Disclaimers # 1: I don't own Star Ocean. It is the rightful property of Square-Enix's. The OCs are still mine, however.
Disclaimers # 2: This fanfiction is based on another fanfiction titled Two Soldiers: Fire and Ice authored by Artemis' Bow, therefore, our plots may cross at some certain points. To those who are new to this story, it is highly recommended for you to read Artemis' Two Soldiers as well if you want to get a better grasp to this story. A very special thanks to Artemis' Bow, for her approval, help and support have made this fic possible. If you like this story, half of the credit shall go to her. This story is also dedicated to her.
And just to further confirm it: we indeed collaborate on working our stories.
Author's Note: Not much to say about this aside that this is the next update. I apologize that I haven't been able to update faster, for my obligations demand much of me lately. My sincerest thanks to all who have stayed with me with this story, and especially to those who kindly left reviews. I hope this chapter can meet your expectations, should there is anything you readers expect from me.
And now… happy reading.
The Third Soldier: Another Heart
Chapter 12
Yvikka eté Yrsenlaf—The Truth Behind the Dark Eyes
To be honest about your real self to yourself and others… truly needs more will than to kill a man.
Yvikka was sitting up on her bed, looking deeply at herself in the shining blade which she'd just cleaned. She saw many things there; and among them, fear staring her in the face. Sighing, she put the blade aside, got up, and eventually settled herself on her chair rather uneasily. Her heart was a mix of dread and anxiety with only a dim light of courage hidden in the corner. The feeling was somewhat similar to the feeling she felt when she was about to join her first real battle years ago, as a trainee soldier. Though now she was nowhere like in a battleground, but she knew that another battle was about to erupt in her.
The battle of wits to keep her sanity.
The battle of her courage to let her remember all that she'd long running away from, and all that curses laid upon her.
The woman drew a deep sigh in an attempt to relax herself, trying to put together her mind in order, but was unable to do so. Every time she tried to remember, her heart ached as if stuck by an arrow of denial.
Denial of herself.
In the battlefield, she said to herself, once you get your first kill, the rest will be so much easier.
The demon inside you takes over; robbing your conscience of the value of human lives, and you'll care, most of the time, only to your own life, and at times, your comrades'.
But this… I don't know if I can keep talking after I said the first word to begin with… I just don't know if I have the courage to actually tell this to the end…
It's just…
Just as she was about to reconsider her decision, someone knocked the door to her room. The soft voice of the person on the other side reminded the wavering woman of one of the reasons why she'd decided to speak. It was the voice of the one person she cared and loved enough for Yvikka to share the story of her life with.
"Yvikka, it's me. May I come in now?"
Upon the call, Yvikka got up her chair, walked up to the door, and opened it, finding her dearest friend standing close before her.
It was Clair, fine-looking and refreshing as always. The scars from the battle with the Vile Wind Fiends a few hours ago was still visible despite the treatment she'd had; yet, she didn't seem to lose any of her grace.
In Clair's presence, the dark-haired soldier instinctively lifted her hand in a salute, but the superior officer didn't answer in the like manner. Instead, Clair made a face, which in turn made Yvikka wondering. When the soldier didn't seem to get her point, Clair then put one hand on the woman's saluting hand, and guided it down, smiling.
"Good evening, Yvikka."
"Um… Er… Good evening… Clair…" Yvikka answered, slightly taken by surprise by Clair's unexpected response.
"Now that's more like it," Clair beamed, trying to put her friend at ease, "You don't invite me here for anything like work, do you?"
Yvikka couldn't help but smile back at the fair woman. Clair always knew how to ease a disturbed mind, and that was what makes her a fine commander, loved and adored by her subordinates and people in general.
"No, I'm not," said Yvikka, moving away from the door so as to let Clair enters the room, "Please come in."
At her friend's invitation, Clair stepped into the room, immediately smelling the pleasant scent of tea leaves being boiled, which came from a small pot over the room's fireplace. She then cast a glance over the room, finding it actually well-arranged, yet slightly disorderly from the piles of books and scrolls stacked in some corners. On the bed lay a blade detached from its hilt; beside it were the hilt, sheath, and cleaning kit.
"I'm sorry for the mess," Yvikka said from behind her, "The recent events urge me to search for more information, hence these… piles of papers."
"It's all right. My room's no far different right now."
That got a chuckle from the dark haired, for she—once had been Clair's aide—knew that Clair was a very organized person. The commander's room in Castle Aquaria seemed to be always in order, and Yvikka honestly couldn't imagine it to ever look like the room they were in now.
"I can't imagine," Yvikka worded the thought with a smile, which was met with Clair's suppressed laugh. The dark-haired soldier then went over the room, pulled another chair close to the one and only table in the room, and gestured.
"Please sit down here. The tea will be ready soon, and… oh, I'll need to take care of that as well."
As she spoke, Yvikka hurriedly came to the bed where her sword was. Clair watched as the woman swiftly reassembled the katana with such skill and precision as if she was born with it, sheathed it, and finally put it in a corner along with her other gear. The sight somehow reminded Clair of Nel, who also has a habit of checking her equipment—especially her blades—on a daily basis.
"Do you always check your sword everyday?" Clair asked out of curiosity.
"Yes, especially after a tough battle," the other woman answered, "You don't know when you'll need to draw it out the sheath, but if you do, you'll always want to find it in a good condition."
"You're just like Nel."
"Do I?"
"Truly. For the similar reason, she is also meticulous about her gear. By the way, do you also have something, like, a dagger or the sort hidden under your pillow?"
"Kind of, but not under the pillow."
"Then, where?"
"I… keep it inside the clothes I'm wearing for sleep."
Pale brown eyes widened in surprise at the nonchalant answer.
"It's true," Yvikka affirmed, smiling, "And don't ask how I do it."
Clair giggled at the last comment, and Yvikka couldn't help but join the silver haired woman in the laughter. A particular scent then got to Yvikka, stopping her of her laughing fit.
"It seems the tea's ready," the dark-haired woman said. She then went over and picked the fuming pot from the fireplace, and poured the tea inside it into two cups she'd prepared before on the table. Without adding anything, not even sugar, Yvikka served the tea to Clair.
"Here, Clair," Yvikka said, moving the cup closer to Clair.
"Thank you, Yvikka," answered Clair.
"I'm not boiling the usual leaves, so I don't add anything to your tea; in case you prefer to have it another way once you taste it. It's my personal favorite leaves, by the way, and I like it plain."
"I know. It smells different from the one you usually made."
"Of course, you can still have it your way. I have prepared sugar and milk here."
Clair let out a smile at her friend before her before bringing the tea to her lips and took a sip.
"So, how do you like it?" Yvikka asked.
The silver haired woman brought the cup down, revealing the broad, sincere smile of content before answering.
"It's… lovely… !"
"Glad you like it," Yvikka said lowly, and sipped her tea.
Yvikka then put down her cup. Her eyes looked down to the dark reddish-brown-colored tea on it, deep in thought. The emotion she'd long contained within was about to erupt again, urging her to let it all go at once. She looked up, finding Clair seemingly still enjoying the tea. Unwilling to disturb the woman, she stayed in silence, waiting for Clair to be ready. The brown eyes of the runologist soon found her, and Clair knew that Yvikka was about to talk her problems.
"So…" Clair lifted her voice softly, putting her cup down, "What is it that you wish to talk me about?"
Yvikka sighed deeply at Clair's cue of her readiness. Her mind worked to find the first word to begin with, wanting to find the right word that can touch the heart of the problem right away, but unable to manage it. Instead, very much unlike herself, she took a roundabout.
