Ask Relius stuff..chapter 4: The OrangeTabby Hour.

XxX

INTRODUCTION

ButlerHazama: writer's block,writer's block-WRITER'S BLOCK!

butlerhazama broke the pencile was holding.

Orangetabby: Calm down,yeah? You're not the only one that suffers from writer's block..

ButlerHazama: This ' Ask Relius Stuff ' chapter has enough questions submitted and has to be posted as soon as FUCKING POSSIBLE!

the author flipped a table.

Orangetabby: Just ask yourself what Relius would do in times like this.

orangetabby was doodling Ragna.

ButlerHazama: He..he would-BE A MAN AN' GET SHIT DONE!

butlerhazama did the relius' attack pose.

OrangeTabby:That pose is really disturbing, but there's the spirit! Well..since I helped you get your mojo going..do you mind buying me..I don't know- a Ragna plushie,a taokaka plushie,a Rachel plushie...Y'know- let's just say I want plushies of all the BlazBlue characters.

ButlerHazama: Anything!

the two hopped in butlerhazama's ( soon to be ) 1967 Impala.

* 8 hours later *

ButlerHazama: This entire chapter was possible because of you!

OrangeTabby sat in the living room surrounded by BlazBlue plushies and ButlerHazama's crumpled wads of paper.

ButlerHazama:Thanks a ton,kid.

The author smiled with a mouth full of crooked Murdoc Niccals teeth.

Orangetabby: Anytime..I'll be here if you need anything.

OrangeTabby sunk into the mountain of plushies.


"Hazama, are you there? "

Relius knocked on Hazama's office door.

"Eh?" I thought we usually do this in your office.."

"yes, but…Ignis insisted on me giving her 'a bit of girl time' today…"

"Girl time?" The two sat at his desk.

"It seemed a bit odd, but some of the readers *cough, orangetabby, cough* have insisted that I treat Ignis properly and such trivial things…" Relius shrugged.

Hazama muttered something about domestic battery under his breath and opened up the questions.

"How do you sleep at night knowing how many victims you've used for experimentation?" – Orangetabby101

"A question regarding my sleep cycles..hmm.." Relius crossed his legs.

"I sleep quite soundly, actually. I don't have too much trouble sleeping when I need to rest." He shrugged.

"These so called 'victims' were valuable subjects, and willing participants in my experiments." Relius explained.

"Huh, like anyone would volunteer in all that crazy shit you call science." Hazama scoffed.

"…..moving on."

"And yes, I do have nuisances, (like Carl) but if you would work it out, don't you think he'd forgive you? You say you're 'busy' put last time I checked, in your story mode, you hop from one thing to another, not staying focused on one thing and you beat the crap outta people because 'they're interesting and can be valuable research.' Besides, in Chrono Phantasma, you get the crap beat outta ya by Carl!He can't be a nuisance now can he, since he bested you!" –Orangetabby101

There was an ominous silence in the office room.

Relius cleared his throat and began to speak.. "Let's dissect this one by one, shall we?" The blonde man smirked.

"Why should I waste my valuable time on an imp that wants nothing to do with me, hm? Even if I did apologize to Carl, do you really think he'll forgive me and pretend nothing happened? You should really think of the effects."

Hazama rolled his eyes.

"Secondly, I am in fact sedulous. If I was not, do you really think I would be 'hopping from one thing to another'? Why should I stay focused on only one of many important tasks? I am very capable of multi-tasking. Also, I do not engage others in battle unless I decide it is absolutley nessasary. I fight them to observe their style, and how long they can hold against my own. I clearly remember what I stated before, there is no reason for you to quote me at all. And adressing your last statement... I am not allowed to answer that for- the author STILL hasn't bought Chrono Phantasma."

*CUT SCENE*

" I-I need ta' buy BlazBlue! B-But, I'm so broke I gotta sell 'a kidney, not mine of course!" ButlerHazama looked a mess. The author had an uncontrollable eye-twitch and dark circles too...Sleep deprivation can do this to you..

" Ahahaha..." ButlerHazama laughed for no apparent reason. " Might as well, try 'ta clear mi head..." H turned on the radio, and blasted Guns n Roses through the speakers.

But even through the guitar solo, The Butler heard the neighbors in the next room...

"Hey dude! Look what I just bought!" There was a russling of a plastic bag.

"OMG! Is that BlazBlue: Chrono Phantasma?!"

"Yeah! I even got the Ragna nendroid!"

"Well,SHIT! Put it on!"

The butler leaned against the wall.

The opening sequence immediatly began playing.

"Look! Oh my gosh! Those graphics!"

"HAZAMA-AHHH!"

