AN: Sorry about the hiatus on the story, guys (at least, what feels like a hiatus)... Sophomore year of college has kinda been kicking my ass but not in a bad way c: But anyways, I'm finally on break! So, I figured I'd post something to celebrate! Enjoy (:


Tommy Pickles
April 5th, 2010

"Yo, Tom! You still having that Spring Break party? I heard about what happened …" It kinda weirds me out how this random dude is talking about what happened to Maya like she's directly related to me. He's big and muscular. Pretty sure he's a senior on the football team. And it's not common that I stop and chat with football jocks, much less seniors. It's a little bit more odd that he even knows what goes on between a bunch of sophomores. I want to stop him and tell him "Fuck yeah, I'm still having that party!" so he'll just go away and leave me alone but he keeps talking.

"I knew that girl… Maya. I helped her fix her locker one time." He says and I wanna say "So? Awesome for you. Want a metal or something?" But I decide now's not the time to be a dick… especially to a dude that's three times my size. I just say "Really? That's cool. She's a good kid." and he sorta looks at me funny but he keeps talking.

"Yeah… and I dunno… I'm just curious… is she gonna be there?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"Dunno, man. You'll have to talk to her." And I walk away a little bit faster than he feels like going I guess, because he leaves the convo at that.

It's freaking me out how everybody just keeps coming up to me and talking about Maya like I knew her so well… like the few times they've spoke to her means they know her so well. If they wanna talk to anybody, maybe they should talk to Phil. Or Kimi. Or even Chuck, who I heard fell asleep in bed with her when she was getting all recovered. The night after everything happened. It actually caught me off guard how hearing him say that hit me with a little bit of jealousy. Like… what the fuck? Come on. They don't even know each other really. Come to think of it… nobody really knows Maya as well as they've been acting besides Lil. Everyone's been going around, telling the part of the story they were involved in as if they'd actually done an ounce of anything to help save her life.

It's relieving that she's not dead or anything right now… but I can't believe how everyone jumped at the chance to play hero.

And it's crazy, the way I was just thinking about Lil… because on my way out to the parking lot, we basically slammed right into each other. Her notebooks and her homework fly everywhere, almost like we actually crashed and had a head on collision. "Holy shit, sorry!" Flies right out of my mouth and I start picking up her books. Lil doesn't move even an inch. She's just kind of watching.

When I'm all finished, she thanks me in this quiet, mousy voice that I've never heard her use. She waves the books just slightly, like she's rocking a baby in her arms. "These are hers…" She mutters. "People have been asking about her all day."

I open my mouth and so much wants to come out. Like about how much I hate hearing about it. How much I won't sit around and pretend like I knew Maya the best and how I won't say a damn thing about how I think suicide is stupid and how valuable her life is. Because it's not my place. It's Lil's place. Lil was the one there. She was the "hero" and the good friend. But I don't say any of that. I look down at the homework and I ask, "How is she...?"

Lil nods her head. "Good, she's good. She wanted to come back to school today, but I told her she couldn't. So did my parents." By parents Lil means her mother and Evelyn, her girlfriend. What, did you actually think that Betty was going to let timid ass Howard get full custody of the twins? Not after his gambling binges. Not after his drinking problem. It's alright though. Lil's mom is happier with a woman and we all know that. I sort of wonder how Lil and Phil feel about their mom going full swing and coming out to everyone a few years ago… and now, having two moms but I don't feel like now is a good time to ask.

I nod. "That's good…"

Lil quirks an eyebrow at me. "And how have you been?" I freeze up a little bit because I don't know how to respond and she smiles. It honestly looks flawless right now, especially when I'm feeling so shitty. And then she says, "We haven't been talking much recently." And instantly, boom. It's here when I start to feel guilty. I know I was never the best when it came to Lil. I did a lot of dirt to this girl, and to see her here smiling at me like everything's alright between us is like swallowing a mouthful of stones. I don't know what to say. So I just tell the truth.

"I've been… sorta bad, Lil." I look down at the pavement when her eyes crinkle up like they do when she's upset. Like the time I told her about Kimi. About us being together. Ha. Like any of that actually matters now. "I've been drinking a lot." I admit, even though I know how much it pains her to hear that. She touches my shoulder.

"So, what is it? What's getting to you?" Her voice is just so gentle and soft when she says this. I want to lean forward and kiss her right on the lips, but I know she's with Carter and we're too good of friends for me to do that to him. I know they're doing great together. I know he's making her happy. Happier than I could ever make her, even if I'd actually tried this time.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I may have just gotten myself in too deep here. So I just bail. "I… nothing. I've gotta go, Lil." I lie. "Got some people waiting for me." I quickly dart away toward my car.

I hear Lil call behind me. "If you ever need to talk, Tommy, call me… okay? We're still friends." And I don't know how to take this. I don't answer her, but I scramble inside of my car, slam the door, and start off.