After being confined to a wheelchair for so long, and after not being dual legged for years, it took all of Augustus willpower not to skip down the halls. He had forgotten what it felt like two walk with both of his legs. He was all alone, Luke had already gotten his letter, and Luke hadn't sounded very happy when he talked about it, and a small part of him was afraid of what awaited him on the observation deck. But that small part of his mind was overshadowed by the fact that he could walk and run again.
The ship was like a maze, and as Augustus attempted to navigate the winding corridors he let his mind ponder the metaphors of afterlife being a cruise ship. It had to be going some where, although a cruise ship was a very strange thing to be in the afterlife, so it wasn't to farfetched of an idea that he would spend the rest of eternity on this ship.
After wandering down another identical hallway he saw a set of stairs with a large arrow pointing upward that said Observation deck this way. He hurriedly climbed the stairs and emerged into the sunlight. There were tables, and a shuffleboard, how he imagined that any other cruise ship would look, but each side of the railing was lined with binoculars like people would use for sight seeing. Most of the binoculars were occupied,mostly old people, which made sense since this was the afterlife, there were only a handful of teenagers. Most of the people were crying silently as they looked through the binoculars, there was one girl who looked like she was his age, who had curled up into a little ball and was crying hysterically, he could also hear her yelling obscenities.
Fear had replaced his good mood, and he stepped up to the binoculars, both of his hands shaking, and looked through.
He got to see his own funeral after all. He was looking at the literal hand of Jesus, and the first thing that he saw was himself, laying in a open casket. He was wearing his death suit, and his face looked wrong, like it was plastic. He felt sick to his stomach and felt like he might throw up. He looked away from the binoculars for a moment and took a deep breath to steady himself before he looked back through the binoculars
The next think that he saw was his parents. Both of them had bloodshot, puffy eyes, and both of them looked like they had aged 10 years. He swallowed hard, he didn't know why he thought they would be okay. He felt guilty for every single happy thought he had since dying. Then he saw Hazel Grace, and he would have gladly given back his leg to be with her again. This was all that he had managed to accomplish in his short life, he didn't die a death that would help others, or advance some great cause, all he had done was die a death that left pain and tears behind. He had never quite understood Hazels grenade metaphor until this moment. .All he could hope was that Peter Van Huten would keep his promise and tell Hazel what happened to the characters after the book was over, and that he would write her an Eulogy he could at least give Hazel that.
Augustus refocused the binoculars on Hazel Grace, she had taken out both of the tubes in her nose and she was walking over to his casket. Augustus breath caught when he saw her taking out a pack of cigarettes from her purse.
"You can smoke these I won't mind" Hazel said and slipped the cigarette pack into his casket and then he kissed his body on the head. Augustus let out a weak sob. Hazel looked older too, like an old woman stuck in a teenagers body.
"I'm okay Hazel Grace I'm okay" said Augustus said his voice cracking. He wished he could talk to her, and tell her that and his parents too. Hazel was walking back down to her seat and she put back the tubes back in her nose.
He was scanning the crowd of people at his funeral when his eyes landed on Peter Van Houten. He had come after all he had to tell Hazel what happened now, he just had to. Shortly after that people started to make speeches about him. Augustus really wanted to stop watching but he wanted to see what Hazel would say about him. It seemed to take hours to get to her speech, and despite everything he couldn't help himself from laughing when the priest called Hazel his "special friend."
"There was a quote that me and Augustus both found very comforting…" And that was how the rest of the speech went. It was bullshit that neither he nor Hazel believed in, and he was glad that he had gotten the hear her pre funeral speech, he liked that one better. But throughout her whole speech he kept his eyes on his parents. Both of them were nodding and at parts smiling during her speech. He knew that Hazel didn't believe in anything that she was saying but it made his parents feel better, and for that he was extremely grateful to her. Both of his parents really liked Hazel, they would help each other. After Hazels speech was over, Agustus couldn't watch anymore he looked away from the binoculars, and sat down on the deck, he felt alone and guilty, and he missed his parents and Hazel Grace. And so for the first time since he died he put his head in his hands and cried.