"LOOK AT JIN- HE'S SO HAWT!"

ButlerHazama heard their cheers of fangirling in the next Butler collapsed on the floor. "Who the fuck lives next door? OrangeTabby and Resoleon?"

*END CUTSCENE*

"Ahem... moving on to another question, this one is adressed to- you, Hazama." Relius turned to him.

"Sorry for punching you like that. By the way, you're really awsome and you kick ass. But how does a day of the Ultimate Troll King go? How do you manage to deal with a Ragna, a Jin, and many other people that hate you? And how do you cope with that Terumi persona? Do you like switching? And do you know that you're in almost all the Blazblue Mangas and comics and you always annoy people? And would you eat a boiled egg smoothie?" -OrangeTabby101

"I shouldn't accept your apology this easy..Buuut, I'm in no mood to argue right now." Hazama let out a breath. "I know I'm awsome,and kick ass. Thanks for reminding me about it..fangirls, I'm talking about you ladies. Crazy as they may be- They know what's hot, and not." Hazama pointed at Relius at the 'not' part.

"Wait...what was I saying? I forgot. But in Relius fashion I'll answer your question one by one." Hazama smiled.

" Life as the Ultimate troll king,eh?" hazama pondered the question. " It's pretty fucking fabulous. It actually takes a lot of work. There's always this ONE puppy that can't take a joke and tries to 'hell's fang' me, or 'gadget finger me'... Wait, that came out wrong. But all in all, it's my specialty. Personally I think I'm one of the best, or best of the best. " He smiled his chesire grin.

" I highly doubt that you are the best in this.. 'trolling'. "

"Yeah? And you're not the best 'worst father'. " Hazama dismissed Relius' question with a wave of his hand.

" You're wondering how I deal with ol' rags and the Major? Good question..I usually pick at them until they get pissed, or annoyed and try to come at me with a so called ' distortion drive' that I can easily counter...Then again,everytime I try to joke around abit they go off about stupid things.. 'You cut my arm offffff! wahhhh!' 'Captian Hazama, stahp sexually harassing the new interns! Mehh!' The things I deal with, Tabby.."

He sighed and shrugged.

"I cope fairly well with my alternate persona. Y'know how you sometimes feel so pissed that you can kick a puppy? That's Terumi. When you feel like you can fool people into believing an obvious lie, that's Hazama. And when you feel like taking a bath and eating boiled eggs, that's both." Hazama twirled his butterfly knifes.

"Of course I'm in (almost) all of the BlazBlue mangas! Is Relius gonna be in all of them? I didn't think so! If I wasn't annoying people, I would be trolling them, then probably killing them...you've played the endings!" Hazama pulled a comic from his coat. "Besides, I'm a fan favourite! If I wasn't there, that would be like Haruka without water, or Elsa without snow!"

" ...Did you just bring up Frozen? Of all things you could have compared it to...Frozen was your choice.." Relius' eye twitched.

" God, whatever Colonel.. No, I would not eat a boiled egg smoothie, but I would drink one...because it's a smoothie. That actually sounds pretty decent.. I'll have Makoto bring one in- NANAYA!"

The beastkin trudged in. " What Captian, Hazama?!"

" One of my fans suggested I try something- make me a boiled egg smothie."

"A- what?! Wait- YOUR FANS?! Don't you guys have a freaking job to do?!"

Hazama and Relius stared at each other.

"Well, it's still smelting.. And we need a few more souls..might as well pass the time.." Hazama explained.

" Smelting? Like a sword? And SOULS?! Captian Hazama- have you been drinking?" Makoto's fur stood on edge.

"Nevermind- just get me my smoothie." He waved her out.

" I don't trust those fans of yours.." Makoto mumbled under her breath.

" While we're waiting- shall I continue on with Ignis' questions?"

"huh? A doll got questions? What the hell?"

" Ignis!" Relius snapped.

" 1. Does Relius ever treat you properly? I can beat him up if you want.

2. When's the last time you saw your children?

3. Do you think Carl has grown up to be a good kid? " -Orangetabby101

"..." (Oh..good afternoon.) Ignis 'said' to her husband.

" One of the readers has these questions for you." Relius fiddled with his glove.

"..(alright)" "..." ( Relius treats me well, I suppose. He never hurts me, or anything like that...)

Her voice trailed off. "..." ( I appreciate your concern for my well-being)

Relius frowned at the answer.

"..." (Well, I saw them just a few days ago! )

*FLASHBACK*

" Ignis, make sure you get a few boxes of Capti'n Crunch..Not the peanut butter one!" Relius pushed a shopping cart into the supermarket. Ignis floated beside him. She mentally sighed and went to the ceral isle.