"Firstly… I… want to apologize for making you worry…" The dark-haired woman managed lowly, "I realize that I have a lot to explain… but… there's just too much of them… and I frankly don't know… where to begin with…"
As the words were spoken, Clair could see trouble so obvious in Yvikka's face, and she knew that she was facing the different side of her friend; the other side which she'd never seen before. Instead of the calm and confident, independent and outspoken soldier whom Clair had known to be one of her best soldiers, Clair was now facing a broken, guilt-ridden and seemingly fragile woman who is badly in need of support. Clair knew she had to help her, but she had no idea how. She had one point of interest, which she'd long to ask Yvikka about, and she knew that this may have something to do with whatever demon that is disturbing her, but she doubt if it would be wise to ask her now…
But she already said that she wants to explain everything, and 'this'… must be one of them. Yvikka is never one to back down on her words.
Eventually, putting her faith on the shadow of Yvikka's former self, Clair lifted her voice up.
"What if… you begin by telling me about the rune spell you used to kill those Vile Wind Fiends? Because… I think, it seems to have affected you very much…"
…
"… Yes…" Yvikka answered after a moment of silence, "… it is, indeed a good point to begin with…"
Yvikka then took a sip of her slowly cooling tea, and then one deep breath before starting her story.
"That spell… is the result of generations of research conducted by my family. The rune used for the invocation is called 'Manipulation Rune'."
"… 'Manipulation Rune'?" Clair asked in slight confusion, for, to the best of her knowledge, runes created by Aquaria runologists usually named after a natural phenomenon, very much unlike this one.
"It is named so because it influences the runological flow within the body of a being, rendering its caster capable of manipulating the said being's runological force, very much unlike all runes that we know now, which only manipulates the so-called 'free-flowing force', which is the runological force that flows freely in the universe." Yvikka answered her commander, "I, for one, cast this spell onto the Vile Wind Fiend, and used its own power to destroy it from inside."
The explanation truly stunned Clair. For her whole life as a runologist, never had she heard about such a rune, not even a mention about it even in the most fiercely guarded teachings of runology.
A rune capable of directly influencing the runological flow…and even controlling the force itself within a being…
By the name of Apris…how in the world…?
"How… how can that be?" Clair questioned, almost in a yell, "How can 'it' be applied to living beings? I know of a theory mentioning that it can be done to 'dead' objects… but… a living being's runological flow and signature is unique from one another, making it nearly impossible to even theorize such a rune that will work on any being!"
Yvikka lifted a slight smile at the face of Clair's bewildered look, and answered.
"A whole week of lecture won't be enough to explain that in detail, but there's a simple explanation… Clair, do you remember the adage of runology? That everything…"
"… Is comprised of runology…" Clair finished.
"Exactly," said Yvikka, "No matter how different all beings are, both alive and dead, there must be a similarity within them which allows them to exist. For instance, people breathe, and so do fishes, lizardmen, and Acacia trees. A steel blade doesn't breathe, but we can see it and touch it like many other beings. Considering that they are all comprised of runology, then the one similarity among them must be written in their signature, and that's where… this 'Manipulation Rune' finds its way…"
Clair sighed deeply, leaning her back to the chair. Her eyes reflected the light of intense awe and curiosity. Aside that the explanation truly fits her sense and knowledge, she was awed at how Yvikka, a soldier, displays her knowledge about runology to an extent which is comparable to that of an expert runologist. It made her even more curious because it left even more questions to be answered; however, she also realized that it is unwise to rush her friend to it. She would have to wait until Yvikka speaks the answer for herself.
"Invoking this rune is not as convenient as any other runes, however," Yvikka cut in Clair's moment of amazement, "In order to actually invoke the rune, both the caster and the target will have to be inscribed with the rune. Ideally, the rune should be inscribed directly on the target's body for the best effect; but in emergency or in a combat, such process is too time-consuming to be effective. Therefore, a 'marking' method is used for quicker inscribing. I believe that you're familiar with 'marking', aren't you, Clair?"
"… Yes, I know about that. It is a practice of inscribing a readily inscribed rune symbol on a runic paper by means of 'stamping' it on the target's body. I'd figured that you did 'marking' the first time I saw you casting the spell, but… you didn't seem to use any runic paper…"
"It's because… the symbol is already here…"
As she spoke, the dark-haired soldier undressed the gauntlet and the leather glove covering her right arm, revealing a scar-riddled arm, some of them were quite fresh, and showed her palm to Clair. At first, there was nothing out of ordinary there, but when Clair sensed a slight rise of power from her friend, an intricate symbol gradually showed itself, glowing in a brilliant blue light. The sight only remained for a short while until Yvikka suddenly closed her palm and withdrew her hand from Clair.
"It is inscribed… within my flesh…" Yvikka muttered lowly, slightly painfully, "… It is… a part of me…"
Once again, Clair was taken aback in the face of the truth about the woman before her. She had known that the practice of inscribing a rune within someone's flesh is still only a theory among Aquaria runologists. However now, she saw the theory had become a reality right in front of her.
"A runic paper will not be able to contain the intense level of runological force which will flow through it," Yvikka continued, completely unheeding Clair's astonished look, "Therefore, inscribing it within the caster's body, which is supposedly more capable of withstanding the flow, is the only way for the rune to be available for marking. This, however, is where the greater risk lies."
Yvikka paused, apparently giving Clair some time to digest her explanation in the knowing that most of it was new, uncommon or even unheard of, even for an expert runologist like the Shield Legion commander. When the fair woman seemed to understand the information, she continued…
"Because of the nature of the rune… 'marking' will open a channel for the runological force to flow through from the target's body to the caster's body. A careless marking of this rune on a body of a higher-level runologist, or any being or existence that is runologically superior than the caster will likely cause the force to flow through at a rapid pace. If no control is exercised, the caster's body will soon be overwhelmed by the force from the target, and if the caster's body has reached its limit…"
"… The caster will… die…" Clair continued.
"Yes," Yvikka confirmed, "… And most likely to be in the most horrible way one can imagine…"
The silver haired woman fell speechless at the mention of the risk which her friend would face every time she cast the spell. When she realized that, she could feel guilt slowly roll in to her.
She has risked both life and spirit to save me on that day…
And that's because I'm not strong enough to fend for myself against that fiend…
"Those scars… are they… resulted from the aftereffect of the spell?" Clair asked again.
"They are…" The soldier answered.
Clair fell silent once again at the answer. Her mind tracked back to the night when she found Yvikka bleeding heavily. The arm was practically drenched with blood, and it came to her that the bleeding came from those many scars she saw now.
The wounds must be deep and quite painful that they bled that much…
"I was careless," Yvikka said in a sudden, breaking Clair's chain of thought. She then reached for her leather glove, and put it on again, and continued.
"Had I properly dispelled the seal… this shouldn't happen…"
"The seal? You mean… you sealed this rune before?"
"Yes, to keep it from becoming obvious. Now that the seal has been broken rather improperly, the runological flow within my body becomes unstable at the moment, and that's what caused these wounds. If a healer sees me in this condition, he or she will surely judge me as 'very ill', and I'll be sent for a special treatment by runologists. Should that happen, they will surely find this out… and I don't dare to imagine what they're going to do with me… That's why… I refuse to see any doctor or healer… But do not worry. This condition is only temporary."
A piece of the puzzle had finally fallen into place. Clair could now see and understand why Yvikka never wants to see any doctor or healer ever since she cast the Manipulation Rune. If the unique rune and its inscribing method within her were found out, it was very likely that she would be subjected to research; and with that, a possible inhuman treatment.
I can see if she has secrets, but I never thought that it would be like this…
Yvikka must have put a great faith on me… even more than I've thought she has that she dares to tell me about this… I wonder what the cause is. It is her life that she's putting on my hands.
But more importantly…
"Apris… Yvikka… why do you… how could you learn all that, knowing the consequences?"
The dark-haired soldier flinched at the question. Answering that would mean a step closer to the heart of the matter. Every time she tried to remember anything beyond this point, some of herself would scream in protest and denial, and at times, hurt her, unwilling to let the memory to materialize completely. However now, she was not alone. She was with Clair, the one person she trusted and esteemed most, a person who'd been her anchor ever since she knew her, a resolute woman whom she knew would be willing to lend an ear without judging.
