like this aside while she, sadly, dealt with real life. One of those things was the death (cough, murder) of her aunt's new ten-week old Maltese puppy. The author-ess' dad's dog got him. GOT him, dammit Clem! Not DEVOURED. And, sickeningly enough, the author-ess was present when it happened. She would rather not relive it by typing up the details (plus she'd have to up the rating), so let's just say she had to flee the room screaming hysterically and had to take a shower.

Another thing that deterred her from the writing of this would have to be the book release party of Harry Potter. She just HAD to read it. She finished it the Monday after it came out.

Okays, so the author-ess stayed up later than usual finishing this. You people better like it. See the part up near the top that says, Now that our little sex education lesson is over, that was wear she was when she started earlier last night (for it is now six in the morning).

The author-ess racks her brain desperately for something else to say so this will be four thousand words long. Oh yes. The author-ess has somehow talked herself f into ScorpiusxHugo, so she'll probably write one of those, maybe another Zemyx, and she NEEDS to get a SasuNaru comfort/hurt/friendship/romance thing out of her system, so don't be too worried if CANOFG doesn't get a new chapter for a while.

Well waddaya know, the author-ess reached the double digits. Except she expects this to be over in one more chapter. Will Neji make a malicious reappearance?! Only the author-ess knows until then.

Yeah. The author-ess is extremely lazy, as you all should know, and doesn't feel like checking for grammar issues. Enjoy figuring it out on your own! Sorry!

"The thing I like most about being a writer is that if you read a book or story with an ending you can't stand, you have the courage to write your own," the author-ess muses before passing out. A blanket, seemingly out of nowhere, floats down and covers her body. Much log sawing action befalls the author-ess.