AN: Posting this bc I can't really sleep right now and I figured it was cruel of me to have posted those few short chapters of anti-climactic bullshit. So, here you go! Hopefully this is a little more exciting. Enjoy!
Also: I'm curious... I'd like to know what character you relate to most in the story (if any) and why in the comments. If you can't relate to any of them, I'd at least like to know which one you'd rather have as a friend. c: Can't wait to read your responses!
Angelica Pickles
April 5th, 2010
I'm right in the middle of cutting up a fucking monster line when Manny walks in. I must have forgot how early he was getting off from work today. He strolls right in and picks up the mirror from under my hands with the drugs on it. Pinches the razor blade from my fingers and disappears into a doorway. His footsteps tell me he's going down the hall and I know exactly what he's doing. The sound of the flushing toilet confirms it. There went the rest of my drugs, down the fucking hole. Swirling around and around… and finally swimming away into Brentwood, California's sewage system.
I want to stand up and scream. I want to get up and fight. Who does he think he is? Taking my drugs? And just… throwing them away? Like, what the fuck. Does he even know how much money he just dumped down those pipes?
So, I do stand up. And I do go after him, probably burning a trail of fire in the carpet from my path. And I shove the bathroom door open. My vocal chords are ready to start screaming with everything they've got, but my eyes drop down to the floor and any sound I may have thought to make just dissolves into my throat.
I see Manny crouched down at the bathtub, shaking and crying. His hands are balled up into fists, covering his eyes but I know he's hiding tears.
The sight of seeing my boyfriend like this makes me feel like my heart is a shattering glass vase. I let out a heavy exhale and get on my hands and knees so I can crawl down beside him. I pry his hands away from his face.
"Manny…" I say quietly and he looks up. Our eyes meet for what seems like forever until he crashes into me. We kiss with some rough and crazy energy. I almost stumble back into the toilet, but he quickly slips a hand behind me to hold me up. The other hand is free, roaming and traveling my body. It's almost like he's balancing out the fury of his lips with the way his hands touch me so gently. I feel something inside my heart explode and it hurts. And soon, I'm crying too. Suddenly, he pulls away from me.
We take a few minutes to catch our breath and calm down when Manny finally says, "Everything around me is fucking broken." He's pushing hair out of my face and wiping away my tears. "My mother verbally attacked my little sister while she was all highed up on these demons," He points a hand down the toilet and I feel a twinge of guilt. He's talking about the drugs. He continues, "Maya tried to end her own life… and my father is on a vacation with his new girlfriend, having the fucking time of his life. He has no idea about any of this going on." He kisses my lips again, not so rough and resentful this time… it's soft and careful. He kisses my cheeks, no doubt tasting what's dried of my salty tears. This makes me chuckle a little and he cracks a smile, to my relief. He kisses my forehead.
"Everything in my life is self destructing, Angelica. And you… you are so beautiful. I don't want you to go down like everything else I have. I love you." We're silent for a minute and I can hear my heart beating in my ears. I'm frozen inside myself and I wonder if Manny is wondering why I haven't said I loved him back. "I don't want these drugs to destroy you. I know I've done them too, but they're not good for us. I've been clean for almost two weeks now."
"Baby… that's awesome." I say. I'm excited to hear him say this, I really am. But that seems so far away for me. I haven't been sober for days. Besides today, since I was interrupted… and now the rest of my drugs are gone.
I know that I can't be mad at Manny for reacting like that… I understand why he's doing this and I know that he really does love me. But when every man you've ever dated kept you stoned and deliriously happy because they claim love you, it gets confusing when another tries to steer you away from those drugs… because he loves you.
The way Manny is looking at me, I want so badly to tell him that I love him too so he'll calm down and we can start being clean together… but I'm afraid I'll disappoint him. I'm afraid I'll pick the drugs over him. I'm afraid of being off drugs for good. I don't know what to say, but luckily my phone rings and gives me a chance to escape and clear my head. I rush out of the bathroom to pick it up. It's in the living room, where I can see a ghost of myself hunched over that mirror, preparing lines.
That shakes me for a little, but I scoop my phone out of my purse and I'm surprised by the name I read when I see it. "Suze?" I ask, not meaning for it to sound like a question, but it does anyway and I don't try to take it back. We haven't talked in days. But I don't get a chance to bring it up because I can hear her quietly crying on the other line. I really want to know who hasn't been crying today. "What's going on, Suzie? What's wrong?"
"Not now, Angelica…" She whispers. I tense up immediately. Whatever's going on, it's serious. I grab my car keys.
"If you're at Sean's, I'll be there in 5 minutes. Be outside." I say and she hangs up, which tells me I need to get there and fast. My mind spins. I thought she was dating a new guy? Some nice, safe guy with good parents and money? There's really no time for questions. I pick up my bag and I get ready to head out when I hear Manny move in the doorway behind me.
"I'm going with you." He says. I mull it over. Manny knows Suzie from seeing her and hanging out with the two of us a few times but he doesn't know anything about Sean. I don't think Suzie would feel too comfortable with me dragging some guy along with us… but I realize that this isn't just some guy. This is the guy who loves me. Drug addicted and burned out, underweight, bitchy me. This is the guy who wants me to be clean and healthy. The look in his eyes alone tells me that he would go to the ends of the earth with me to keep me safe. Just to make sure I was alright getting there.
I grab his hand and I kiss him on the lips. "Alright, baby. I love you." I say quietly, rubbing the side of his cheek with my thumb. "I love you so much for loving me and I will try to get clean for you. I mean that." There's so much more I need to say. But I figure it can wait until after we get this situation straightened out. Hand and hand, we dart out of our apartment and down to my car.