A caring woman whom she never wants to see worrying…
I have promised her this, and I owe her this…
I have to tell her everything so that she wouldn't worry anymore…
With that in mind, she slowly opened her soft lips. And from there, came another story.
"Clair… during your time of studying runology in the castle, have you ever heard the name of Riege san Yrsenlaf?"
It was Clair's turn to flinch in surprise. It was the name of one of the most renowned of runologists throughout Aquaria's history, and its pedigree was counted along with the many great names of Aquaria's servants, just like her Lasbard and Nel's Zelpher. Not only that, she also knew that Yrsenlaf lineage had been devoting themselves in runological research from the many related literatures bearing the name.
Riege san Yrsenlaf… a runologist known for his part in the forging of one of the royal treasures, the Blade of Ryusen, as well as the last of the Yrsenlafs ever recorded in history…
And Yvikka… her name is 'Yrsenlaf' as well, but…
I've heard stories about castle officials mistook her as the heir of the family, but when the test result didn't turn out as they expected, they disregarded the possibility, and considered her as 'another' Yrsenlaf.
… and it is also written that she herself had denied any relation with the family…
On the other hand, however… with the knowledge she has shown me, considering that she is truly the heir of the Yrsenlafs is quite plausible.
"Yvikka, could you be…"
"I know I have denied this many times," Yvikka cut in Clair's response, "But… yes, I am the descendant of Riege san Yrsenlaf. He… is my great-grandfather."
The clear admission made clear another piece of the puzzle. Though the larger part is still unclear, it was now possible for Clair to figure out some of the problem.
"I know that Riege san Yrsenlaf resigned from the kingdom's service after an accident in the research on Transcendent Runology led by him during the rule of Aquaria XXIV. The name was never heard of again… until now. Is that the reason you deny your identity?" Clair lifted up a question.
"Not exactly," was the answer, "But just so you know, Clair, that that research… is the origin of what that now you know as this 'Manipulation Rune'. At that time, the research failed, and resulted in a grieving loss of the kingdom's best researchers. Even after my great-grandfather resigned, he continued the research on his own. The research was carried out along two generations, and then I, as the last generation, bore the final result of that…"
Yvikka took another pause, attempting to rearrange her mind and brace her heart for the next words. She had successfully taken one daring step closer, and now, she was about to take another one.
"I was raised in such a family, surrounded by runological experiments… Maybe that's why I had a great interest in the field of runology back then," the woman continued, "I drew my first rune when I was four, but not until I was five that I managed to actually cast a spell. I went to school like any other girl, but when I got home, I'd go with father to the lab… drawing runes, experimenting, casting spells… anything you can expect from a rune scholar to do. Mother only came home once every half a year… because she was a soldier…"
The dark haired woman stopped again. She could feel tears forming in her eyes at the memory of her mother. Her mother might seldom to be at home, but if she came home, she always made sure that her daughter feels her love. Even though they were far apart, Yvikka could always feel close to her mother, from the warm, loving words of her letters. Yvikka indulged herself in the pleasant memory for some time before finally refocused.
"When I was eight, mother fell in a border skirmish with the Glyphian… one skirmish that eventually accumulated into the last war… Father single-parenting me afterward, and things went well again. Since then, he taught me even more about runology and runes… and among them… this. My interest was high as ever, and I happily accepted everything he taught me, but not until I was twelve… something… happened…"
Just a little more…Yvikka said to herself.
"It was all started on a chilly day of early winter in Armenee," she worded the memory, "The four of us, Andressa, my best friend, who was a year younger than I, Lilia, Guiddo, and myself—I was the oldest of the four… we were playing hide-and-seek near by a forest. And then… you know, Clair… children at our age just love to play prank. When it was my turn, everybody just disappeared on me. I looked for them, all the way deep into the forest, and there… a wolf got me."
"You were attacked?" Clair asked rather rhetorically, which was met with Yvikka's approving nod.
"I wasn't really thinking back then. I just don't want to die, so I cast the first spell that flashed in my mind… and that was this Manipulation Rune. With that, I blasted the beast to pieces, leaving myself all alone. And then… I…"
Suddenly, Yvikka felt as if her mouth locked shut and her tongue tied. It was as if something inside her didn't want to hear the painful memories be put into words.
"Stop it! Don't you continue your story!" She heard herself yelled inside her.
"You can't! You have to go on! You owe her explanation!" Sounded another voice in a more resolute tone, her commander's tone.
"What do you think Lady Clair will think about you if you tell her that? Murder!"
"Clair will NEVER think about you that way!"
"How can you think like that? You don't even really know her!"
The onslaught of emotions escalated, and Yvikka was still stuck speechless.
Clair saw Yvikka clenched her fist, and as she looked into the troubled dark eyes, she knew that her friend was apparently struggling to get something out. As much as Clair wanted Yvikka to say that out, she realized that she'd better not blatantly impose her to do just that. At this point, any more pressure was likely to break the soldier apart, and Clair didn't want to see that happen. The decision would have to come from Yvikka herself.
And so, she moved her one hand on to the soldier's right hand, grasping it tightly in an unspoken support of whatever decision she'd make.
The wavering woman felt a soft hand touched hers. She looked down at the pale hand holding her tanned hand, and traced it up, finding Clair's soothing pale brown eyes directed at her.
"… Clair…"
The silver haired woman didn't say anything in response, but a nod from her, along with her compassionate gaze and the small smile she lifted were answers enough for Yvikka. They were like her reassurance that Clair's support would always be there, no matter what, at least for now.
This is not yet there, so I can't stop now.
Clair… please hold me until then…
Eventually, with a visible bracing of her shoulders, she steeled herself, and continued.
"… I should've been calmer…" Yvikka muttered, "… Soon after I killed the wolf, Father came and got me, but I… I didn't recognize him. I mistook him as another beast… I reacted purely on my instinct, and marked him. In the end… we both struggled…"
Yvikka paused again. The deeper she dug onto the memories, the harder it was for her to talk. This was the reminiscence of her days past which she'd been running away from for a long time. She knew that she will have to face it one day, but she never know when she will be ready for that. Even now, she doubted that she is ready…
"Yvikka…" Clair called out softly, "Your father… he… didn't survive that… did he?"
The troubled woman was so pained at speaking the answer, so she just shook her head, silently agreeing Clair's sentence.
"And… you feel guilty for that?" Clair spoke again, wording her sentence as carefully as she could make it.
Once again, Yvikka just nod in answer.
"Oh, Yvikka…" Clair sighed in realization of her friend's problem, "It was an accident. It was dark there in the forest, and you couldn't see clearly, wasn't it? You were still shocked at that time, right?"
"Had he told me so…" Yvikka muttered in response. Her voice raspy from containing the stirred emotion within her, "… Had he told me himself that it was an accident… things might've been a little better… but…"
"I trust you that you're telling the truth," Clair cut in, her voice strong, "And now I'm telling you this as a person who knows the truth: It was not entirely your fault, so stop blaming the guilt on your own self!"
The dark-eyed woman lifted up a smile. She knew that Clair tries to comfort her, but her words didn't ease her in the slightest, for it was not truly the case.
"… No…" Yvikka spoke weakly, "That… is not the real problem. The real problem is what that came after…"
"What do you mean?"
Yvikka went silent once again. She was very close to remembering it completely, and she honestly needed Clair's support. She needed to be sure once again that Clair will be there for her to the end, and so she begged…
"Clair… stay with me to hear this to the end, please…? I don't know to whomever else I should put my faith onto if you turn away from me… for you're the person I trusted most…"
"I will be here for as long as you need it. After all, that's what a friend for," Clair reassured.
"Thank you."
Having her resolve renewed, Yvikka then continued her story, getting closer to it with each word she said.
She worded the memories, little by little, piece by piece, letting them to completely resurface and bring her back in time.
(Flashback)
Armenee, a small town located north from Aquios, evening.
Yvikka and her father had been rescued by the town guards, and were brought to the town's hospital immediately.
The girl's bodily injuries were potentially grave, but the doctors and healers were able to treat them almost naturally. The father, however, was a completely different story.
