Chapter Four: Christmas
AN: Rose recognizes parallel-Pete as her father, and Tony as her full brother. Cassie and Tony do know that they are technically a generation apart, but they treat each other as siblings (partly because Jackie didn't want to be called a grandmother). Most importantly, Cassie knows her father is "far away" but she has no idea that he's the Doctor; in fact, she doesn't know that the Doctor is real. They also know nothing about the parallel-universe thing. Now, on with the chapter!
Rose never thought that Christmas with her father would be a painful thing for her. But Christmas on the parallel world was, indeed, insanely hard. Even with Cassie and Tony and Mickey there, it was a miserable experience the first year or two, because she kept remembering that Christmas on her universe.
But as the little ones became old enough to know what Christmas was, Rose decided to shake off the pain of her memories and have fun with it. She had always loved Christmas, and she was lucky enough to have her mother and father, her little brother, and her daughter, her sweet, perfect Cassandra.
This year would be a good one for Rose; she could feel it. Cassie and Tony were seven now, and they just loved Christmas. Today, Christmas Eve, the Tylers and Mickey would be going to pick out a tree – well, it would really just be Cassie, Tony, and Mickey picking it out. The kids and kid at heart.
She was so grateful for Mickey being there. The kids both called him "Uncle Mickey," and he absolutely adored them, particularly Cassie. Cassie had Mickey Smith wrapped around her finger, which Rose secretly attributed to the fact that her daughter had inherited a lot of her mannerisms, including the Official Rose Tyler Trademark Tongue-in-Teeth Cheeky Grin. But it was also in a lot of ways due to Mickey's love for his two best friends' daughter.
"Alright, Team Tyler, who's ready to pick out the best Christmas tree ever?"
Speak of the angel. Rose turned to see Mickey opening the door, one child on each side of him.
Tony and Cassie began chanting simultaneously; the former shouting "Me!" and the latter, "I am!"
"I am, Tony," Cassie corrected. "It's not me; it's I am." Cassie had inherited her father's knack for grammar, and his brilliance, but on the flip side, she also had gotten a healthy dose of rude-and-not-ginger. Jackie and Pete found it absolutely adorable, as did Mickey. Rose, on the other hand, always had to choose between laughter and tears.
"It doesn't matter, Cassie," Tony whined. He was constantly on the receiving end of Cassie's grammar-policing, and while he loved Cassie like a sister... she was like his only-slightly-older sister. Which, as anyone with a close-in-age sibling knows, is the biggest pain ever.
"Okay, okay, let's go pick out a tree," Rose interrupted, trying to prevent a fight between the two little ones. Pete had already pulled the car out of the garage, and when Mickey had successfully gotten the kids buckled into their carseats, sitting in between his niece and nephew as always, and Rose was strapped into shotgun, they went out to the tree farm. (Jackie never came to pick out the tree with them, instead choosing to start decorating the house and getting the ornaments from the basement.)
Half an hour and much discussion later, the trunk of the Tyler station wagon contained a great big tree, needles brushing against Cassie, Tony, and Mickey. Pete was blasting his favorite Christmas CD, and all five of them were singing at the top of their lungs, Pete making silly faces through the rearview mirror.
When they were done being silly, Tony reached across Mickey's lap to tap Cassie's shoulder. "Cassie?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you sing Let it Snow for us? Please?" Let it Snow was one of Cassie and Tony's favorite Christmas songs, and Cassie sung it rather beautifully.
"Yeah, sure," Cassie replied. She cleared her throat and began to sing.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I've brought some corn for popping,
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I'll hate going out in the storm,
But if you'll really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm!
The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we're still goodbye-ing
But as long as you love me so
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Oh! It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've brought along some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I'll hate going out in the storm,
But if you'll really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm!
All the way home I'll be warm!
All the way home I'll be warm!
The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we're still goodbye-ing.
But as long as you love me so
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
As Cassie sang, Rose reminisced about an adventure she had had with the Doctor one time, when he had sung this song. Looking behind her, all she could see were those bright brown eyes, so sparkling and full of life and energy, so very much the Doctor's eyes, that she half expected Cassie to pull out a sonic screwdriver, put on a pair of brainy specs or perhaps a pair of 3-D glasses, and begin licking various parts of the car.
