AN: Alright, I caved. Here's another chapter! Phil & Lil having chapters back to back is cute to me. But anywho... I'm gonna have to press myself to churn more out! Hmph! I'm trying! lol.


Lil Deville

March 30th, 2010

"I wish I was an only child." It takes me by surprise when I hear myself blurt this. I'm almost in complete disbelief when I turn to look at Carter.

He smiles and cups my cheek in his hand, as if I haven't said anything stupid or crazy. "You look so scared to admit it..." He says slowly. "It's cool if you feel that way. Hell, it's good that you can say it out loud.. It's not like I've never felt like that. Imagine havin' as many brothers and sisters as me."

"You're right... You probably just want some privacy." I trail off and lay my head back down on his chest.

We were supposed to go out today. The two of us and Maya, we were supposed to go downtown into the city or something... or was it to the beach? See, the plan was... I was going to come to the Carmichaels and pick Carter up, and then we'd all hang out together. But somehow, Carter and I had ended up in bed, a little stoned and enjoying each other's company. We'd get up soon and we'd go pick up Maya from my house... but right now, it was too comfortable to get up.

"It's not even so much about the privacy..." Carter starts. "It was more or less the lack of attention we got from our parents. Dad was always too busy and Mom made herself busy. So, it was always Alisa, Buster, Edwin, Suzie, and I taking care of each other. It was a lot of work, but that's why we're all so tight to this day."

"So... you understand what I mean then? About always having to be around Phil and stuff?" I ask quietly and Carter just smiles.

"I do understand what you mean. But Phil's not the worst big brother in the world, Lil. I don't know him too well, but from I do know he'd do anything for you. You've had a little time to get some space from him... don't you think he misses you by now?"

I look down at our legs, tangled and trapped within each other. I look at my hands, threaded within Carter's much larger ones. I look up at him... his deep brown eyes and his full lips that I just love... and I realize the huge thing that sets Carter apart from Tommy.

And this finally makes me realize now that Maya was right. All those nights that I would find myself sobbing on her bed, she'd tell me that I was just putting myself in a relationship purgatory with Tommy Pickles and that it was hopeless until I could get myself out of there. Those were her words. And I didn't understand them at first, but now I do.

It meant was making myself unavailable to the other guys who might have provided something good for me just to be committed and loyal Tommy... even though he was never committed to me. Tommy never cared about my opinions or what was on my mind... or even my feelings. And I was settling for that and thinking that no one ever would... back then just having Tommy there for me was good enough. But now it's not... because I've finally found good enough.

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, I finally kiss Carter long and hard on the lips before I crawl out of his arms. "You don't mind if I change our plans a little bit, do you? I think I have some long overdue girl time with my best friend and... you're not a girl, so.. you're not invited." And I smile when Carter stands up in front of me and kisses my cheek.

"No problem, babe." We walk to the door holding hands and he says, "Call me tonight if you want. I won't be busy for the rest of the night." And we kiss each other again. As I turn to leave, Carter taps me lightly on the ass with the back of his hand and I jab him in the arm.

I walk to my car and I can't stop smiling.

I get home quicker than usual it seems... and no one is downstairs so I make my way to my room when I notice Phil and... a girl that I quickly realize is Kimi standing in the bathroom doorway. I hear the faintest sound of retching and I drop everything.

"No... no, no... Maya!" I scream, pushing the two lovebirds out of the way. I drop to my knees and quickly start combing her hair out of her face. "Why the fuck are you two just standing there!" I scream, turning to Phil and Kimi. "What happened?!"

Kimi starts stammering and Phil quickly runs to my room and comes back with an orange tinted bottle, damn near empty. The same bottle that Maya was fishing pills out of at the Java Lava table not too long ago. I flag him over to me.

We patiently wait, sitting beside each other on the bathtub while Maya finally finishes throwing up. She lifts her head and she looks bad. Really bad. Immediately I tell Phil to call our Aunt Sheri. She's a doctor at a downtown Los Angeles hospital.

Maya hears the word hospital and looks up, her eyes red and welled up with tears. "No-!" She chokes. Spits out more puke and finally flushes the toilet. "No hospital... please, I'm fine..."

"Fine? You tried to overdose on pills, you're not fine!" Kimi wails and I whip my head around to glare at her.

"She tried to overdose and you're still standing there doing nothing?" I hiss. "Go downstairs and get her a glass of water. Make yourself useful."

Kimi's eyes darken, but I know she doesn't have the guts to say anything in this predicament. She turns without another word and leaves the room and I sit down on the floor, pulling Maya into my arms.

"God, what happened to you?" I say, hugging her. Surprisingly, she hugs me back. Maya's never been the touchy-feely type. I don't bother to ask about it. "I leave you here for a measly hour..." Saying this, I instantly regret it. But she laughs anyway.

She pulls back from my shoulder and smiles at me, but her voice is still weak from barfing and she's slurring just a little. "I'm sorry, Lil... It's been a long day." She breathes heavily again and I hear tears threatening to sneak up from her shaky voice.

"This has to do with your mom, doesn't it.. I told you before... you don't have to deal with that! You're always welcome to stay here. My parents absolutely love you." I say but Maya doesn't respond right away. She leans into me and her smile disappears.

"She was belligerent when I got home today. Absolutely destroyed." She doesn't look up but moves her mouth away from my shoulder so I can hear her better. "And she starts telling me how... I'm not my father's child, the father I've known my whole life. And how badly she wanted an abortion while she was carrying me. Manny and I ruined her life. She told me how she looks me in my face every day... and sees a mistake."

I don't mind how her sentences are crossing over each other. She's gotta be very high from the pills but at least she's talking... At least she's alive.

Kimi finally returns with the glass of water and I want to shush Maya from talking but she just continues and I let her. How can I stop her when she's finally getting everything off her chest? "I can hardly stand when she's around... but you know, Lil, it's never been this bad. I wish she'd just go back to... wherever she disappears off to... my own mother told me that I don't deserve to be alive." And she starts crying again and leans into my chest.

It's a long twenty minutes of Maya crying. My arms are wrapped around her and I notice she's shaking and sweating. After she manages to calm down a little, Kimi goes to hand her the glass of water. Phil comes back after a few minutes and hands Maya another pill.

"What's that?" Kimi says, alarmed.

"A drug to counteract the side effects." He says calmly as he stoops down to Maya. "Listen... our Aunt Sheri is here... We're not going to take you to the hospital, but she wants to have a look at you. Is that alright?"

"Yeah..." She mutters weakly. "It's alright."