The father was still alive, but barely. The healers found that the man is severely wounded, but more in a runological sense rather than physical. The runological flow within the man's body was in a severe disorder. It was so twisted that a large portion of the man's bodily function is disrupted.
He could still see and hear, though barely; but that were pretty much all he could do. He could no longer talk intelligibly, nor could he taste. Most of his limbs were completely paralyzed, leaving only one surviving arm, which could only barely move. His whole body became so weak that the doctors afraid that he will be very susceptible to diseases—if the current disorder didn't kill him, other diseases might do just as quickly.
The hospital had resorted to calling the town's best runologist to handle the case of runological disorder, but even he was unable to do anything, much less determine what caused it. They had been thinking of asking the daughter about what had happened, but rejected it, considering her condition.
And so, they left the dark-haired girl be by her father's side.
It had been a couple of hours since then.
Young Yvikka was still lying on her bed. Her dark, sad eyes had been locked on to her father's figure lying beside her ever since the doctors put them together in the room. She stared at him, hoping that the man would turn his head and look back at her, praying to see his broad smile coming up from beneath his thick beard and moustache. She stayed in silence, because she wanted to hear even the weakest glimpse of his father's voice.
As she was deep in hope, she heard something. It was not her father's voice she'd been expecting; instead, it was the creaking sound of an opened door, and then tiny, uneven footsteps of a person. Yvikka paid no heed to the visitor, not even turning to see who was coming. When the visitor started to speak, the girl quickly recognized her from her voice.
"Hi… Ivy…"
It was Andressa's voice, obviously laden with fear, hesitation, and regret.
"… How are you? I hope you're fine…"
Yvikka didn't answer.
"… Look, Yvikka… Ivy… I'm sorry," the girl spoke again, "It was Guiddo's idea, but… I should've known better than to let them go to the forest… Truly, we don't mean this to happen… so… Ivy, would you forgive us?"
Yvikka still didn't answer.
"… Ivy… please… talk to me…" The girl begged, "We're still friends, right?"
"Go away," Yvikka eventually answered.
"… Wh-what?"
"I said go away!"
"Y-Yvikka…?"
Suddenly, the dark haired girl turned to face the pleading girl. Her expression angry, her eyes were lights of intense hatred, and her words were where she poured all the emotions out.
"I HATE YOU!!"
A look of fright and disbelief crept up Andressa's face at the face of the dark-haired girl's yell. Her small figure started to shiver with sadness, regret, and sobs; and tears came trickling down from her haunted sapphire blue eyes. She took one step back, away from Yvikka, and then another, and another one before finally turned and ran away in tears.
Yvikka watched the events unfold before her eyes without even turning a hair. She just looked at the door where the girl had come out of before for a time, before finally turned her attention back to her father. Her mind was so directed to him that she didn't bother reconsidering what that she'd just done to the girl, who was her best friend for years. In all honesty, she didn't hold that much grudge against Andressa or the other kids. She was very angry with them, yes, but not unwilling to forgive them. It was her disturbed heart that needs an outlet, and those painful words just came out without her control.
Not long after, the door creaked opened again, followed by another sound of approaching footsteps. A clinking sound—obviously from glassware could also be noticed as the visitor came closer to her.
Just like before, the girl didn't heed the visitor.
A soft, warm hand touched the girl's bandaged shoulder, and then, a voice of a woman, someone familiar to her, came.
"Ivy."
At first, the call went unanswered, but after several patiently repeated calls, the girl finally responded. She rolled her small form rather reluctantly to see the caller beside her bed.
"… Aunt Jiita…" She muttered weakly.
The woman smiled at the girl's response. Actually, she was not Yvikka's real aunt; they weren't even blood-related. She was Yvikka's neighbor, and the owner of a well-known drugstore in the town. Yvikka called her 'aunt' because she was the one who provides the girl with motherly care ever since the girl's mother passed away.
"It's about time you finally speak," said the woman, "I was afraid that you will never speak again. How do you feel now?"
"… It hurts…" Was the weak reply.
"Of course it is. Now, let's have something to eat first, shan't we? I bet that you're hungry for it is well past dinner time and your little tummy hasn't had anything inside since lunch."
The woman reached for a plate of food she'd put on the bedside table. She then brought it up close, and served it to the girl.
"Open your mouth, Ivy. Here it comes," said her, bringing a spoonful close to the girl's lips.
"W-wait, Aunt Jiita," Yvikka said, slightly protesting, "Is there nothing for father? He hasn't eaten dinner as well."
"Oo, don't worry about him. The doctor has taken a veery special care of your father. He won't be starving for the rest of the night. Now, eat up, girl, before the food shivers with cold," the motherly woman answered heartily.
The answer calmed the girl, and she eventually gave in to the woman's ministration. As she was eating, the woman spoke to her.
"I saw your friend Andressa running away after visiting you a short while ago. It seemed that she was crying as well… I don't know what you said to her when she came here that it makes her really sad, and I don't really want to know. I've heard the story from her and the other kids; that their prank went wrong, and I understand that you have all the right to be angry at them, but…"
Jiita paused, serving another spoon to Yvikka before continuing her words.
"… Just don't hold a grudge for too long. If they ever come to apologize, then please forgive them, okay?"
Young Yvikka went silent at the woman's words. Her mind tracked back to the moment when Andressa begged for apology, and then at the moment when she rejected her. Her best friend's defeated look came again, and only then Yvikka reconsidered her action.
"… Auntie…" The girl called out.
"Yes, m'dear?"
"I… Andressa came here to apologize… but I didn't give her that…"
"Then, what did you say to her?"
"I said… that I hate her…"
"Do you really mean that, Yvikka?"
The young girl couldn't bring herself to actually think for the answer to the last question for there were just too many things going over her head. Jiita, for her part, realized that she'd just asked a question too complicated for the girl to answer, especially in her present condition. Not wanting to make the girl feel more uncomfortable, she quickly withdrew the question with a smile, a kiss to girl's forehead, and words of comfort and advice.
"It's all right, Ivy. You don't have to answer that now. You may truly hate her now, but don't let that hatred linger for a day too long, okay? If she comes again to apologize, then you should forgive her, because if you don't, Father Apris will not forgive your sins just like you don't forgive Andressa."
"Okay, auntie."
"Good girl."
The motherly woman then continued her care to the girl, wanting to make her as comfortable as she could. Yvikka, for her part, was pleased with the attention, but she couldn't really enjoy it for the thought of her father was still nagging behind her mind. When she eventually asked it to the woman, Jiita only gave her a rare smile in answer…
---
Days went weeks, weeks went months, and months went years.
The life of Yvikka eté Yrsenlaf had changed completely since then.
For the first couple of weeks, she lived under Aunt Jiita's care, with her father still being treated in the town's hospital. But when the verdict came that her father's condition is incurable, young Yvikka, with suggestion from her guardian, decided to bring him back home again.
Aunt Jiita had thought that she has to take care of the father and daughter in addition to her own family. She honestly willed it herself, but apparently, Yvikka had another idea.
The young girl had decided to take care of her father on her own. Aside of feeling responsible for what she'd caused him; she'd also decided to try looking for a cure. She knew that she was the only one who can do it, for she was the only one who knows about the nature of the misfortune that befalls on her father. The latter, however, went untold when she spoke of her decision to her guardian.
The guardian was touched by the girl's resolve, but she was also worried about her, considering that Yvikka had decided to take up a responsibility far exceeding her age. She then tried to persuade the girl to allow her as her guardian to help her out, but Yvikka kept insisting that she should do it herself for she realized that Aunt Jiita also has her own family to feed. In the end, a deal was made: Yvikka would allow Aunt Jiita to look after her and her father only if she herself worked for the woman in return. In other words, it was like Yvikka employed Aunt Jiita to be her housekeeper, but as a payment, the girl would work for the woman.