Her arms were filled with boxes of was about to leave- but something caught her eye.

"C'mon sis! Spongebob is gonna be on soon! The new episode where he FINALLY comes out of the closet!"

"..." (carl?) Ignis dropped the cereal . Carl was skipping through the market like a happy-go-lucky kid.

"! " ( Ah! Carl! Ada! ) Ignis floated towards the two.

She was only a foot away from coming in contact with them- but Relius interfered.

He snapped and she was by his side once again. "Come along Ignis.. The new spongebob squarepants episode is almost on..the one where he FINALLY admits he is infact- a homosexual."

*END FLASHBACK*

"..." (that was the most recent sighting of them.)

" To be honest- that episode was pretty funny." Hazama smiled and drank his smoothie- that nobody noticed he was drinking because it was gettin' real with the Clover family and the author was too lazy to write.

"..." ( of course I believe Carl has grown to be a good kid! He's my son, and I love him no matter what. He never gives up ,and has his father's sense of determination. I know he'll always do good...) Ignis mentally smiled.

"Wasn't the kid's birthday like... on May 5? Which passed already.." Hazama added.

" Oh...I guess it was. Leave now, Ignis." Relius snapped.

" Fuuuuucked up." Hazama sang. "Ah shit- we forgot this question!" He pointed out.

" Don't you think you should treat Ignis to a dinner date?" -Orangetabby101

Silence and Hazama's abnormal slurping filled the office.

" No. I don't think I should." Relius frowned.

" That would be freaking weird.." Hazama thought aloud.

" Imagine if you saw a a masked weirdo on a date with a puppet..sheesh, I'm freaking myself out already! I don't wanna think about that!" Hazama laughed.

"Immature.." Relius sighed.

"Ask relius if have sex with that blow up doll of a wife he build " -Guest

" This is highly disturbing. " Relius stared.

" You should have expected this question sooner or later. " Terumi fiddled with his tie.

" No, I do not have intercourse with Ignis. That's impossible. And she's not a ' blow up doll ' she is a Nox Nyctores Redactum Fluctus: Ignis. Crafted of the finest material...

Relius rambled on about Ignis' material.

" Ugh, how boring. Listen- if you REALLY wanna know, I suggest you read this one fanfic..uhh...damn! I forgot the name of it! But it's in the 'M' rated fanfiction side. So venture through the porn- it should be there." Hazama whispered to the Guest.

" ...And that is why she is pink. " Relius finished with his explanation.

Relius, would you consider Terumi as a friend or an annoying co-worker? -MMagicBox

" I consider him as an annoying co-worker. This relationship between us is strictly buissiness. I do not seek his companionship. "

Terumi furrowed his brows. " Aww! You can't possibly mean that! We've been like Eren and Armin! "

" More like Shizuoh and Izaya... " Relius muttered under his breath.

" C'mon! We're bros! We are so close that fans ship us! "

" Terumi.. we are not close. And please never say that again. " Relius tapped his fingers against his knee. " I'm moving on. "

"Could you get me a cool puppet woman just like Ignis, Relius? Also my little brother says hello. He is your biggest fan" -Rogue Black Knight

" A 'cool puppet woman'? " Relius repeated.

He sighed. " As I explained ealier, She's a Redactum Fluctus Ignis.." Relius gestured. " I am sure something can be arranged if you truly desire one.. Do you happen to have any females in your household that are willing (or not) to be created anew? When you get one, just bring them to my offices here at the Librarium Branch.."

"Oh, and lots of cash!" Hazama interupted.

" Your younger brother..is a fan of mine? That is a bit...unusual.." He frowned. " Never have I heard of a child looking up to me..Assuming he's a , send my regards to him."

" That's all the questions?"

" It appears so.."

"Finally! I'm gonna go harass Noel about her flat chest! see ya around."With that Hazama was gone.

Relius leaned back in his chair. " Ignis." he snapped.

"..." (yes darling?)

"Let's go on that date."

author's note: please forgive my erratic updates.. u_u I've been freaking busy. Planning a party takes alot out of you! Not to mention I literally got locked out of my documents! FUDGE YOU UNACTIVATED OFFICE FOR WINDOWS! Expect an update in a week or two. (don't believe me, I'm a filthy liar) Thank you to EVERYONE who submitted questions! This is only possible because of you guys! Without you guys I would be in a grave with sam and dean standing over me..Yeah. Special 'bro' thanks to Orangetabby101, she's pretty cool, I highly sugest you read some of her stories- escpecially if you LOVE Rags! Welp, I have Saturday School tommorrow(for being such a badass) at 8 am and it's 1:14 am right now.. So I should get some sleep..