But this was Cassie, little Cassie who had no idea that she was part Time Lord, had no idea that her father was the hero of her mother's fairy-tales, had no idea that whenever her mother looked at her, she was reminded of the worst day of her life. And that was okay. Rose didn't want her little angel to know her pain. Especially now, at Christmas. So Cassie sang and Rose remembered, neither knowing the other's thoughts.
The next morning, Cassie seemed crestfallen.
"Cassie, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Rose sat down next to her daughter, putting an arm around her shoulders.
"I didn't get everything I asked for," the little blonde replied.
"What didn't you get?"
"My daddy," Cassie sighed. "I thought, Father Christmas can give you anything, right? So I asked for my daddy. A letter, or something, anything, but I didn't get anything, and I'm so sad, Mama."
Rose felt her knees go weak. Oh, God, what do I do? "Oh, Cassie," she murmured, hugging her daughter. Poor little thing. "Oh, Cassie, love, I am so sorry, but I don't think Father Christmas can do that."
Cassie looked around, making sure nobody was listening, and then whispered, "Father Christmas isn't really real, is he, Mama?"
Rose sighed. "No, he isn't."
"I won't tell Tony," Cassie said softly. "But I still want my daddy, really, really badly. Why, Mama? Why does he never come see me?" Cassie's brown eyes seemed to reflect her father's more than ever. "Is it... is it 'cuz he doesn't... love us, Mama?"
Now Rose really was on the verge of tears, not only for Cassie, but for her Doctor who had never gotten to say the end of his sentence... Oh, if only she could know for sure what he was going to say. But this wasn't about her anymore; it was about the sweet seven-year-old who had never known that brilliant father of hers. What to say, what to say?
"Cassie, your daddy never got to know you. Before you were born, we were... separated. It was an accident, and I wish more than anything that it hadn't happened like that. But that was a very long time before you were born... and he never knew I was going to have a baby. But I promise, he would love you if he knew you, oh, he'd love you so very much, and he'd be so very proud of you."
"Why can't we see him, though? I mean, can't you send him a message, or call him? You've got to have some way of talking to him!" Scratch before; now Cassie was a mini-Doctor, full of that resilience that came from nobody else. The Doctor would say that Rose herself had that resilience - remember when you broke open the TARDIS?, he'd ask, and she'd say, that was your own fault, you never should've sent me back home - but anyway, it was so strong a resemblance that Rose did really want to burst into tears, but she couldn't.
"He's too far away, Cassie," she explained, breathe, Rose, don't cry, don't let her know...
"But how is that possible? I mean, he can't be that far! Mama, why?" You can't tell her, Rose. She can't know. She's too little.
"Mama, is he dead?" Damn it. Oh, God, no, this isn't going the right way.
"No. He isn't dead. But he's very, very, very far away and we can't find him again."
Cassie was indignant. No! she thought. No, no, no, no! I dream about him sometimes. It's got to be possible. It has to be. It has to... "I dream about him," she said. "It's possible, and I'll show you." In a sudden flash of instinct, she pressed her fingers to her mother's temples, remembering her dream, telling her mother everything somehow, even if she didn't know what she was doing, not really.
Rose's head was suddenly flooded with images, images of the Doctor, and it hurt, oh, it hurt.
Cassie pulled back immediately, sobbing. "Mama! What happened?"
"Shhhh," Rose murmured, hugging her daughter close. "That... that was something I haven't seen anyone but your dad do, Cassie. But it's okay. We're okay now. I don't know how you did it, but you did it... and your dad would be very proud of you, I'll tell you that."
Rose was terrified. Her daughter had never shown any sort of Time-Lord-ish abilities before. Oh, Doctor, what's going to happen? she wondered.
"What?" Cassie asked. "Mama, what?"
"I... I didn't say anything." Oh, God help me.
Hey everybody! I decided to update the Christmas chapter to include both of the Christmas bits I had in mind. The next chapter, called "Shock," is going to get very interesting! Hope y'alls are excited!
I did write a companion piece to this, entitled "Snow." It tells the story of Rose's memory. Hope y'alls enjoy it!
Love always,
Kathryn-Willa