This way of living went on for several years. No more playing prank for Yvikka, for her life was now revolving around work, her father, and her secret research. She still went to school on regular workdays, but when the school's over, she would be on Jiita's store, in holidays, she could be seen working in the woman's garden, taking care of the medicinal herbs grown there; and when night came, she'd lock herself in her father's lab. At first, all she did there was looking for notes and references related to the matter, but it then grew to small experiments. As she learned more, her research expanded, and she found herself difficult to manage the time she had at hand. Eventually, at her thirteenth age, she gave up school and devoted herself more toward work and the research. Her guardian didn't complain at all about her stop studying at school, for she knew that the life skills she learned in the society and world of work would be more than make up for what she left at school.
The people around her were generally kind toward her, but that didn't mean that her life is free from society problem. Her father's unexplainable, incurable disease made the neighborhood start to wonder, which in turn made some unpleasant gossips flying around the town. One of them being the man was cursed, or had a divine retribution befallen him. Though most people were considerate enough to not include her in the ill rumor, it nevertheless annoyed her, and made her even more motivated to quickly find the cure for her father.
And so, she continued her research…
(End of flashback)
Yvikka drew a deep breath after she finished her story. It was not all of it, however. The next will be much harder to remember, for it was where the memories pained her most. She stayed in silence for a while, trying to gather up the courage to go on, eventually finishing her tea, which had long from becoming cool.
"You're strong, Yvikka," Clair commented, breaking the curtain of silence, hints of awe in her voice, "Now I see why you were admitted to the Royal Service as an officer, and even directly assigned to my legion despite your young age. If I'm not mistaken, you were only eighteen when you were assigned for active duty. That's quite a commendable achievement."
"But you're only a year or two older than I am, and you are already a legion commander that time. That's even a greater accomplishment, Clair," Yvikka responded.
"Ahahah… But it's not like that," the fair lady chuckled, "It is more because of my heritage. Unlike you, and all other castle outsiders who had to go through a difficult selection process, I was admitted to the service almost effortlessly, for my family is already a member of the castle's 'inner circle'. If you have to climb your way up, my way is already forged for me, and honestly, that makes me feel uneasy because of the many expectations people put on me."
"Ah… right. Please pardon my forgetfulness."
The two commanders laughed together, warding off the gloomy air which had been hanging around them for quite a time. Even though her face was smiling, Yvikka's heart and mind were not. She was in a struggle to manage herself while going through the rest of her past life, putting the events in order before speaking them out.
"Would you like some more tea, Clair?" The dark-haired woman asked upon noticing Clair's empty cup.
"Of course," was Clair's immediate answer, "And make it the usual way this time, if you please."
Yvikka smiled at Clair's response. Doing something for her dearest commander was something which she always takes pleasure from. That made her calmer somehow, making way for her troubled mind to be slightly more orderly.
"Here you are, Clair," said Yvikka, handing over a cup of tea, "Tea, milk, and a little sugar… just like how you usually have."
"Thanks."
A pregnant pause came as the two women had their hands on their own cup of tea; their minds worked a thought of their own. For Yvikka, it was more about the rest of the story she was going to tell. For Clair, she was thinking about what that she'd learned from her friend for so far. She could now understand why Yvikka is acting strangely these past few days, as well as the many reasons that underlie it. Still, she saw some parts are still missing, and so she decided to bring them out.
"Yvikka… I can understand why you are so upset ever since that day… but, still… Why did you join the Royal Service, anyway? I mean… with all that you'd experienced, I am surprised that you actually become a royal servant. You realize the probable consequences if the castle ever finds out about you, yet you still come here. I just… don't understand why."
Yvikka lifted up a rare smile at Clair's question. She knew that her story would eventually lead to that, which is where the heart of the matter lies. Clair, for her part, saw the change in Yvikka's face her question had caused her. Her expression became much more troubled than before—and that led to a tell-tale sign for Clair that it could well be the one thing that disturbed Yvikka the most. Very much worried that Yvikka couldn't stand telling the answer, Clair then quickly withdrew her question.
"… I-I'm sorry. I asked too much… You don't have to answer if you feel don't like it. I very much understand your problem."
"No, it's okay," Yvikka answered, "I'll answer it, and after all… I have to answer it, for I don't know when I will ever have this courage to speak this out again."
"Are you sure about this?" Clair assured herself of her friend's resolve. Her hand reached out to Yvikka's, holding it.
As Yvikka nodded answer, Clair felt the hand she was holding grabbed her hand back tightly. She then tightened her clutch in a silent reassurance that she would be there to support her.
This is it…
Clair… please hold on to me…
"I thought that I had thought everything through when I decided to search for a cure for my father," Yvikka began, "Even after I realized that the rune I am bearing is never mentioned in any literature but my father's journals, I never asked myself why and for what purpose father taught me this. I should've known better…"
(Flashback)
'… The subject showed no resistance toward the treatment. Therefore, I shall continue on using this method to prepare the subject for inscription.'
Period.
A sixteen-year-old Yvikka threw herself against the back of her chair, drawing a tired sigh. Her father's journal, which she'd just read, didn't mention anything that could help her cause. There were so many of such journals she found in the house's lab, listed with dates, and organized according to their subjects of interest. The journals had once been a great help for her in advancing her research; yet, now that she was far more knowledgeable, they seemed to have little to offer.
After a moment of doing nothing, she then looked at her right hand—the part of her where the rune that caused the misfortune was inscribed, thinking.
It seems that the only way to fix father's runological flow is to use this rune…
I can control this better now, but… I'm not sure of it. If only I can find a subject for testing…
'Subject'…
I wonder what kind of subject my father used for experimenting with this rune… It seems to be very accurate and reliable. Could it be that he experimented with human being?
…
Aah, that couldn't be. How come someone as gentle as him would dare to risk the life of another? It's just nonsensical! Come on, Yvikka, stop thinking ill thoughts!
With another sigh, the teenage researcher lazily got up her chair, walked up to a large bookshelf, and returned the journals she'd read before to their respective place. Done with that, she then scanned rows by rows of journals, hoping to find one of her interest. However, fatigue didn't allow her to do a systematic search for long.
Okay, I'll just take one more to read, and then I'll go to sleep. If it's too boring, I may well fall asleep here… But if it's too good, I may not be able to sleep at all. May Apris guide my hand… Nah!
Thinking rather playfully, the girl took a random journal from the shelf, and then brought it to the table. This one had no title, but Yvikka had seen other similar journals, so she didn't see anything strange with it. In order to make sure that she had never read the journal before, she checked on its date.
The journal was dated back to 16 years ago.
This journal is just as old as me. Well, it seems that I've never read this. Let's see if I can find something interesting here…
Without much expectation, she opened the first page, and began reading. The first line she read quickly drew her attention.
'My dear wife, Muriellé, is going to have another child, which is truly a godsend, for I never expect her to ever be able to have another one after the failure with the last experiment. I will make use of this opportunity to discreetly test out the revised alteration method I've theorized in the last journal after the unfortunate fate of the last subject. I put all my faith on this soon-be-born subject, and I'll make sure that the subject will live long enough for the research to come to fruition.
For a reminder, the following will be the steps of treatment I will secretly apply to my wife during her period of pregnancy so as to prepare for the subject's birth…'
What in Apris' name…
What's the meaning of this?
Muriellé is mother's first name, and if she were to bear a child, then it should mean me, but… 'another child'? Did father mean that mother had borne him another child before me? And this treatment…
Intrigued by the statement, the young girl kept reading, until she came to an entry dated her birthday…
'Muriellé had borne a daughter. We named her Yvikka Yrsenlaf. Because the baby before her had died even before he or she is born, and the fact that it is unlikely that Muriellé can bear another child, her name of order would be eté, which means 'the only'. The name suits her rather well because she will be my last and my only subject. From now on, I'll refer to Yvikka eté Yrsenlaf as 'subject' in this and other related journals.
I took some quick tests upon the subject's delivery, and I'm glad to state that the subject was in a good health and ready for the next phase…'
There's… another child before me… and this…
… Was it me whom father experimenting with?
It couldn't be…
This has to be a lie!
In spite of her denial of whatever written in the journal, Yvikka could not bring herself to stop reading. When she finished with the current one, she went over and looked for the continuation of the journal. She hoped to find anything in the report which she knows doesn't suit her memory, if only to prove that it was not her who is mentioned in the journal. To her dismay, everything there was a perfect match. The only difference was that the word 'subject' is used in place of her name.
'… The subject made quite a rapid progress, and her interest in runology had a large contribution in that. Only this morning, the subject had been able to 'mark' the manipulation rune to an egg. Not only that, the subject was also capable of directly applying a basic elemental rune, namely wind rune, to the marked target, which confirmed that the subject's overall control of her runological power is potentially comparable to, or even superior than that of a Clestia-ranked runologist.
The above fact may well prove that the so-called 'talented runologist' could be engineered in some way. One way is by exercising the 'pre-birth' therapy like what I did to my late wife. However, it is still uncertain whether the said therapy is truly the factor that mostly contributes to the subject's exceptional capabilities for there are too many factors to consider…'
…
'… She never ceases to amaze me. I had come to a point where I could no longer discern whether her talent is engineered or naturally born, but a combination of the two is highly likely. When all the procedures have been completed, I am confident that her introduction to the castle will mark the grand return of the House of Yrsenlaf to the inner circle of the castle. In fact, even if I present her to Aquios as she is now, she still proves to be a revolution in the study of runology, as well as a proof of my accomplishment.
With the possibility of an open war with Airyglyph, castle researchers will definitely want to make use of the knowledge in her for warring purposes should the war breaks out. Even when used by itself, the Manipulation Rune is theoretically capable of generating an immense amount of energy by means of extracting the runological flow from the ever-present source, that is, the universe, making it ideal to be used as a weapon of some sort.
Still, I may well take a head start and begin research on it.'
Period.
The young girl froze at the revelation.
At first, she could not think of anything, and her mind blanked.
But only a moment later, a chaos suddenly erupted in her mind, thoughts battling among themselves.
One side wanted to believe that the journal is true, for everything recorded there clearly and unquestionably points in her being a research subject.
The other side denied it, unwilling to accept that she is merely a research subject and a servant of an ambition.
Father… you…
Is this the reason you taught me this?
Is all the affection you've showed me a fake?
Am I truly only a research subject to you?
Am I… never a daughter to you?
Unable to stand the maelstrom of conflicting emotions, she ran off to her father's room, wanting to find the answer there.
As she got to her father's room, she saw him there, lying on his bed as always. The man, whose condition had slightly improved since then, realized her presence, and looked deeply at her.
Under the man's helpless gaze, Yvikka could not immediately find the word to confront him. They looked at each other for an indefinite amount of time, before the girl finally decided to speak.
"… Father… am I…"
The dark-haired girl halted her speech, and ran into her father's side, speaking close to his ear.
"… Tell me, father… please tell me that I'm… that I'm not just a research subject…! Tell me… that all the love you've given me is real… not merely because I serve your interest…"
An unbearable sadness crept up the man's ill-stricken face, yet there was no hint of surprise, as though he had expected this to come.
"Father, please say something!" Yvikka rushed, getting somewhat impatient. Trickles of tears started to come down her cheeks.
The father, for his part, had tears on his eyes as well. He realized that his time is short, and a lie would not bring any good. He sobbed, letting his daughter to see him crying for the first time in his life, and weakly managed an answer.
"… Yvikka… please… forgive your father…"
The answer struck the daughter like an arrow to her heart. Her jet-black orbs looked at her father in a deep disbelief; the tears she'd bottled up in her now came down in streams, wetting the fair skin of her face. She then pulled away from her father; the look of disbelief she was wearing now bore hints of disgust.
She took a step back toward the door; her eyes kept locking on the man on the bed, looking at him as if he was a fiend. There was still something she wanted to say, but the sadness was so great that she couldn't say it out. Only when she got hold of the door handle, she finally managed it through.
"Father… I… I can't believe you."
With the words, Yvikka ran away from the room, out from the house, wanting only to be as far away as possible from the man that had been experimenting with her.
She ran, moving her feet as quickly as she could, and as long as she could.
Eventually, she came panting to a grassy field in the outskirts of the town. There, she looked up to the starry night, and shouted a cry of defeat loudly to the heavens.
"YOU LIAR!!"
(End of flashback)
Clair looked at the woman before him with a disbelieving look. So great was the shock that she was unable to find a word of response. Her greatest surprise lay in the fact that Yvikka was engineered by her own father to be what she is now. She knew that it is quite often that the parents strictly direct, or 'engineer' their children to be what the parents desire them, but not in such an extreme way such as experimenting with the children. She had also heard from Nel that Fayt and his two companions, Sophia and Maria, were also experimented with; designed to be a kind of weapon. As the three people were originated from another world with a far more superior technology, she never thought that such experiment with human could ever possibly exist in her world.
And it truly appalled her to see that it is indeed exist.
Yvikka, for her part, stayed in silence for she had to rearrange the scattered defenses of her heart to prepare for Clair's verdict. She had said it all, the painful truth about herself which she'd been running away for so long, something which she feared would bring about ill judgment toward her.
Now she faced it, face-to-face.
She was very fragile and vulnerable now, and she honestly needed Clair's support to win the battle.
"By the holy name of Apris…" Was Clair's only response.
"… It is hard to believe, yes…" Yvikka rasped; her face downcast, "… But that is the truth…"
Yvikka paused, giving the chance for Clair to speak. When the silver haired woman didn't seem to have anything to say, she continued her words, still unable to bring herself to look at Clair.
"I… feel truly betrayed… Betrayed because I feel that everything… all the love and attention that father had given me is not because of our bond as father and daughter. I am only… a 'subject', being kept alive only to serve his selfish desire… After all the trust I had in him…"
The fearful woman paused again, casting a fleeting glance at the other woman before her. Seeing that she is still there, she then continued…
"I looked at him differently ever since that day… I looked at him… with something like hatred and disgust, and at some point… I even felt that he deserved what befell him. I started to distrust people… even my own guardian, Aunt Jiita, and I wanted nothing more than leaving the town as far away as possible, because I felt that I don't belong there anymore. That was when… I made up the decision to apply for the Royal Service… for I thought that for someone who no longer had a place to call home like I had been… the service is the most convenient place to be. You get paid, fed, and a roof to sleep under. If I failed, I might well choose to die in the streets…"
"… And that's all the reason you join the service?" Clair asked, ensuring.
"… That's not my main reason," Yvikka answered after a moment of silence, "The truth is… I wanted to spite my father… by showing him that he is wrong… that there is no need of this wicked rune for Aquaria to win the war… that I can aid my country to do so without this curse… and that his research has no use for anything! I wanted to come home one day and say all this on his face! But… but he… left me before I have the chance to do so…!"
"By Apris… Yvikka," Clair gasped upon hearing her friend's twisted reasoning, "Do you really hate your father that much…?"
Yvikka fell silent because she was unable to actually determine the answer. Eventually, she gave up thinking, and trusted her answer to her heart.
"I… can't really say so…" Said her, "I truly hated him at that time, but… when Aunt Jiita sent me the letter saying that father had passed away… I felt so… sinful. I didn't think of spiting him anymore… I regretted that I couldn't be by his side when he left."
The dark haired woman drew another deep breath in between her speech, and went on.
"I returned home and visited his grave the first time I could get a chance to leave the officer training. When I did so, I felt as if something is missing within me… and only then I realized that, in spite of my hatred, he is, and will always be a father to me, despite whatever thing I am to him. I feel so guilty for him ever since, but I run away and hide myself under the reason of protecting this kingdom—the only reason that I was left with to continue on living. The haven of a family my fellow soldiers give me kept me feeling safe for years… But when I once again cast the spell that time… I just had no idea how much it would hurt me… It's like…"
Yvikka could not continue her words. She had a hand covering her downcast eyes, and from beneath it, tears could be seen coming down her face. Seeing that, Clair got up her chair and moved to her friend's side. She then put a hand around Yvikka's shoulders, cradling the strong soldier physique wracked with emotions, and whispered softly.
"Shh… Yvikka… It's okay, you don't have to say any more. That's enough… I understand. I understand it now…"
"It's like…" The soldier sobbed, fighting to complete her sentence like a soldier she was, and managed, "… When I cast it… I like seeing father… smiling at me… seemingly happy to see that I've finally used it…"
"… There's nothing wrong in that, Yvikka," Clair said gently, trying to comfort her friend, "… We faced otherworldly fiends… and you did all you could to save me. You did the right thing."
"I know, Clair… I know… but because of that… I feel guilty for him… He is right all along about this rune… yet I forsook him to his end of life… just what an ungrateful daughter I am…"
"It's not important whether he is right or you're wrong!" Clair spoke strongly, almost in a yell, "It's not important now whether your father truly love you or not! That's the past! What difference would thinking and regretting it make now?"
"C-Clair…?"
"Listen, Yvikka…" Clair said again, "I understand what it means for people to know that they're loved. Of course, I can't speak in your father's place in that matter… but… let me ask you one more thing… Despite everything and anything you've learned about yourself… are you happy with yourself now? Are you content with your present life?"
The question shook her.
Just then she realized it.
When she thought more about it, she couldn't honestly say that she's unhappy with her present self and life, despite the dark past she had. The rune she was bearing, which she had always thought as a curse, had in fact saved her life, and more importantly, Clair's life—the one person she hold dear.
And she was thankful for that.
"Answer me, Yvikka!" Clair strong voice echoed again, at which the soldier looked up to.
"I… I am… content… Clair…"
"Do you ever regret using the rune your father had given you that day? The day you saved both of our lives?" Clair asked again.
"… I… don't regret it… I never regret it…"
Clair's stern features softened at her friend's answers. She made a smile, and looked at Yvikka as compassionately as she could make it, for she knew that the troubled woman needs it.
"You see…? There's nothing wrong in that, is it? You're content with you are now… that's what's important, and you might have your father to thank for that. Just think about it… had your father treated you differently, you won't be what you are now, and there's no guarantee that you'll be happier than you are now. Think, Yvikka… would you prefer to keep dwelling in that hurtful, unchangeable past of yours and live forever under the shadow of your father, or get yourself over it, and continue on with life… this life you're content with?"
Had I not had this rune…
I would've died long ago…
Even if I didn't die… I might not walk on this path I have walked until now…
I won't be joining the army… I won't meet the many friends I have now, and I won't even meet you…
… Clair…
Memories flashed again before her. She remembered her friends in the squad she was leading during her officer training, the haven her company had given her, which had kept her safe from the dark memories, and then the first time she met the silver haired woman in a battleground.
Reminiscence kept on coming, which made her realizes that the significance of the dark moments of truth she'd long running away from keeps on diminishing as she forged her way forward to the present, until it finally has little to no significance at all.
"Clair… I…" The dark-haired woman muttered lowly. She then looked up to face her dearest superior, showing a tear-streaked face to her.
"… I… I honestly… want nothing more… than to be able to continue on life like this… but… but I just… don't know how. I just can't seem to… get over my past… I just can't forget it…"
"There's no need forget," Clair said gently, "You just have to accept the past. If you forget it, it will throw you back if it resurfaces. But if you accept, you can always face it anytime, anywhere without wavering."
"Accept the past…"
"You can start by forgiving your father, and more importantly… yourself. There's no end of blaming your own self, and that will only bring about your own downfall. Mistake is a burden, but all it takes to ease it, is an apology. Just try it."
Once again, Yvikka couldn't help but recognize the wisdom in her superior's words. Words from the past echoed again, the last words of her father's.
"… Yvikka… please… forgive your father…"
Father…
No, you don't have to apologize. I'm the one who should apologize now…
Father… please forgive me…
"… I don't know if I can forgive myself, Clair," Yvikka finally managed, "… But I'll try…"
Upon answering, Yvikka suddenly found herself being wrapped in a strong embrace. It was a warming, caring embrace from Clair. It somehow soothed the lingering pain her remembrance had caused her, making her feels perfectly safe.
"I'll see you to that, Yvikka…" Clair whispered, "… for I can't stand seeing a friend got lost…"
Fresh tears burned their way out of Yvikka's eyes. This time, they were not the tears of pain, but rather, tears of joy and relief at the face of Clair's earnestness. She returned the embrace, feeling immensely thankful for her.
"… Clair…" She sobbed, "… Thank you… thank you very much…"
Clair didn't answer. She just lifted a small smile of relief, knowing that Yvikka seemed to have gotten over most of her burden, and tightened her embrace. She kept on holding on to her friend, and pulled away only when the other woman was ready.
"So… do you feel better now?" Clair asked when she finally come face to face with Yvikka.
".. I'm better now. Thank you, Clair," Yvikka answered.
"Glad I can help…" Clair sighed in relief.
Because I, too, am responsible for this. Clair continued in her heart.
Had I been strong enough to fend for myself that time… but, yeah… I'm just glad that everything turned out for the better.
"Clair…" Yvikka called lowly, breaking Clair's train of thought, "… Why…?"
"Why what?"
"Why… don't you despise me? I mean… I am engineered, Clair. I'm a product of an experiment… I am… 'different'…"
"You're silly," Clair chuckled and poked Yvikka's one cheek rather playfully, "I don't give a damn about that. Everyone's different. Everyone's born with their own gifts… As for you, that's your gifts. If you're troubled about where your gifts come from, just consider it that Father Apris had taken an unusual way to give you that—the fact that you can live with that proves that you are to live with that. Still, not everyone sees you this way, so you'd better stay silent about that."
Yvikka relieved at Clair's answer. However then, it made a question crept up her mind. Clair was a soldier, but seeing her considerate and gentle demeanor, nobody would think that she is a soldier.
"… Say, Clair… why did you join the army?" Yvikka worded her question, "I mean… I think you're too kind for this harsh world of a soldier… Not that I think you're weak… but I just cannot imagine you doing the soldier's job… you know, killing…"
"My reason? Well… I originally didn't intend to join as a soldier. I had wished to be a scholar… like Elena Frahm, but…"
The silver haired beauty cast a look at her companion, apparently considering about something. She made a smile when she seemed to have come to a decision, and continued.
"Yvikka… you have entrusted me with your life, and in return, I'd like to share you something which I have been keeping only to myself."
The statement struck Yvikka speechless. She honestly never expected this from Clair. Her respect for the woman got the best of her, so she objected.
"…Clair, if it's a secret, then you don't have to—"
"It's all right, Yvikka," Clair cut in the objection, "We're friends, right? Why can't we share some little secrets among ourselves?"
The dark haired woman couldn't think of a rebuttal at the face of Clair's answer. Eventually, she gave up thinking and let Clair do what she wishes.
"The reason for me to join the army… is to follow her," Clair began her story.
"Her?"
"Yes… her, Nel Zelpher. I think you already know that both of us have been friends ever since we're little."
"Yes. I know of it."
"When we both signed up for the army… it was only a little while after Nel's father fell in battle. I never know what her motivation was, but she was deep in depression, and I was afraid that she'd fall into something like revenge… so I followed her so as to watch over her… I frankly don't want to see her do things as horrible as that. And then… after all the time we've spent together… I slowly realize… that my concern for her is not just friendly concern… but something… more…"
Clair averted her gaze from Yvikka in something like a shy gesture. A faint hint of red was visible on her cheeks.
"I think… I'm in love with her… and that's why… I stay on here. But then… I don't think that this is a bad place to be anyway…"
Clair still said something, but that went unheard for Yvikka. A shiver of cold came down the other's heart for she, too, loved Clair. Although Yvikka had guessed it, it nevertheless pained her to actually hear from Clair herself that her heart belongs to another. Still, she persevered, for she knew that she'd promised Clair.
"Yvikka, is something wrong?" Clair asked upon seeing her friend seemingly in a daze.
"N-nothing," was Yvikka's prompt answer.
"You surprised?" Clair asked again with a smile. The blush on her face was getting more apparent by now.
"Not really…" Said Yvikka, "I can see it."
"Really? How do you know?" Clair asked out of embarrassment.
"From the moment you fell ill…"
The silver haired beauty laughed rather clumsily at her friend's answer. She then tried to divert her mind to something else, so as to prevent the blush on her face, which she was aware of, from getting even more apparent. Yvikka, however, had one thing to make sure…
"Clair… if you can one day get together with Lady Nel… will you be happy?"
It was Clair's turn to get struck to silence. There was no need for her to voice the answer, for the bright-red face the silver haired woman was wearing speaks the answer for herself. Yvikka saw this, and sighed out relief in the knowing that her promise won't go to waste.
I'll see you to that as well, Clair…
"Wh-why do you ask… all of a sudden?" Clair blurted out, having apparently managed to get a better hold of herself.
"Nothing… It's just… if you're happy, then I'll be happy for both of you as well," Yvikka replied calmly.
Clair beamed a calm smile at her friend's answer. She then drifted her gaze, looking at anything but at her friend, and answered.
"… I honestly hope for that day to come… but, I don't know if it will ever come. For now, I'd just wait for her to come home here… If I can see her back home safe, I'll be content."
"She will come home. I believe it," said Yvikka.
"Thank you, Yvikka…"
A moment of peace came on the two women. Clair, for her part, saw that her friend was obviously tired. All the emotions that she'd let go before had drained her down both body and soul, and Clair knew that she needs rest. Still, however, she had one more thing to confirm.
"So, Yvikka…" Clair lifted up voice, "… What are you going to do now?"
Yvikka drew a deep breath at Clair's question. She then got up her chair, opened the window of her room, and looked outside, deep in thought. It was not that she doesn't know the answer; she just needed to think it through once more. She had made a hasty decision once, and that had led her to knowing a painful truth. She was thinking about it now to ensure that she is ready to face all the consequences.
"I… am going to continue on protecting Aquaria, and everyone and everything that is dear to me. And for now… I will do all I can, with everything I have, to fight off these Vile Wind Fiends… and anything else that threaten to harm the people. And…"
"And…?"
Yvikka turned to look at her dear superior, smiling solemnly at her.
"… And when the fighting's over… I will continue on the research on this rune I'm bearing. I will try to find another, better use for this other than bringing forth raw power and destruction."
"Yvikka…" Clair muttered, standing up to meet her friend, reaching out for her hands, holding them tightly.
"Are you sure about that?"
"I'm sure of it, Clair…"
The silver haired woman hugged her friend out of awe. Only several moments before, she was a frail woman broken down by her guilt and past. But now, she stood strong, and was even able to face again the one thing that had almost driven her to her downfall.
"I know I can't expect anything less from you," Clair said happily close to her ears, "I'm proud to ever have a soldier like you, and I'm sure that you'll live up to the Yrsenlaf lineage."
"Clair…" Yvikka muttered, "… Thank you…"
When Clair pulled away from the embrace, Yvikka saw her smiling broadly at her, her lips voiced out another question.
"Are you sure that you can do it by yourself?"
"Un… That is… well, that, in and of itself, will be a difficult research, but I'll manage it somehow."
"I think… it's better for you to speak to the queen personally about this. I'm sure she'll be glad to hear this from you, and you'll get more help that way," Clair suggested.
The suggestion shook the dark-haired woman by surprise. Never had the imagination of her speaking personally to her queen about this matter crossed her mind. It was difficult for someone such as her to ever get the chance to meet the queen personally, and if she could ever have the chance, telling this to the queen would equal admitting a lie, for she had lied about her true identity upon her admission to the Royal Service and she knew well the consequences that would befall on her should the queen finds out.
"Telling this to Her Majesty?! But, Clair… I…"
"Don't worry. I'll back you up," Clair assured in the knowing of her friend's apprehension, "Her Majesty trusts me. I'm her Crimson Blade, remember?"
"But… wouldn't that put you at risk…?"
"Her Majesty wouldn't do such, trust me. Our present queen is a very considerate person, and I believe that she will not abuse you for anything. Aside of that, it is better for you to tell her yourself than to be found out, don't you think?"
Once again, Yvikka felt that Clair's words are right.
I have put my faith on her for this far… and never once she disappoints me…
Why can't I trust her on this?
…
"Very well, Clair…" Yvikka finally answered, "I'll tell Her Majesty this…"
"And I shall accompany you there," Clair said heartily, "So don't you go off there without me, all right?"
"… Yeah…"
Clair sighed relief upon hearing her friend's answer. She saw the hints of fatigue were getting more evident in Yvikka's features, and she then decided to let her rest for the day.
"Well, then… I think you should take a rest for now. Take some sleep, Yvikka. You need it," said Clair.
"But… I haven't finished my report…"
The response got a laugh from the silver haired commander. It was one of Yvikka's typical duty-first answers which she had long accustomed to hearing. She was glad for that because she could see Yvikka's former self behind it. The self of a devoted, strong-willed, independent soldier she'd taken pride in commanding.
"Forget about that, soldier," the superior officer said with a smile, "Go and get some sleep. That's an order."
Yvikka smiled sourly at the answer, but she admitted that she is too tired to actually do anything else.
"Understood, commander…" The subordinate answered, "… And thank you… Clair…"
Clair lifted another contented smile at her friend. After she made sure of herself that Yvikka would truly take a rest of the day, she left her, but not without saying good night to her. Just as she'd gotten out of the room and closed the door, she realized that she'd forgotten something to ask…
The name of her childhood friend… Andressa…
I think I've heard of that name before… but not in the military…
…
In the end, Clair gave up the attempt of remembering, and returned to her own quarter with hopes to see Yvikka better tomorrow.
---
Meanwhile, that night in Castle Aquios, a word of a particular event had just arrived.
Aquaria's present Holy Mother, Aquaria XXVII could be seen sitting on her throne. Beside her was Laselle, her Magistrate, and before her knelt the messenger, a golden-haired young woman with azure eyes which suits the color of her hair well, wearing a priestess robe with distinctive markings that differs her from the castle's priestesses.
"So… the Vile Wind Fiends have desecrated the Kaddan Shrine…" The ruler muttered lowly, her features troubled.
"That is true, my queen," the messenger ensured the news, "And apparently… they are somehow attracted to the Apris Orb. Maybe it's because of the orb's strong runological presence. I don't know what they're going to do with the orb, but we guardians do all we have to do. When I left… they have breached the entrance chamber. I don't know for how long the shrine's traps and guardians can hold them off… Please, Your Majesty… We need your wisdom…!"
Aquaria XXVII bowed her head, obviously deep in thought. After a time which felt like eternity for everyone in the room but herself, the queen finally voiced a decision.
"Laselle."
"I, Your Majesty."
"Send a letter of summon to Lady Clair and Lady Yvikka in Arias with all haste. Also, prepare the Shield Legion stationed here, and the Chain Legion in Peterny to mobilize to the shrine."
"At once, Your Majesty."
As her magistrate left, the queen then turned her attention back to the messenger before her, only to find her stunned.
"Lady Andressa," the Aquarian ruler called.
Andressa, the messenger, let out a sharp breath intake as her queen's call snapped her out of her reverie. She then quickly resumed her attention, and apologized.
"I-I, my queen. I apologize for my unawareness."
"The journey must've made you tired," said the ruler, "You might well take a rest for now, but I want you to know beforehand that you are to prepare a detailed briefing for Lady Clair and Lady Yvikka."
"Understood, Your Majesty."
"Very well. You're dismissed."
Upon the dismissal, the messenger saluted her ruler, and immediately left the audience chamber. She walked her way to the room reserved for her rather uneasily, for so many thoughts went over her mind.
Yvikka… could it be you?
